The Reconstruction of Cyprian

by Michelle Love

  “No cuffs, no fucking, nothing but sweet and easy lovemaking for you, my dear wife. You’ll be pampered, spoiled beyond belief, and handled like the treasure you are.” Dropping my clothes to the floor, I ease onto the bed, pulling her clothes off her and watching her smile like the devil.

  “What did I ever do to deserve you?” she asks me like she has no clue.

  “You made me who I am today, Cami. You took a selfish playboy and made him into a man you can trust with not only your life but the one you carry, as well. You hold us inside of you and I will always protect us.” Taking her lips, I deliver a sweet kiss to her to let her know, without a doubt, that I cherish her.

  I wonder if she can really make it full term this time…

  Chapter 6

  CAMILLA

  “I wish you’d stop looking at me, Cyprian,” I whine as he paces next to the bed and can’t keep his eyes off me as my oby-gyn examines me.

  I’ve made it to the third month of pregnancy. But when I woke up this morning I was cramping only a bit but it was enough to get me to tell Cyprian what I was feeling.

  The man flew out of bed and called my doctor to get her over here right away. She came, complete with a portable sonogram machine she’s about to check me out with.

  “She’s not effacing,” she says as she stops the internal exam. “Now to see if everything looks good on the inside.”

  Cyprian stops his incessant pacing and looks at the monitor. It takes forever to find the tiny baby but she finally does and we see it move a bit as she mashes my belly with the wand. He points to the little spot. “There he is!”

  “At this point all fetuses are female,” the doctor corrects him. “It’ll be a while before we know if she’ll stay a girl or become a boy.”

  “But the baby is okay,” he says. “That’s the main thing.” He kisses the top of my head and sighs. “I wish we could keep her hooked up to this thing so we could watch the baby’s every move.”

  She laughs but I don’t, knowing full well he really would just sit and stare at the machine if that was a possibility. “What should I do to try to make sure I keep this baby?” I ask her as I’m nervous about losing it.

  Putting away the machine, she looks at me with a grim face. “Stay off your feet this next month. Let’s see what happens. Can you do that?”

  “She can and will,” Cyprian answers for me.

  “I do work,” I say as I took a job a couple of months ago, at a lab.

  “Not anymore,” Cyprian says, quickly. “I’ll make the call. You can go back to work after the baby is born. If that’s something you want to do.”

  “I don’t want to leave my job right now,” I let him know but I’m met with two shaking heads.

  My doctor is the first to say something to me about it, “You told me you were doing work with infectious diseases. That’s not a good thing to be doing when you’re pregnant, Camilla. And the time on your feet is another bad idea if you want to hang onto this baby,”

  “Which I do,” I say as I know she’s right. “Okay, Cyprian, I’ll stay in bed.”

  He claps like he’s so happy he gets to wait on me hand and foot. “Perfect! I’ll ask my father to cover for me at work and be right by your side. Day and night.”

  “You have a great husband here, Camilla. I can’t say I’ve seen many like him. Let him take care of you. He seems to be itching to do that,” my doctor says as she gathers her things to leave.

  Cyprian helps her to the bedroom door. “Don’t worry about her. I’ve got it all under control.”

  “I can see that,” she says then looks at me. “I’ll call to make another house call at the end of the month. If you experience any discomfort or spotting, call me.”

  “We will,” Cyprian tells her then closes the door behind them as he carries the heavy machine out for her.

  I lie in bed and wonder what the hell happened to my life. Suddenly, I feel trapped. The room looks like it has bars on the windows, keeping me here, where it’s supposedly safe.

  Only I know there is no safety anywhere within these walls. I could lose the baby, no matter what I do. And I don’t know how Cyprian will handle it if that does happen.

  Can he take life with me if this is a big part of it, losing pregnancies…

  Chapter 7

  CYPRIAN

  As I run the water over her head, I smell the coconut scent of the shampoo as I rinse her hair. Her tummy is swollen with our baby. She’s held on for eight months but it hasn’t been easy.

  Restricted to complete bed rest has Cami an irritable wreck. “Ow! You pulled my hair!”

  “Sorry, baby. I didn’t mean to.” My hand was nowhere near her hair but she snaps about things all the time.

  I can’t blame her. She’s overweight with not being able to move around hardly at all. She complains about feeling like a beached whale and her body aches all the time.

  The things I went through to make sure I had plenty of good swimmers can’t compare to what she’s having to go through to bring our son into the world. She cries more often than I think she should. She tells me over and over how she never wants to go through this again.

  I feel awful about what she’s going through and have promised her he can be our only child if that’s what she wants. I want more but I would never ask her to go through this again.

  It’s horrible for her and the worst part hasn’t even come yet. The birth process isn’t expected to be easy. Her doctor has cautioned us that a Cesarean is most likely going to be necessary as she has very little muscle to help her push the baby out with.

  “Just get me out of the tub. I’m getting cold,” she says as I finish rinsing her hair.

  “If I don’t put in some conditioner your hair will go wild, baby,” I tell her as I make an attempt to finish the job of bathing her.

  “Like I give a fuck about that!” she shouts at me. “Just get me the fuck out of this freezing water!”

  “Okay, baby,” I say as I grab a towel for her then help her to get up out of the anything but freezing water. I’ve kept adding in hot water to be sure it didn’t get cold but she seems to get cold so easily. I assume it’s from poor blood circulation.

  I watch her legs tremble as she steps over the side of the bathtub. Her nails dig into my shoulder as she braces herself. When she takes in a sharp breath, I know she’s having a contraction.

  We freeze as it happens and her eyes close as she breathes in and out, slowly. “Stay in there, Colton. Please, stay in there for a little while longer for Mommy,” she whispers.

  Wrapping the towel around her, I pick her up and carry her to the bed. “It’s going to be okay, Cami.” I prop her feet up on a pillow to raise them like the doctor told us to do.

  The poor thing can’t move hardly at all without contractions starting. I massage her stomach then feel her body begin to shake and cover her up. “I’ll go get a towel to wrap around your wet hair. I’ll be right back.”

  “Cyprian,” she says as I walk away. “I’m sorry I’m being such a bitch. Thank you for everything.”

  With a nod, I say, “You’re welcome and I’d never call you a bitch.” I leave to go to the bathroom and hear her moan.

  Looking over my shoulder, I see her rubbing her stomach. She’s having another contraction, so I hurry to get the towel. The woman lying in our bed is nearly unrecognizable. It’s hard to take that I wanted a baby so bad I’d do this to her.

  When I come back into the room, I find her eyes red-rimmed from crying. “Cyprian, they won’t stop. I’m having one after another.”

  “Well, we know those aren’t the right kinds of contractions. Remember what your doctor said?” I pick up my cell and call the doc to get her to come over here. “She’ll come and give you a shot and they’ll stop.”

  Her hand grips my arm as she grits her teeth. “Tell her to hurry. Red fills her face as she stops breathing with the pain.

  “Breathe, Cami,” I say then blow in her face, so she has to take in a
breath. “Hi, it’s me again. I need you to come to our place. Cami’s having those Braxton-Hicks contractions again.” I end the call. Her doctor knows this drill well since she’s done it at least once a month and sometimes twice.

  “Ow!” she yells then the red fades as she looks at me. “I want this to be over.”

  “I know, baby,” I say as she settles back. “I do too. He’s only a month away from being fully developed. Only one more month.”

  “I can’t do it that much longer. I can’t.” She shakes her head then stops and her face goes red again.

  She has a death grip on me as the pain has her breaking into a sweat. I take a seat on the edge of the bed and let her squeeze one hand while I run my other hand over her damp forehead. “I love you, Cami. If I could take this pain upon myself, I surely would.”

  The pain leaves her and she looks at me with sorrow-filled eyes. The dark blue they were has faded to a pale shade. “I know you would.” She bites her lip and looks away. “I’m a useless wife. I wouldn’t blame you if you left me.”

  The tears start flowing and I kiss them away, the best I can. “Stop saying things like that. I’d never leave you. You are my heart, my soul, my life.”

  The tears continue and sobs begin as she loses all control. “I hate who I’ve become!”

  Hugging her, I can feel her body tense up with another pain and I rub her shoulders as I hum into her ear. “Everything is fine. Everything will be alright soon, baby.”

  She groans with the pain and I find my heart hurting so much, I think it might break free from my chest. As God as my witness, I will never do this to her again!

  Is there a chance in hell she will ever forgive me for doing this to her…

  Chapter 8

  CAMILLA

  The sirens stop as the ambulance pulls into the ER parking lot. “We’ve made it, baby!” Cyprian says as the paramedics hop out the back of the ambulance they put me in only half an hour ago.

  “We have,” I say with relief. “I thought I was going to have this baby in here.”

  They take the gurney out and I find myself being moved into the hospital at top speed. I have no idea what the rush is now. They started an IV and I have some morphine coursing around in my veins, bringing me more relief than I’ve had since I can recall.

  Cyprian is right next to me, holding my hand and running along with the two men who came to get me. I see my doctor coming into the hallway with blue scrubs on. She gives Cyprian a serious look. “Get inside and let the nurse scrub you up. We’re going to have to do the C-Section.”

  “What? Why?” he asks as I watch one of the paramedics hand over my chart.

  He looks at my husband and says, “We lost the baby’s heartbeat about ten minutes ago.”

  The morphine is suddenly gone in an instant as I shriek, “No!”

  “Just stay calm, Camilla,” my doctor directs me. “This happens, I just need to get you into surgery and get this baby out of you.”

  Cyprian is frozen as he looks at me. Then he bolts to my side and kisses me hard on the mouth. “I’ll be with you. I’ll be there for him when they take him out. Don’t worry.”

  “I have to worry!” I shout then find them moving me into a dimly lit room and a mask is placed over my face. The last thing I see is Cyprian and he’s smiling at me.

  The darkness closes in on me and I want to cry but can’t manage to do it.

  Is this how it will end for us…

  Chapter 9

  CYPRIAN

  His body is blue as they pull him from Cami’s stomach. The cord is wrapped around his little neck and he’s not moving. I want to fall down on my knees and beg God to take me instead but I have to stay strong for my wife.

  “Is he?” I manage to get out.

  A nurse takes me by the shoulders and sits me in a chair. “Wait here, Mr. Girard. We don’t know anything yet.”

  I can’t take my eyes off the little blue baby as they painstakingly unwrap the cord wound around his neck and shoulders. I don’t know how he managed to get himself all wrapped up like that.

  They all handle him so roughly, yet his body is limp in their hands. The last bit of umbilical cord is taken away then the doctor hands him off to the pediatrician and his staff.

  Unable to get up as I feel weaker than I ever have. I watch as they take him to the waiting clear bassinet with the large light above it and start doing things to my son.

  The pediatrician turns to look at me. “Come here and call to him, Mr. Girard.”

  I get up and go to find my baby boy still blue and unmoving. Taking his tiny hand with one finger, I say, “Hey there, Colton. This is your daddy. I’d love it if you’d wake up for me. You see, your mommy and I have a bet going about the color of your eyes. I say they’re going to be blue and she says they’re going to be brown. If you could open them then I could tell your mommy she was wrong and I’m right.”

  The slightest feeling of his hand gripping my finger has me looking at the doctor. His stethoscope is on Colton’s tiny chest. “I hear something. Keep talking.”

  “Colton, your mommy would really like to wake up and find your sweet face looking back at her. If you could just come on home to us, we promise to love you forever and ever. Just come on and take a breath, buddy. Daddy’s here. I’ll always be here for you, my little man.”

  With an eerie coughing sound, I step back as the doctor puts something in my son’s mouth to suck stuff out of his throat then he picks him up and I hear his tiny cry. “Come on, Colton!” the doctor says as she jostles the tiny kid around.

  “Colton, come on,” I say, then hear the whole room full of nurses and doctors calling my son’s name.

  “Colton! Come on, Colton!”

  His cries grow louder and I’m amazed to see the blue of his skin turn to red then fade into pink. His arms are flailing and his body is arching as the doctor lies him back down and a nurse hands me a pair of scissors. “Time to cut the cord, Daddy.”

  I have to wipe the tears out of my eyes to see well enough to do such a thing and cut my son’s cord. Before I know it, they have him all bundled up and he’s handed to me.

  Holding him and watching him breath is like a miracle to me and I kiss his forehead. “Daddy loves you, son. Daddy loves you so much. Thank you for coming back to us. Thank you.” His eyes open just a bit as he seems to be looking for me. “Blue! I knew it.”

  I turn to look as the doors to the OR open and a man comes in with a bag of blood. “I’ll need at least two more. Have them ready,” Cami’s doctor tells the man who puts the bag up on the IV stand and leaves as the nurses get it going into her IV.

  Carrying the baby with me, I go back to Cami’s side and see her looking paler than I’ve ever seen her. “She’s lost a lot of blood?”

  “Yes, she has. She was anemic already. I knew I would have to give her more blood. I had her sign papers on it the other day when I was doing her last check up.”

  “You sure did a number on your mommy, little buddy,” I whisper to him and find a nurse tapping my shoulder.

  “I’m sorry. We need him back for a little while,” she tells me.

  Reluctantly, I hand him to her, kissing his little head before he leaves my arms. I watch her carry my son away and know in my heart he will be the only child I ever see born.

  I could never ask Cami to do this again. Taking her hand, I find it limp and wonder if she’ll ever really be the same person she was before.

  Who can come back after all this…

  Chapter 10

  CAMILLA

  Cyprian stands close to Colton as he blows the candles out on his third birthday cake. I watch them as they laugh and my heart fills with something completely unexpected.

  I want another baby!

  My husband is dead-set against another baby. I get it. I do. And I was too, at first. But with Colton being three now, I can see he needs brothers and sisters and I feel the need for more kids too.

  Cyprian sets our son free to go p
lay with his cousins. Catarina makes her way to me with her new daughter in her arms. Maybe that’s why I want another baby. A girl would be nice.

  “Jasper asked if we could take Colton with us for the night. He has a present for him at home he forgot to bring,” she says as she gets to me.

  Plucking the baby out of her arms, I say, “That actually sounds perfect to me. You see, I want to have a serious talk with my husband and having Colton gone for the night would be great.”

  With a plan forming in my head, I run up to the bedroom to get rid of the drawer full of condoms Cyprian has kept filled these last three years. He’s vowed never to plant his seed in me again. But I’m not having any of that nonsense!

  CYPRIAN

  “Have you gone insane?” I ask my wife as she sits on the bed in a cute little nighty asking me to get her pregnant.

  “How is a wife asking her husband for another child considered insane?” she asks me with a pouty bottom lip.

  “Um, did you forget the hell you went through?” I ask her as she clearly has. “Let me remind you.”

  “No,” she says as she holds up her hand. “I don’t want to be reminded. This will a brand new experience. No worrying about anything. We simply stop using protection and if it happens it was meant to be. That’s it. No pressure at all.”

  “Except the pressure put on me. You see, I’m not proud it was me who made you go through all of that.” I sit on the bed next to her and stroke her pink cheek. “It hurt me, baby.”

  “I got over it,” she says. “Please, Cyprian. Please.”

  “Begging won’t help. I remember it all too well.” I get up and go to the nightstand to get out a condom. “But I will satisfy that need you have.” Opening the drawer, I find it empty. “Cami!”

  “I threw them out.” She pulls the thin spaghetti strap off one shoulder and rolls it, seductively.

  “You shouldn’t have done that without talking to me first. I’m telling you, I don’t want to see you like that ever again. I felt terrible the whole time.”