Awakening

by JoAnn Durgin

  “Of course,” he said, surprising Lexa by his ready agreement. Turning toward her in the car, Sam put his arm across the back of the seat. He was close enough to touch her arm and shoulder with his fingers if he wanted. Following her gaze, Sam moved his hand away, but not where Lexa hoped. She climbed out of the car and headed in the direction of the women’s dorm with slow steps.

  “Lexa?” She heard the hope, the optimism, in his deep voice.

  Turning back around, she gave him a brilliant smile. “Okay, Sam. I promise.”

  A wide grin spread from ear-to-ear across Sam’s handsome face. That incredible smile was getting way too addictive.

  CHAPTER 32

  During the next few days, all Lexa could think about was Sam’s proposition about joining the TeamWork foreign mission. With him. It was only a week until she was scheduled to leave TeamWork and return to Houston. Seven days.

  Sam talked more openly and freely with her again. Although they resumed much of their previous teasing relationship, he didn’t make a move to reconnect with her on a more personal level. Lexa wasn’t sure whether to be sad or worried. They both must have a problem trusting others.

  Still, Sam wouldn’t have asked her to join him on the TeamWork foreign mission if he didn’t care about her. He’d suggested it as a way for them to spend more time together and get to know each other better. It was a big step of faith. Am I ready to take such a big step?

  “How do you feel about it?” Winnie asked after Lexa confided in her. She wanted to talk about it with Rebekah since she was so close to Sam, but the younger girl had been quiet and withdrawn ever since Josh left the camp, and didn’t talk much with anyone. Lexa wanted to help but didn’t know how. She had the odd feeling the feud between Sam and Rebekah’s twin had something to do with her, although she couldn’t be sure and no one said anything. She’d been tempted a few times to ask Sam about it, but chickened out at the last minute. Especially if it had nothing to do with her, she’d feel foolish for asking.

  “I’m not sure.” Lexa slumped down onto her bed with a heavy sigh. “I’m tempted because, let’s face it, my life’s not exactly thrilling back in Houston. I love this work camp because I’m doing something to help someone besides myself. But, then again, I’m sure I could find a project back in Houston through one of the local churches.” She waved her hand as though mentally dismissing the idea. “Besides, it’s not like I need to go globetrotting halfway around the world to find a worthwhile project when there are so many at my own back door.”

  “Lexa, don’t get mad, but I want to ask you something.” Lexa looked over at Winnie in surprise, scooting over on the bed so she could sit beside her. Whenever anyone prefaced a remark with that particular phrase, she was always wary, knowing it usually meant a compliment was not forthcoming.

  “Go ahead.”

  “You keep alluding to how dull your life is back in Houston. At the risk of sounding trite, life is what you make it.” Winnie slid an arm around her shoulders. “Why have you settled for anything less than what you really want?”

  Lexa frowned at the question, but she wasn’t upset. “Maybe it’s because I haven’t known what it is that I want.”

  “And now you do?”

  “No, but maybe working with TeamWork will help me figure it out.”

  “Sounds to me like it will help you decide if you and Sam belong together.” Winnie squeezed her shoulder. “Are you afraid you’ll lose Sam if you don’t go with him?”

  “I hadn’t really thought of it in those terms, but maybe you’re right.” Lexa shrugged. “Between you and me, Sam’s the most thrilling—not to mention the most infuriating—man I’ve ever met. He’s got that charming smile, those witty comebacks, he’s knowledgeable, he’s strong in his relationship with the Lord, he’s a great leader . . .”

  Winnie giggled. “Yes, I know. Our Sam has many fine qualities. But, the main question here is, do you love him?”

  Lexa’s heart pounded at the question. She stared at Winnie for another long moment, not speaking, not daring to admit her feelings to someone else. She hadn’t known Sam long, but she loved him with everything in her heart and soul. So much so it scared her witless.

  Winnie smiled. “Sweetie, the look on your face tells me everything I need to know, not to mention the way your voice softens when you talk about him. Your eyes positively glow with happiness when you’re around him. Don’t even get me started on the way you and Sam look at each other. It’s downright combustible between you two.”

  Lexa opened her mouth to say something, but nothing came out. Had she and Sam been that obvious to everyone in the camp?

  “Maybe you should ask Sam why he kicked Josh out of the camp.” The voice came from a dark corner of the room. Neither Winnie nor Lexa noticed Rebekah sitting quietly on her bed.

  “What was that, Rebekah?” Winnie darted a quick glance at Lexa.

  “I think Lexa should ask Sam why he kicked Josh out,” Rebekah repeated, staring at the ground, shuffling her feet. Her hair was a bit disheveled, and dark circles rimmed her eyes.

  “I think you should ask him that, Rebekah.” Lexa tried to gain eye contact, but Rebekah avoided her probing stare. Pulling up her knees, she clasped her hands around them. She looked so forlorn and sad, as if she’d lost her best friend. Maybe she had.

  “I don’t know that it’s any of my business. Since Josh is your brother, Sam might tell you, especially considering the fact that you’re such close friends.”

  Rebekah snorted. “Right. Friends. I thought that’s what we were, but then again, that’s what Josh thought, too, until Sam ruthlessly stabbed him in the back.” She shook her head. “No, thanks. Friends like that, I don’t need.”

  Lexa bristled at Rebekah’s harsh words, spoken out of hurt and anger. She took a deep, steadying breath. “I know I haven’t known Sam as long as you, but he’s a fair man. I know he must have had a valid reason for what he did. He takes his position as a TeamWork director very seriously.”

  “Yeah,” Rebekah muttered. “Maybe too seriously. Maybe the power’s gone to his head. He’s got you and everyone else at this camp snowed under with his abundant charm and overwhelming personality.” She rocked back and forth on the bed, staring at the floor.

  “Have you tried asking your brother what happened?” Winnie’s voice was gentle.

  Rebekah shook her head. “No. I haven’t talked with him since he left. I called Mom, but she said he hadn’t come home and hadn’t even told them what happened. We’re all worried about him. Josh isn’t a quitter and everything’s always come easy for him, easier than for me.” Rebekah’s tone held not a trace of jealousy or envy. “He’s not used to resentment and forcible ejection either. It must have been a crushing blow to his ego.”

  “All right then, come with me.” Getting up from her bed, Lexa headed toward the screen door.

  “What?” Rebekah stared at her, wide-eyed.

  “You heard me. Let’s go over to Sam’s office right now. If he’s there, you can ask him what happened with Josh. This situation is eating you up inside, and that’s not good for anyone, especially you. It’s time to clear this up so you can put it past you.”

  “I’m not sure,” Rebekah protested.

  “It’s a great idea, Beck.” Winnie jumped up and ran over to Rebekah and put a light hand on her arm. At least she didn’t shrug her away. “Lexa’s right, sweetie. Go straighten all this out with Sam. That way you’ll finally know what happened. You know it’s the only way to get past this anger and bitterness you’re harboring.” Pulling her off the bed, Winnie practically dragged her over to the door beside Lexa.

  “How do you know I’m going to like Sam’s answer?”

  Rebekah’s voice was so quiet, Lexa had to strain to hear the question. “Is that what you’re afraid of? What Sam’s going to say if you ask him?”

  With a slow nod, Rebekah’s eyes filled with tears as they met Lexa’s. “Yes. You’re right about Sam making careful decisions.
I think there’s a part of me that’s scared of what Josh might have done to get himself kicked out.”

  “Well, instead of blaming Sam, let’s ask him and get it over with. Then you can deal with it and hopefully work out this tension between you. Come on.” Stepping outside and holding the door, Lexa paused long enough to make sure Rebekah followed.

  The walk across the campsite to Sam’s office was silent. Knocking on the door, Lexa’s breathing grew shallow. If she was this nervous, she could just imagine how Rebekah felt.

  CHAPTER 33

  “Come in.” It was dim inside the office, and Lexa hesitated, waiting for her eyes to adjust. Sam sat up straighter behind the desk and smiled. “Ah, two of my favorite workers. Come in, please. Have a seat.” Removing his glasses, he motioned for them to take the chairs in front of his desk. “What’s on your mind?”

  When Rebekah remained silent, Lexa spoke up, getting right to the heart of the matter. “Rebekah wants to know why you ordered Josh to leave the camp.”

  “Is that right?” Sam looked from Lexa over to Rebekah. The latter nodded silently.

  Sam put down the pen he’d been holding. “Lexa, would you mind leaving us so that Rebekah and I can talk privately, please?” He looked so earnest, and his eyes implored hers.

  “Certainly,” she mumbled, rising from her seat and heading to the door. This must be what it felt like to be dismissed from the principal’s office. But she respected and understood Sam’s need for privacy. He quickly walked across the room to pull open the door for her. With a lingering glance at Rebekah, nodding at her for reassurance, Lexa turned to leave.

  “No, wait! I want her to stay. You can’t say anything to me that Lexa can’t hear.” At Rebekah’s words, Sam hung his head and muttered something unintelligible.

  “Please, Sam,” Rebekah reiterated.

  “Are you sure that’s what you want?” Sam shook his head. “You should talk to your brother. He should be the one to explain it to you.”

  Rebekah groaned and her eyes lit with anger. “No one knows where Josh is right now, so it’s not like I can just call him up and talk to him. I’m sick and tired of everyone telling me to talk to Josh. I’m here to talk to you. I want some answers, and I’m not leaving your office until I get them.” She crossed her arms and sat up straighter in the chair.

  “I guess your mind’s made up then.” Sam’s voice was resigned, and he eased himself back down into his chair. He nodded at Lexa to take her place again. “In a way, this actually concerns you, too, Lexa.”

  Her brows shot up in surprise as she once again sat next to Rebekah. Although she’d suspected as much, she couldn’t be sure. A rising sense of dread stirred in the pit of her stomach. Sam appeared uneasy, chewing his lip, his brow furrowed.

  “What do you want to know, exactly?” Sam watched Rebekah through veiled blue eyes. His mouth settled into a grim, straight line, but he held her gaze steady.

  “Lexa just told you,” Rebekah cried in exasperation, throwing her hands in the air. “I want to know what happened between you and Josh, and why you threw him out of the camp.”

  Sam sighed and raked his hand through his hair. “It has to do with Shelby.”

  “Shelby? What about Shelby?” Rebekah shook her head, surprise mingled with confusion etched in her expression.

  “I wasn’t the only one having a relationship with her.”

  Rebekah stared at Sam. “Josh?” She was incredulous. “You’re trying to tell me that Josh and Shelby . . . ?” She hesitated to absorb this latest bit of information. “No way!” Bounding out of the chair, Rebekah stalked across the floor. Leaning back against a file cabinet, she shook her head slowly back and forth. “I can’t believe it. I won’t believe it.”

  “Not only did he have a relationship with her, but it was a physical one. Josh and Shelby were apparently deeply involved.” The words were quiet but firm, leaving no room for doubt.

  “You’re crazy! I can’t believe you’ve deluded yourself into believing these lies!” Tears streamed from her eyes and down her cheeks as Rebekah glared at him. “That can’t possibly be true! You’ve made all this up to justify Shelby’s death in some sick, twisted way.”

  “Beck, sit down and let’s talk about this calmly.” Sam’s voice remained steady as he motioned for her to take her seat again.

  “Don’t you come near me, Sam Lewis!” Rebekah visibly withdrew and turned her head. Sam crossed the room and reached out in an attempt to draw Rebekah back over to the chair. He murmured quiet, soothing words, but Rebekah shook her head, putting her hands over her eyes.

  Lexa didn’t doubt the truth of any of it. Josh was the man with whom Shelby was involved. As horrible as it was, Sam spoke the truth. Her heart ached for them all.

  “You were angry with Shelby that night. She told me all about it,” Rebekah spouted, the words harsh and bitter, wounded. With the back of her hand, she sniffled and wiped the tears from her cheeks. Her eyes were full of hurt as she dared to look up at Sam. “You made her cry, and she ran off into the city with Jake because you pushed her away.”

  Sam hung his head and when he looked back up, Lexa saw his tears. “True, we quarreled the night she died. I gave Shelby an ultimatum. It was either Josh or me. I told her I was willing to forgive her relationship with him if she repented of her sin and asked forgiveness.”

  “Oh, you’d never forgive her and you know it! You wouldn’t forgive a betrayal like that,” Rebekah shot back. “You backed Shelby into a corner, and she felt like she had no way out. She was like this trapped, little scared animal at your will and mercy. You used her just like you use everyone else in your life!”

  For a fleeting moment, Lexa glimpsed his deep hurt. Sam flinched, his jaw visibly tightened and his fists clenched at his sides. His voice was thick with emotion when he spoke. “It wasn’t my forgiveness Shelby needed.”

  Sam’s gaze moved over to Lexa. “She needed to repent and ask forgiveness from the Lord.” He paced across the room, gathering his thoughts. Lexa knew he wanted to be as gentle as he could with Rebekah, softening the harsh truth to spare her feelings. “In my heart, I believe Shelby knew what she was doing was wrong. The problem is, Josh didn’t think it was wrong then, and he apparently still doesn’t.”

  Lexa fully expected Rebekah to erupt again, but she stood motionless, her eyes dull. When she spoke again, her voice was flat, eerily devoid of emotion. “How does Lexa fit into this picture?”

  Lexa shrank back against the hard, wooden chair. This whole situation was unnerving. It should be a private exchange where she had no place. But Rebekah had asked the primary question lingering in her own mind, one she was afraid to voice.

  Sam’s eyes softened as they found hers again. “Quite frankly, Josh wanted to know if I was through with her, as he so crudely put it. Sorry, Lexa.” Sam’s focus darted back to Rebekah. “You know I never want to hurt you, Beck. I care deeply about both you and Josh, but your brother has some problems he needs to deal with, and I pray he gets the help he needs. He’s a great guy—strong, intelligent and more than capable of doing anything he wants—but he definitely needs to put a leash on his behavior or he’s going to get into even deeper trouble somewhere down the line.”

  “Why are you lying about this?” Rebekah accused, her anger overtaking her once more as she stalked toward the door. “Are you trying to protect your precious reputation? Trying to make it look good for Lexa?”

  Sam made no move to stop her as she put one hand on the door. “I’m not trying to make it look good for anyone.” He looked beaten down, desperate, his voice heavy with exhaustion. “I’m telling you the truth. I’m sorry. I never meant for you to find out this way. I think when you calm down and think about it, you’ll realize in your heart that what I’m saying is true.”

  He blew out a long, ragged breath. “I have absolutely nothing to gain by lying. You and I have been through too much together, Beck, and you know it. Maybe you don’t believe me now, but in time you will.�
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  Without another word, Rebekah stormed out the door, and it slammed hard behind her. Sam was visibly shaken, his face pale, his eyes glazed as he slumped down into his chair. He hung his head, defeat in his sagging shoulders.

  Lexa silently rose from her chair and moved behind the desk to stand beside him. When he looked up at her, his eyes shining, Lexa opened her arms. Reaching for her, Sam clung tight, his dark head resting against her stomach. His arms found their way around her. His hold tightened, and he closed his eyes. A tear escaped, followed by another.

  “I’m so sorry, Sam.” Lexa stroked gentle fingers through his thick, dark hair. She brushed a kiss over her the top of his head and leaned her head against his.

  Finally surrendering to the overwhelming emotion, Sam wept. His shoulders shook, and he burrowed his head against her, muffling quiet sobs. She’d hold on as long as he needed her, thankful he wasn’t embarrassed. Most men considered tears a sign of weakness, vulnerability and a concession to male pride. Sam Lewis was a giant among men in so many ways. But in that moment, he needed the comfort only a woman can give. A woman who truly loved him, heart and soul.

  CHAPTER 34

  The next evening, sharing leaning rights at the tree, Sam made yet another startling announcement. “I think you should know I never would have married Shelby.”

  Lexa couldn’t hide her shock. “Why not?”

  Taking a moment to compose his thoughts, Sam released a long sigh. “Shelby was all about trying to prove something to the world. But she was too young. It never would have worked out between us for the long haul.”

  “I don’t know what to say.” Lexa didn’t bother reminding him that, being five years older than Rebekah, she was also Shelby’s age. She also understood he meant something other than chronological age.

  “I should think you’d be somewhat relieved.” He chuckled and drew up his knees, his arms clasped around them. Leaning his chin on his arms, he looked over at Lexa with a thoughtful expression.