Dare to Live

by S. B. Alexander

  Roxanne’s hand landed on mine, which was resting on the console. “My two cents, for what it’s worth, is to wait two or three years. Get your mammogram regularly and check yourself daily. That way, you have some time to breathe, live life, meet a guy, fall in love, maybe even get married.”

  Cars sped by as Roxanne took our exit into Ashford.

  A tear slid down my face, then another, then another. I hadn’t cried when I’d spoken to the genetic counselor. I hadn’t even cried when we walked out. But from Roxanne’s words and the strain in her voice, I knew that what I would be facing was too much. What I needed at the moment was to get on my motorcycle and ride. I had to be alone. I had to think without anyone counseling me or giving me advice. I had to breathe, even if it were for an hour.

  Roxanne navigated around the curvy country roads until she turned into my driveway. When she did, my tears dried up, and my mouth fell open at the sight of Kody. I fumbled for the door before she stopped the car. Then I jumped out and ran up to Mack and Kody, who were about to throw down.

  I snarled at Lowell, who was just watching the two men argue and breathe fire on one another. I couldn’t fault my brother since he was in a wheelchair. He certainly couldn’t stop the storm that was about to tear through the garage.

  I slid in the small space that separated the two large men. I kicked Mack, who was behind me, and I pushed Kody.

  Kody’s gaze slowly lowered to mine. He angled his head as he backed away, shoving his hands through his hair as if he were about to pull out each strand one by one.

  Roxanne ambled up tentatively as though she were afraid Mack or Kody were a viper about to snap. She stopped behind Lowell and put her hands on his wheelchair. I was surprised she didn’t just leave altogether since she hated fights. But I was relieved she was ready to get Lowell out of the way.

  Turning, I stretched out my arms, thinking my strength could stop Mack and Kody from tearing into each other. I pinned a hard look on Mack. “What’s going on?”

  He regarded me with a sly grin before he yanked me behind him. “What’s it going to be, Maxwell?”

  I kneed Mack in the back of his thigh. Snarling, Mack tried to grab me, but I was quicker as I jumped back.

  Kody stomped over to his truck.

  I ran up to Kody. “What are you doing here?” I suspected he wanted to find out why Roxanne and I hadn’t shown up to his cookout the day before.

  His chest expanded, and he had a hard glint in his blue eyes. “Coming here was a mistake.”

  “She’s not yours,” Mack said loudly. “So stay away from her.”

  I silently shrieked, when all I wanted to do was knock some sense into Mack’s thick head. However, fueling his ire would only end in something bad, like Kody defending me or looking for the perfect excuse to fight with Mack.

  Kody opened the driver’s door. “You’ve been crying again.” He darted his gaze to Mack then back to me. “Is he the cause of all your crying?”

  I almost laughed. It was pathetic that when I’d met Kody, I was a blubbering mess, even more so today with the news of my mutated gene digging deeper into my psyche. Maybe it was time I talked to a professional. Then I remembered that Mr. Maxwell had given me his card.

  “My crying is none of your business,” I finally said in a voice that was a little snippy.

  Kody’s nostrils flared. “A definite mistake on my part to come here.” He hopped into his truck and drove away, or more like peeled out of the driveway, his tires screeching.

  I clasped my hands together in front of me, fidgeting as I marched back to Mack. “I want to know what is going on between you and Kody. Why did you put him in a coma?”

  “Sis, you’ve been crying. What’s wrong?” The fright in Lowell’s voice caused a pain to settle in my chest. He didn’t need more grief in his life. You have to tell your brother. His hands were in his lap, and the right one had a minute tremor, but not as bad as the one I’d seen the other day.

  He noticed me staring and covered his right hand with his left.

  I considered asking Lowell again about his hand until Mack spoke.

  “Did Kody hurt you?” Mack asked.

  I threw up my hands. “For the love of all that is holy, no! Now answer my question.” My voice echoed in the garage.

  “I would tell her if I were you,” Roxanne said in a quiet voice. “Otherwise, she just might cut off your balls.”

  Lowell chuckled.

  A muscle ticked in Mack’s jaw.

  I stuck my hands on my hips. “What’s the big deal with not telling me, Mack?”

  “Because,” his deep voice boomed, “what happened between Maxwell and me is in the past.”

  “It really isn’t anymore,” Lowell said. “Just tell her.”

  I jerked my head at my brother. “You know. How long have you known?” I shouldn’t have cared whether my brother knew or not. I shouldn’t have cared that Mack and Kody hated each other. But I did care if someone got hurt or ended up in the hospital. Not to mention, I was on edge with my own problems, which brought out the bitchy side of me.

  Lowell lifted his hands, both steady now. “Mack told me the story on Saturday after he got thrown out of the club.”

  I massaged my tight shoulder and softened my voice. “Mack, if you at least want a friendship with me or to step foot on our property again, then start talking.” I couldn’t exactly ban him since Lowell could use his help around the garage, but he didn’t need to know that.

  He sat on the edge of an empty crate near the garage door. “We were kids, boys who fought. But when the Maxwell brothers started at Kensington, they thought their shit didn’t stink. The crew I ran with didn’t like them. I didn’t like them. Any sports they tried out for, they got. Freshmen didn’t make the varsity team, but the triplets did. One thing led to another, and each day, the hatred grew. The day we saw Kody Maxwell walking alone, we confronted him. We’d only intended to send a message to his older brother, who was the dick in the family, but things got out of hand. We were amped up on some prescription drug. Before we knew what was happening, Maxwell wasn’t moving.” He picked at a dirty nail, his voice cold.

  “You’re an asshole,” Roxanne said. “I swear if the next words out of your mouth are ‘I didn’t know what I was doing because of the drugs,’ I just might find a tool in this place to snip off one of your appendages.”

  A crease formed in between my brother’s eyebrows. “Dude, do you want to stir up trouble like that again? You said yourself yesterday that you’re not racing because you don’t want to end up dead or like me. But fighting can land you in my spot just as fast.”

  Mack popped off the crate. “He threw the first punch.”

  I covered my face with my hands for a second. “Do you blame him?”

  Mack’s dark eyes narrowed into slits as he sucked on his lip ring. “Kody isn’t innocent. He and one of his brothers retaliated. One of the boys in my group, Greg Sullivan, ended up in a coma himself because of the Maxwell brothers. So if you think I’m the only one with demons or I’m the big bad wolf, you’re wrong. He’s not good for you any more than I am.” He stuck a fat finger into his chest.

  That loud shriek blasted in my head. I was attracted to guys who were cavemen. My breathing was all over the place as I rubbed a knot on the back of my neck. I had to get out of there. It was time for a ride. The weather was warm. The wind was light. The sun was slowly creeping downward for the day. It was the perfect time to let the fresh spring air wash over my face and feel the purr of my Ducati beneath me.

  Roxanne came up and gave me a hug. “I need to get to work. We’ll talk tomorrow.”

  As she glided to her car, I kissed my brother on the cheek. “I’m riding. I’ll fix dinner when I get back.”

  I started for the house as Roxanne’s engine fired up. I had to change before I could ride. I waved at her as she backed out.

  “I don’t get a kiss?” Mack asked, sounding pitiful.

  Instead of answering or
flipping him off, I jogged to the house and quickly changed into my riding gear—leather pants, a jacket, and boots. When I rushed back to the garage, the customer who owned the Yamaha I’d worked on was there to pick up his bike. Lowell and Mack were talking to the short, nerdy guy. All three men looked my way as I grabbed my helmet off my bike. Mack gave me a feeble smile, while the nerdy dude waved at me.

  Lowell zipped over. “Be careful, please.” That was his tagline every time I got on my bike. Even before his accident, he would always tell me to be careful. We both knew the risks with riding, but there were risks in anything we did.

  Straddling my Ducati, I inserted the key into the ignition. “Always.” My baby fired up, sounding sweet and beautiful as she vibrated under me. I loved the sound, the rush of adrenaline just as I was about to let the engine loose.

  Mack and the nerdy guy raked their gazes over my baby.

  I put on my helmet, gripped the handles, then nodded at my brother before I sped out of the garage and onto the road. I tempered my speed to stay within the limits through the small town and neighborhoods. Once I was out on the back roads, I kicked up gears, bending with the curves as I wound my way down a quiet road. With the wind at my face and the engine purring a soft tune, I felt as free as the birds in the distance. For me, riding was heaven. Riding was the medicine that always tamped down the pain or the bad in my life.

  I inhaled the country air of fresh grass and budding blooms. A stop sign loomed ahead. I throttled back on the gears, slowing down until I came to the crossroads. I was on the outskirts of Ashford, about to cross over into Lancaster, when I remembered Kody lived out there. I pulled over on the side of the road to check the address I had in my phone. Roxanne had given it to me when we’d left Mrs. Maxwell’s room the day I’d met Kody. I punched the address into my GPS, which said that Kody lived two miles from where I was parked. I committed the directions to memory then got back on the road and headed in that direction.

  I wasn’t sure if showing up unannounced was proper or not. I wanted to find out why Kody had been at my house. Surely, he hadn’t been there to fight with Mack. My bet was that he’d wanted to know why I hadn’t shown up at his cookout. Or maybe he’d wanted to continue where we’d left off in the bathroom at The Cave. Despite why he was at my house, I had to at least apologize to Mr. and Mrs. Maxwell and Raven.

  Tall trees shot up on both sides of the winding road, and dense brush and thicket packed tightly at the road’s edge. The S curves spiked my adrenaline as I took them fast and sharp until the tree lines thinned on my right, opening up to a breathtaking scene. An opulent two-story brick home with flowers, shrubs, and manicured bushes spread over the large piece of property. All I could think about as I throttled the engine was my mom. She would’ve loved to have seen all the colorful flowers, and wow! The glass surface of the lake in the distance took my breath away.

  I turned down the driveway and followed the tar surface, winding around the house to a six-car garage. Mr. and Mrs. Maxwell were standing in one of the garages, next to bicycles. I cut my engine, removed my helmet, placed it on a handlebar, then got off my bike.

  I waved. “Hi.”

  Mrs. Maxwell’s black hair was tied back into a low ponytail. “Jessie, we missed you yesterday. Raven couldn’t stop talking about you. She is quite disappointed you didn’t show up.”

  I frowned. “I’m sorry I didn’t call to let you know I wouldn’t be here. I was hoping to apologize to Raven too.”

  “I’m afraid she’s home in Boston with her parents,” Mrs. Maxwell said.

  I slouched as sweat coated my neck. I was a horrible person for letting her down.

  Mr. Maxwell regarded me with his bronze-colored eyes. “Is everything okay?”

  I swatted at a pesky fly. “Fine.” Maybe he noticed my puffy eyes too. “Are you feeling better, Mrs. Maxwell?” Roxanne had told me Mrs. Maxwell had been diagnosed with angina, the treatable kind.

  Mr. Maxwell handed a bike helmet to his wife, and she covered her head with it. “I am. The doctor ordered me to exercise. So Martin has bought us bikes.”

  I glanced at Kody’s truck.

  “Kody just got home,” Mr. Maxwell said in a tender voice. “He seems out of sorts, though. Is that why you’re here? Did something happen between you two?”

  I didn’t know why my heart skipped a beat when he said his son’s name, or why my palms suddenly became clammy.

  With pinched features, Mrs. Maxwell spoke. “He told us earlier he was going over to your place.”

  Damn. “I just missed him.” I didn’t exactly lie, but it wasn’t my place to tell them their son had almost gotten into a fight. More importantly, I didn’t want to add any unnecessary stress for Mrs. Maxwell.

  Mr. Maxwell pointed toward the lake. “He’s down in the boathouse.”

  Mrs. Maxwell wheeled her bike out of the garage. “I’m sure he would love to see you.”

  The way he’d stormed out of my driveway, I wasn’t so sure.

  The couple got on their bikes.

  “Dr. Maxwell?” I asked.

  He glanced up.

  “I would like to take you up on your offer to talk.” The anniversary of Mom’s death was next month. I had to make the decision of a lifetime, and I needed professional advice.

  He nodded. “You can make an appointment with my office. But I’m booked out a few months, between medical conferences and taking time to be home with Mrs. Maxwell.”

  I fidgeted. I didn’t exactly want to wait months to talk to someone.

  He studied me. “Tell you what. I normally would never suggest this with patients, but I would be happy to meet you here at the house on Wednesday. That is, of course, if you’re comfortable with that idea. We’ll take a walk around the lake and have complete privacy.”

  “I couldn’t ask you to do that.” I didn’t want to take away his family time with his wife. “Could you recommend another psychiatrist?”

  “Jessie, I want to help if I can,” he said.

  I did want to ask him about my mom. “Okay. I don’t get off work until five or so on Wednesday. Does that work?”

  “I’ll see you then,” he said

  They both pedaled way, albeit slowly since there was a slight incline. I stood for a minute to let my nerves settle before I headed toward the lake.

  Chapter 10

  Kody

  I strummed a few chords, thinking of words. I had two lines. “My days are broken. My nights are lonely.”

  I growled. Mr. Robinson had said brooding songs were a dime a dozen. Not only that, but those lines hit too close to home. Think, man. Get your head out of your ass and write something that gives people hope instead of misery and sadness.

  I got up, almost throwing my guitar on the couch. I had no inspiration for hope. Sure, I had a slew of fucking emotions running rampant inside me, but hope—that emotion was either buried somewhere or nonexistent. At the moment, rage trumped everything. Fucking Mack Donovan. When I’d pulled into Jessie’s shop and saw that dude, I had almost slammed on the gas to run over him.

  But that would’ve been moronic. I couldn’t have hurt the other dude who was in a wheelchair and innocent. So I’d swallowed every ounce of revenge and fury I’d harbored over the group of boys who’d sent me to my almost-grave and got out of my truck. Sure, I could’ve left when I saw Mack. But I’d wanted to know why Jessie hadn’t shown up at the cookout. If I knew my niece, she would continue to ask for Jessie. Not to mention, I had my own selfish reasons for wanting to lay eyes on the woman who’d kept my dick hard the night before.

  The dude in the wheelchair had introduced himself, or more like planted himself in between Donovan and me. “I’m Lowell, Jessie’s brother. We didn’t get a chance to meet at The Cave.” His voice was stern. He had darker hair than his sister, sans the highlights Jessie had, but his features definitely resembled Jessie’s—small nose, same lips, and same color eyes.

  I’d barely remembered seeing him at The Cave. “I’m her
e to see Jessie,” I’d said. “I don’t want any trouble.” That had been a total lie. I’d wanted to beat the cocky smirk off Donovan’s face.

  When Lowell had said Jessie wasn’t home, I’d had every intention of leaving until Donovan spoke up. “She’s not going out with you. So stay the fuck away from my girl.”

  It wasn’t the message but his condescending tone that had driven me to get in his face. I wanted round two with him. I wanted him to feel how painful it had been when I’d woken up in a hospital with my head about to explode or when I could hardly breathe because he, Sullivan, and Stockman had cracked two of my ribs.

  A knock sounded on my door. I looked at my watch. Ms. Sharp was early. She’d called when I was leaving Jessie’s place. I’d wanted to tell Ms. Sharp I wasn’t in the best of moods, but then I’d decided she was just the balm to soothe my rage.

  When I answered the door, my jaw unhinged from its socket. “Jessie?”

  The goddess stood on my small deck, garbed in tight leather pants that clung to her curves. Her jacket was unzipped, showing a tight-fitting tank top that dipped low on her chest.

  “If you’re here to give me shit about what happened between Donovan and me, save it.” I didn’t mean to spit fire at her. But the thought of Donovan and her, or Donovan’s hands on her, or Donovan and my past was enough for my vision to blur.

  She rolled back her shoulders, which poked out her breasts. My gaze wandered down her chest as though her breasts beamed like a lighthouse on a foggy night.

  She snapped her fingers. “Kody, I’m up here.”

  Asshole, idiot, and moron were just a few words to describe my behavior. Fuck. My old man taught me better than that. “Sorry. That wasn’t a gentleman move.”