Dare to Live

by S. B. Alexander

  “Come on,” Roxanne said.

  As soon as I was in Roxanne’s car, I blew out a breath.

  She started the engine. “Maybe Mack’s turning over a new leaf.”

  “Maybe.” I wasn’t totally convinced by Mack’s nonchalant attitude about me spending time with Kody. His body had gone rigid at the mention of Maxwell.

  Fifteen minutes later, Roxanne and I were ringing the bell to the backdoor of The Cave. I’d texted Kody at lunch, telling him I would meet him at The Cave and that Roxanne would be tagging along.

  Mr. Robinson answered the door, rubbing the stubble on his face. “Ah, we’ve been waiting for you.”

  Suddenly, the pesky nerves grated on me. Kody hadn’t said anything about Mr. Robinson being part of this gig.

  Roxanne bumped her shoulder against mine.

  I clutched the strap of my purse. “Um, maybe this was a bad idea.”

  Mr. Robinson’s green eyes searched mine. “Jessie, you have no reason to be frightened. There’s no big crowd like that night you sang. Frankly, if you sang in front of all those people, then you can sing for the four of us.”

  Then something occurred to me. “Did you ask Kody to bring me here tonight?” Mr. Robinson didn’t strike me as the type of man who would have someone else do his bidding.

  “I did not. When Kody told me you were going to sing, I made it a point to be here. You’re that good, Jessie. Kody’s right. You need to hear yourself sing.”

  Roxanne pushed me inside. “She’ll sing, sir.”

  “Are you my manager?” I asked her in a shaky voice.

  “I will be if Mr. Robinson signs you.”

  Mr. Robinson let out a laugh behind us.

  My head was spinning from how a deal with Kody was turning into a possible deal with a record producer.

  Roxanne and I walked into a large storage room. The space was stacked with boxes of liquor, beer, and other necessities, along with a large restaurant-type refrigerator and a huge ice machine. I could hear the faint sound of someone playing music beyond the swinging door.

  Once we were in the club, the soft haunting melody pulled me toward the stage. When I laid eyes on Kody, I became mesmerized at how his fingers glided over the piano keys as he sang. His speaking voice had a way of drawing me to him, but his singing was more captivating than I’d heard from even Jake’s brother, JJ, who was the lead singer of Zeal.

  “This is his new song,” Mr. Robinson said at my side in an excited tone. “Kody has had writer’s block for some time. That song he’s singing, he wrote last night.”

  Jake was seated in a chair at the edge of the stage, hunched over a laptop.

  Roxanne leaned in and whispered, “Maybe you were his inspiration.”

  I wondered if she was right.

  Kody was so into his song that he hadn’t even looked up. I crossed my arms over my chest as I listened to the words.

  I’ve drifted through the days, thinking of you. I’ve wandered through the fields, wondering what could’ve been. You were the one who touched my soul. You gave me love. A chance to feel again. Come play with me. Tease me. Tempt me. Dare me to live again.

  He’d certainly given me a chance to feel again and to feel things I’d never felt with a man.

  “Beautiful,” Roxanne said.

  “It would be better with a female voice.” Mr. Robinson directed his comment at me.

  I agreed, but I wasn’t sure I was the female voice to do that song justice. I pictured someone like Faith Hill belting out those amazing words.

  Kody lifted his fingers off the keys, closed his eyes, and took in a breath before he turned toward us. I waved.

  He unfolded himself and swaggered over, his long denim-encased legs eating up the floor. The closer he got, the more his grin widened, and the more a butterfly winged wildly inside my belly.

  Jake tried to say something to him, but Kody had one person in his sights. When he reached me, he smacked his lips on mine, not even caring that Mr. Robinson or Roxanne was standing next to us.

  Mr. Robinson chuckled, Jake whistled, and Roxanne sighed.

  “Thank you,” Kody said.

  Now I was the one to sigh and melt at his feet. “For what?”

  “You came.” Then he asked Mr. Robinson, “What did you think?”

  Mr. Robinson regarded me. “You’re right. Jessie’s voice and that song will be a hit.”

  Kody’s face lit up as though he’d hit the jackpot. Maybe he had. I also noticed that he seemed more relaxed and that despair he’d had when I’d first met him was no longer there.

  Then something occurred to me. Whoa! I raised my hands. “Time-out. I’m not Faith Hill or Sarah or any of those amazing voices.”

  Mr. Robinson chuckled. “You let us be the judge of that.”

  “Jess,” Roxanne said my name in warning. “Give it a try. So what if you’re not any good. At least you can say you tried.”

  I hated and loved my best friend.

  Everyone was staring at me, but Kody was sporting his puppy-dog eyes.

  I craned my neck up at him. “Do you always use that pouty look to get your way?”

  “Usually,” Kody said.

  My heart rate was all over the place with nerves, excitement, and apprehension. I had agreed to sing, but I’d assumed I would be singing a song I knew, and I wasn’t sure I could do better than Kody. I chewed on my bottom lip. The sooner I got this over with, the sooner Kody and I could get out of there and hang out or make out.

  “Can you play the piano while I sing?” That way, I didn’t have the pressure of trying to learn a new song on the piano and singing at the same time.

  Kody’s pouting was kind of sexy, but when he smiled from ear to ear, my heart fluttered endlessly, even more so when he clutched my hand, sending all kinds of electricity through me. As we padded over to the piano, I lost all train of thought.

  Roxanne and Mr. Robinson lugged chairs over to Jake. The three of them settled in, while Kody and I sat down at the piano. He had his sheet music in front of him. I was in awe that he had written this song the night before.

  I rubbed my hands on my legs. “So was I your inspiration?”

  He grabbed my hand. “Yeah.”

  Goose bumps popped up all over me. I’d never inspired anyone, or at least not that I knew of.

  “Kody, let’s have Jess start in C sharp major instead of G. I think that will sound better,” Jake said.

  “Good choice,” Mr. Robinson said.

  That note was better for my voice, anyway.

  Kody nodded. “Get lost in the song. It will help your nerves.”

  I had to give him points for knowing I was nervous. I wasn’t shaking. I wasn’t fidgeting. Yet somehow he knew I was anxious.

  I scanned the sheet music several times as I sang the words in my head. “Okay. I’m ready.” Not in the least. But I would try to let myself get lost in the song. It also helped that Kody was next to me. I had that same safe feeling I’d had when he was holding me at the hospital. I almost felt as though I could do anything with Kody at my side.

  When he pressed the keys, I started in with Let’s chase a fallen star. Let’s catch fireflies in my backyard. Let’s feel the rush of the wind at our faces. Let’s take a chance on us. I continued to sing all three verses and ended with the chorus. Come play with me. Tease me. Tempt me. Dare me to live again.

  When the song ended, I realized tears were trickling down my face. The lyrics tore me to pieces.

  Kody found my trembling hands. “That was fucking amazing.”

  I thought I’d done a good job, but the true test was the audience. I swung my gaze to Jake, Mr. Robinson, and Roxanne. Jake and Mr. Robinson were bobbing their heads, grinning. Roxanne was dashing away a tear.

  “So now can we go out on our date?” I asked.

  Everyone laughed. I was serious.

  “Not until you listen to yourself,” Kody said. “Come on.”

  We joined the other three as Jake tapped keys on t
he laptop. Then my voice came out of the standing speakers. I eased down onto the edge of the stage, fidgeting with my nails as I listened. It was surreal to hear my own voice. Sure, I could hear myself when I sang, but I didn’t sound as good as what I was hearing now.

  When my voice faded, Kody asked, “Well, Jess? Do you now know why I’ve been trying to get you to sing?”

  Roxanne shook her head at me. “You are special, girl. I always knew you were good, but with that song, you’re great. Are you going to sign her, Mr. Robinson?”

  “Roxanne,” I said. Suddenly, my mind was swimming with the possibility that he could sign me, and that started to excite me. The lightheaded feeling I had when I sang was almost as good as the wind in my face and the feeling of freedom I had when I rode my motorcycle. Yet I had to keep things real. I had a great job, and my brother needed me.

  Mr. Robinson scratched the side of his nose. “Would you consider cutting a demo on that song?” he asked me. “We can record it in my studio.”

  Jake and Kody’s eyes grew wide.

  “Yes,” Roxanne said.

  I gave her a pointed look before I regarded Mr. Robinson. “I can’t go to LA.”

  “You wouldn’t have to,” he said. “The office for my new label is in Boston. Still, I have a small studio at my house here in Ashford, which is where we’ll start.”

  “Jessie,” Jake said. “I’ve been around this industry for most of my life, and I haven’t heard a voice like yours. You have this soft raspy tone, and your pitch is spot-on.”

  I hopped up and set my sights on Kody, who was standing next to Roxanne’s chair. “What’s your two cents?” My tone was calm even though I wanted to puke.

  He angled his head, and an emotion I couldn’t quite put my finger on washed over him. “I’m not going to push you. My goal tonight was for you to hear your own voice. My question to you is what do you think of your voice?”

  All eyes were on me. I’d expected that question from Mr. Robinson more than Kody.

  I swallowed the ball of fur in my throat. “When I sing, I don’t hear myself like that voice coming out of the speakers. I’m not one to brag about myself, but that voice”—I pointed to the speaker—“was really good.”

  Everyone laughed.

  “But I still think I could do better,” I said.

  Mr. Robinson nodded. “You’re special, Jessie. Not many people would say that about themselves. I agree. We do need to practice a bit before we record the song. So is it a yes?”

  I puffed out my chest to ease the craziness inside me. “As long as it doesn’t take a lot of my time. I do have a job, and a brother to take care of.”

  “Pfft,” Roxanne said. “Lowell will be ecstatic.”

  Kody grabbed my hand. “You are special. I’ll be here for whatever help you need.”

  At that moment, Kody stole my heart.

  Chapter 15

  Kody

  I pulled into Jessie’s driveway and parked behind a blue SUV, which, if I weren’t mistaken, belonged to Donovan. My blood gelled as I closed my hands into fists, debating whether to leave or face my demons head-on. If I stayed, then Donovan and I would end up throwing punches until one of us landed in the hospital. Showing up at Jessie’s might not have been such a great idea. But she’d assured me that Donovan wouldn’t be there. She’d mentioned that he and Lowell were in Boston at a Red Sox game.

  A few days ago, when I told her she was all wrong for me, that had been the truth. I couldn’t date a girl who was friends with one of my enemies. Yet I was in her driveway. I’d promised myself I would stay away from women who rode motorcycles. Yet I was parked in her driveway.

  Dare to live.

  I had to love Ms. Sharp for that motto. Because before I’d had that talk with her, I’d been trying like a motherfucker to keep my distance from Jessie. I was failing miserably. She made it impossible not to think about her twenty-four hours a day, more so after she’d kissed me in the bathroom at The Cave. Nothing is ever impossible. My dad had always drilled that into us boys. Hell, I’d said something similar to Jess five minutes before we got naked.

  The bay door to the shop was open, and parts of a motorcycle, or what looked to be an engine, were strewn all over the floor. Tim McGraw belted out one of his songs from a radio in the garage, while a warm spring breeze seeped in through my open truck window, carrying with it the scent of sweet and refreshing blooms. I didn’t have the urge to sneeze, thanks in part to my allergy medicine.

  I turned off the engine, keeping my focus on the inside of the garage. I didn’t see anyone milling around. I checked my watch—six in the evening. Jessie had said six. After her awesome performance at The Cave the night before, we hadn’t gotten a chance to spend any alone time together. While I’d been disappointed, I was also elated to hear her sing my song, and boy, that was a high I had never experienced. To hear my lyrics come out of that beautiful mouth of hers was heaven. Still, Mr. Robinson had wanted her to practice for a couple of hours. So she’d sung my song, I’d played the piano, and Jake had played the guitar. Jake and I should’ve switched since he was better than me on piano, but the feel of keys had felt as smooth as Jessie’s body, and I’d only played better as I thought of her, us, and how magical her voice was.

  Regardless, by the time we had finished, it had been late, and Roxanne and Jessie had an early shift at the hospital.

  Out of the corner of my eye, I spotted Jessie wiping her hands on a rag as she emerged from around the side of the garage, and despite the grease covering her jeans, T-shirt, and face, she still made my body come alive. When she glanced up at me, my stomach went fucking crazy and my dick jerked.

  I blew out a breath as I got out of the truck. “Are you bathing in grease?” I teased.

  She squinted up at the cloudy sky. “Is it six already?” She sounded flustered.

  “Should we reschedule?” I didn’t want to, no matter how dirty she looked. In fact, I couldn’t care less if she didn’t want to clean up before we went to dinner. I would be happy if we could just hang at her house.

  She ambled into the garage and picked up a wrench near the motorcycle that sat center stage. A fluorescent light beamed down over the bike as though it was on display at a fancy auto show. But fancy wasn’t the word to describe the large space. It was a typical mechanic’s haven. An office sat on the right, cabinets lined the back wall, and a workbench traveled the length of the entire left side.

  I followed her in like a dog on a leash. “Are you building a bike?” I would probably follow her to the ends of the earth.

  I’d been up late at night, trying to figure out why I was so drawn to her. The one thing that kept surfacing—she made me forget my past. She made me believe that I could let someone break down that stone wall around my heart.

  She let out a soft laugh. “When I have a lot on my mind, I like to take things apart.”

  A light wind drifted in, sending an empty can rolling across the floor.

  “Are you taking your bike apart?”

  “Hell no. I wouldn’t mess with my Ducati. This used to be Lowell’s bike—the one he crashed on. I play around with it sometimes.”

  I wracked my brain, trying to figure out why she seemed so distracted at the club the night before and now. Maybe she regretted agreeing to sing. Maybe she didn’t want to go out on a date or have anything to do with me. Or maybe she’d reconciled or sparked up a relationship with Donovan.

  Wringing my fingers together, I sat down on a crate near the open bay door while she married a part to the engine with a few turns of the wrench. “So what’s bothering you?” Please don’t say Donovan. I could handle anything else, but I couldn’t deal with it if she’d decided he was better for her than me.

  Clink, clink, sounded above Faith Hill and Tim McGraw’s song. “Keep Your Eyes On Me.”

  “I’m not sure you would understand.”

  “Try me. I’m a good listener.”

  She wiped her face with the sleeve of her T-shirt. “
Why am I all wrong for you?”

  I harrumphed. “You want to start there?”

  When she nodded her grease-covered chin, I noticed that her eyes were glossy. Then she nibbled on her lip as though she was trying not to cry. My chest clenched. I considered whether I should get off my ass and console her, but her white knuckles around that wrench told me she didn’t want anyone near her.

  “After Mandy died, I swore I wouldn’t be associated with anyone who was into motorcycles.” Jessie probably didn’t want to hear that, but I wasn’t about to lie. Besides, Dr. Davis had counseled me that the more I talked about what bothered me, the easier I could shed some of my depression. The process had worked wonders when I’d told Ms. Sharp about Mandy and Karen and my mom. Then again, that was after Ms. Sharp and I had been intimate for a while. Yet with Jessie, I felt as though I’d known her all my life, and she brought out something in me that made me want to tell her everything, when we hardly knew each other.

  She wiped her hands on her dirty jeans. “Have you ever ridden a motorcycle?”

  “Dirt bikes when I was younger, but not a motorcycle, and I don’t plan to,” I said as sure as night was about to descend over Ashford.

  “So if we were to get serious, then how would you feel about me riding my bike?”

  She was already thinking ahead to something serious between us, and that idea wasn’t out of the realm of possibilities, but holy cow, we’d just met. Nevertheless, I wasn’t one to take away or demand that someone not do something they loved. Hell, that would be like my parents or brothers telling me I couldn’t play the guitar. I got up. “Jess, what’s going on?” My voice was tender.

  The wrench fell, clanging to the floor as she bent over with her hands on her knees and started sobbing.

  I ran to her and grasped her shoulders. “Hey, baby doll. Talk to me.”

  Throwing her arms around my neck, she nuzzled her nose in my chest. I lifted her easily and carried her over to the workbench. I moved some tools out of the way, set her down, and lowered the radio on the shelf behind her.

  “This is the third time I’ve seen you cry. I’m a good listener, and I won’t judge.” If she told me she’d made a mistake with me, I might just cry with her. Or if she was upset because of Donovan, then I would hunt him down and beat the shit out of him.