Dare to Live

by S. B. Alexander

  She shook her head like a wet dog. “I can’t.”

  I traced a finger over her eyebrow piercing. “Tell me how you got this scar.” I was dying to know what had made her so upset, but sometimes taking one’s mind off a subject helped. I’d learned that from my dad.

  She giggled. “I’m a blubbering mess, and yet you ask me about a scar.”

  “Curious mind. What can I say?”

  She sniffled. “When I was nine, my mom bought me one of those toy doctor’s kits. I was so excited that when I jumped off the couch, I turned the wrong way and lost my balance. My eye hit the corner of the coffee table. A smidgeon more, and I would’ve probably lost my eye. Do you have any scars?”

  I puffed out my cheeks. I had one too many, and Donovan had been responsible for a couple, especially the one on the back of my neck. “Sadly, I do. But we’re talking about you.”

  “Mack gave you some, didn’t he?” Concern sat heavy in her tone.

  Perceptive woman. I lifted the hair on the back of my neck. “I can’t say for sure if it was Donovan or one of the other boys.”

  She ran a finger over the inch-long scar. “People change. I’m not going to say Mack doesn’t have flaws because he has a lot. But if you and him let go of what happened, you would find that he isn’t a bad guy, and vice versa.”

  I rubbed her legs in an attempt to keep my temper down in a dark hole. She didn’t need to see me get all twisted up about Donovan again. However, if he were to walk in now, I couldn’t say I wouldn’t have a go at him once and for all.

  “So are those tears because you’re in love with Donovan or because he’s in your life, and you feel I can’t be?” She’d said she wasn’t dating Donovan, but my I sensed she had feelings for the man. If she had romantic feelings for him, then I was out of there. I wasn’t about to wager my heart on someone who was only testing the waters, using me on the rebound, or trying to make someone else jealous.

  “I’m not in love with Mack. Honestly, he does want something serious with me. But he’s not the guy for me. He never has been.” She flattened her hand on my face. “Please believe me.”

  Man, I was doing cartwheels inside. While a large part of me did believe her, a small voice in my head said to be cautious because after two encounters with Donovan, it was evident to me he was in love with Jessie, and love did all kinds of crazy things to a person. Not only that, I was ready to fight Donovan, but not over Jessie, at least not right then. Sure, I was attracted to her, but I hardly knew her. Well, I knew her body and how perfectly it fit against mine, but sex and lust weren’t reasons to marry her tomorrow. “If you don’t want to talk about what’s bothering you, I respect that. Do you want some time alone?”

  Her chest rose and fell. “Yes. No. I don’t know.”

  I could take her mind off her problems in so many ways, but she was too distraught to concentrate on anything. “I’ll give you some space. We can reschedule. My dad’s away at a conference, and I should get home to check on my mom, anyway. I told her I wouldn’t be gone long.” I started for my truck.

  “Kody, wait.” She jumped down. “Thank you for not pushing me and for listening.”

  I slipped my hands into the pockets of my jeans. Otherwise, I might have wrapped my arms around her and never let go. Fuck. I’d only met her last week. But you fell for her the moment you laid eyes on her, just like you did with Mandy. I was officially fucked up. I wanted more with her, yet I didn’t. That was screwed up on so many levels. Ms. Sharp had been so spot-on. My brain was getting in the way of letting anyone in.

  “Are you still coming over for Sunday dinner? My mom wanted me to confirm.” Apparently, my dad had invited Jessie and Lowell. I wasn’t sure if her brother liked me or not. So Sunday might be interesting unless he didn’t come with Jessie.

  “Of course. I couldn’t disappoint Raven again.” For the first time since I’d gotten there, she gave me one of her knee-knocking smiles.

  I laughed. “She was rather upset you didn’t show.” I moseyed closer to her and reluctantly removed my hands from my pockets then lightly gripped her chin. “You’re beautiful, even with grease all over you.”

  Her cheeks blushed a rosy color.

  I ghosted my lips over hers. “See you Sunday.”

  Then I left. If I’d full-on kissed her, tongue and all, I wouldn’t have had the willpower to leave without doing more to her, and with the way she was feeling, I didn’t think she was ready for another naked night. Maybe I wasn’t, either. So I set my sights on my truck, got in, and drove away.

  As soon as I was a mile from her house, I sighed so heavily, I growled. The woman was going to test my emotions. That much, I was certain of.

  Since it was Friday night, I avoided the downtown and sped through the back roads, replaying how Jessie’s body had responded to me the other night. Before long, I was pulling into my driveway with an erection so hard, I was in pain. But when I parked alongside Kade’s truck, my body deflated. He’d called the day before and said he couldn’t make it up until Sunday, which was why I’d canceled my trip with Jake to his old man’s place in South Carolina.

  I cut the engine and headed in. The kitchen was empty, save for dirty dishes in the sink. If I knew Kade and Mom, they were watching a movie. They watched old Elizabeth Taylor movies when they had the chance. I checked the front living room, anyway, but it was empty. As I took the stairs down to the family room, voices filtered out.

  I walked in to find Kade on the couch with his stocking feet propped up on the coffee table. Mom was next to him with her slippered feet pressed against the edge of the table, and they were both riveted to a Nicholas Sparks movie. Aside from Elizabeth Taylor movies, my mom loved The Notebook.

  Quietly, I skirted around a recliner and dropped down. “Hi.”

  The Torchiere lamp behind the couch sprayed a warm glow of light around the room.

  Kade’s eyes were heavy.

  “It’s only seven at night,” I said to Kade.

  Dropping his legs from the table, he rubbed his eyes. “I thought you were on a date.”

  Mom perked up. “How did it go? Oh, wait. Not good if you’re back so early.”

  Kade paused the movie.

  “Jessie had something to do, so I decided I was in the way.” They didn’t need to know the real reason. I popped my head back and closed my eyes, letting out a breath.

  “Liar,” Kade said. “You look like you lost your stuffed leopard.”

  He knew me too well. Hell, as brothers, we knew each other’s ticks and lies and habits. Still, I was super bummed that Jessie and I didn’t get to have dinner together. “Hey, I loved that leopard.” Karen had given me the stuffed animal for my ninth birthday. In fact, I still had Tabby in my room along with a small collection of leopard pictures. I’d latched onto the beautiful animal when Mom had taken us to the zoo when we were kids.

  “Sweetie,” Mom said to Kade, “don’t be so grumpy. Are you hungry, Kody?”

  I kicked off my shoes. “I’m good.” Maybe coming home early wasn’t so bad. I couldn’t remember the last time Kade and I had spent any time together.

  My mom rose gracefully, her black hair unbound around her shoulders. “I’m going to lie down for a little while and read.”

  Kade vaulted off the couch and to her side. “Are you okay, Mom?”

  I didn’t want to laugh at my brother. My mom had been doing ten times better since she’d been taking bike rides with my dad and walking. Regardless, I understood Kade’s urgency and worry when it came to Mom. But the doctor had said she didn’t have the serious form of angina.

  “Sweetie, I’m fine.” Mom came over to kiss me on the head. “Will Jessie be joining us on Sunday?”

  I nodded.

  “Good. I really like her.” Then she glided out of the room with a huge smile on her face.

  Kade sank down on the couch, sighing. “Has Mom been doing better?”

  “Bro, I get why you worry, but you’re over the top. Relax. We’ll ch
eck on her in a bit.” My dad had wanted me to sleep in the house while he was out of town and periodically look in on Mom.

  I went over to the bar fridge and snagged two beers, twisted off the caps, then ambled over to Kade and handed him a bottle. “You need a drink.” I sat in my mom’s warm spot. “So no Lacey this weekend?”

  He chugged a good amount of beer. “She’s studying for finals again.”

  “Man, when does she graduate?” It seemed as though Lacey should’ve graduated by now.

  “She skipped a semester to travel with Pawtucket Red Sox. Remember?”

  I’d forgotten about that. I wasn’t sure how I had since Kade had been ornery during that time when he couldn’t see Lacey for weeks. “What are you going to do if she gets picked up by a baseball franchise?”

  “Shoot myself,” he said.

  “Why? Can’t you travel with her?” If I knew my brother, then I knew his answer. He was a homebody. He wanted to be close to family. I couldn’t blame him. Plus, he was a momma’s boy.

  He rubbed his temples. “I want to start a family. I want kids, and I don’t want to wait. If she does sign with a franchise, then it could be years before we settle down.”

  I took a swig of beer. “Can I ask you something, bro? You fell pretty hard for Lacey, like right after you met her. How did you know?”

  Kade’s eyebrows shot up. “Are you falling for a lady? Is it Ms. Sharp? Or that Jessie girl?”

  “Ms. Sharp is getting married.”

  “No shit. You disappointed?”

  I peeled the label on the bottle. “Not at all. I’m super stoked for her. Now answer the question.”

  He kicked up his legs onto the coffee table again, grinning. “I knew the minute she pulled a gun on me in the school’s parking lot.”

  I snorted. “I thought you fell in love with her when she kneed you in the balls.”

  He shrugged as he held the beer bottle to his mouth. “What about you and Mandy? You fell hard just as fast with her. Why?”

  I stared at the frozen picture of an old couple on the TV. “It was her smile. But with Jessie, I’m afraid. She’s into motorcycles.”

  “You’re kidding me,” Kade said.

  “And”—I wasn’t sure if Kelton had told Kade about Donovan or not—“does Mack Donovan ring a bell to you?”

  His hand froze midway as he was bringing the bottle down to his lap. His features tightened as he glared at me. “I remember the fucker. Please don’t tell me Donovan is Jessie’s brother.”

  I chugged some beer. “Friend of the family.”

  “How do you feel about that?” he asked as though he were my psychiatrist. Then again, Kade took after our dad in so many ways, including his ability to counsel and listen. He’d always been there for Kross, Kelton, and me as we were growing up. He’d kept us in line when our dad had been gone on military missions overseas. He’d listened to us and consoled us after Karen had died, and even after Mandy died.

  “Honestly, I want to fuck him up.” Donovan and I had some unfinished business to take care of. I was also certain that he wasn’t giving up on Jessie, and those two things might have been the reasons keeping me from getting serious with the tiger-striped-haired goddess.

  “Bro,” Kade said, “you’re not going to do something stupid or fall into a depression again, are you? Every time Sullivan or one of his thugs comes back into our lives, you freak out. I get it. But we do have to move on.”

  “I can’t promise you that.”

  Kade straightened. “Then don’t get serious with the woman.”

  Tell that to my heart.

  Chapter 16

  Jessie

  Lowell and I were approaching the Maxwell estate. I was driving, while Lowell was in his wheelchair, locked into the passenger spot of the van. He could’ve driven if he’d wanted to since the van had been outfitted with all the controls on the steering wheel for him. But I was more comfortable at the helm, and he didn’t mind at all.

  A sliver of the lake in the distance came into view before we saw the beautiful grounds of the Maxwell estate with its perfectly manicured lawn and landscaping.

  “Holy shit,” Lowell said.

  “I had the same reaction when I was here the other day.”

  Lowell flipped his curly hair from his eyes. “Why were you here?” he asked, sounding eager to know.

  “When I went for a ride on my bike the other day, I stopped by to apologize for not showing up at their cookout last Sunday. And—”

  “Sis, are you dating Kody?”

  I pumped the brakes, and the van slowed to ten miles per hour. “Who’s asking, you or Mack?”

  “I am. I don’t do Mack’s dirty work, especially when it comes to my sister. Look, if you are, I’m cool with that. I don’t know Kody, so I can’t say if he’s a good guy or not. As long as he treats you right, I don’t have a problem.”

  “Even if Mack and Kody are enemies?” My brother had never been one to take sides, but we did consider Mack family.

  He reached out and touched my hand. “Jess, you come first.”

  I thought that would be his answer, but I’d gotten the impression that he didn’t like the idea of me dating Kody. “Wait. The other day when Roxanne and I were headed out to The Cave, you said, ‘it’s not like you’re dating Maxwell,’ with a tone that seemed like you didn’t approve.”

  He played with the control knob on his wheelchair. “I’m sorry about that. I shouldn’t have brought up Maxwell, but Mack had asked me earlier that day if you were dating Kody. I told him no. I guess that was my way of finding out.”

  I turned the wheel. “I don’t know if Kody and I are dating. We were supposed to go out the night you and Mack were at the Red Sox game, but I wasn’t feeling well. From here on out, I’ll deal with Mack when it comes to my love life. You shouldn’t be in the middle.” I didn’t know how many more times I had to tell Mack that I wasn’t interested in a relationship with him.

  Lowell bobbed his head.

  I eased down the long driveway, the mansion in front of us. “Does Mack know what you’re doing today?” I hadn’t seen Mack since last night when he and Lowell had been closing the shop, and I wasn’t about to bring up that Lowell and I were having dinner with the Maxwells.

  “I told him, and he was a little pissed.”

  I wouldn’t doubt that Mack was furious. I’d told Lowell he could stay home if he wanted to, but I was glad he’d decided to tag along.

  “Thanks for coming,” I said.

  “It’s a little awkward, considering Mack is a friend.”

  I shifted into Park next to Kody’s truck. “Why did you say yes to coming with me, then?”

  “For many reasons. You and I haven’t done anything together as a family since last year when we went to opening day for the Red Sox. Plus, I’m feeling a little melancholy with the anniversary of Mom’s death next month. Plus, you said Mr. Maxwell helped Mom. I want to thank him.”

  “You’ll like Mr. Maxwell.” I hopped out in a little better mood than when Lowell and I had left our house.

  I’d been feeling drab since I’d agreed to cut the demo of Kody’s song. Every time I sang those lyrics, I broke down. I should have been shouting to the heavens above that Mr. Robinson, a big-time record producer, was in awe of my voice, or that Kody kept telling me how beautiful I was, or that I adored how Kody treated me with tenderness, or that he hadn’t pried when he’d shown up last Friday to take me on a date that had never happened because I was a basket case. All of it had been too much, especially when I thought about Kody, my mutated gene, my brother, and how broke we were.

  I slid open the side door to the van then hit the button to lower the ramp.

  Lowell took hold of the joystick on his wheelchair and expertly powered down the ramp at a slow speed. “Um… sis? Any idea how the hell I’m going to get into the house?”

  I scanned the stairs to the back deck. “I’m sorry. I didn’t even think that far. I thought we would be down by t
he lake, anyway.”

  He pointed to the sky. “Not with the rain coming.” He wheeled into the garage through one of the six open doors. “Check this out. They have a boxing ring.” My brother’s voice hitched. “I have a confession to make.”

  I walked in behind him, and the cloudy day faded as I began to picture how great the garage would have been for working on motorcycles, cars, or whatever I could tinker with. The workbench near the boxing ring made me jealous.

  “Sis, did you hear me?”

  The snap of Lowell’s fingers brought me back to the present. “Sorry.”

  “I also wanted to come with you because you know that boxer I like that they call the Snake? Well, he’s Kody’s brother.” He stabbed his finger at the large poster of a big guy who was the spitting image of Kody except that his hair was in a military cut. “That’s Kross.”

  I pried my attention away from the poster to look at my brother, when a familiar voice made me tingle and turn around.

  “Hey there,” Kody said, swaggering in.

  The mouthwatering man, with a crop of pitch-black hair that I knew was soft and thick, had a coat of stubble painting his sharp jaw.

  Yum.

  His grin was full of want and need and so much more. Fire sparked through me, igniting every nerve ending, until he pressed a kiss to my lips. Then that fire turned into an inferno.

  “Hey.” His voice was gravelly, sliding along my skin, comforting me as though he were wrapping me up in a warm blanket.

  Lowell’s eyebrows disappeared under his curly bangs. “I guess you have your answer. You are dating him.”

  “Are we dating, Jess?” Kody asked.

  I did owe him a date.

  “Bro?” a male voice called before a tall dude who looked like Mr. Maxwell walked in. “Ah. You must be Jessie. I’m Kade.”

  Lowell waved. “I’m Lowell, her big brother.”

  Kade nodded as his dimples emerged. “Good to have you guys. We’ll need to find a way to get you in the house.”