by Amber Garza
“Sure.” She stands up and then glides over to Grandpa. Bending over, she gives him a hug. “I’ll talk to you later.”
“Sure thing, pretty lady,” he says.
Straightening back up, she ambles over to me. Tonight she’s wearing a pink sundress and gold sandals. Her hair is straight and swishes over her shoulders as she walks. I swallow hard, drinking her in. The longer I stare at her, the more I doubt Jameson’s statement. There’s no way that colleges are crawling with Ashleys. She’s one of a kind. Even when she was mean, I still couldn’t help but be attracted to her. She’s that good-looking. So good-looking you can overlook a lot. But now that she’s softened, she’s irresistible.
Outside the air is cool, but not too cool. There is still some warmth on the gentle breeze. We make our way over the steps and sit down on the top one. We don’t have a porch swing or pretty white wicker chairs like so many of our neighbors, but that’s okay. The stairs work fine. Besides, when I sit next to Ashley on the step our thighs brush, and that’s way better than being in separate chairs.
The porch lights illuminate her smooth, pale skin, taking my breath away.
“You’re gorgeous,” I breathe out.
Her head swivels in my direction, and she smiles. “Thanks.”
“But I’m sure you hear that all the time,” I say feeling kind of stupid for stating something so obvious.
She furrows her brows. “Actually, I don’t.”
I shake my head. “Now I know you’re messing with me. Every guy at our school thinks you’re gorgeous.”
“No. They think I’m hot.” She frowns. “That’s what I always hear. That I’m hot.”
“Isn’t it the same thing?”
Her head swings back and forth emphatically. “Not at all.” I lean forward, interested in hearing this. “Hot is like ‘sexy’. It’s what a guy says when he wants to get in my pants.” She shrugs. “I don’t know. ‘Hot’ makes me feel kind of cheap, I guess. ‘Gorgeous’ is like saying that I’m worth something. It’s more respectful.” She chuckles. “Probably sounds stupid to you, but that’s just how it feels to me.”
I reach for her hand, knotting my fingers through hers. “No, it doesn’t sound stupid. It makes perfect sense.”
Her gaze finds mine, and she searches my eyes for a minute. “You know, after Josh and Talia hooked up at that party I thought my life was over. I thought it was the worst thing ever. And when everyone rejected me, it was like everything was getting even worse. But now I’m glad it all happened the way it did.”
I nudge her in the side. “You mean, you’re okay with not being queen bee?”
She offers me a half smile and drops her head onto my shoulder. I freeze, not wanting her to move. It feels good with her cheek pressing into my shoulder and her hair tumbling down my arm. “It’s all I wanted for so many years, and I thought it would make me happy. But it didn’t. It was exhausting and lonely.” Sliding my hand up, I stroke her back. “I never knew how nice it would be to just have one person who truly cared about me. I guess I thought I had to be surrounded by people all the time or something.”
“I’m not the only person who cares about you, Ash,” I say.
“Really?” She picks her head up. “Who else does?”
“Well, my grandpa for starters.”
She waves away my words. “Yeah, but I was talking about friends. People our age, you know.”
“There are other people our age who care about you.”
She raises a brow. “Name one.”
“Emmy,” I blurt out the first name I can think of.
She cocks her head to the side. “Maybe last year, but not anymore.”
“But she did care about you, right?”
Sadness swims in Ashley’s eyes. A car drives past our house, painting the darkness with bright yellow light. “I sure ruined that one, huh?”
“You can fix it though.”
She purses her lips. “Pretty sure it’s too late for that.”
“I don’t think it’s ever too late.” Emmy strikes me as the forgiving type. Besides, I know that when the two of them hung out Emmy truly liked Ashley. It was obvious in the way she interacted with her. The way she would staunchly defend her. Even when Emmy recently approached me to warn me against dating Ashley, I knew it was coming from the hurt and betrayal she felt. And she wouldn’t feel that way if there wasn’t an underlying desire to have Ashley back. A desire for them to be friends again.
Ashley lets out a bitter laugh. “What do you suggest? That I apologize to Emmy? That I ask her to be my friend again?”
I shrug. “Sounds like a start.”
Skepticism is written all over her face. “Oh, yeah. I’m totally sure she’d go for that.”
“You won’t know if you don’t try.” Reaching up, I touch her face, gently stroking her cheek with my thumb. “You’ve rejected me more times than I can count. You called me fat.” Shame washes over her face. “I’m not saying that to make you feel bad. I’m making a point. Just follow me here.” I pause, making sure she’s all right. When she nods, I continue. “I took a chance on you anyway. Maybe Emmy will do the same.” She doesn’t look convinced, so I snake my arm around her waist and pull her closer. “I think you’ll regret it if you don’t at least give it a shot.”
She sighs. “You’re probably right, but I don’t know if I can get up the courage to do it.”
I draw back, stunned. “No way. You’re the most bad ass girl I know.”
She laughs. “I’ve literally never been bad ass, but I’m glad I had you fooled.”
It hits me that Ashley’s attitude wasn’t simply about being popular. It was how she protected herself. Inside she’s scared the same way the rest of us are. Maybe even more so. I tighten my hold on her. “Well, maybe it’s time to actually be bad bass then.” I catch her eye. “What’s one thing you’ve always wanted to do but were too scared to?”
She’s silent for a minute. Then she sits up straighter and blows out a breath, as if she’s going to share something big. It perks my curiosity. “I’ve always wanted to start an online fashion channel. You know, where I can put up makeup tutorials or videos of what I’m wearing that day or how to fix your hair? That type of thing.”
“Seriously?”
Her face falls. “Don’t make fun of me.”
I recover quickly. “I’m not. I was just surprised, I guess. I thought for sure you were gonna say jump out of a plane or something like that.”
She narrows her eyes. “Do I look like someone who would want to jump out of a plane? I mean, come on. I think they make you wear some awful jumpsuit, and my hair would get all messed up.”
I’m dumbfounded. “Your biggest fear about jumping out of a plane is that it would mess up your hair?”
“I just meant that the whole thing is unflattering.”
“Gotcha.” I chuckle. “How come you haven’t done this online channel thing? You’d be great at it. All the girls at our school have been copying your style for years. Why not have all of the girls in cyberspace doing it?”
“That’s just it.” She wrinkles her nose. “You said yourself that you thought I was bad ass. The reason the girls copy me is because they’re scared of me.”
“Oh, I don’t think that’s true. I mean, yeah, they probably were scared of you.” I smile. “But even now most of them dress like you.”
She ponders this, her face lighting up. “You’re right. They totally do.”
“You are the prettiest girl at our school.”
“Do you really think so?”
I nod.
“Even prettier than Talia?”
“Yeah.”
“Liar.” She swats me in the arm.
“I’m not lying, Ash.” I tilt my head and look deeply into her eyes. “I need you to trust me. I won’t lie to you.”
“Okay,” she whispers.
ASHLEY
I was wrong to think that Hayes wasn’t as good-looking as Cal or Josh. The more tim
e I spend with him, the more attractive he becomes. When he picked me up this morning wearing his baseball cap low on his forehead, dark jeans and a tight grey t-shirt that molded to his muscles, he stole my breath. I always thought of Hayes as a hefty guy, and I saw it as a negative thing. Underneath his shirts, I assumed there was nothing but flab. I stand corrected. Now that I’ve touched his chest, I know that it is rock solid. He’s not the fattest guy on the team. He’s the strongest. The most muscular.
And he’s mine.
As he drives me to school, I study his profile - his strong jaw and long lashes.
“What?” He whips his head toward me.
“You have really long eyelashes for a guy,” I say. “If I were to put mascara on them, they’d be to die for.”
“Don’t even think about it,” he warns.
I laugh. “Well, then don’t ever fall asleep around me.”
“Is that a threat, McIntosh?”
“Oh, no. It’s a promise, Parker.”
He chuckles, shaking his head.
“What?” I goad him. “No comeback?”
“Trust me. I’ve got plenty of them,” he says. “I’m just trying to keep it PG.”
Hayes is the first guy I’ve dated who doesn’t constantly cross the line with me. He’s never even broached the subject of sex. Not only that but he doesn’t make sex jokes all the time. And I appreciate it. I’m known as the school slut, so most guys date me because of that. And once we go out they think they have every right to talk to me in disgusting ways. But Hayes isn’t like that. He respects me. He honors me. Even in his jokes.
Hayes pulls into the school parking lot and finds an empty space. When we get out of the car, Brady and Chase spot us and walk in our direction. After they greet Hayes, they say hi to me as well. It’s still a little awkward around the baseball players, but it’s getting easier every day. It does help that I’ve never gone out with Brady or Chase.
“So you coming to the party on Friday night or you gonna skip out again?” Brady asks Hayes.
“Dude, you’ve gotta go. It’s gonna be off the hook,” Chase adds.
Hayes threads his fingers through mine. “I don’t think so, guys.”
“C’mon, man,” Brady begs. “It’s more fun when you’re there.”
He’s saying no for me, and it causes my stomach to churn. “Go ahead and go if you want to,” I encourage him.
“See, even your girl is telling you to go,” Brady says.
“Only if you come too,” Hayes says.
This is new. Josh would forbid me from going with him when we were dating. In my experience, guys want their girlfriends to steer clear of “guy time.”
“I don’t know,” I answer. It’s not that I don’t think it’ll be fun with Hayes, but he’ll want to go off with his friends at some point, and then what will I do? I don’t want to be some clingy, needy girlfriend hanging on his arm the entire time. He’ll feel smothered.
Emmy parks near us and her and Taylor walk past. The nervous feeling I always get around her descends into the pit of my stomach.
“Emmy!” Brady calls out. “You’re coming to the party on Friday, right?”
She walks toward us, Taylor trailing her like a shadow. Her eyebrows knit together. “Why would I go to the party? Chris is gone, remember?”
“So? That doesn’t mean you can’t get out and have fun,” Brady says. Then he glances at Taylor. “You should come too.”
Hayes nudges him in the side with his elbow. “Dude,” he whispers harshly.
What the hell is that about?
“Oh, yeah.” Taylor rubs her swollen belly. “I’m totally gonna go to a party like this.” Emmy giggles.
“Emmy,” Hayes speaks up, surprising me. “Brady’s right. You should come. You can go with Ashley.”
My entire body goes hot, and I literally can’t feel my legs. My heartbeat is so loud I fear everyone can hear it. I throw Hayes a shocked look, but he smiles and nods like what he’s doing is cool.
“Um…no, I think I’m good,” Emmy speaks slowly, and her words pierce my heart.
“C’mon, it’ll be fun,” Hayes presses. “Ashley’s been saying that she wants to reconnect with you. It’ll be the perfect opportunity.”
Seriously? He did not just say that. Doesn’t he realize how embarrassing this is? He’s giving her the green light to reject me in front of all these people. I don’t get it. Yanking my hand out from his, I stalk off. He hollers after me, but I keep walking.
“Ashley!” It’s Emmy’s voice that ultimately stops me.
I slowly spin on my heels, ready for her to gloat. Put me in my place. Crossing my arms over my chest, I wait for it.
“What Hayes said back there? Was that true?” She asks.
I want to lie, but I know that won’t help my case. Besides, there is something in her eyes I can’t quite place, but it looks like hope. Could it be that she’s wanting to reconnect too? “Yes, it’s true.” The words cut my throat as I force them out.
She stares at me as if trying to decipher whether or not I’m telling the truth. “Hayes seems to think you’ve changed.”
“And what do you think?”
“I want to believe him, but after what you did to me, I’m not sure. I’ve seen you in action. I know you’re a good actress.”
Biting my lip, I nod. “I told Hayes it was a long shot.”
She narrows her eyes. “You share a lot with Hayes, don’t you?”
“Yeah, I do.”
“The Ashley I knew was pretty closed off,” Emmy points out.
“Hard to be open when you’re pretending to be someone you’re not,” I say. “Look, Em. I know what I did to you sucked. I was a bitch, okay? And I don’t expect you to ever forgive me. But it would be really cool if we could, maybe…I don’t know…start over?”
Students barrel past us, voices bouncing around like a volleyball over our heads. But it’s like Emmy doesn’t even notice with the intensity in which she stares at me. I half-expect her head to explode from how hard she’s wrestling with this. Holding my breath, I wait for her response.
“I’m probably really going to regret this, but fine. We can give it a try.” I squeal and throw my arms around her neck. She doesn’t return the hug. In fact, she stiffens in my arms. Feeling stupid, I draw back. “Don’t let me down again. I don’t give third chances.”
I nod eagerly. “So what are you gonna wear on Friday night?”
“Oh, no. I’m not going to that party.”
“Pretty please,” I plead.
“I see your annoying begging skills haven’t changed,” she says dryly.
“Hayes really wants me to go, but I don’t want to go without a girlfriend. Then I’ll be hanging on his arm the whole time.” I lean in close to her. “Could be fun. You always liked the baseball parties.”
“No. You always liked the baseball parties. I liked staying home.”
“Unless Chris was there.” I smile.
“Yeah, that’s another thing. Chris’ll never say yes to me going to a party without him.”
“Just ask. He may surprise you,” I say.
“I doubt it. You know how jealous Chris is.”
“I also know how much you love him. You’d never cheat on him. I’m sure he knows that.”
She eyes me funny. “The old Ashley never would’ve said something like that.”
“Hayes will be there to protect you if anything happens,” I press on. “And I promise I won’t leave you or anything. It’ll be fun.”
Emmy sighs. “One minute into us being friends again and you’re already talking me into stuff.”
My heart leaps. “So you’ll go?”
“I’ll think about it.”
“Same diff.” Winking, I step around Emmy and make my way into the school hallway. “Talk to you later, Em.” I pass Taylor and she gives me a funny look, but I smile at her. I’m still not sure what I think about Taylor, but she’s Emmy’s friend, so I need to make nice with her.
“Ash.” Hayes hurries in my direction. “Hey.” When he reaches me, he slides his hands up my arms. “I’m sorry about earlier. I shouldn’t have gotten involved. I was just trying to help.”
“And you did,” I say brightly. “Emmy’s gonna think about going to the party on Friday night with me.”
“So I didn’t screw up?”
“Oh, no. You screwed up.” I’m not letting him off the hook that easily. “But I fixed it, so we’re good.”
He shrugs, leaning in for a kiss. “As long as we’re good.”
HAYES
I’m off my game today. Brady shouts words of encouragement from the dugout as another pitch comes at me. I swing hard, but I miss. Cursing under my breath, I shake my head. What the hell is wrong with me? Glancing into the bleachers, I find Ashley sitting in the front row. She offers a sweet nod, and I’m grateful for it. But I can’t help wishing for someone else. My grandpa’s absence is wearing on me. However, I don’t think it’s only his absence. I think it’s what it represents. He’s getting older, and he won’t be around forever. His fall drove that home, and it scares me.
When I strike out, I drop the bat and jog back to the dugout feeling like a failure. My shoulders slump as I head down to the bench.
I sit next to Brady, and he nudges me in the side. “You okay, buddy?”
“Yeah,” I lie, rolling my shoulders. “Just tired.”
“Ashley’s wearing you out, huh?” Josh waggles his eyebrows at me, and it turns my stomach. “She’s a firecracker in the bedroom, that one. I think it’s all that pent up aggression.”
My chest tightens. “Stop talkin’ about her that way.”
“C’mon, it’s no secret. I mean, most of the guys in this dugout have firsthand knowledge of what that girl can do.” He smiles, looking around. “Am I right? I mean, we’ve shared her, so now we can share about her.”
I leap up, red hot anger coursing through my veins. “This is your last warning. Not. Another. Word.”
“Why ya getting so mad? I’m saying your girl is good in the sack. It’s a compliment,” Josh says.
“I told you to shut the hell up about her,” I growl.