After It's Over

by Alstead, Michelle

  I can’t believe this is happening. We were so careful.

  “Miss?” a female voice called to her.

  Paige turned to see a heavy-set, middle-aged nurse standing inside the building with the door open.

  “Please come back inside, dear.”

  What now? They promised not to call my parents. Did the doctor change her mind?

  “I need to get home,” Paige said. She tugged on the zipper of her jacket.

  “But you forgot the information that explains your options.”

  The older woman held out a thick multi-colored pamphlet. Paige thrust her hands into the pockets of her jeans and shook her head.

  “Abortion isn’t an option in my family.”

  My devout Catholic mother would sooner murder me.

  “Adoption is another an option…One we could discuss.” The nurse smiled and motioned for her to come inside.

  “Oh.”

  Paige couldn’t think. Every muscle in her body twitched; she wanted to run away from it all.

  “Honey, you’re soaking wet. You’ll catch your death if you stay out here.”

  Death would be easier than telling my dad what I’ve done. My mom is going to have a mental breakdown. I’m supposed to go to college and be a lawyer. We’ve spent my entire life working for that.

  Paige’s tears mixed with the water that ran down the bridge of her nose. She tried to mop up the moisture with the back of her soaking sleeve, but it was pointless. She was drenched from head-to-toe.

  “Are you sure you don’t want to talk? I could make some hot chocolate.” The nurse had a friendly face and kind eyes that were coaxing.

  “Thank you, but I have to go.” Paige turned and ran down the steps into the parking lot before the nurse could protest further.

  The wind was cold and her clothes clung to her skin. Sobs erupted as Paige weaved between the rows of automobiles. The heavy rain and dark clouds made it was difficult to find her car. She stopped in the middle of a row to look around.

  My life is over, and I can’t find my darn car. Why didn’t I bring Kade? I’m so stupid.

  A mini-van turned the corner and drove straight at her. Paige jumped out of the way, colliding with a nearby truck in the process. The driver’s side window came down and an angry woman stuck her head out.

  “Moron!” she yelled.

  “Watch where you’re going!” Paige hollered back. “You could’ve killed a pregnant woman!”

  Did I really just say that? I can’t believe I’m having a baby. I can’t be having a baby.

  The woman drove off leaving Paige slumped against the truck. Her side ached, her stomach felt queasy, and a headache was forming in the front of her skull. Alone and cold, she wept into her hands.

  Why didn’t I let Kade come with me? Baseball Practice was probably rained out anyway. I didn’t let him because he had to at least show up, or he would’ve had to sit out the next game. One of us should get to keep our dreams.

  The slamming of a nearby car door caught Paige’s attention. Not wanting to make a scene in front of strangers, she wiped her eyes and scanned the parking lot for where the sound had come from. One row over, she spotted Kade as he stepped out from behind his truck. Dressed in faded blue jeans and a white tee-shirt, he looked like the All-American boy. The sight of him made her heart flip-flop and her palms sweat. I love him more than life itself. His eyes lit up the moment they connected with hers. Kade moved toward her. Shaking her head, Paige motioned for him to stop. He cocked his head to the side and frowned. Paige could feel how much he wanted to be near her, she felt it every time they touched, but she needed a moment to collect her thoughts.

  Through tears and steady rain, they stared at each other. They shared a soul connection; their bond was so strong that they often shared the same thought at the same time. She knew this moment would be no different. In a matter of seconds Kade’s expression changed from a quizzical smile to a look of understanding.

  We’re having a baby. No medical school for you, and no law school for me. My mom is going to be so upset that I repeated her mistake.

  Paige half-expected Kade to hang his head, or get in his truck and drive away, but he didn’t. After one long moment, he flashed a broad it’s-going-to-be-okay smile. He broke into a run, scooped her up in his arms and kissed her harder than he’d ever done before. When they were breathless, he gently wiped away her tears and whispered that he loved her more than anything in the world. The moment was unexpectedly joyful.

  They ran to his truck and climbed in. Silently holding hands, they watched the rain fall. She nestled her head against his chest and felt the beat of his heart. The rhythm was comforting. In Kade’s arms, the world felt right—no matter how bad things got.

  After an hour, Paige’s cell phone buzzed. She didn’t have to check the caller ID to know it was her mother wondering why she wasn’t home for dinner.

  “You gonna get that?” Kade asked. His semi-wet brown hair stood up in awkward patches.

  Paige touched the cowlick on the crown of his head. She twisted a lock of hair around her finger while Kade waited for a response. She tried in vain to get the hair to lay flat. She gave up and folded her hands in her lap.

  “Guess not,” he said, when the phone stopped ringing.

  “There will be plenty of time to talk to my mother when I get home.”

  The windows were fogged. Paige traced a heart on the glass. A susurration escaped her throat.

  “Do you remember the day we met?” she asked.

  “How could I forget? You were wearing that horrible dress with a big bow and ruffles,” he replied.

  “It was the first day of kindergarten, and I didn’t have much say in what I got to wear.” Paige wiped the heart off the window with the sleeve of her semi-dry jacket. “My mom said something that day that I’ll never forget.”

  “What’d she say?”

  “Little girl, you have your whole life ahead of you. Don’t screw it up.”

  Kade scratched his head and frowned. “That’s kind of a lot to lay on a six-year-old.”

  “Yeah, well she was sixteen when she met my dad through the student exchange program. If he hadn’t gotten her pregnant, she would have gone back to Spain and had a completely different life. If it weren’t for Drew and I, she wouldn’t have been stuck with my father for all these years.” New tears formed and fell; Paige couldn’t help herself. “She’s going to be so disappointed that I screwed up. I did the same thing she did!”

  Kade put his arm around her and pulled her in close. He kissed her cheek and wiped away her tears.

  “You didn’t do the same thing. I’m not like your dad.”

  Paige nodded. Kade was right. He wasn’t a drunken cop who terrorized his family. If there was one thing she was sure of—it was that he was truly a good guy.

  “I’m going to have to tell him.”

  “I’ll tell your dad,” he said.

  Kade tried to look tough when he said those words, but Paige knew that he was afraid of her dad. Everyone who knew him was afraid of him. He was a cop with a gun and badge, and he’d gotten away with doing a lot of terrible things over the years.

  “No, I’ll tell him. He might punch you in the face or something,” she said, forcing a chuckle.

  “Well, at least let me be there when you tell him.”

  “Okay, I will. I should go. My mom will be upset I missed dinner.” Paige reached for him again. She kissed him softly and looked into his eyes. “My house isn’t my home. You are my home.”

  “I feel the same way,” he whispered and kissed her goodbye.

  Kade waited while she walked to her car and climbed in. When Paige waved, he waved back and they each headed home.

  ***

  Paige had planned to tell her father about the baby, but never got the chance. Her mother discovered the pregnancy when she emptied Paige’s wastebasket and found a positive pregnancy test.

  Mom was so distraught. We should have told Dad tha
t day. He was sober then, but she said no. I miss her so much. I wish she were here now.

  Paige pulled herself out of the past before her mind could replay her parents’ death. She didn’t want that to be her last thought before drifting off to sleep. So she focused on the memory of what it was like to be in Kade’s arms, listening to the sound of his heartbeat. She pictured his bright blue eyes and remembered the texture of his thick brown hair as she ran her fingers through it. With a smile on her face, her mind relented and her body relaxed. Paige fell into the first sound sleep she’d had in months.

  ***

  Paige awoke to the sound of Ben’s razor. The room was flooded with sunlight. She opened her eyes and immediately snapped them shut. She threw the comforter over her head and sank down into the soft sheets.

  I really want to keep sleeping and dreaming of Kade. If only I had handled things differently with him.

  “Your phone keeps going off,” Ben said with a mouth full of toothpaste.

  Paige could tell by the gruff tone of his voice that he had a hangover, and was not in a good mood. Why isn’t he trying to sleep it off? She lowered the covers just enough to see that he was standing in the doorway between the master bathroom and their bedroom. He glowered at her; Ben clearly figured if he was up then she should be too.

  “Why are you up so early?” she asked.

  “I’ve got an early tee-time. Got to get in as much golf as I can before the snow hits. Besides, your phone kept going off,” he replied.

  “Right. In Utah it snows a lot in the winter. I need to remember that,” Paige muttered, looking around for her phone.

  I can’t believe this place actually makes me miss the rainy Washington weather. Mountains instead of lakes. Snow instead of rain. Will I ever get used to living here?

  “It’s over there.” Ben nodded in the direction of the nightstand. “Who keeps texting you?”

  “I don’t know.” Paige was annoyed by her husband’s curiosity.

  He wants to know all about my life, but I get so few answers about his.

  She picked up the phone and checked the screen. There were three missed calls from her older brother, Drew.

  “What’s the date today?” she asked.

  “It’s the fifteenth, why?”

  “Crap! I’m supposed to pick him up at the airport!”

  “Who?”

  “My brother! I’ve told you ten times that he’s flying in today,” Paige said. She jumped out of bed and made a beeline for the closet. She was more than a half an hour late to pick him up.

  “How can you expect me to remember he’s coming when you clearly forgot?”

  Paige paused. She hated it when Ben was right and decided not to respond.

  Picking up Drew is more important than arguing with Ben. Besides, it’s so hard to win an argument with him that you’d think he was the lawyer in this marriage.

  “Why is he coming here? It’s not like you two are close.”

  Spoken like an only child.

  “He’s my brother. Does he need a reason to visit?” Paige yanked on a pair of jeans. She had to inhale to get them to button.

  I really need to hit the gym more and bake fewer cookies.

  “I don’t know. Half the time I forget you even have a brother. It’s not like he came to the wedding or has visited in the last year since we got married.”

  Ben’s anti-social attitude irked Paige. In the time they’d been together she’d quit her job, sold her house and moved almost a thousand miles away from where she grew up.

  All of those sacrifices for him and he gives me a hard time about my family. It’s not like he’s close to his.

  “My brother didn’t come to the wedding because we eloped after dating for two weeks.” Paige pulled on a hoodie and rummaged through a drawer for clean socks.

  “Weddings are overrated,” Ben said.

  “You can say that because you had a huge one the first time around. I, on the other hand, never got to have a wedding because you wouldn’t let me have one!”

  Not that I’m bitter. That should have been a flashing neon sign that you weren’t a good guy.

  “If we’d had one, my brother would have been there and walked me down the aisle,” she ranted.

  “Are we really fighting again about the wedding we didn’t have?” He rolled his eyes at her.

  Paige clenched her teeth together. “I’m just saying that you would have met my family if we’d had one.”

  “What family? Your parents killed each other and you have one brother.” Ben dismissively waved his toothbrush as if her parents had just gone on vacation rather than died a tragic death.

  Paige’s mouth dropped open. “You are the most insensitive human being I have ever known.”

  “What? I thought you were over all that.” He spit out his toothpaste and reached for the mouthwash. He frowned. “You’re over it, right?”

  She came to an abrupt halt. “Did you seriously just ask me that?”

  Ben’s question conjured up the memory of Paige’s parents’ funeral. There were two coffins, laid out side by side; her father’s was draped with the American flag because he’d served in the Marines as a young man. Father John, their priest, gave a speech she never heard a word of; it was all she could do that day to breathe.

  The grief is still as fresh as the day they were buried.

  Paige grunted at her husband, grabbed her shoes, and stormed out of the bedroom. She would have slammed the door, but she was sure the girls were still asleep.

  They don’t need to be woken up by the angry sound of another fight between their dad and me.

  She stormed down the stairs to the kitchen. Where are my keys? Paige paused. The keys to Ben’s car sat on the kitchen table. She picked them up and held them for a moment.

  He insisted we trade my sports car for a mini-van. Of course, he kept his Jeep. I hate that mini-van almost as much as I hate those dishes.

  Paige grabbed her purse and hurried out to the garage. She was backing out of the driveway when the front door flew open and Ben stepped out onto the porch.

  “Hey! Give me back my car!”

  Rolling down the window, Paige yelled back, “No!”

  “What about my tee-time?”

  “Why don’t you spend the day with your daughters and the mini-van instead?”

  “Oh, come on!” Ben threw his hands up in the air and kicked the open door.

  With a smirk, Paige slammed the car into first gear and lurched down the street. She couldn’t drive a manual transmission, but she didn’t care. Ben’s facial expression made up for a little bit of the misery he’d brought her.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  Paige’s brother, Drew, stood on the curb in the passenger pick up zone. He wore faded blue jeans that were at least one size too big, his flannel shirt was only half buttoned, and he sported several days of worth of facial hair. His dark hair encroached on the sides of his face; it only exacerbated how pale and gaunt he looked.

  He looks like a psycho lumberjack who hasn’t showered in a month.

  Drew gave a half-hearted wave as she approached. Paige tried to act nonchalant as the car jerked to a halt several feet from the curb.

  He raised an eyebrow. “You can’t drive a stick.”

  “Well, hello to you too, brother.” Paige forced a smile.

  He looks even worse up close. What is that smell? Oh geez, it’s him. When was the last time he showered?

  Drew opened the car door and threw his carry-on in the back seat. Paige covered her nose as he climbed in.

  “When was the last time you showered? You look like you’ve been on a month-long bender.”

  “Well…I…” He fastened his seat belt and stared out the window. “I guess I forgot to shower yesterday.”

  “How exactly do you forget to shower?”

  The smell of body odor and stale cigarettes was overwhelming. Paige rolled down the window and gulped in the fresh air.

  “It’s been a really r
ough week. That’s how.” Drew ran a hand through his overgrown hair. He yawned and rubbed his eyes.

  It’s not like him to look so disheveled. He’s thinner too. What happened to the Cross Fit nut I know and love?

  “You want to talk about it?” she asked.

  “Nope.”

  “Well then, how’s wifey doing? Didn’t Sheila just open a new hair salon?”

  “Yeah, she did.” Drew rubbed his head. “How’s the whole moving to Utah and marrying a guy you barely knew working out?” he replied.

  Paige grimaced. “Oh, just peachy. He’s a real Prince Charming.”

  “I tried to warn you. I told you—”

  “I know, I know! The relationship moved too fast. That should have been a red flag.” Paige shot Drew a look that said this was not the time to say I told you so.

  No one knows better than me that I made a mistake.

  “You might want to get this thing in gear and go. There’s a long line of cars waiting to pick up,” Drew said, looking over his shoulder.

  “Right.” Paige bit her lip. Clutch in and ease off the gas.

  Ben had tried to teach her how to drive a manual transmission, but his lesson consisted of taking her on the freeway during rush hour traffic and yelling ‘that a million other women could drive a stick shift, so what was her problem’.

  You are my problem, Ben. That’s what I should have said.

  She let the clutch out, but it was too soon and the car died as she pulled away from the curb.

  I shouldn’t have taken this stupid thing.

  Drew let out a groan. “Let me drive.”

  “No, I can do this.”

  An angry overweight, bald man in a Corvette tried to maneuver around them. His car nearly hit the Jeep as he squeaked passed them. He honked and waved his middle finger. Paige smacked the steering wheel and looked at her brother who gave her an annoying I-told-you-so grin.

  “Fine, you drive,” Paige conceded.

  “Why are you driving this car anyway?” Drew asked.