Wrong in Love

by March, Aisling

  “Just a second,” she said. She handed the phone to Will, unwinding the cord so that it reached. “It’s your mother.”

  Will rolled his eyes and took the phone from her.

  “Hi Mom,” he said. Jocelyn went back to the stove to stir the spaghetti, keeping her eyes on her husband. Crying parents calling their house on a Friday night was not a good sign.

  “Oh shit,” he murmured a moment later. “Okay. Okay. Tomorrow, 8am. I got it. I understand. I’ll see you tomorrow afternoon.”

  He rose from the table and hung up the phone.

  “That was my mom,” he said.

  She nodded, restraining herself from saying ‘Obviously.’ She didn’t know what was going on, but knew that it wasn’t the time for sarcasm.

  “My grandfather had a heart attack this afternoon,” he said, his voice soft.

  Jocelyn gasped. Will’s grandfather was one of the nicest men she’d ever met, and one of the few members of Will’s family that had accepted her.

  “Is he-?” asked Jocelyn.

  Will shook his head, his blue eyes filling with tears.

  “My mom bought me a plane ticket to go home tomorrow,” he said.

  “What about me? Should I buy my own ticket?”

  “Actually…” he hesitated. “My mom thinks it would be best if you didn’t come,” he said.

  Jocelyn stood open-mouthed.

  “Are you kidding me? Who would that be best for? Your mom? You?”

  “Jocelyn, please. That’s just what she said. I told her I understood,” he said. He looked apologetic, but it wasn’t enough.

  She was furious.

  “In case you haven’t realized, we’re married. That makes me part of your family. And I cared about your grandfather,” she said.

  “Can you please just respect my mother’s wishes on this? It was her father,” he said.

  She threw her hands up.

  “Absolutely. Sure, whatever you want. Best of luck down there,” she said. She shut off the stove and stormed out of the kitchen and into their bedroom.

  Jocelyn sat on the edge of their bedspread, fingering the sage and dove threading. That’s what the catalogue had called the colors anyway. She’d liked that description; it seemed very peaceful. She was at a loss of what she should do. Will was obviously hurting, having lost one of the most important people in his life, and a part of Jocelyn wanted to comfort him. At the same time, how could he leave her in Boston while he went to Florida to be with his family during a time of crisis? That’s what a wife was for; support.

  Jocelyn sighed and picked up a pillow, hugging it to her chest. Will’s acceptance of his mother’s demand that Jocelyn not accompany him home was the final straw. Colin would never have been so spineless and she needed a real man.

  Will tapped on the door.

  “Can I come in?” he asked.

  “It’s your room too. I was just leaving anyway,” she said.

  “Jocelyn, can we talk about this?”

  “We have a lot to talk about, but I don’t think now is the time. Why don’t you pack and rest, and we can talk when you get back from Florida,” she said.

  He looked at the floor.

  “Okay. If that’s what you want,” he said.

  “It is.” She walked out of the room and into the living room, where her phone vibrated with a new message from Anna.

  You better call me as soon as you can tonight.

  Jocelyn looked toward the bedroom door. She could hear Will opening and shutting drawers, packing to return to Florida.

  Lucky, she thought. Of course he probably didn’t feel lucky, going back for his grandfather’s funeral.

  Jocelyn took the phone and a jacket and went for a walk. She speed-dialed Anna as she walked through the streets of Boston. People her age were everywhere, dressed up and ready to go out. Clusters of girls toppled through the streets on their high-heels, their arms bare in favor of fashion over warmth. Groups of boys hollered at the girls, and yelled at each other on their way to the various bars in the area. Couples huddled together, going in and out of restaurants, their eyes lit up from being with each other. Jocelyn was envious.

  “Jocelyn!” Anna’s familiar voice brought her back.

  “Anna, it is so good to hear you,” she said.

  “No kidding. It’s been weeks!”

  “I’ve been busy,” said Jocelyn apologetically.

  “It sure sounds like it from your message. What’s this about leaving Will?”

  Jocelyn paused. She wanted to spill everything at once but was afraid that if she started she may end up bawling in the middle of the street, with the gaggles of girls bumping her with their pocket books as they walked by.

  “It just isn’t working out,” she said.

  “Because of the miscarriage?”

  “I don’t think that’s it. I mean, I don’t think that helped, but I think I made a mistake marrying him.”

  “I see. And this guy Colin?”

  “I feel so good when I’m around him. So happy. He’s such a different person from Will, so confident and charismatic, and funny.”

  “He sounds like a player,” said Anna.

  “I suppose. But I don’t think he is. I genuinely think he cares about me.”

  “So you’ve talked about this?”

  “Kind of. I mean, Will and I got into a fight yesterday and then I ended up at a restaurant last night with Colin, and things kind of escalated from there. We kissed.”

  “Wow. Joc, honestly, this doesn’t sound like you. Are you sure you’re not just frustrated with your marriage and using Colin as an excuse?”

  She hesitated.

  “I don’t know anymore.”

  “I don’t know what to say. I’ve known Will for a long time now. I really like him. He’s a nice guy, Joc, and he adores you. I don’t think that what you’re doing is right. When your father cheated on your mother, that was like, the worst, wasn’t it?” said Anna.

  “Kinda harsh to bring that up, isn’t it?” said Jocelyn. Her father’s infidelity had occurred to her, but she’d pushed away the memory, telling herself it didn’t matter.

  “How could you do the same thing to Will?” asked Anna.

  “What should I do though? I was going to tell him tonight that it’s over and then his grandfather went and died,” she said.

  “So you’re coming home? I’m sorry, I shouldn’t sound excited about that,” said Anna.

  “Nope. Mrs. Adams – the other Mrs. Adams – doesn’t want me there.”

  “Seriously? What a bitch,” said Anna.

  Jocelyn laughed. Anna reserved such language for only the most worthy situations.

  “See what I’m dealing with?”

  “Yeah. But no one said marriage was going to be easy. When you married Will, did you love him? Like, forever love?”

  “I don’t know. I thought I did, but then right before the wedding I panicked. Since then it’s been kind of up and down.”

  “You need to come back to Florida and clear your head,” said Anna.

  “You’re not kidding. Well, apparently I’m not welcome right now, but maybe I’ll come down when Will comes back here,” said Jocelyn.

  “That might not be a bad idea. Maybe some space will help you both see how you feel about each other. Plus, I think you need a break from this guy Colin.”

  “You’d love him Anna, if you met him.”

  “I doubt it,” said Anna.

  Jocelyn laughed. If anyone else were this harsh with her, she’d probably have been angry, but she knew Anna too well to get upset.

  “Thanks, Anna. I can always count on you to tell me the truth,” said Jocelyn.

  “I will. And Jocelyn – don’t act rashly,” said Anna.

  CHAPTER 11

  She had chosen her outfit carefully: a simple black dress and a silk scarf. Of course she would also wear a pair of heels, the staple of any date outfit. As she fastened a bracelet around her wrist, the glitter of her engageme
nt ring caught her eye. Should she take it off?

  Colin had texted her that morning, a seemingly innocuous text asking about something work-related, which escalated once he found out Will was away. They were going out tonight, and Jocelyn was more nervous than she’d ever been.

  She debated for a long moment, then slid both the engagement and wedding ring onto her dresser. Wouldn’t it be contradictory of her to be wearing those tonight?

  Colin was picking her up at seven-thirty. She’d told him to call her cell phone when he was outside, as she didn’t want the neighbors to be suspicious.

  At seven-twenty-five her cell phone rang. She took in a deep breath. If she went through with this, answered the phone, walked out the door to go on her date, then her marriage was really over.

  “Hello?”

  “It’s Colin. I’m outside.”

  She put the phone in her purse, grabbed a coat, and with one last glance at the rings glistening on her bureau, headed out the door.

  They were enjoying their second drink each when a familiar face stopped by their table. Sophie, with enough charcoal around her eyes for a BBQ and a skirt up to here.

  “Is this another coincidence?” Sophie asked. She smiled but it barely concealed her anger with them both.

  Jocelyn was suddenly filled with panic; they’d been caught. Five minutes into an affair, and she’d already been caught. And, considering Sophie’s feelings for Colin, it was unlikely this would stay quiet for long. Jocelyn’s life was ruined.

  “Sophie! Sit, have a drink with us. We’re just getting to know each other,” said Colin. He pulled the third chair out for Sophie, but she neglected to sit.

  “Is it common for coworkers to get to know each other on Friday night at a bar, alone? Especially when one of them is married?” She looked pointedly at Jocelyn, who tried to hide her bare left hand under the table.

  Sophie caught her and shook her head.

  “I don’t need an answer to that,” she said and started to walk away.

  “Sophie, don’t get the wrong idea,” began Colin.

  She turned around to face them.

  “Look, what you two do outside of work is your business. Clearly I misinterpreted a few things, but I’m not going to rat you out to anyone at Remington or Jocelyn’s husband. Not yet, anyway. I don’t like drama,” she said, flipping her hair back as she walked away.

  Jocelyn doubted that was true, but she was grateful that Sophie was going to keep quiet about what she’d seen.

  “Oh my god, I can’t believe that just happened,” said Jocelyn.

  “She won’t say anything,” said Colin.

  “I hope not. Either way, that was embarrassing.”

  “That it was. Since the topic of your being married was brought up by someone else, would it be all right if I ask what’s going to happen with that? I mean, I really like you, and I don’t want to break up a happy home, but if things aren’t working out…” he trailed off.

  “I know what you’re saying. Things are definitely not working out, and I was going to talk to Will as soon as he gets back from his grandfather’s funeral.”

  “I would like to say that I’m sorry to hear that, but the truth is, I’m not,” said Colin.

  “One more drink?” asked Jocelyn, draining the end of her martini.

  Colin laughed.

  “Sure,” he said.

  Once Jocelyn had finished her third martini she discovered that her inhibitions were startlingly low. This knowledge hit her as she slid closer to Colin in the backseat of the cab and let his lips find hers, as his fingers made their way under the hem of her dress, up her thigh, dipping just underneath the edge of her underwear. She gasped in pleasure and Colin giggled and quieted her as the cabbie glanced in the rearview mirror.

  They got to Colin’s apartment and she let herself out of the cab and waited in the frigid air while he paid. Jocelyn did a quick self-check.

  Was she drunk?

  No. The apple martinis had made blocking out thoughts of Will very easy, but other than that she felt like herself.

  Was she sure she wanted to do this?

  Yes. With Will out of her mind there was nothing holding her back. Even when he did manage to push himself back in Jocelyn reminded herself of his betrayal and their impending divorce, even if he didn’t know about it yet.

  “You coming?” Colin asked.

  She laughed. She realized he’d finished paying the taxi driver and was walking up the walkway to his front door.

  “Yes, I’m coming,” she said. She stepped past him through his front door and he kicked the door shut behind them. He slid his hand down her back, tugging her dress up around her waist. She didn’t fight him. He kicked the door shut behind him and grabbed her by the hips, pushing her up against the wall.

  “Colin,” she moaned.

  He kissed her neck, his breath hot on her skin, his teeth biting just a little bit. She put her hands over his as he pulled her underwear down. His fingers made their way inside of her, moving in circles, making her wetter and wetter.

  “Do you want me to?” he whispered into her ear.

  She nodded.

  He pulled his hands away and she heard the unwrapping of a condom, which was a good thing, because she certainly didn’t want to go through another pregnancy. Then his hands were back on her hips, and she could feel the tip of his throbbing member hard against her, finding its way inside. She stiffened, but only for a second, and then pushed back against him, feeling him enter her and fill her in a way she hadn’t felt in so long.

  The next morning Jocelyn woke with a sinking feeling in her stomach. She couldn’t decide if it was a hangover or guilt. She lay on one side of Colin’s bed, facing the wall, studying the beige paint.

  Had she gone too far last night? At the time, sex had seemed like a good idea. Now, without the strength of martini’s, and knowing that her husband was 1,500 miles away watching the paint peel in a funeral home, she was beginning to think otherwise.

  She heard Colin stir. She held her breath, not wanting him to wake up yet. She needed a few moments to collect herself.

  Why had she slept with him last night? The evening had been going so well. She was beginning to really like him, and he had said that he really liked her. Natural progression would lead them to bed together, but this was too soon. Besides, she probably should have waited until her divorce was final – or at least she had mentioned it to her husband – before jumping into bed with her coworker.

  She felt sick. Her head was pounding and her throat was immensely dry. Perhaps she had been drunk last night. Would Will forgive that?

  Wait, did she want his forgiveness? Why had she thought of that, whether her husband would forgive her? She was supposed to be over him, done. She was supposed to be telling him in a few days that she didn’t want to be his wife anymore, that she wanted a complete separation of their lives, never to be in contact again. But her first thought after realizing she had drank too much was would he forgive her. She groaned inwardly. She was becoming confused.

  Colin stirred again and then she heard him wake up. He did so with a loud, long yawn and a stretch. Then he got out of bed and peeked over to Jocelyn’s side.

  “Good morning,” he said with a sheepish smile.

  “Good morning to you too,” she said.

  “Can I interest you in some coffee?” he asked.

  “Absolutely,” she said.

  He went into the kitchen and Jocelyn lay for one more moment before following him.

  “You look good in my shorts,” he said. Jocelyn looked down. She was wearing a pair of Colin’s boxer shorts and one of his tee shirts. For some reason this made her feel especially unfaithful to Will.

  She sat at one of the chairs in his kitchen while he plugged in a stainless steel coffee pot and started brewing their coffee.

  “I like your apartment,” said Jocelyn. She admired the Tuscan-decorated kitchen, which blended into a neutral but modern living room.

&
nbsp; “Thank you. My mum came over from Ireland and decorated,” he said.

  “She did? That’s awfully nice of her,” said Jocelyn.

  “She’s my mum,” he said simply. He handed her a mug of coffee which she gratefully drank.

  “Would you like some breakfast?” Colin asked when they were almost finished with their coffee.

  “No, I’ve got to go. I’ve got a lot to do today, so I’m just going to get a cab,” she said.

  “A cab? That’s nonsense. I’ll drive you,” he said. He turned off the coffee maker and went back into his bedroom. “Let’s just change and we can go.”

  Jocelyn considered for a moment, then decided to follow. It would be so awkward to take the ride of shame home in a cab.

  “Do you want to wear these home?” asked Colin. He handed her a pair of sweatpants and a sweatshirt. “It might not be as obvious.”

  “Good thinking,” she said. She took the clothes and went into the bathroom to change. Colin may have seen her naked last night, but that didn’t mean he would today.

  Jocelyn immediately showered when she got home, purposely avoiding her bedroom for as long as possible. She shoved Colin’s sweatpants and shirt into a bag and put it by the door. Thank God Will wouldn’t be home to find them. When she finished showering and went in to get dressed, guilt washed over her. There was their bed – the bed that she and Will slept in together, and his clothes in the closet, and a picture from their wedding day in Vegas on her dresser, next to her wedding rings. Will’s freckled face stared at her. “I know what you did,” he seemed to say.

  Will would never look at her the same way, let alone forgive her. Even if he did, they had so many other problems that now they may never get to the root of. She groaned and put her head in her hands. How had this happened?

  Her cell phone rang. Jocelyn picked it up and looked at the screen, desperately hoping it was Anna.

  It was Will. She contemplated not answering, wondering if he would be able to tell what she had done by her voice.

  “Hello?” she said.