Wrong in Love

by March, Aisling

  “How do you think Will is right now?” asked Anna. If Colin had brought up Jocelyn, the topic was certainly not off-limits.

  “I don’t know,” he said, his brogue and his shame making him difficult to understand. “I don’t think he said a word for the rest of the day.

  “He wouldn’t even look at me. He must hate me,” she said.

  “And me,” said Colin.

  “Well of course he hates you. But he and I have been friends for years. I feel terrible for deceiving him like this,” she said.

  Colin opened the fridge and took out two beers, opening one and handing it to Anna.

  “It’s got to be tough on Will, just sitting there twenty-four hours a day. And then to find out that his entire marriage has been a sham- ” Colin shook his head.

  “I wish Jocelyn could see how devoted he is to her. I feel like the affair wouldn’t have happened if she could’ve seen how much he truly does love her,” she said. She bit her lip, wondering if she shouldn’t have said that.

  “I hope so. I can’t believe that we did that to him. I don’t know, the way Jocelyn talked about him it sounded like they had this awful, loveless marriage. But when I look at him, just sitting there next to her, day in and day out, I just don’t see how that could have been possible,” he said.

  “Sometimes when you’re in a situation it’s hard to see it objectively. I think Jocelyn wasn’t prepared for everything that happened. She wasn’t ready to get married, or to move to a completely different part of the country. She wasn’t ready to be a mother, but she also wasn’t prepared to lose her child. She’s been through so much. I think she was just confused,” said Anna.

  “You’re wise,” he said with a small smile.

  “Not always,” she said. Not when it comes to my own love life, she thought.

  “If he doesn’t leave her now, she’s never going to want to see my face again once she wakes up,” said Colin, his eyes somewhere far away.

  “How will you feel if that’s how it turns out?” she asked him.

  He looked down at his beer bottle.

  “A few weeks ago I would have been devastated. Well, maybe not devastated, but upset anyway. Now though…I’d be okay.”

  “A few weeks ago I thought you were the scum of the earth,” she said.

  He laughed.

  “And now?”

  “Maybe just the scum of Boston,” she said.

  He laughed again.

  “Well, there’s nothing we can do about them now. Let’s not talk about Jocelyn or Will or anyone else associated with them for the rest of the night,” said Colin.

  “Agreed,” said Anna.

  They drank their beer and made dinner. Colin took care of the chicken while Anna peeled and cooked the potatoes. When everything was ready, Colin led her to the couch.

  “Sorry we can’t sit at the table, it’s covered in blueprints. If I’d known you were coming, I would have cleared it off,” he said.

  “It’s no problem. I actually kind of miss eating dinner in front of the TV. There’s something comforting and distracting about it,” she said.

  Colin flicked on the TV and they watched a sitcom rerun as they ate. Anna found it very relaxing, almost as if she were at home. A few times she glanced over at Colin, his eyes sparkling and reflecting the light off of the TV. Their silence was companionable and Anna wanted to sink back into him and lay her head on his shoulder. She imagined him with his hand in her hair, stroking her head while they unwound from the end of a tough day.

  She shook off the vision. Fiona had told her to take a step back, and getting caught up in an impossible future was definitely not being objective.

  When they finished their dinners they slid the plates onto the table and sat back.

  “Can I get you another beer?” asked Colin.

  Anna held her bottle up and saw it was almost empty.

  “Sure, thanks,” she said.

  While he was up she reached for the remote and turned the TV off.

  Colin returned with her beer.

  “So what’s next for you?” asked Colin.

  “I’m heading back to Florida tomorrow to try to get my life back in order. I guess I’ll open my studio and try to stay busy until Jocelyn wakes up.”

  “Wait, tomorrow?” He sat up. “You’re leaving tomorrow?”

  Anna bit her lip.

  “I thought I told you,” she said.

  “No, you most certainly did not tell me that. I would have – I would have – god, I don’t know what I would have done, but it wouldn’t have been frying you a chicken and handing you a domestic beer!”

  He looked panicked and sorry and, she thought, maybe a little like a man in love.

  “I don’t want to go,” she started.

  “Then don’t. Don’t go,” he said. He grabbed her hand and pulled her closer to him on the couch. “Stay here. You can stay with me.”

  “I can’t stay with you. That’s crazy. What if Jocelyn wakes up and the two of you decide to keep going with your crazy plan to be together, and I’m just here, the third wheel sleeping on your couch?” she asked.

  He moved closer to her, so that their knees were touching.

  “You could never be a third wheel. You’re the second wheel. On a bicycle, because those only have two wheels,” he said.

  “Why can’t I be the first wheel?” she asked playfully.

  “I’m the first wheel,” he said.

  “Sexist,” she said.

  “I’m older,” he pointed out.

  She rolled her eyes.

  “Okay, so we’re a bicycle,” she said, and just as she started to say something snarky, he pulled her in and kissed her. She knew she should resist but she didn’t, meeting his lips with an eager fervor.

  “We shouldn’t be doing this,” she managed to whisper as he laid back on the couch, pulling her on top of him. She could feel him pressing hard underneath her, and she hoped that acknowledging that they shouldn’t be doing this was enough to excuse what she was about to do.

  “I know,” he said, but even as he said it he was tugging her cardigan off her shoulders and unbuttoning her shirt. His fingers made quick work of the buttons and soon it was opened, her bra exposed, and Colin was working a finger under the edge of the lace. His touch was like fireworks on her skin, and she felt a surge between her legs.

  She rocked back and forth on top of him, feeling herself get wetter and pushing every other thought but Colin from her mind. His hands found the clasp of her bra and soon it was on the floor, alongside her shirt.

  She moaned as he brought his lips to her breast, licking her nipple and tugging on it with his teeth. She moved her hands over his biceps, down his chest and made her way to the snap on his jeans.

  He groaned as she released him and pulled his jeans down so she could grab ahold of him, and he tore at her own jeans, practically ripping them open and tugging them off of her body.

  “No,” she said when he tried to remove her underwear. It was the last thing keeping them from doing something very, very stupid. She might want to go there, but not yet.

  He moved his hands back up her body, up her sides, and pulled her down to kiss him again. Feeling him grow harder and harder against her was driving her wild, and it didn’t take long for her to cave.

  “I want you,” she whispered, and Colin didn’t hesitate. He had a condom on in seconds, and Anna lifted herself up as he slid her panties to the side and brought her back down on top of him.

  “Holy shit,” he said. She pushed herself down and moved in figure eights on top of him, feeling every inch of him inside of her, her pleasure growing until she couldn’t take any more.

  “Anna, slow down,” he said, but she couldn’t. He throbbed inside of her and she moved faster and harder until she peaked, and she could feel him reaching his climax too. He grabbed her thighs and squeezed as he went off inside of her, the condom barely capturing his explosion. She moaned, almost screaming, until she remembered Colin
had neighbors that could probably hear them.

  “That was too loud,” she said when they’d finished.

  “I thought it was just fine,” he said with a grin. He slid over so she could lay next to him, her head on his chest, and they lay like that, their heavy breathing gradually becoming slower, until they were both asleep.

  CHAPTER 25

  Anna woke up a few hours later and was about to catch a cab back to her hotel when Colin found her.

  “You were just going to go, just like that?” he asked, coming out onto the street wearing only his jeans. A group of girls walking by whistled at him, but Colin didn’t notice, or pretended not to notice.

  “I didn’t want to wake you up,” she said.

  “For chrissake, let me put on a shirt and I’ll take you home if you want to go that badly,” he said.

  She followed him back inside sheepishly.

  “I wasn’t trying to sneak away,” she said.

  “That’s what it seems like,” said Colin. Their eyes met, and in Colin’s there was disappointment. In Anna’s there was guilt.

  “I wasn’t expecting this to happen,” she said.

  “Neither was I, but it was pretty bloody wonderful, wasn’t it? Or maybe I’m being too self-congratulatory, maybe it was terrible,” he said.

  She laughed.

  “No, that part was wonderful. The feelings after – didn’t we just do to Jocelyn what you guys did to Will?” she asked.

  Colin considered.

  “I hadn’t thought of it like that. I just thought since Jocelyn and I aren’t married, but Jocelyn is married, that this wasn’t really cheating. So you won’t stay the night?” he asked.

  She wanted to climb into bed with Colin so badly, to spend the night tangled in the sheets with him, to maybe do again what they’d just done.

  But she couldn’t. It would have been wrong, even more wrong than she’d already been.

  “No,” she said.

  Colin dropped Anna off in front of her hotel.

  “I can’t believe you’re going back tomorrow. I feel like I’ll never see you again,” he said, putting a hand on her cheek.

  “I’ll be back. Soon. I probably won’t have as much time for dinners and stuff,” she said, looking out the window so that his hand dropped down.

  “I understand. All right then, good night Anna, and good luck to you,” he said.

  His tone was suddenly cold and she looked sharply at him. He didn’t look angry but hurt. She’d hurt him. Maybe he really did love her, but Jocelyn really did love him, and had thrown away her marriage for him. Guilt rose inside of Anna like a tidal wave, and she pushed her way out of the car.

  She didn’t go inside the hotel. No sooner was she out of the car then Colin was pulling away from the curb, and once his taillights were out of sight, she hailed a cab.

  “Mass General,’ she told the driver.

  “It’s late,” said Sour Apple when Anna arrived. “Visiting hours are over.”

  “I know. I’ll be quick. I’m leaving in the morning and I really wanted to see her one more time before I go.”

  The nurse nodded. “Go ahead.”

  Anna walked down the hallway and found Will sleeping in a chair near Jocelyn’s bed. She was glad to see that he hadn’t completely given up on her.

  Anna softly pulled a chair next to Jocelyn and leaned in so she could whisper.

  “I hope I’m not waking you up,” she began, then giggled. “Well, actually I do. I need to talk to you about so many things. So much has happened since your accident, so many things have changed. I need to know if things have changed for you too, if the accident made you reconsider your marriage. I’m not the only one who needs to know, either.”

  She turned and looked at Will. He was still passed out, his head leaning back against the chair, his mouth wide open.

  “You know I would never do anything to betray you, but something major has happened. Please, please wake up soon. And not just so you can answer my questions, but because I miss you. We all miss you. And we’re worried about you.”

  Will shifted in his chair but didn’t wake up.

  “I’m going back to Florida this weekend. I’ll be back in a few days though. I just need to get some things straightened out. And think, of course. I’ll be praying for you.” She leaned forward and kissed Jocelyn on the forehead. Now that the bruising had gone down some, it looked like she was just sleeping.

  She glanced over at Will, who was still passed out in the chair. Poor guy, she thought.

  She tried to sleep on the plane but she couldn’t. She tried to read, but her mind wandered back to Jocelyn and Will and Colin. Leaving Jocelyn still unconscious in the hospital felt like abandoning her, like she was giving up and getting on with her life. Will still hadn’t spoken to her since Sophie had told him god knows what, and it was eating away at her. Coupled with the fact that she’d had sex with Colin, and she nearly got very drunk on the plane ride home.

  She turned on her cell phone as soon as they landed but it was quiet. No text from Colin wishing her a safe trip, no excited call from Will telling her Jocelyn was awake. She was in purgatory, a sort of hell for cheaters and bad friends.

  Back home Anna was scrambling to get her studio squared away. Her father had set up appointments for her to look at a bunch of spaces, but none of them seemed right. After the fifth reject, Thomas sat his daughter down.

  “What’s going on?” he asked.

  “What do you mean? Nothing’s going on,” she said.

  “Something is keeping you from committing to your dream,” he said.

  “It’s not the dream so much as…” she trailed off, not sure what the exact problem was.

  “It’s the location,” her father filled in for her.

  “I don’t think that’s it, I mean we’ve looked everywhere in West Palm,” she said.

  “No, I don’t mean the building. I mean the city,” he said. He looked at her meaningfully.

  “Boston?” she said, trying to put together what he was saying.

  “Did you meet someone up there?” he asked.

  “No, Dad, that’s crazy. I spent every day in the hospital, when would I meet someone?” she asked.

  “I don’t know. I’ve been getting this vibe from you that you did, but the only person I could think of would be Tony, and he lives here, so that wouldn’t keep you from setting up shop in West Palm. Is there anyone else?” he asked.

  She thought about Colin, but only for a second.

  “Nope,” she said.

  He sighed.

  “Okay. I’ll set up more appointments for tomorrow,” he said.

  That evening she was at her computer, trying to get her studio going, when there was a knock at her door.

  She got up and went to a side window to investigate. The only person who ever stopped by her place unannounced was Jocelyn, and that would have to be one hell of a recovery to be possible.

  It was Jonathan.

  Holy—

  She closed the curtain and fixed her hair. What the hell was he doing there?

  He knocked again and she took a moment to compose herself.

  “Who is it?” she asked.

  “Jonathan,” he said. He sounded unsure of himself, and rightfully so. He had one hell of a nerve showing up at her door right now.

  “What do you want?” she called back. Her hand was on the doorknob but she was hesitant to let him in. He’d hurt her so badly she feared she may physically retaliate.

  “I need to talk to you,” he said. He sounded defeated, and Anna opened the door.

  He stood there, leaning against the frame, a practiced reticent grin on his face.

  “What do you want?” she asked. She put on a defiant face, hoping to mask the lurch in her stomach at the sight of him standing there. Tall, gorgeous, well-built. He was conventionally handsome, but so much so that it took her breath away every time.

  He made a move to come in and she put a hand on his chest to bl
ock him. She’d forgotten how hard his chest was. Damn, opening the door may have been a mistake.

  “I miss you,” he said. He dropped his arms by his side to let her know he wasn’t a threat, and she relaxed a little. He was searching her face for any sign that she might miss him too, and she made sure to hide any yearning his words brought out in her.

  “You should’ve thought about that before you left me for my sorority sister,” she said. She walked back into her apartment, leaving the door open so he could follow. He came in behind her and shut the door.

  Now she was alone with Jonathan. Who said he missed her.

  “I was an idiot. I don’t know what I was thinking, I panicked because we were getting so serious and graduation was coming. I felt like I was going to have to propose right after college, and I just couldn’t handle the pressure,” he said.

  She cocked her head to the side and glared at him.

  “Did I ever mention the word marriage?” she asked.

  He looked at the floor.

  “Well, no,” he said.

  “Did I ever hint that I wanted an engagement ring from you? Or run baby names by you?” she asked. She crossed her arms over her chest.

  “Uh, no, you didn’t,” he said.

  “So what gave you the idea I was going to want to get married right after college? That’s insane,” she said.

  Jonathan looked up into her eyes, his own a pool of brown that sucked her in.

  “I know that now,” he said.

  “And you’re the one getting married. You’re the one making a commitment. To someone else,” she pointed out.

  “I know, I thought Jenny would be the last one who would want to get married. She was such a party girl. But she’s been badgering me about proposing and now that I am making that big commitment, I know that I want it to be with you,” he said. He moved toward her, his tee shirt tight against his body as he moved, his stride purposeful. He stopped right in front of her, and since the kitchen island was pushing into her back, there was nowhere for her to go.

  “Well, it’s too late,” she said. The words faltered as they came out because she wanted them to be true so badly, but she wasn’t sure they were. How long had she wanted to hear these words? Now that he was saying them, she didn’t know what to do.