Don't Come Looking For Love

by Natavia

  “Want me take you home?” she asked, sliding up her pants. We had just got finished fucking.

  “Naw, I’m catching a cab!” I told her.

  “Since when do you catch cabs?” she asked.

  “Why the fuck are you in my fucking business? I’m tired of you questioning me like you my fucking mama! I’m also tired of you and your stuck-up friends! Leave me the fuck alone!” I snapped.

  “Ever since you stopped going over to that dirty-ass neighborhood, you been acting funny!” she said.

  “Fuck a nigga your own age then and we wouldn’t have this damn problem! I’m sick of your ass and lose my number! You ain’t shit but a hoe! Do you know in the boys’ locker room in school it says on the wall, “Elay sucks dick here?” I asked and she cried.

  “Fuck you! That’s why the guys in college fuck better than you do!” she screamed.

  “Good! I know someone whose pussy is better than yours and, matter of fact, I’m ready to go and see her right now!” I told her.

  I put my shoes on. Moments later, I walked down the street and waited for my cab. I hoped no one spotted me in that neighborhood but I just had to see Britain.

  “Ten dollars,” the Arabian driver said to me.

  “I’ll give you forty if you wait ten minutes for me,” I told him and he nodded his head. It was a little chilly outside and the only people out lurking were the fiends. I looked down the street and Tammy’s car was in the driveway. I wanted to walk down there but I had more of chance getting caught since all the niggas that worked for my pops hung on that corner. I knocked on Britain’s door a few times then she opened it but she didn’t look happy to see me.

  Her hair was longer and she had it brushed up into a big bush ball. She had on leggings and an over-sized black sweatshirt. Her full lips were shiny as always. She looked more beautiful to me than she did six months ago.

  “What the fuck you want?” she asked. This was not the Britain I was used to. If I wasn’t looking at her, I wouldn’t believe it was her.

  “I miss you!” I told her. She leaned against the door grilling me.

  “Don’t you have a girlfriend now?” she asked.

  “No!” I said.

  “Isn’t her name Elay?” she asked.

  “She isn’t my girlfriend! I don’t like her like that! I like you!” I told her.

  “Do you and her do what you and I did?” she asked me.

  “Yes,” I said. I could’ve lied to her like my pops lied to my mother, but Britain was too good for that.

  “So, how do you miss me, then?” she asked with attitude.

  “What’s going on with you?” I asked.

  “So much has happened since you just started avoiding me! You forgot all about me and now I have to deal with all of this shit!” she screamed with tears in her eyes. Britain seemed more mature than she did months ago. She almost sounded like my mother when she found out my pops cheated on her.

  “Tell me why you acting like you don’t miss me!” I asked. I was now in my feelings too because I was not understanding what was going on between us.

  “I’m p…” was all I heard before being pulled back.

  “So you leave my house for this fat ghetto bitch! You just had sex with me and now you over here in this dirty roach-infested place!” Elay screamed. She must have followed my cab.

  “Bye, O’Shea!” Britain said, slamming the door in my face as I banged on it.

  “Open the door, Britain!” I banged on her door again.

  “This is what you want? Some ghetto trash?” Elay screamed.

  “Look what you just did? Now, she doesn’t want to talk to me!” I told Elay.

  “Fuck her! I love you, O’Shea!” she said.

  “What do I keep telling you? Don’t come looking for love with me! I don’t want that shit with you! Never did! I just wanted to see what all the niggas in school was bragging about!” I told her.

  “Well, what’s so good about that young bitch? She so damn fat she looks pregnant!” she said laughing. I picked up a brick in Britain’s yard then hurled it into Elay’s windshield.

  “Laugh at that bitch!” I said getting into the cab and telling him to pull off.

  As soon as my cab pulled up to my house my pops was waiting for me.

  “Didn’t I tell your bitch ass to leave that fat-ass girl alone! She doesn’t want you! She fucking with that little ugly motherfucker Rattle now!” he said.

  “You lying!” I told him.

  “Okay, tomorrow we will see! I will take you over there. He walks her home off the school bus almost every day,” he said.

  The next day after school my pops took me over to Britain’s house. I went to private school so I got out earlier than she did. Her bus came and they got off. She was walking with Janae then they went their separate ways. Rattle ran up to her then said something to make her laugh.

  “You see that shit! She blushing and all that!” he said. They were walking and laughing. She got to her fence and he kissed her. I got out of the car and ran over to them, knocking Rattle onto the ground. I pummeled his face in and Britain tried to pull me off of him. My pops just stood there as I whipped Rattle’s ass.

  “Break them up, Yager! You wrong for having your son beating that boy’s ass like that!” someone said from the crowd.

  I got up off of him, “Fuck you Britain!” I told her and walked to my father’s car.

  My father got in then pulled off, “What did I tell you about these hoes?” he asked.

  “Bitches ain’t shit!” I told him.

  Britain

  “Why did you do that?” I asked Rattle.

  “Yager paid me to do that so O’Shea could see it. I didn’t think he was going to beat my ass!” he screamed brushing his clothes off then snatching his backpack up. Yager was making my life a living hell.

  The day I found out I was pregnant, me and my mother walked to the corner store where Yager and his corner hustlers hung out at. My mother pulled him to the side and told him that I was pregnant by his son and he threatened us. He told me if I didn’t stay away from O’Shea, he would have us killed. I believed him because I heard stories about Yager.

  He told me if O’Shea ever found out about the baby he wasn’t going to spare no life that was affiliated with me. I almost slipped and told O’Shea when he knocked on my door yesterday. Elay saved my life because I didn’t get a chance to tell him.

  The fact that Yager is doing everything to have O’Shea turn against me is stressing me out. Maybe it was the way I looked since I wasn’t model status. I hated Yager and I hoped one day he just dropped dead.

  Kenjay ran down the street, “Was that O’Shea?” he asked.

  “Yes,” I answered.

  “Damn, I missed him! Fuck you and O’Shea fighting for?” Kenjay asked Rattle.

  “Yager paid me one-hundred dollars to kiss Britain to make him mad!” Rattle snitched.

  “Yo, you a bitch for that! Fuck O’Shea ever did to you?” Kenjay asked looking like he wanted to fuck Rattle up himself.

  “I wanted them new J’s that just came out!” Rattle said mugging Kenjay.

  “Nigga, get the fuck out of my face before I bust your shit open wider!” Kenjay said.

  “Nigga I said get gone!” he bucked at Rattle. Rattle took off.

  “What’s going on, Britain? Why you don’t be outside anymore?” he asked.

  “Because I’m not feeling it,” I lied. I tried to avoid outside because of Yager.

  “Next time O’Shea stops by, tell him come and see me,” he said walking off.

  I walked into the house and Tookie made a kissing sound. I pecked her beak then headed upstairs to my room and just cried. I wished I didn’t have sex with O’Shea because my life hadn’t been the same. I also wished that I didn’t have that big crush on him and didn’t go to Kenjay’s house that day with Janae. I wish the bottle had pointed at Rattle. I dozed off…

  I woke up to commotion and I walked downstairs. I heard arguin
g in front of my house.

  “Bitch, come down here so I can fuck you up!” some girl said to my mother.

  “Yeah, bitch! I know you stole my man’s two pit-bull puppies!” Another one argued with a scarf on her head.

  “I told y’all bitches don’t let me being a crack-head fool you! What the fuck I look stealing some damn puppies?” my mama fussed, cracking the beer bottle she had, making it sharp. My mama can’t fight to save her life so she fought dirty.

  Both of the girls walked through the entryway between the fence and it was about to go down because they were not jumping my one hundred pound mother.

  I stepped in front of my mama, “What y’all fitting to do? I know y’all bitches not jumping my mama!” I said.

  “Get back, Brownie! You are pregnant!” she whispered.

  “No, mama! If you keep telling them you didn’t take them, and they still want to fight, let them bring it on!” I said. I was mad with everyone and I just needed to relieve some of it. I looked across the street and Yager was sitting in his car, smiling. I knew he had something to do with this. I had been hearing about someone stealing puppies but my mama wasn’t touching any animal no matter how high she was.

  “Bitch, you can get it, too!” one of them said.

  I cocked back and punched her in the face. She grabbed my hair and we went at it. The other one kicked me in the side, and for some reason, she was aiming at my stomach. I think my mama was trying to fight her off with the bottle she had in her hand but she still wasn’t backing up off of me. This was the hood, so instead someone calling the cops, they would rather watch two grown-ass women beat my ass.

  We fell to the ground and the bigger one sat on my stomach as she beat my face in. The other one kicked me really hard in my stomach, causing me to scream. My mother hit her again with the bottle and the girl screamed. I hoped my mama cut her good this time because blood was everywhere.

  “Get the fuck off of her!” I heard Kenjay’s voice. He pushed one of them off of me.

  “Break this shit up!” Tammy said yanking the other one off of me.

  “You okay, Britain?” Kenjay asked me.

  “NO!” I cried. My stomach was cramping terribly.

  “You stupid bitch!” My mama broke away from Tammy, cutting the bigger one right across her face. They were both big girls but one was very big.

  A big crowd started forming and they scurried away leaving a small trail of blood drops. I guess they didn’t want to be seen in case the cops came, which I doubted they would.

  Kenjay walked me into the house and I sat down on the couch.

  “You want me to call 9-1-1?” he asked. I felt something wet between my legs. It felt like I was peeing on myself.

  “Go home! Please I’m fine! Get the hell out!” I told him. I didn’t want him to find out what was going on with me.

  “Okay, damn! I’m leaving!” he said getting up.

  I bent over panting because the pain was unbearable. Tammy came in along with my mama.

  “Oh my God!” Tammy screamed as blood poured from between my legs.

  “Are you pregnant?” Tammy asked as my mama rushed to me.

  “Yes she is! That sick bitch you call your man is responsible for all of this!” my mama said.

  “Who?” Tammy asked.

  “Yager, that’s who! Get the hell out, Tammy!” my mama told her.

  “Yager is not my damn man! I hate that piece of shit! But she needs to go to the hospital!” Tammy said pulling out her cell-phone.

  “Tammy, this does not leave this house!” my mama said and Tammy just shook her head.

  “It’s okay, Britain, mama’s here!” she said. I started shivering.

  “She is losing a lot of blood!” Tammy screamed into the phone.

  I hoped my baby was okay. My mother suggested an abortion a little bit after we found out. Yager even threatened me into getting one but I just couldn’t do it. Now, I was being punished for not killing my baby. I knew Yager was responsible for all of this.

  Yager

  I hated that fat little bitch because I hated her bitch-ass father! He was the man back in the day before he ended up retarded. We had a street war going on because his goons were hustling on my turf, wiping us out. It resulted in shootouts and a few of my niggas getting killed. I ended up going broke and the nigga stole my girl. I was head over heels for Geraldine’s crack-head ass! She was a dime back in the day. Slim, curvy, with long thick hair. She was beautiful and now she looked like death.

  That bitch so bad off that she even washed my car a few times with no shame. She be so damn high she doesn’t even remember how much in love we were. She fucked my head up bad and now I didn’t want my son falling victim just like I did to her dirty-ass mama!

  O’Shea had dreams of becoming a rapper and having a baby by a hoodrat with a crack-head mama wasn’t going to work. Britain looked so much like her bitch-ass daddy that I hated looking at her!

  Whatever feelings O’Shea had for her needed to be forgotten because there was no way in hell I was playing granddaddy to that bastard. My son didn’t listen and I kept telling him love would fuck your life up.

  I didn’t even love his mama! I can’t stand the boogie bitch! Only reason I’m with her is because she knows too much shit about me that can have me rot in jail for life. I didn’t trust women and I could see her now snitching on me. She witnessed me killing the nigga she was fucking with when we first got together.

  I have a problem that most men are ashamed to admit. My dick is too small! Maybe that’s the reason Geraldine left me. I used to get tired of bitches bragging about how after they fucked Lenny, he had them walking funny. Every bitch that I fucked back then he fucked right after, making me a laughing stock. Another reason why I don’t love these hoes!

  They will spend your money but complain that you don’t fuck them right. Jamille really didn’t need me, though, because she made her own money. I guess she was only with me because we had a son and the bitch got too much pride to be a single mom.

  She with me for her reasons and I’m with her for mine.

  I sat in my car and watched them haul her into an ambulance. Fuck all of them! When I saw how my son whipped Rattle’s ass over Britain, I knew then he was in love with that girl. He even put his hands on me because of that girl. She was brainwashing him and a baby would just make him worse and we couldn’t have that.

  O’Shea can have any one of these little bitches out here and he wanted the one no one wanted. He needed to focus on his rapping. He was even making a name for himself now locally. “106th and Park” even wanted him to come and do a rap battle after watching his videos on YouTube. He was going to be a hot nigga and that bitch and her baby didn’t fit in the picture.

  I paid Tiffany and Ashley to start that shit up. Those bitches would fuck anybody up for the right price. I couldn’t lie, though, although Britain was smaller and younger than them, she had a little go in her. If it wasn’t for who her parents were and the way she looked, she would’ve been all right.

  Kenjay’s bitch ass was standing on the corner, grilling me. I hated that little nigga! He was going to be a problem for me in the streets when he got a little older. I could see that shit now. He got too much heart in him for his age. If this neighborhood wasn’t my number one money-maker, I would have his little ass murked. Him and his hoe-ass mama! But I’m not trying to bring that type of shit on because that would really draw the cops in putting a hole in my pockets. But one day, sooner or later, that lil’ nigga was going to get got.

  Britain

  After I was rushed to the hospital they gave me an emergency C-section. Those bitches made me go into early labor. My daughter came out barely breathing because she was born too early. She was so small, the size of a two-month-old kitten.

  I had been in the hospital for a week. I was going home today. Shia had to stay behind in NICU. She was such a strong baby. She stopped breathing twice, and the more I think about what those bitches did to me, th
e more my anger grows toward Yager. I hated him and there was no escaping him.

  “She is such a beautiful baby?” Dr. Smith said to me.

  “Thank you, but I can’t take her with me. Someone will track me down and kill me if I take her!” I cried.

  “Honey, you need to go to the police,” she said.

  “I can’t go to the police! It will only make it worse! This is my last day seeing her,” I told her.

  “You ready to go, Brownie,” my mother asked as she walked toward us. She looked through the window with watery eyes. Shia had tubes going all through her.

  “She is better off here, Britain. You could never live in peace and it’s not fair to her,” my mother said sadly. Truth is I knew all along that I couldn’t raise her but I refused to kill her. She would be better off with a loving family instead of with me and my crack-head mama in the hood.