Kieron Smith, Boy

by James Kelman

  Then if somebody swam over the top of ye, their feet kicking out. Big boys dived in and their arms bumped ye hard, just like a real punch. Then if boys jumped in and it was on top of ye. That happened too. They were not supposed to. They just came running right out from the showerplace and whooshed right in, how they done it with their knees drawn up under their chin, dive-bombers. Haawwwww. That was what they shouted.

  So that was you.

  If boys were there that were pals they had good games. They stayed in the pond till the men shouted at ye, All out All out.

  They wore white jackets. If ye did not go when they telled ye they kicked open the door of yer cubicle and got yer towel and hung it on the iron railing that went between the cubicles and the pond. If it was your towel ye had to get out else the men flung it in the water. Some of the boys still did not go out.

  All out! All out! So the men went into people's cubicles and got all their clothes and hung them on the railing and then ye had to get out because if ye did not the men dumped them in the pond. Ye saw them floating in the water and sinking down. They had a big pole to get them out. So if everything was wet, yer shirt and trousers soaking. Yer maw would give ye a right doing or if yer da was there. Some of the boys said they would just take their clothes into the steamie and get a woman to dry them.

  The steamie was next door. It had steps up the same as the swimming baths.

  When ye came out the swimming baths a big queue was waiting on the pavement outside. If people had more money, if they were allowed, they joined the queue to get back in. Me and Mattie did not.

  ***

  Parks were on the other side of the river. One was one way and the other was the other and they were both good. I liked them. Usually we went to the other. It was a big big walk and ye went different roads and there were closes to go through and sometimes there were good jumps out the back. But if other boys were there and saw ye so it was a fight so Matt and his pals had to watch it. And then if it was big jumps over the middens and back walls, if I was too wee. Oh you just stand there.

  So I was just to wait for them. But if it was wee jumps I went and just did them, and sometimes they were bigger and I still jumped it. And if I did not make it and was gripping on and digging in my feet. So if Matt came and helped me. Usually he did, or else his pals. They pulled my hands so I got up.

  But if ye done a jump. Or else walking a dyke. I loved it. Then if it was a good one ye did and the big boys saw ye, so if they winked at ye and then to Matt. Oh yer young brother is walking the dyke!

  Matt just looked and then when I came down he maybe chased me. Because if I fell and broke my arm or else my head. Boys broke their head. Matt would have got a doing, my maw would tell my da and he would batter him.

  Then going in shops. Him and his pals were knocking. I had to stay outside the shop but I saw them and if they had chocolate and gived me a bit. Matt did not. Maybe if he was not knocking, I did not see him, but he went in the shop.

  The park where the big boys went did not have a pond but it had a river, just a wee river and no boats went on it. It had smells too but different ones. They were looking for fish. But no baggie minnows like in our own park, the ones here were big and ye could eat them. Maybe if men were fishing they would give ye one. That was what they said. But ye never saw any. Ye could not swim in the water. It was too slimy and was all soapy. If ye swallowed it ye got poisoned and ye were to watch it if ye paddled yer feet, if ye fell over the stones and drank any because ye would choke to death. Matt was shouting at me.

  There were railings to keep ye out. They just jooked through and I came behind. Bushes and trees were there and it was good for games and ye could go down and there was the river and there was all chuck-iestones and ye could reach in and get them and fire them anyplace, even if ye were skliffing them over the top of the water, the boys were counting them and seeing who done the most. They did other stuff or else climbed the trees and all other stuff, whatever it was. I watched or else I could climb a tree too. One tree they all went on a branch and it snapped and they fell down and went in the water. It was just a laugh. It was a great big branch and they carried it and flung it in the water and it went sailing down till then it got stuck. So if they got other stuff and made a dam. They flung in big boulders and were jamming in stuff, old planks of wood and all things lying about. I was just watching. But two men came and were shouting and they ran away so me too because if I was left, if they left me, so I would be lost.

  In one place a big wall was there and went right across and under the river. The water gushed over the top of it and fell down, and it was a waterfall. Here ye took off yer socks and shoes to climb down the bank and ye went up and then ye climbed from there up onto the wall to walk across. But the water gushed over yer ankles and ye had to watch it if it dragged ye over and it was all slippy with green stuff twirling over the big stones and if it got yer ankles oh mammy ye were tripped up and that was you over the waterfall so ye were linking hands. The big boys all did it. All link hands.

  Could anybody swim? People were saying it. Ones that could would save the ones that could not. Oh you take him and you take you. Matt got me. He was not going to take me but he did. Give me yer hand you.

  He gripped my hand tight and it was too tight and even it was sore and his nails digging in but he just did it so I would not fall down. If you go in, I am not saving ye. That was what he said. You will just drown, so ha ha ha.

  So then we went and we were just going across step by step and step by step, and a big boy shouted, Do a pee!

  So everybody all done one. Even if ye were not needing ye tried a wee bit, standing up on the wall and doing it over the waterfall. It was down from a road bridge. Snobby people were there. Then seeing us peeing and pointing down and men were angry and shouting. Get out of there. Get out of there.

  So we hurried up and were going over the wall one by one by one by one and it was all slippery and with green stuff and the water gushing fast oh mammy, Hurry hurry. Because the cops were coming and were going to get us if we did not go faster faster faster Kieron faster. And Mattie was holding my hand tight rushing me and my feet were splashing and splashing till then we were on the other side. Oh and the big boys were all shouting at the snobby people, Hohhh hohhh, and just bad words and all were laughing.

  Mattie let go my hand now and we all ran down a wee trail, down through bushes and away up a wee hill and over, all still laughing. Oh I cannot run I am too busy laughing. A big boy said that.

  So now there was the gate and we went through it and out the park.

  Oh is everybody there? Where is Kieron? Oh there he is.

  Matt was looking at me. Oh he was going to punch me, but he did not.

  It was a big walk farther down now and then way way along to get to the real river, that was our river, just the biggest one, and then the ferry and that was you ye were safe.

  ***

  Different ferries went over the river. Some were big carferries but most were just wee ones for people walking. There was not a foot path along the bank. Big shipyards and factories were there and ye walked the nearest street to get down where a pier was. These streets were just wee and were a dead-end and ye called it a river-street. Ye did not have anyplace to go except down the steps and that was the ferry. The water was soapy and all colours with oil, and all the big boats getting built. Ye went back and forward on the ferries except no if it was teatime and the men coming home from work, all packed on board and if the ferry was going to sink, ye wondered how it did not and all the men there what would happen? They would all be swimming and ye would see their coats and bunnets all floating and if somebody drowned. People all could not swim and if they were jammed in together and all legs and arms, and feet all kicking then they would just sink down.

  When we got to the other side, if we stayed on and went back and then over again, the ferryman did not mind. If it was a cold day or wet ye stood under cover with yer back to the wall. The engine was there a
nd it was roasting hot so if ye touched the wall, yer hand got burnt. Usually ye stood at the front to see the ferryman doing the wheel, even if it was raining and nobody was there, it was just you and ye were just breathing in deep and then getting the smells. And if there was birds, they were sea gulls, gwok gwok gwok. And then up high, gwoak gwoak gwoak. The ferryman wore a black jacket and a navyblue jersey and had a cap. And if they were smoking a pipe, some of them did. They were real sailors and came from the highlands and if they swore at ye it was Gaelic. Ye did not ask to get a shot at the wheel and were to call them Skipper, my granda said it, Oh never touch the wheel son never touch the wheel.

  But then my da was home on leave one time and he said ye could touch the wheel and he said it to the ferryman. Oh can the boy touch the wheel?

  Aye.

  So I could. The ferryman let me. It was the big stick things round it and ye could grip yer hands on it and just if ye pushed it a wee bit. Oh that boy is going to be a sailor, oh he will sail the ocean.

  So my da said that he was in the Merchant and him and the ferryman were talking about the seas and who ye worked for.

  ***

  Along our side of the river was a big huge place, all waste stuff full of rubbish and everything all about everywhere just lying and ye could take anything if ye wanted to take it. We looked for stuff that was good and we called it lucks. Oh did ye find any lucks?

  So ye said what ye found.

  It was near a big shipyard. Fires were smoking and burning. Big boys came here and men too, midgierakers, and ye had to be careful. There were fights if somebody got good lucks and somebody else tried to knock them. Ye did not go beside them. They did not care if ye were wee, if ye were getting in their road, they pushed ye away or even they skelped ye over the head.

  Ye looked through dirty old rags and ye were to see for rats if there was burnt newspaper, that was where they hid and ye heard them squeaking, squeeeeek. Big boys chased them. And ye watched for the jaggy glass and melting rubber which stuck to yer hands and was so sore burning ye. Ye found all bits of iron, all different bits. Torn old burnt old magazines with all pages torn out and books too. Oh is there n**e books and if it is a dirty book. Big boys were saying that.

  Ye had to walk through high wee hills of red ash, black ash and usually white ash. Yer feet sank into it as far as yer ankles and it got into yer shoes and socks and made it hard walking, having to take them off and dunt out the dust. Then if the ash was too hot, if it went down yer shoes, it burnt ye, and if yer socks got all black and smelled like burning. And all fluffy white stuff that stung yer legs.

  Matt and his pals filled a big sack with lucks. They were taking them back to our place. I was going behind them. They were going out to the street. But down at the pier the carferry was coming to dock so what they done, they dragged the sack behind an old rickety fence and planked it in among big weeds then ran round and made it on the carferry. I made it too. They were just going over and then coming back. Halfway across the wee ferry was going too, we saw it. It was keeping out our way. They usually did that to let the carferry go first. So we were looking over at it. It was loaded down with people but then it was all flags and all stuff and it was a band playing oh if it was a circus, it was like one. But it was not. Oh it's the Orangemen! A big boy shouted. They are going to the Walk!

  So boys were saying if people were there and they knew them and Matt said, Uncle Billy! And he shouted over, Uncle Billehhh! Uncle Billehhh!

  I was looking to see him but it was too faraway for faces and I could not. I climbed on the railing to see. The railing went round the high deck where the people went. All the motorcars went down the low deck. The railing was so nobody fell off. Ye could climb through it. Ye gripped on and went near the edge if ye wanted to see stuff, and then the water down below how the waves were coming and then white and all bubbles, then a next one and a next one and a next one just white and then bubbles and then the next one oh and a man grabbed me oh and he just lifted me right up. Oh you silly wee b****r.

  And Mattie was there and his eyes big looking at me.

  Is he yours! Well he nearly went for a swim. Keep him in from there.

  But when the man went away Matt punched me in the arm but no sore, I would not have fell, it was all good grips. The boys were laughing at the man. Ye could step on the railing and ye would not fall. I did it to see over. The man was not looking. The wee ferry was out in the middle of the river waiting for the carferry to pass. All the Orangemen were jammed together, their arms sticking out and then ye could hear the band playing a tune. Oh it is the Sash. Somebody heard it. I could hear it too but if it was a right tune, I did not hear that.

  So the carferry came in to the pier and all the traffic was getting off and we were going to stay on board but then we were not. Oh come on we will go with the band!

  So people all wanted to do that. Matt was looking at me but he was letting me come. Uncle Billy was not there.

  We walked with the Orangemen for a long long distance hearing the flutes and the drums, and it was great if it was all the tunes and it was the best ones. We went on the pavement beside them and behind then running ahead to see the man that tossed the stick. He was flinging it up high and ye saw it twirling and spinning yet he could catch it when it landed and still be marching.

  Then came old men marching then the band and more men then women and boys and lasses and with orange and blue and white. Hullo Hullo, for the Billy Boys and other ones and the boys were shouting toooralooo f**k the Pope tooralooo for the Protestant Boys and that was us. And ye could see the women, if they were tripping up, it looked like they were going to trip the way their toes were, but they did not trip and it was just if they were dancing, maybe if they were dancing. Everybody was just going, what were they doing, just what it was, and ye were not to get in their way. Oh ye better not get in their way! Never get in their way. Oh if it is the Walk just stay on the pavement or ye will get battered.

  And if ye went off the pavement they all were marching there and did not stop, the men shouting at ye, Oh get back get back.

  And cops were there too. How come the cops were there? But they were not looking at us. They were good cops. One of Matt's pals said it. Oh do not worry, they will not get ye.

  We went with them for a long way. It was out on a main road. Other people were there and a lot were boys and some were looking at us and were going to jump us. If they thought we were Papes. We were not Papes. But then they all came to get us so we ran. They chased us through a close and over a back and we were lucky we got over the dyke, and they were shouting, Stay and fight, stay and fight.

  But if ye did they would just get ye. I was just running fast but the big boys were getting away and Matt, so I was just running oh where were they, I did not see them and then other boys were there and caught me, and wee boys punched me. It was in a back close. Get him! Just wee boys same as me. The punches were sore but and I was greeting. Bits of sick came into my mouth and I was spitting it out and oh coughing and my belly was sore. I was just sitting on the ground. Boys came and looked at me then ran away.

  So when nobody came I went out to see.

  Everybody was all away.

  Where was I?

  I was just walking and then was seeing someplace. I did not have any money. There were shops and they had good windows to look in. One was a big toy shop with all soldiers and motor cars and trainsets, and wee redcoats and kilties too. A chip shop was there and the smell was coming. A woman was looking at me. I went up to her and started greeting, I was lost, and big boys battered me and took my money. If she could give me money. That was what I said. And she did. I bought chips. I was walking down the road and eating them, it was a big pile.

  And I saw a street and I knew to go down it then was another street and then another one. And so I went and it was a wee river-street. But Matt was there. He was at the pier, he was looking for me. I did not know if he was going to be angry. I saw one of his pals. Other people were the
re for the ferry. So if they were watching, so he would not hit me. Oh but he would and I saw him oh mammy I knew his face. Then he saw me and oh he just shouted and rushed right at me for a real doing, he was going to batter me. I just ran away as fast. But he did not come after me, just stayed at the pier. He was waving at me to come but I would not because he was just going to get me so I just stayed up the street and if he came I would just run away. Then the wee ferry came. He shouted on me. He ran to one side and then to the other side and his hand up to his mouth, Kierrronnnn! if ye do not come I am going to go on it. Kierrronnnn! I am going to kill you. Kierrronnnn! Kierrronnnn!

  The people all came off the wee ferry and were walking up the street. The ones waiting to get on were now all onto it and it was only Matt there and his pal. Kierrronnnn! Kierrronnnn!

  He jumped to make me jump but he did not come. I stayed and watched. Then a wee minute more and his pal ran down the steps and Matt ran after him. The ferry went away. I waited but it did. I was walking just slow if he was hiding and going to jump out and get me. But he did not.

  The carferry pier was near and had pillars with chains at the end and I hid behind one to see out. The wee ferry was out on the river, chug chug chug. People were on it but ye could not see the faces. Where was he? Oh mammy if he got me he was just angry and my belly was sore, and all the chips were there, I ate them all up, every one chip, I just ate it, so if I was going to be sick or else the toilet, I was needing. I walked round the pillar and nobody was there. Now motor cars and vans were waiting for the carferry. I sat down on the steps. The carferry was coming. People queued for it and men from their work. But no many. They read the paper or were just whistling a tune or else smoking, it was smoking, I hated smoking and it was cigarettes, if it was yer belly oh ye were going to be sick. When my da was home on leave that was what he did, he just smoked and yer belly felt sick.

  The carferry came. The people got off then the motor cars and big lorries. I still was hiding if my brother might be on it. The carferry did not have a lot of places to hide. I could not see him anywhere. I waited till the next motors got on. I ran and jumped on. The men were closing the gates and the chains were dragging. I watched then we were moving. I went to the front. The wee ferry was coming from the other side and would pass us. I went round the other side looking up the river. Once it passed I ran round and looked over to it. Then the carferry was at the pier and the people were getting off and me as well. Matt jumped out and got me. He came in between people. He twisted my arm and I was shouting. Men were looking. Oh I am his big brother. That was what he said, and he was pushing me to walk coming behind and clicking my heels and then kicking them, Oh see when I get you home oh you are for it, I am going to give you a right doing, I will never take you anywhere ever again.