Kieron Smith, Boy

by James Kelman

  And he punched me in the back and shoved me. He was like a real bully. I thought he was one. I was not to go with him any places. Just get yer own pals. That was what he said.

  When we got home we were late for tea and my maw gived us a row. But he did not tell on me and how come we were late, we were just away playing, that was what he said, and I did not say about the boys punching me in the back close, I just went into the toilet and then came out and was washing my hands at the kitchen-sink. My maw was just heating our tea and then we got it, sausage, beans and chips.

  ***

  My grannie's house was nearer school than ours. They stayed across the back. But it was not far to school from my house. It was at the top of my street and then along. Except ye could not go that way. Papes would get ye. Their school was at the top of our street. Ye had to pass theirs to get to ours. The Chapel was beside theirs. So they came out school and went to the Chapel. But the Church was not beside our school. That was what people said. Oh it is all for the Catholics. If the Papes had the Chapel where was our Church? There was not one, no beside the school. It was away way down the road. It was not near at all.

  They had Priests in their school. Ye saw them in the playground. Some had big long coats. Then too the Nuns, they were there as well. Wee women with hoods over their heads and their cloaks, black and blue. What did they do? Were they teachers? Maybe if they gived lessons and the Bible. They had different Bibles. Or else if they were nurses. On the telly ye saw Nuns that were nurses. They walked fast and with their eyes to the front. Ye saw them get on the bus and they did not look at anybody except if they knew them, they just stared at the floor. But if somebody knew them first they said hullo back. Ye saw who they spoke to. Oh they are a Pape. Or else in the shops if the Nun was talking to people. So ye saw who it was, who they were talking to, if they were Papes too. Some ye saw in the street and did not know they were Papes till then they were talking to the Nuns. Ye watched for that. Usually Papes had black hair and peelywally skin or else ginger hair and freckles. My da said that, peelywally. But some did not and they just looked ordinary so ye did not know.

  We could not go to school up our street because Papes were on the lookout and flung stones. They pelted ye. There were big fights at dinnertime. Boys flung stones into the playgrounds and the janitors and teachers had to stop it and if windows got broke, Oh the cops are coming.

  We had to go other streets. Me and Matt went across the backcourt for a short cut. Except ye met boys that were Papes. Ye saw them and ye knew them. Ye jumped down off a dyke and there they were coming up. They just looked and did not do nothing. If they were going to shove ye and punch ye but they did not. How come? My brother said, Oh they think you are one, if ye support the Celtic, and he was laughing at me.

  It was my jacket and trousers. My maw bought them and they were a bit like green. Not a real green. I said that but Matt was just laughing. Oh you are a wee Pape.

  No I am not.

  Yes ye are if it is green, green is a Pape's colour.

  It is not green.

  Yes it is.

  It is only a wee bit.

  No it is not it is a big bit.

  It is not a big bit.

  He said it was. Green was a Pape's colour. People knew that. So if my maw got me a jacket and trousers and they were green. How come? I did not want them. How come she got me them? If it was for me and not for him? How come? If I had to wear them. I did have to. She made me. She was angry. Oh of course you have to wear them do not be so stupid.

  I was not stupid. She said I was, if I thought that about my clothes. They were not green, they were just another green and were not Celtic at all.

  One time I went to school myself and just walked up our street right to the top and round past the Catholic school. The Chapel was there too and the door was open. I did not see in. I was not looking, and then was past it. Nobody came to get me.

  They could not pass our school either. We had stones to pelt them so ha ha and we shouted at them. Catholic cats eat the rats. They shouted at us. Proddy dogs eat the frogs.

  They went down the main road then round by our street but sometimes if it was ones ye knew, if they stayed in your street and maybe if ye played with them and ye just passed and saw them looking, so ye made it a secret wee look just if it was a secret wee hullo or if ye kidded on ye did not see them, they did that too. When ye came out to play at nighttime it was okay and ye were just pals.

  ***

  On Saturdays we went to scrambles. So if it was a wedding, ye were looking for weddings. The motor cars drove away and men let down the windows and threw out the money and ye all scrambled to get it. No just boys and lasses, women too. If they saw silver coins they stood on them and ye could not lift up their shoes. Then if ye tried they kidded on they did not see ye or else gived ye a wee kick, but it was hard and made ye stop, so they got the money.

  Scrambles were in Chapels and Churches. So if ye went to a Chapel scramble Catholics were there. We did not go to faraway Chapels and had to watch it at faraway Churches because other boys were there and were going to batter ye if it was their scrambles, it was their money, and you were taking it. So they were going to get ye. So ye just would watch it. If it was a faraway scramble ye waited over the street to see who was all there and if it was gangs or what ye just went away back to yer own place.

  If it was the Chapel in our street the Catholics saw ye and it was okay because it was your street as well, and if ye were pals with them, sometimes ye were. They acted proud. You were at their scramble so ye had to keep out the way, so ye were not the boss, they were the boss. But if wee money rolled to you ye could get it. I had a pal and he was a RC, Michael Lang, he took me into the Chapel. I did not want to. I was scared. The big door was there and people were looking. He just walked in and did not worry about any of the stuff. It was to see if the wedding people were coming out. Oh come on with me. Oh you are just feared.

  And he was waving to me to creep in, so I just did and then just to skip ben the front and then in the lobby.

  Big doors were there and voices and coughing, and big statues, and all people sitting down and women too and all lasses then the Priest and he was up at the front and his hands were up in the air if it was a blessing, maybe it was. Ye got the blessing and then the prayers up to God and Jesus and so it was you oh mammy if people looked round, it was just you there. Oh it is him! See him!

  I was needing to get out. The big statues made ye feared and all what was there, what the people all done and their hands giving wee signs that were for secrets and even if it was spells. Priests done it to ye and ye were in awful trouble. A Proddy could not make these signs, even if ye knew what they were. It would go against ye making them and God would see or if it made ye turn into one. People turned into Papes. So maybe if they were Proddies and did the signs and were saying all the stuff, so then that was them and so they were Papes, they turned into Papes. So that was them, and what would happen, they would just have to go to Chapel and if the Priest was there or the Nun, they would just have to maybe see them or talk to them or what it was, I did not know.

  Michael Lang was brave because of all what happened to Papes. It was a shame for him. I saw him in my head. He was split in two, the bit I knew and the other bit was a Pape.

  He did not have a big brother but two wee sisters. He stayed three closes away. Ye did not get Papes in my close. It was a good close. Papes were in bad closes. It all was dirty and all smells and noises and filfy filfy water. They did not have good clothes and were midgierakers. Their das done that, they just raked yer midgie and got yer old rubbish. The boys had no swimming trunks and got borrowed ones. Ye tied them at the sides and they were too big. They came down yer knees when ye dived in the water. People just laughed. Oh he is a Pape. He has not got any swimming trunks.

  If ye forgot yer own trunks ye had to get them. Boys did not like wearing them. Oh he is poor.

  It was only if ye did not have yer own ones and if it wa
s RCs. I saw them at the swimming baths. They had on their Necklaces with the Crosses that brought them good luck and if they kept the Devil away. Boys wore them as well. How come? They were next to ye in the pond and the Necklace floated behind them, and if a Cross was there on it. That was the worst. When ye were passing ye saw it floating near and had to watch or ye banged into it and then what? Things for Papes were different. If it was good for a Pape it was bad for a Proddy so if ye wore a Cross what was going to happen? If it was burning yer skin. People said that. Oh ye were a Proddy so it would burn ye. Oh it was burning hot.

  So it left a real mark like a tattoo. But if ye were a Pape it was okay and it would not burn ye or else whatever. They had Candles and water that was Holy Water. Proddies did not have nothing like that. What did we have? We did not have nothing, no like that. My maw took us to Church sometimes, no much, just if my grannie went. She got us up early and we got a good breakfast and we all went. I saw boys in my school. If my da was home we had to do Grace at teatime. We said our Prayers in bed. My maw forgot to ask if we done them but we did, I always did. So did Mattie. Sometimes he just did it into himself. Because I did not hear him. Oh ye did not say yer Prayers.

  I did so.

  I did not hear ye.

  I done it into myself.

  Who did ye bless?

  Oh everybody.

  Cousins as well?

  Just everybody.

  One time we went to Church and we got Christened. Other ones were there, lasses as well. We sang hymns. If Catholics sang hymns, maybe they did.

  ***

  My Primary School finished at three o'clock. The big ones finished at four. That was my brother.

  My maw was working at her job and did not come home till five. At dinnertime I went to my grannie's. Matt did not. He went to dinnerschool and got big dinners. Steak pie and mashed potatos. Boys told me. Ice cream and jelly. I just got soup and toast. So that was not fair. I did not like soup and a lot of times my grannie burnt the toast. She did not bother about stuff. She put the toast down and it was burnt on one side and no done on the other then she gived ye the soup and it was scalding hot and just watery or if it was a boiled egg and ye cracked it open and it was just gooey stuff like snotters. What ye giving the boy Vera? Is that poison?

  That was what my granda said. My grannie's name was Vera. Oh yer grannie cannot cook son.

  He laughed at her. But she did not like him doing it. But so she saw the egg, so then she gave me a banana, and it was time up, back to school. My granda took me to the door. He done that most times. In case ye get lost son.

  It was just for a joke. I would never get lost. He waved his bunnet at me when I went down the stairs. Full steam ahoy son you show them.

  That was what he said, so I was to do good at school. I was going to. It was say yes and not aye, down and not doon, am not and no um nay, ye were just to speak nice. I liked school and it was good teachers, they thought ye were good at stuff, and drawing too, I done faces. Mine was Miss Rankine and she just smiled at ye till then if ye done something and it was bad, and that happened to me oh and then she did not like ye and if ye laughed too much. Oh Kieron, you are just silly.

  There was a good short cut where ye went across waste ground. I went it everyday coming back from my grannie's. Big boys played football here and ye watched them. And then ye saw men and they played big games of cards and it was all money and they flung it down on the ground. Then there was angry shouting and men swearing. I saw a big crowd all watching something, oh and it was a fight. Boys from my school were there as well. I got through to see. Two men were fighting. One was on the ground and the other one kicked his shoe into his belly and it went into his low tummy and he was shouting down all bad words, F*****g c**t, cheating b*****d, and thud thud, kick kick.

  And the one down on the ground was going, Oh my b**ls oh my b**ls, and he had his hands covering his low tummy so they would not get hurt. But the other one was kicking him again.

  The bell went in school and I was still watching. So were other boys. Mattie was not there. He was at dinnerschool.

  Me and other boys would not go in the school gate because we were watching. Everybody all was watching, it was just kick kick and punching till the cops were coming.

  But the man was still getting battered. It was not fair and the other one would not let him up. He was a dirty fighter and just kicking him thud thud. And the man was all bent up lying there. Oh my b**ls, and water was coming out him, his face and his nose and eyes and he was wiping it. And then Scatter Scatter oh mammy, The polis, a man was shouting.

  The cops were there and going to get us and if they booked ye and gived ye a kicking. All the men were running through the backs and round the street and we all rushed over into the school playground. Oh and that man was still lying on the ground and the cops were getting him but no the other one, he ran away.

  The door was shut into my class. I had to chap it and then Miss Rankine came and opened it and gived me an angry look and I was saying how it was a big fight with all men and how it was a man and he was getting kicked and booted and how his clothes were all just dirty and mud was all over them, and if he was greeting, maybe he was. B-O-L-L-S. It was just all bad words, I was telling Miss Rankine oh but then she took my hand and slapped it. Oh Kieron Smith do not be so silly. Just go to your desk and sit down.

  That was what she said. It was all nonsense in my head. She put it down on a letter and I was to give it to my maw. So my maw read it. Oh Kieron comes late to the class. Oh if he would just stop being so silly and if he is just chattering all the time, he is just a chatterbox.

  That was what Miss Rankine put in the letter. My head was full of nonsense and I was silly and a chatterbox. My maw smacked me. Oh you wee silly besom. You wait till your father comes home!

  But when my da came home I would tell him, he would hear it, if it was men fighting. I was not silly and a chatterbox. If my teacher said it. I was not. It was just how it was a grown-up man. And it was in front of everybody he was saying it, Oh my b**ls Oh my b**ls. I knew what b**ls was. Big boys called it that. But I never said it out loud and neither did boys in my class. It was funny hearing that man. It sounded funny. It was a bad word. And all us hearing it. He did not care. He just did it. Oh my b**ls, and all people hearing him.

  Then how he was greeting. If he was greeting. If it was real greeting, all the water coming out. I thought if it was. And a man doing it, that was a thing. I did not want to feel sorry for him. He was not like a real grown-up. Maybe if he was a worse coward, if he was greeting, that was like a lassie or a wee baby, if ye did it, ye just tried no to. And if it was in a fight so much the worse, that was so much the worse, all people seeing ye.

  And that was that man. If he was a cheater, people said he was and so did the man hitting him, Cheater b*****d.

  Then if he was a coward. Oh he is a coward. Boys said it in the playground. I was listening. But if he could only be a coward. A big boy was saying that. If it was a man hitting ye and ye were a boy and could not hit him back. Only ye were a coward. If it was a big boy doing it and he was too big a boy. Even ye could not reach him. Ye were too wee. It was not your fault. So if he is not a coward if he only could be a coward. I was saying it to my granda.

  Oh do not worry about that son.

  Oh but granda if it is a wee boy and the big boy is just hitting him and he is too big?

  Never mind if he is a big boy son ye just box him, boof boof boof. Ye box the mitts off him, that is what ye do. Now hold up yer hands.

  Aye but granda if he is kicking ye?

  Oh that is a dirty fighter, that is a cheat, cheats never win. That man getting kicked was not fighting, just the other one was kicking him. It was not a fair fight.

  But I was thinking about that. If my maw said, Oh do not fight, you must not fight.

  So if the man is fighting you, so you must fight him. If a boy was hitting ye, ye hit him back. My maw said, Oh ye must not fight.

  Oh bu
t if a boy hits ye, and just ye are shouting at him and he is punching ye and yer hands are up in the air to stop him. So if yer hands hit him, so ye are hitting him, ye are fighting him. So what if that?

  Oh stop it Kieron.

  But if they are hitting you you must hit them back. Granda would say it and so would my da, if he was there, and my Uncle Billy, if it was them and they were fighting.

  ***

  What if it was yer da and ye saw it was him? He was fighting the man. So everybody was watching. Then you came and saw, Oh it is a fight. And ye saw who it was, Oh and it was yer da. And boys were looking at ye. They knew. Were ye going to fight them? If it was yer da and he was getting a real doing, oh and a kicking, a real kicking. And b**ls, if people said that. My da would never say that. I knew he would not. But maybe Uncle Billy would say it. I heard him saying bad words to his pals. He came back from England and took me and Mattie to the park to see the model yachts. His pals were there and all were talking. F*****g and b*****ds. Oh the boys will have to f*****g beat these b*****ds.

  Me and Mattie were listening. If it was the Rangers and playing at football it was a hard game. So then Uncle Billy said it and it was oh the worst bad words. And it was in yer head if he did say it. I did not say it in my head. I tried to and it was only foakoan baaa stids.