Kieron Smith, Boy

by James Kelman

  I will go too, said Mitch, if it is a tree-hut it will be f*****g smashing. We can just f*****g hide in it. It will be great.

  See the next time, I said, we can bring pieces with us and bottles of ginger. Nobody will see us. Ye are just really high up and all the leaves and branches, it is just all thick, so if they look up, they will not see nothing.

  It will just be like a f*****g roof, said Peter.

  Gary laughed. I am going to bring up n**e books.

  So now everybody was laughing and saying about it. Podgie too. Mitch got another fag and we smoked it.

  It was just me, Mitch and Peter going up. Mitch was the worst climber so he went first. Me and Peter put our hands the gether, fingers inbetween, making a strong step so he got his foot on and we hoisted him. He got on our shoulders trying to reach up to the edges of the sawed branches but he was not doing it good and he was heavy. His feet were kicking yer head and yer ear and then on top of yer head trapping yer hair and it was agony. Oh Mitch Mitch!

  Oh I cannot f*****g help it.

  Aye but ye are kicking my f*****g ear, shouted Peter.

  Well I am no f*****g trying it.

  The other ones were laughing at us. Oh you stupid c**ts! It is too f*****g high to reach.

  No, it is not.

  Mitch could not do it. He could not get himself up any further. He tried again but me and Peter caved in and he had to jump down. They all wanted to chuck it but I did not and showed how the good branches started and then right up were the big ones. They grew right over and drooped down the other side of the burn. Ye could see the best branch for the rope swing. And I could see how to climb it easy.

  It was a real beauty and went out along and right over and if ye were on it ye could climb right along and tie on the rope and then go down it or even just go on more and dreep down the other side of the burn. I had never done that before. But I had done ones just quite the same. It was a long long branch and went thin at the faraway end so when ye got there and were climbing down yer weight would get it bending.

  Peter had not done it before. Him and Mitch gived me a puddy up then Billy and Mitch gived one to Peter and I helped him more so then that was us.

  A branch was no good if it went thin too early, it bent too quick and swooshed ye round, so then ye fell off. One time I did it and went into a bush with all jaggy nettles, all tearing me when I was getting out. There was marshy weeds there too so ye had to watch that else ye would be soaked and complete mud all over ye.

  Ye had to go careful on a branch. Ye held on in a very tight grip just edging out slow and slow, watching ye did not get turned. The branch just swooshed ye round so then ye were hanging underneath it and just hanging on with yer knees and feet and hands, and yer elbows too, keeping them tight in and yer chest in too, right as much as ye could into the branch else ye would fall. Yer body was heavy and made ye if ye were not careful. And if ye fell through the branches. Or if they broke yer fall. But if ye dropped straight down and it was yer back, oh yer back was the worst. Or yer head so it got smashed in, that was the worst, yer skull got smashed and cracked open. If it was yer back ye landed on it was tough luck for you too because people broke their back and went on wheelchairs the rest of their life, so that was them.

  If the branch turned ye ye could not get back to the right way up, ye could only go backwards and yer body hanging down and it was just yer feet and yer hands holding on. Ye could never get back up the branch again. Ye just could not do it. Ye tried and ye could not. So down ye went down ye went and if ye were going to fall it was all ye could do no to, hand by hand by foot by foot going fast fast fast as ye could before ye fell because ye were going to fall and ye were quick quick to see where ye would land getting ready to land, so ye would let go yer feet first so they would hit the ground and break yer fall. The best thing was letting go yer feet first and holding on with yer hands, hanging there, then swinging yer feet, trying to bounce the branch to go near the ground, as near as ye could go.

  The farther out ye went the more down it bended till ye got low and could just dreep down or if ye kept yer grip and brought that branch right down onto the ground so like ye captured it. That was what I thought. Mitch or Podgie was there and trapped it down. If they let go it bounced and ye had to jump out the road so it did not clout ye on the way up. That was Podgie. He done that for a laugh. So then the branch battered ye. Who was laughing? Him.

  And then the branch was back up the tree again. Hoh Smiddy get that f*****g branch again! But ye would not climb the tree another time so he was laughing against ye. That was Podgie. I did not care. He was just acting it. But if they trapped the branch good ye could get off and hold it down for them then they could get on. I said it. Mitch was going to try it.

  I climbed higher into the branches and it was great. The branches were very thick the gether so if ye fell even they could break yer fall, maybe they would. Ye felt the tree swaying now because with the wind and yer body on it, ye just had to cling on tight.

  I heard Gary shouting up, Oh can ye see a tree-hut?

  I could not see him down through the branches. I just shouted, No.

  Up through the branches was just the sky. So there was nothing there like a hut or a den, there was just nothing. I saw Peter and waved down to him. I am coming back down.

  Nobody had been up that high before. I thought that. I said it to Peter how we were the first ones. Ye looked down but could not see them on the ground.

  It is f*****g smashing, said Peter.

  The good branch was there so I went on it just to try it and see if it was good for a rope swing. So if it went right over the burn and just, well then, so we could just maybe dreep down the other side. I thought I would and said I was going to. Peter wanted to come with me so then we went, me first, crawling backwards and out and out waiting for the branch to bend, the boys were all shouting. Fall you c**t!

  But it was just a laugh and they just were acting it. Podgie and the boys done that. They all just shouted stuff. If it was you that was doing the thing ye just gived them the V sign back. That was what I done. Except if it was a branch and ye were gripping on, ye had to watch it because if it turned ye. Ye were just watching and going careful for when to let go, so ye would not land on a rocky bit that sloped or ye failed back down in the burn. Ye waited till it was right so to jump out the way and could kick over to land, just kicking kicking. Ye just were waiting, then ye did it, throwing out yer shoulders to get yer body the right way, for yer legs to take it. Peter was gripping on up above me.

  Alright Pete! I just shouted, then I done it, letting go the branch, and it jerked hard up swisshhh swisshh. I did not hear it much or if I did, maybe I did, but Peter did not do it right and the bounce turned him and he fell off. I did not see it because I was dreeping. But I could not help it and it was not my fault, if he did not hang on right.

  If it was two of yez doing it the one left on the branch was to be ready for the bounce. So if he was not ready Ye had to hang on tight. Ye gripped it with all yer body so ye would stick on so the bounce would not turn ye. I telled him before we went. He did not do it right, ye just had to grip on with all yer body. He fell through the branches and it was in the bit near the bank. Lucky for him it was all marshy so a soft landing. But he could not get up, just his breathing, oh oh. The boys were there and talking, Oh what is going to happen, will we get the doctor, oh what will we do? Maybe we should get a ambulance or what, because Peter, how he just was gasping and gasping no able to breathe and looking up at us. He just was lying there a long while, then ye thought he was asleep till his breathing got okay again and ye heard it, and then he was looking up, his eyes were looking at ye. Oh what happened?

  Ye fell off the f*****g tree, said Gary.

  Just right down, said Mitch.

  The branch bounced ye, I said.

  Oh oh oh. It is my back oh and my chest, my chest is sore oh and my back and my shoulders, oh my arms, oh my back, oh it is f*****g sore oh I cannot breathe I c
annot breathe.

  And all the time it was all his breaths coming when he was talking just sore, ohhh ohhh, hooh hooh, hooh hooh.

  He was all soaking and muddy. His jacket was not because we left our jackets on the ground when we climbed up. We were thinking what to do and then just got him up. We walked him up the field and round to his street then upstairs to his house. His big sister was there. She ran to get his maw. Other people were there and what they were saying, Oh Peter Wylie has broke his back. He fell off a tree. They were high up and Smiddy let go the branch.

  But he had not broke his back and it was not my fault. That was Gary. Oh Smiddy let go the branch and Peter fell off. What did Gary say it for? He just thought it but he did not know, it was not my fault, it was the branch, just how it jerks right up it just is a real bounce and ye have got to cling on and cling on and just do it with all yer body just gripping because if ye do not ye just fall off and that was what happened. I was saying to the boys.

  Peter's maw was there and what to do, Oh we will wait for Peter's da to come home from work. Or else run down to do a phone call. Oh if we need to get an ambulance. Or else if there is a taxi. Oh who can get a taxi?

  We helped him in the house and lying on top of the bed. So then we were just to go home. His maw said it, Oh away home boys.

  We all walked round to Billy's close and were talking. It was past teatime. Gary and Podgie went home and me and Mitch too. He said cheerio and I just ran up the stair and just stepped on the landing and the door burst open and it was my da. Oh come in here you bloody fool!

  And he clouted me on the head and it went right on my ear, whohh a sore one. He pulled me right in the door and skelped me and it was on the side of the chin, a real smack. You climbing again? I thought I told you before! How many times, how many times.

  Smack smack smack. I was down on the floor and with my hands up shielding from him.

  Take yer punishment! Take yer punishment! He was trying to skelp my backside but I was getting away from him so his hand was hitting my legs. I was greeting and did not want them seeing me. I was just greeting and snotters out my nose. My da stopped doing it. Get in that room!

  I was still on the floor and covering my face with my hands and it was hiding too, I did not want to see them, Matt and my maw, I thought if I hated them, if I really did.

  Get in that room!

  My room. Well I wanted to. I wanted to. That was what I said, I just wanted to, no to see them in that stinking house, that was what I said, I hated that house and just hated it all.

  So get in then, get in! And he shoved me in the room.

  I just really hated them, if I did, I really did, so if I just went away. I would just go. I wanted to. I was not their family. It was all just for Matt, he never got hit and just got everything and I was just wanting to get away and just get away away. They were there where they wanted. But I was not. I did not want to be there. They could just be anywhere, it did not worry me because I would not be with them and Mitch was going too, sometimes he ran away and I was going to go with him, the very next time I was going to.

  I did not go to bed but was just lying on top of it. My maw came in after. If I wanted my tea. She was heating it up for me. I did not want it. I was to come and get it but I did not want to.

  It was Peter fell off the tree, but it was not me did it, if they thought it was it was not. I telled his maw what it was and so did the boys, it was not my fault if it was the branch. But they were not bothering. My maw was saying about Peter and how he was in hospital, a neighbour came and telled them. Oh that poor woman.

  But he was not in the hospital, they did not keep him in. My da went round to see, and his maw and da telled him how it was not my fault and how he just fell off, that was Peter, how he was just climbing all the time. His maw and da were sick telling him and now here he was, lucky for him he did not break his neck.

  But mine still got on to me. They did. That was it in my house, I had not even done nothing and I was still getting it. Because the climbing, if I did not stop that b****y climbing. If I fell and broke my d**n neck, that was what he worried about, and what about my maw, what would she do? And that d**n balcony, that d**n balcony.

  Because he found out I done it. There were two keys for the balcony and I took one to school. They did not know. I climbed up and came in and my maw saw me through the kitchenette window. She was at the sink, she dropped a good plate when I jumped in off the ronepipe. Oh my heart stopped beating, my heart stopped beating, that was what she said.

  She telled my da when he came home from work and it was a doing. The next time was a worse one. The boys knew that one because Mitch was with me and he telled them. Mitch was down watching me and I just climbed up and in and was leaning back over and we were talking. But then the kitchenette door just opened and it was my da and he grabbed me. Mitch said it. I was just talking down to him then I vanished and it was shouting, and it was against me, I got a real doing.

  That was my da. He was home early from work for something. It was a dentist else a doctor, I do not know. But that was the worst doing. It was a horrible one. I just got doings.

  So if people ran away, ye knew how, and it would just be so much the better, even in the Bible, the Minister telled a story and maybe if it was about brothers, and one goes away and the other one stays home or else kills him and then Jesus and the Devil if the Devil was his brother and got cast out by the Heavenly Father. I did not care so if it was you and you were the Devil and got cast out. I did not care.

  Boys ran away. They went to sea as a cabin boy and then to desert islands. When Mitch was old enough he was going in the Army How no me too? That was what he said. How come I did not join the Army? Then the two of us could go the gether. Other ones were doing it. Podgie said he was so how come I did not?

  Oh well maybe I would. It was going to be the Navy but maybe if it was the Army and everybody all went. I did not care about the Navy, if my da wanted me to go in there. Just because he was in it, I did not care.

  In my house ye did not get money, just if ye needed it for something, but no for yer pocket. People got money for their pocket and just spent it. Other ones did. Gary's big brother gived him some on a Friday night. That was his milk-job. Imagine a brother giving it. Maybe my grannie and granda would give me some. I needed to get it. Me and Mitch were saying about it. He hated his house too. We would just run away People ran away.

  I was a best climber. If my da thought I was not. I was. People knew. If he thought I would do something and it was to Peter Wylie. It was not fair thinking that. I would not ever do anything bad to people. I just was climbing and Peter wanted to. He did. I did not make him. It was his business. If he just gripped on with all his body. I telled him. I said it to Billy and the boys. Peter did not hold on right, ye just have to really grip it tight. He did not so the bounce got him. It would not have got me if it was me, if it was me to do it and I was hanging on, the bounce would not have turned me, so if Peter dreeped down first and me second, it was just how I went first, if Peter had went first.

  ***

  I did not join the Lifies. Other boys did, I did not. My da tried to make me. Oh you are aye moaning about having nothing to do so go and join the Lifeboys. You liked it back in the old place why no here?

  Dad I am too old.

  You are not too old.

  I am going to join the BB.

  Oh you are too young for the BB. You can join the Lifies just now.

  I do not want to. I am waiting to see.

  See what? Eh? See what? You feared of something?

  Feared of something. That was what he said. Feared. I was no feared of nothing, if it was in the Lifies, it was just stupid, ye could not be feared of nothing. I said it to him. Dad I am no feared of nothing. I am waiting for the BB.

  Oh but then my maw Oh it is not scared of anything it is not nothing it is anything you are not scared of anything and you have not to say feared it is scared. That was my maw. Oh you have to talk
nice. That was her.

  I was glad she said it because it made my da stop getting on to me. I did not want to go to the Lifies. It was just daft. My da forgot what age I was. Me and the boys were going to join the BB. Ye were not supposed to join till Secondary School because then ye were twelve but at the end of Primary School ye could be twelve, so then ye were old enough. Some were ready to join. It was just a wee company at the new Church and they were wanting to recruit all new boys so maybe they would let us in the now. It was not the same one as my big brother but I could have went to that too because he chucked it. My da did not like him for chucking it but he just done it. My maw backed him up. Oh it is just too much time, I need to study.

  He said that to my maw but really it was his girlfriend because it was Friday night and he just wanted to go with her. I knew it. He did not think I knew but I did. Her maw and da let him into the house. He could sit in and he got a cup of tea, that was him and his girlfriend. She was in his school so it was trains there and back. On Friday night I always got the room to myself.

  But some of the boys went to Bible Class. They said if ye did they would let ye in the BB sooner, if ye were still just eleven. My maw wanted me to go there. I went and then I stopped. Billy MacGregor had started going. My maw liked Billy because his maw and da went to Church and acted posh. But I did not want to go to Bible Class. The man that took it was mad. We all knew it. If it was for the BB I would go. It was in the new Church.

  My maw wanted to go to Sunday Service with all the grown-ups but my da did not. She would not go without him. Sunday is a long-lie, he said.

  Oh but Johnnie it would be nice to go to Church.

  But it is the one day of the week.

  Well what about me? said my maw.

  Oh do I no deserve one long lie?

  I deserve something too.

  Oh if it is Sunday breakfast, I always make it for ye.

  That was my da. He done the breakfast. But nobody wanted him to because it was how he just moaned all the time, it was just moan moan moan, and ye had to eat the breakfast even if ye did not feel like it, so if ye left something on yer plate, ye had to say an excuse. Oh sorry, I am full up.