That Thing Called Love

by Susan Andersen

  “No way.”

  “’Fraid so. Learn from my mistakes, buddy. Make sure to get that sucker behind her head before you make your move. Practicing with a soccer ball placed at the right height might not be amiss.”

  “Dude.”

  “I know. Geeky. But think about the embarrassment it might save.”

  Austin’s grin did something to Jake’s insides. But, as had been happening more and more frequently lately, along with the warmth in his heart came an accompanying low-grade panic.

  “I’ll have to give that some thought,” Austin said. He picked up his pole and fiddled with it. “So,” he said to the reel. “You gonna live here from now on?”

  Shit. Jake gave his own pole a hopeful look, but it was still just sitting in its holder, line slack and in no apparent need of adjustment. In no need of attention of any kind.

  His son, however, was a different matter, and Jake pulled himself up in his seat. It wasn’t as if he hadn’t known this moment was coming. And he sure as hell couldn’t fob it off on Jenny. It wasn’t her job to break the news that he intended to drag Austin out of town with him when he went.

  His kid, his responsibility.

  “Turn off the motor for a minute,” he said quietly.

  “Huh?” Austin had clearly comprehended, however, because even as he made the inquiring sound, he twisted the throttle of the little seven-horse to shut it down. The boat drifted gently, riding its own wake when the soft swell caught up with it.

  Jake took a deep breath, then let it out. “I have a life I need to get back to in New York.”

  “Oh.” The boy swallowed. “Sure.”

  The disappointment in his eyes nearly brought Jake to his knees and he hurried to say, “But I want you to come with me.”

  “Yeah?” Austin’s eyes lit up. But then he scowled. “What the heck am I supposed to do in New York?” he demanded, and Jake’s heart sank.

  Still, he said calmly, “Are you kidding me? There is so much to do there. That city never sleeps.” Which, okay, wasn’t exactly a selling point, considering there was no way in hell he’d let his thirteen-year-old stay out all night. You can’t think of anything better than that?

  Before he could, Austin, with a mulish slant to his mouth, said flatly, “All my friends are in Razor Bay. Jenny’s here—and so is the girl I wanna kiss.” He sat up so abruptly the aluminum boat rocked. “My Bayliner! What am I supposed to do with my boat in Manhattan?”

  The teen said “Manhattan” as if it was Sodom and Gomorrah, but Jake said neutrally, “I’d have to think about that, but there are lots of other great things to do. NYC is home to a superior baseball team for starters.”

  Austin calmed some. Nodded. “That’s true. The evil empire’s won something like twenty-seven World Series and forty American League pennants.”

  Jake gazed at his clasped hands between his spread thighs for a moment before raising his head to look at his son. “I know what I’m asking of you isn’t small spuds. Leaving everything you know will be a huge adjustment. But I’m hoping you’ll find the trade-off—” Me “—worth it.”

  “Jeez, I really don’t wanna live in New York,” Austin said, and this time Jake’s stomach thudded right to the bottom of the aluminum boat. He watched his boy as he gazed out toward the mountains, then at two eagles circling and swooping overhead, then finally back at him.

  Austin gave him a diffident smile. “At the same time, you just came back into my life like yesterday. And I want to be with you. So, I suppose if I have to put up with New York City to get that—well...” Looking uncertain yet resolute, he squared his shoulders and met Jake’s gaze head-on. “Then I guess I will.”

  That low-grade panic he’d been struggling with bloomed into the real deal. Suddenly he couldn’t breathe. What the hell is your problem, man? You’re not happy no matter which way the kid jumps. Is this how it’s going to be from now on—damned if you do, damned if you don’t?

  But, oh, Christ, it wasn’t that at all. It was reality setting in. What the fuck had he been thinking? The kid was placing his future happiness in his hands, and no way in hell was he cut out to be a dad! The fact that it’d been in the back of his mind all this time to install Austin in his house with a hired companion while he went back to trotting the globe for weeks at a time simply proved it.

  Somehow, though, he managed to pull in a couple of shallow breaths and paste a pleased smile on his face.

  “Great,” he said—and just hoped to hell it didn’t sound as weak to his son as it did to him. “That’s...great. It’s settled then. That’s what we’ll do.”

  * * *

  JENNY WATCHED AUSTIN push his corn around his plate. He held his homemade taco in his other hand, but had only taken two bites out of the thing—and usually tacos ranked in his top-ten favorite dinners. He’d been quiet last night, too, now that she thought about it.

  “Are you feeling all right?” she asked, rising half out of her chair to reach across the table and feel his brow. Her concern ratcheted up another degree when he not only didn’t yank impatiently out of reach, as was his usual reaction to her mothering moments, but actually leaned slightly into her touch the way he had when he was a little guy. Oh, damn, oh, God. He was sick.

  His forehead, however, felt perfectly cool. She slowly sat back in her chair and gave him a steady look.

  Setting his fork and taco on the plate, he looked up at her. “Did you know that Dad’s moving me to New York City?”

  The few bites she’d eaten took an oily roll in her stomach. Oh, God. This was no longer a coming-soon-but-at-least-not-here-yet-so-I-can-ignore-it issue. The queasy feeling dug itself what she feared might be a permanent pit in her belly, and she set her own taco back on her plate.

  It was official—she was losing both of them. She’d thought she’d known that, yet apparently she hadn’t fully believed it until this moment. She gave him a jerky nod of acknowledgment. “I did.”

  He narrowed his eyes at her. “And you never said anything to me?”

  “I didn’t, no. And I told Jake not to, either, when he first told me his plan. I thought he should give you time to get to know him before he sprung a life upheaval of this magnitude on you.”

  “Yeah.” He sagged back in his seat. “That was probably a good idea.”

  “Are you...okay with it?”

  “Like I told him, I’m not thrilled to be moving away from home—especially not to a big freaking noisy city where I’m not going to know anyone except him.” His newly wide shoulders hitched. “But I want to be with him, Jenny. I want to know what it’s like to have a dad.”

  She nodded slowly. “Of course you do. That’s completely understandable.” She leaned across the table and gripped his hand. I will not cry, I will not cry! “But I’m going to miss you like crazy.”

  He gave her a stricken look. “I’ve been trying real hard not to think about that. Crap. Crap!” Shoving away from the table, he surged to his feet. “I can’t go. I’m gonna have to tell him that I just can’t go.”

  She, too, rose to her feet and circled the table to put her arms around him, her heart hitching as he trembled against her. “Shh. Shhh, now. Yes, you can go. It’s not like either of us is going to drop off the face of the earth. We’ll talk on the phone all the time. We’ll email and text and, and...Skype, even. I can learn to do that. And you’ll come back to see everyone, to dazzle us all with your big-city sophistication. And maybe I can come visit you, too.”

  One by one, his muscles relaxed against her, but he kept his head bent, his face buried in her updo. “Yeah,” he muttered, nodding against the crown of her head. “Yeah.”

  “It’ll be fine, you’ll see. Once you make a few new friends, I think you’ll probably start to enjoy yourself. Manhattan has a lot to offer.”

  “I’ll miss my boat.�
�

  “Yeah. I don’t know how much it costs to moor one in the East River or wherever one does that, but maybe there’s a way to take yours with you.”

  “It wouldn’t be the same, though. I know these waters like the back of my hand. Everything there is gonna be new and confusing.” His noise wrinkled. “And noisy.”

  Oh man, she so agreed. But she sucked up her own misgivings and said firmly, “Well, I can’t argue about the noisy part. But as for the new and confusing? It won’t be for long, big guy. You’re smart and a fast learner, and if I know you—which I do, buddy—you’ll own that city in no time.”

  And she would just have to keep how desperately empty her own life was going to be with him and Jake clear across the country to herself.

  She could and would do that. Even if it killed her.

  * * *

  “COACH, I GOTTA DO something. I’ll be back in five minutes.” Austin didn’t give Mr. Harstead time to say “fine,” “forget it” or “WTF, Bradshaw.” He was a man on a mission, and he vacated the baseball field to head straight over to Bailey, who was reading a textbook on the bleachers, which she had to herself for once.

  “Can I talk to you for a sec?”

  “Sure.” She closed her social studies book and looked at him expectantly.

  “Not here. Come with me.”

  One of the things he really liked about Bailey was the way she never seemed to feel the compulsion to talk something to death before she’d move an inch, like so many girls did. She just gave him an agreeable smile, set her book down next to her backpack, then rose to her feet. She loped down the risers.

  Stopping in front of him on the grass, she smiled. “What’s up?”

  He took her hand and led her around to the back of the bleachers. “Under here.”

  She blinked but followed gamely enough as he bent and sidestepped through the cross braces. When she straightened beneath the highest risers, he lurched forward and grabbed her. He lowered his head to hers.

  They bumped noses, but he reminded himself his dad had done the same thing the first time he’d kissed a girl, too, and he adjusted for the miscalculation. Then his lips found hers. And they were soft and warm and...wow.

  Just about the dopest thing in the world.

  Bailey’s hands came up to his shoulders and he tensed, bracing himself to be shoved away. But she curled her fingers to grip them instead. And she kissed him back—even opening her lips a little beneath his.

  He touched his tongue to her bottom lip and her mouth opened a little bit more.

  “Bradshaw!”

  They jumped apart at Coach’s bellow. “Crap,” he whispered and licked his bottom lip, picking up a faint taste of Bailey. Man, he’d made up his mind to do this today because his window of opportunity for a chance with her had narrowed with his dad’s announcement. But now that he’d kissed her he was really conflicted about moving away. “So, uh, would you like to go to a movie with me Friday night if I can get Jenny or my dad to drive us? I know it’s not a lot of notice but—”

  “I’d like that,” she said, then winced when Coach Harstead yelled his name again.

  “It’s a date, then. I’ll give you a call after I talk to Jenny and Dad.” He leaned forward and gave her another quick kiss on the lips. Then he turned and loped away.

  And couldn’t have erased the big grin on his face to save his life.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

  FRIDAY NIGHT AND HARBOR STREET was already jumping—at least by Razor Bay standards—when Jake drove through town just before six on his way back from Silverdale. He’d dropped Austin and Bailey off at the Kitsap Mall, and the kids were probably eating at the food court even as he contemplated his son being on a date. A date! He was going to miss out on so much when he—

  He chopped off the thought, and went back to mulling over what two thirteen-year-olds might be doing at this moment. If they weren’t eating, they were likely killing time in the mall before they caught the seven-twenty movie at the multiplex.

  Either way, his dad duties were done for the night, thanks to Rebecca Damoth, who had offered to pick them up when the show was over.

  He’d found himself breaking speed limits driving back here. And the minute he powered off his SUV in the parking lot between his place and Jenny’s, he headed over to her cottage. He hadn’t seen her in two long nights and he found himself...needing to.

  He didn’t know what the hell that was all about but was too impatient to worry about it tonight. He rapped out a rapid tattoo on her front door.

  When Jenny opened it, he watched something flicker across her face. Whatever it was came and went so quickly he didn’t have time to pin it down, so he let it go and stepped into her house, her space, without awaiting an invitation. Sliding his fingers into her hair, he framed her cheekbones with his thumbs, tilted her head back and kissed her.

  Gently.

  With a host of feelings he didn’t care to examine too closely.

  She wrapped her arms around his neck, drawing a satisfied sound from deep in his throat. Every muscle in his body loosened as he felt the tension he hadn’t even realized he’d been carrying in his neck and shoulders release its grip. Kicking the door closed behind him, he swept her up in his arms and, without breaking their kiss, carried her into the bedroom.

  Laying her on her queen-size bed a moment later, he stretched out atop her and focused on learning every cushioned curve of those sweet lips as if they were brand-new and he had all night to explore them. For some reason, it felt brand-new—maybe because the sex they’d shared before had invariably been hot and hard and urgent.

  Not that he wasn’t every bit as hot and hard now. But a new element had been added with this bone-deep desire he had to take his time with her, to take care of her. He went with it, keeping his grip tender and his mouth slow and thorough.

  After several satisfying moments, he raised his head. “Where’ve you been hiding?” he murmured, brushing a silken strand of hair off her cheek. “I missed you.” He didn’t wait for an answer, but instead dove back into the kiss.

  But even as their mouths meshed, that damn sharp edge of unease, that unscratchable anxiety that burned like a hot itch just below the surface of his skin anytime he got too close to a happy state, muscled into his consciousness.

  Because he had no business missing her. No business thinking he could be a father.

  Hell, he had no business thinking any relationship he touched would last.

  Yeah, because how’s that worked for you so far? Your daddy walked, your wife—well, there’s no doubt that if she hadn’t died that’s a relationship that would have ended in divorce court—and you abandoned your kid. Face it, man. Bradshaws just don’t have what it takes for happily-ever-afters.

  It was why he’d come to the decision about his—and Austin and Jenny’s—future.

  “Hey.” Jenny threaded her fingers through his hair and pulled his head back. “Where’d you go?”

  He looked down at her, at those dark, caring eyes, and pushed everything else away. “Nowhere,” he said, then shook his head because she knew better. “That is, we’ve experienced a temporary blip in the attention-span portion of our program. But I’m back. Right where I want to be.” And, feeling her fingers loosen their grip, he lowered his head again.

  It was true, he was where he wanted to be. With these damn Bradshaw genes, he might lack what it took for the long haul, but for the next hour or so?

  Well, he’d at least have this.

  * * *

  FOR THE PAST COUPLE of days—ever since she and Austin had had that talk over dinner—Jenny had done her damnedest to avoid Jake. She wasn’t a rip off the Band-Aid kind of woman—she was more a peel it gently from all directions girl. So rather than continue having sex with him up until the day Jake left town—a
nd, oh, incidentally, took the only person she’d ever thought of as a brother with him—she’d decided to start distancing herself. That wasn’t possible with Austin, but she could sure as hell attempt it with Jake.

  There was no distancing herself from this, however. It had never been like this. Not that it hadn’t been great, because, oh God, it had—all hot and exciting and the best sex of her life.

  But this...this was even better. The tender enough to bring her to tears kisses that at the same time made her feel like stretching like a cat in a patch of sunlight. The slow, oh-so-capable hands that stripped them both of their clothing, then took an unhurried journey over her body, leaving no curve, no dip or hollow untouched in his explorations. The caring that came off Jake with such near-palpable energy it threatened to capsize her composure. For maybe the first time ever, she felt so, oh Lord, so—dare she even think it?—cherished.

  Swamped in sensation, she absorbed his kisses, writhed languorously beneath his touch and moaned when he pushed up onto his palms, widened his muscular thighs between hers to spread her legs and slide inside her. Her arms twined around his neck to cling, her body arched in an attempt to get nearer.

  And still he moved at a glacial pace, sinking in, then pulling back centimeters at a time. As that achy sheath deep between her legs tried to grip the iron-hard invader that made her feel more wonderful, yet greedier, than she’d ever felt in her life, words began crowding up her throat.

  Words she’d be smart to keep to herself.

  But as he brought her closer, closer, some began to escape despite her best attempts to swallow them. Thank God they were just the generic ones everybody said when their bodies grabbed the reins. As the sensations grew more imperative, however, she sank her teeth into her bottom lip. Because her control was slipping and it became more and more difficult to bottle up all the keep-it-to-yourself words threatening to spill.

  Then she climaxed in an attenuated wave that made her see fireworks—and her self-censoring abilities hit the skids. “Oh, God, Jake, I love you,” she panted. “Love you, love you, love you.”