Tranquility

by Laurie Gardiner

  Her breath hitched, becoming shallow and uneven. She moaned and I reached out to smooth her wrinkled brow with a cool hand. Despite the drugs, I knew she was in some pain. I wished I could make it stop, but in that way I was as helpless as she was.

  I checked her for signs of skin breakdown and did her exercises. It was important, since Gran couldn’t move herself, to keep her muscles active in order to prevent muscle atrophy. When I’d finished the exercises, I repositioned her and placed pillows strategically to protect pressure points like elbows and heels. I still had an hour before I went to meet Jay, so I sat down and read out loud from a book Mom had left. I often spoke to Gran, or read to her when I visited, hoping the sound of my voice would be comforting to her. This time was for my benefit as well. It kept my mind off my date with Jay.

  I wasn’t overly nervous about the date itself. We’d hit it off well that night at The Queen’s and conversation had come easily. I was nervous because I’d decided to tell Jay about Kayla tonight. Technically, it was only our first date, but somehow this was different than other first dates. I felt I needed to tell him.

  * * *

  I met Jay in the parking lot of the restaurant at seven sharp and we walked in together. He’d suggested the place, a cozy little bistro off the main street. The bar area and lobby were scattered with people waiting for tables. Luckily, Jay had thought to call ahead and make a reservation and we were seated quickly.

  I’d never been there. I rarely went out for dinner and when I did I usually went to The Queen’s. The bistro was higher end than the pub. The atmosphere was intimate and romantic, with private booths, dim lighting and jazz playing softly in the background.

  I ordered a steak, medium-rare. Jay gave me a curious look and ordered the same. We talked over glasses of red wine while we waited for our food. We discussed my plans for school. He talked about his four years of university. He’d graduated with a degree in business and now worked for a medical company doing sales and marketing.

  I watched Jay talk as I ate, so fascinated with his full, supple lips that I barely tasted the food. Just as I was wondering if his lips were as soft as they looked, he said my name. My eyes flew to his. “Pardon?”

  His eyes sparkled with humor as he picked up his napkin and dabbed at his mouth. “I was asking if I had food on my face.”

  “Uh, no.” I glanced at his mouth, saw the teasing curve of his lips and felt the heat of a blush climb my neck. When I looked up, his smile faded and heat flashed in his eyes. Breathe, Sarah, I thought to myself as I laid my fork carefully on the side of my plate. “That was delicious.”

  Jay looked at my plate and smiled. Only a dollop of mashed potatoes and a few vegetables remained. “I’m glad you actually eat when you go on a date.”

  I gave him a perplexed look. “Why wouldn’t I?”

  “Some women don’t, especially on the first date. It drives me crazy. Of course, most women wouldn’t order a steak either.”

  “Why not? I love steak.”

  “Exactly!” A confused look came over his face. “But when my sister goes on a date, she orders a salad, eats half of it, goes home and orders pizza. I don’t get it.”

  After dinner we ordered coffee and the conversation turned to family. It was the opening I needed. “Your niece is adorable. How old is she?”

  It was clear from the tenderness in his voice that he was fond of his nieces. “Alisha? Yeah, she’s pretty special. They both are. She’s six. Her little sister, Amanda, is four.”

  “My daughter, Kayla, is six too.”

  Jay barely skipped a beat. “And adorable too, I bet, if she looks anything like her mom.”

  “Actually, she has her dad’s smile and my Mom’s eyes. She really doesn’t look anything like me.”

  “You’re still adorable. Especially when you blush.”

  I felt my face get hotter and put my hands over my cheeks. “Stop,” I said with a short, flustered laugh.

  He smiled apologetically and said “Sorry” but he was enjoying my discomfort too much for his remorse to be genuine.

  “Seriously, are you not surprised by what I just told you?”

  “What, that you have a daughter? Should I be?”

  I frowned, a little perplexed by his reaction. “Most guys would be halfway out the door by now.”

  “I’m not most guys.”

  * * *

  The next day at work, I told Tracey about the date as we made beds. “He’s right,” I said as I pulled my side of the sheet tight and tucked the corner under. “He’s not like most guys. He’s too good to be true, which makes me think there has to be something wrong with him.”

  “Sure, like he probably smokes crack. Or maybe he has a tail. You should check it out on the next date, just so you know how you feel about it before things get serious.”

  I stopped working and stared at her.

  She shrugged her shoulders and raised a brow. “What? Okay, so he probably doesn’t have a tail, but he’s not perfect—nobody is. Stop waiting for something to go wrong and enjoy the moment.”

  I left Tracey to finish the last beds on her own and headed to the main hall to wait for Rose. She was on her way back to Tranquility. They’d put a cast on her arm and kept her overnight for observation. The halls were quiet. Most of the other residents were in the auditorium attending the morning church service.

  I thought about what Tracey had said. She was right. Since Dad’s death, I’d been living my life as though something bad waited around every corner. I was twenty-five years old. I should be enjoying my life and looking forward to the future.

  Rose was brought back to Dementia in a wheelchair. Her legs were carefully wrapped in a blanket. Her arm was in a cast and supported across her chest by a sling. She was smiling.

  It was Kyle who wheeled her in. He nodded at me as he parked the chair near the nurse’s station. He put his hand on Rose’s shoulder, bent over and said, “I’ll be right back, Rose.”

  Rose looked up at him and smiled brightly. He left her and walked toward me.

  I stepped out from behind the desk, closing the half door behind me. “How is she?”

  “Good. Nurse said it was a clean break. Should heal up fine.”

  “Why do you look worried then?”

  “The guy who hurt her, is he here?”

  “No. I don’t think he’ll be coming back.”

  Kyle’s expression darkened. “I hope not.” He went back to Rose, crouched down in front of her and unwrapped the blanket from around her legs. He lifted one foot, flipped the footrest up and placed her foot gently on the floor, then repeated this with her other foot. He handled her like a piece of delicate china.

  Rose stared at the top of his head and smiled dreamily. She reached out with her good hand and stroked his short brown hair.

  Kyle looked up and smiled tenderly. “Let’s get you out of this chair.” He stood and lifted her easily to her feet in one motion.

  Rose was a little unsteady after being off her feet so long. She clung to Kyle’s arm with her one good hand and gazed up at him. He was so tall that she looked like a child standing next to him.

  “It looks like they took good care of you, Rose,” I said.

  She nodded distractedly, still smiling up at Kyle.

  “Would you like to come with me?” I continued. “We’ll go to your room. You can freshen up, put on some clean clothes…Rose?” She wasn’t paying attention to me at all. I blinked a few times and smiled wryly at Kyle.

  He let go of Rose slowly and held her hand as he explained, “Rose, you’re home now. You need to go with…”

  “Sarah,” I said.

  “You need to go with Sarah now.”

  Rose looked at me as though she’d never seen me before. She hid her face in Kyle’s arm and whispered, “D-don’t want to.”

  “She’ll take good care of you. I promise.”

  Rose shook her head forcefully. “You take care of me.”

  “I can’t. I have to g
o back to work.”

  I tried again. “It’s almost lunchtime, Rose. I’ll help you pick out something nice to wear. We’ll do your hair and find a pretty color of lipstick.” She peeked at me and I knew I finally had her interest. I held my hand out to her and smiled.

  She hesitated and looked up at Kyle.

  He nodded his head encouragingly. “Go with Sarah, Rose. I’ll visit you soon, I promise.” He put his hand on her back and guided her toward me.

  I took her good arm and patted it reassuringly as I looked up at Kyle and said, “I’ll let you out.”

  He folded the blanket and placed it on the seat of the wheelchair before following me to the door. Rose shuffled along after him, nearly crashing into his back when he stopped. I punched in the code.

  Kyle turned to Rose. He bent down, kissed her cheek and muttered, “Bye, Rose.” As he straightened, he glanced at me self-consciously, cheeks flushed as though embarrassed by his show of affection.

  I smiled at him and held the door open as he pushed the empty wheelchair through. I gazed thoughtfully at the door for a moment after I let it close. I had a feeling there was more to Kyle than there appeared.

  Rose made an impatient sound and I led her toward her room. “You liked that guy, didn’t you, Rose?”

  She nodded enthusiastically. The silly smile was back. “He liked me too.”

  She didn’t remember Kyle an hour later when I took her to the dining room for lunch, but for a short time he had made her feel special. I would have to talk to Tracey about him. I had a feeling he could be a keeper.

  Chapter 19 - March Break

  IT WAS MARCH BREAK. I’D requested my two days off that week be consecutive and booked an extra day as well, which meant I had three days in a row to spend with Kayla.

  It rained Monday, so Kayla and I spent the day inside by the fireplace playing games and watching movies. I lost three games of rummy before I finally gave up and suggested we bake cookies. “We’ll make peanut butter. They’re Nana’s favorite. She’ll be so happy when she comes home from work and smells them.”

  “Can we take some to Gran at the hospital, Mommy?”

  I hesitated, choosing my words carefully. “Gran can’t eat cookies right now, munchkin. It’s nice of you to think of her though.”

  Kayla looked thoughtful. Her normally animated expression was sombre. “I miss Gran. Why can’t I go see her?” Her brown eyes filled with tears.

  I pulled her in for a hug. “I know you miss her, sweetie, but no one under sixteen is allowed in that part of the hospital. As soon as she’s well enough to go to a regular room, I’ll take you to see her. Sound good?”

  Kayla wiped her eyes on my shirt and swiped her hand across her nose. “Sounds good. Can we make cookies now?”

  “As soon as you wash your snotty hands. Gross!” I swatted her bum playfully as she ran off to the bathroom giggling. As quickly as that, she was back to her normal, exuberant self.

  We baked the cookies, then moved on to making spaghetti for dinner. Kayla chopped mushrooms while I made meatballs. Mom came home to the smell of fresh-baked cookies, frying meatballs and the God-awful sound of Kayla and me loudly singing “On Top of Spaghetti”.

  After dinner I left Kayla with Mom and went to the hospital to spend some time with Gran. I was beginning to dread the nightly trips through the cold, depressing hallways. I hated seeing Gran so frail and helpless. I was watching her slowly die, just as I’d watched my dad die. It wasn’t how I wanted to remember her. But I did it, and would continue to do it, for her and for Mom.

  I left the hospital when visiting hours ended at eight. I turned my phone on as soon as I left the ICU and checked my messages. Jay had sent me a message an hour earlier. I texted him before I left the parking lot and we agreed to meet for coffee.

  I darted into the coffee shop, shaking the rain off my head. It was a miserable, cold rain that was supposed to turn to snow sometime through the night.

  Jay was sitting at a small table near the window. He stood to greet me and brushed a kiss across my cheek. He’d already bought me a decaf. “Thanks,” I said, shrugging out of my coat. Jay took it and hung it on the back of the chair. I sat down, took a sip of coffee, closed my eyes and sighed.

  “Long day?”

  I opened my eyes and looked at him. His eyes were distractingly green today. “Actually, today was the first of three days off. Kayla’s on March break this week, so I booked some time to spend with her.” I thought of her non-stop chatter and boundless energy and laughed. “She has a lot of energy. Spending the day with her might be more tiring than working.”

  Jay laughed too and I caught myself staring at his dimple. “My nieces are the same way. They don’t stop until they go to sleep.” He became serious suddenly and reached across the table for my hand. “How’s your grandmother doing? Any change?”

  “No, no change. It’s been a week and a half. I’m starting to think there won’t be a recovery.” His hand tightened around mine. I looked down at my coffee and blinked the tears away. The sudden show of emotion made me feel uncomfortably vulnerable. I pulled my hand free, plucked a napkin from the dispenser and dabbed at the corners of my eyes. I kept the napkin balled tightly in my fist and rested both hands on my lap.

  Jay looked disconcerted. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you.”

  I snorted in derision at my own lack of control. “It doesn’t take much lately. There’s just…a lot going on right now.” I smiled a little too brightly and changed the subject. “What about you? Anything new?”

  “Actually, my company is sending me to New York for a few days for a training seminar. That’s why I wanted to see you tonight. I leave tomorrow.”

  “Nice. Have you ever been?”

  “No. It’ll be my first time. I’m hoping I have time to do some sightseeing.”

  I felt a pang of jealousy. The one thing I’d always wanted to do was travel. When I was young, Dad and I had spent hours looking at maps and travel magazines. After he died, I threw them all away, and with the state my life was in now, travelling was the last thing on my mind. “I’d like to go to New York someday. I’ve never travelled anywhere unless you count Niagara Falls.”

  I must have sounded wistful, because Jay wrapped his arm around my shoulder, kissed the top of my head and said, “You will. Someday, you’ll go.”

  Jay walked me to my car about an hour later. The rain had turned to wet snow that melted as soon as it touched the ground. I dug my keys out of my pocket and turned to him. “Well, have a good trip. Call me when you get back, maybe we can have dinner again.”

  His mouth curved teasingly. “Maybe.” His arm went around my waist. “Are we considering this a second date?”

  “We—we can.”

  He pulled me closer. “Good. That means I get to kiss you.”

  * * *

  The next morning, I took Kayla to the library. We watched a magic show together before I left her in a room full of boisterous five- to seven-year-olds for an hour of crafts. I wandered upstairs to the peace and quiet of the reading area, picked out a book and sat in a comfy armchair near the window to wait. My eyes skimmed the same paragraph three times before I gave up and gazed out the window. The weather had changed overnight. It was snowing again. Big, wet flakes stuck to everything, covering the city in a blanket of white.

  I’d gone to bed the night before, and woken up that morning, thinking about Jay and the kiss. It had been brief and innocent. Why then, could I not stop thinking about the softness of his lips or the way his hand had curved possessively around my neck?

  I sighed in resignation, got up and put the book back where I’d found it. I wandered around and looked at the artwork. Paintings and sculptures from various local artists filled the many rooms and hallways of the sprawling building. The library itself, with its clean, simple lines, walls of glass, and exposed steel beams, was a work of contemporary, structural art.

  I went down the floating staircase with its glass rail panel
s to the main floor and sat on a bench outside the craft room to wait for Kayla. My phone vibrated. I dug around in my purse until I found it. It was a text from Tracey. Day off. Meet 4 lunch?

  Kayla and I left the library and went to a diner near the hospital. Tracey came in shortly after and I introduced her to Kayla. They hit it off right away, bantering back and forth and teasing each other throughout the meal. Tracey was her usual fun loving, witty self, though I suspected she turned it down a notch when Mom joined us.

  Mom excused herself soon after she finished eating. She gave Kayla a hug and kiss, and told her how much she looked forward to having her all to herself at the end of the week. Kayla glowed. Their affection for one another was obvious.

  Mom turned to Tracey and said, “It was very nice meeting you, finally. I’ve heard so much about you the past few months. Sarah needs a friend like you to get her out of the house more often.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Mom, really?”

  After she left, Tracey said, “I like your mom. You’re a lot like her, aren’t you?”

  Before I could answer, Kayla said, “I’m not.” She bounced in her seat as she ate a bowl of ice cream. “I jus look like Nana, but my pers-pers—”

  “Personality,” I finished for her. “And it’s rude to interrupt.”

  “Sorry. My persnality is like my dad. He’s dead and so’s my grampa. I have pictures of them. You should come to my house and see them.”

  “I should. But not right now.”

  Kayla’s face fell. “Why not?”

  “’Cause I’m taking you and your mom bowling.”

  Kayla’s eyes went wide. She looked at me and I nodded in affirmation. She dropped her spoon and clapped her hands. Melted ice cream flew out of her mouth as she exclaimed, “I knewed I would love you, soon as I saw you.”

  Tracey let Kayla give her a sloppy ice cream kiss. She looked at me, stuck her bottom lip out, and mouthed, “Oh, my God.” She was hooked.

  By the time we finished bowling, Kayla and Tracey were fast friends. We walked out of the bowling alley into the parking lot. Most of the snow had already melted away in the afternoon sun. Kayla skipped along between Tracey and me with her hands in ours. Every few steps, we lifted her off the ground and swung her through the air. Each time, she squealed and laughed in delight, begging breathlessly for more.