Tranquility

by Laurie Gardiner

  “Ladies, keep your hands to yourselves.” He sat in the middle of the couch with Lily on one side and Beth on the other. They covered their mouths with their hands and giggled flirtatiously.

  Rose was in an armchair next to Georgia with her injured arm propped on a pillow in her lap. She frowned as she watched Sam and the twins. It was obvious she had a crush on Sam and I wondered if she was sometimes jealous of the attention he paid the twins.

  I went over and crouched down so I was eye level with her. “Rose?”

  She pulled her eyes away from the trio on the couch and looked at me vacantly.

  “Do you like James Dean?”

  She wrinkled her brow in thought before she smiled brightly and nodded. “He’s handsome.”

  “Yes, he is. Maria’s turning the movie on now and he’s in it.” I patted her good hand and stood up in time to see Mrs. W preparing to ram her chair into Mr. Roberts’ legs. I rushed over and grabbed the handles of her chair. She yelled and swung her arm back wildly in my direction. I jumped back, but not quickly enough. Her hand connected with my mouth and pushed my lip into my teeth. The pain brought tears to my eyes. I choked down an angry word and put my hand to my mouth. I could taste the blood.

  “Here now!” Edie called, rising from her chair.

  Georgia got up as well. “Good Lord, did that woman just hit that poor girl?”

  Maria rushed toward me in concern. “Are you okay?”

  I didn’t have time to answer. Mrs. W was aiming once more for Mr. Roberts. I reached for the chair again, but not in time. He bellowed angrily and came to his feet as the chair bumped the side of his leg. Maria jumped between the angry residents. She took Mr. Roberts by the hand and spoke to him soothingly as she led him to a chair across the room.

  Georgia shook her head and clucked her tongue in disapproval as she sat back down. Sam had a hand on each of the twins’ knees and was humming obliviously.

  Edie pulled a tissue from the box on the coffee table and handed it to me. I held it gently to my bloody lip. “You should have the nurse look at that, lass, in case you need stitches.”

  I doubted it was that bad, but I thanked her and wheeled Mrs. W through the main hall to the nurse’s station. Emily was there. “Uh-oh, what happened to you?”

  Mrs. W shifted restlessly in her chair and moaned loudly. I made a motion toward her. “She took a swing and I wasn’t fast enough,” I managed to mutter over my puffy lip.

  Emily came around the desk. She pulled a glove out of her pocket, put it on, pulled my lip down gently and checked inside. “The inside of your lip is a little shredded, but you don’t need any stitches. It might hurt to eat for a few days and it’s swelling up fast. You should go put some ice on it.”

  Maria came out of the lounge as Emily stripped off the glove. She winced when she saw my lip. “Is it bad?”

  Emily answered for me. “She won’t need stitches.” She looked at Mrs. W, whose moaning had turned into wailing. “I think you should take Mrs. W to her room and get her calmed down.”

  Maria wheeled Mrs. W away and I headed to the staff room for ice. When I came back out, Emily was gone. I sat down at the nurse’s station to fill out an incident report. I held the bag of ice, wrapped in paper towel, gently against my mouth with one hand and wrote with the other.

  A few minutes later I heard the bang of the door and a familiar voice. I looked up to see Lloyd and Jay walking through the main hall toward me. My stomach fluttered.

  They were laughing as they approached the desk.

  All traces of humor left Jay’s face when he noticed the ice. “What happened?”

  I flinched in pain as I pulled the ice away from my mouth enough to talk. “Accident. Got in the way of someone’s hand.”

  Lloyd looked around the hall. “It wasn’t my grandmother, was it?”

  “No—”

  He put up his hand to stop me. “Don’t try to talk. Is she in her room?”

  I shook my head no.

  “In the lounge?”

  I nodded and gave him a look of gratitude.

  “Thanks, Sarah.” He turned to Jay. “I’ll go get Ma and meet you back here.”

  Jay pointed to his mouth. “Can I see it?”

  “Really? It’s nasty.”

  “Really. I want to see how bad it is.”

  I pulled the bag of ice from my face reluctantly. The paper towel was soaked with blood.

  Jay didn’t react to the sight of my bloody, swollen lip, other than to look at me sympathetically. “It looks painful. Has it stopped bleeding?”

  “Think so. Nurse looked at it. Don’t need stitches.” I wanted to ask him about his trip, but it hurt to talk.

  Lloyd came out of the lounge with Georgia. He put her bag down on a nearby bench and held out her coat. “Here, Ma, put your coat on. It’s cold outside today.”

  “Looks like we’re leaving,” Jay said. “Can I call you later?”

  I nodded my head and tried to smile. It ended up being more of a grimace and I made a sound of pain and frustration.

  Jay winced. “Keep putting ice on it. The swelling will go down. I guess there’ll be no kissing on our next date.” He winked at me and sauntered away.

  I watched him sweep Georgia into a hug and plant a big, wet kiss on her cheek. I imagined those lean, muscular arms around me and realized I was staring. I cleared my throat, picked up the bag of half-melted ice and headed to the staff room for more.

  I went back into the lounge before doing my rounds. Edie made me sit beside her so she could take a good look at my mouth. She shook her head in disgust over the incident. I reassured her my lip would be back to normal in a few days.

  “It’s not right,” she insisted.

  I patted her hand reassuringly. “She didn’t mean to hurt me, Edie. She can’t help it.”

  I left the lounge and headed to the change room to get my things. Tracey was sitting on the bench between the lockers changing out of her work shoes. She looked up when she heard the door open. “Hey, Sar—Oh, my God! What the hell happened to your face?”

  I waved a hand in the air. It didn’t hurt too badly as long as I didn’t talk too much, or open my mouth too wide. “Looks worse than it is. Mrs. W was mad. I got in her way.”

  Tracey waited for me while I changed my shoes and gathered my things and we made our way to the parking lot together.

  “Jay’s back,” I said. “Came in with his dad to get Georgia.”

  “So, he saw you with your face all bloody and swollen?”

  I nodded. “Said he’d call me later.”

  “Wow, he saw your face like that and he’s still gonna call you? He’s a keeper.”

  “So’s Kyle.”

  Tracey stopped walking and looked at me suspiciously. “What do you mean?”

  “He brought Rose back from the hospital. She had a huge crush on him and he was treating her like a queen.”

  Tracey’s expression softened. “Yeah, he’s pretty sweet.”

  We pushed the main door open and pulled our coats closed tight against the bitter wind. A few snowflakes danced in the air before melting when they hit the pavement. Spring was only a few days away, but it certainly didn’t feel like it.

  “So, what are you gonna do if Jay wants to go out? You can’t eat or drink coffee. You can’t go back to his place and make out. What’s left?”

  I laughed, then swore at the pain. She was right.

  * * *

  Jay took me out anyway. We went to a movie. It was a mediocre comedy, but it still made me laugh enough to cause some pain. I’d applied ice off and on throughout the afternoon. The swelling had gone down a lot, but my lip was still a bloody, bruised mess. People stared at it while we stood in line to buy tickets. Some even shot dirty looks at Jay, as though he’d been responsible. It made me uncomfortable and I was glad for the dark cover of the theater.

  After the movie, Jay took me to fast food drive-through for fries and milkshakes. “It was the only thing I could thin
k of that you might be able to eat,” he said sheepishly.

  “Are you kidding? I love fast food. Especially fries. This is perfect.”

  We drove to the park and sat in the car overlooking the river. I polished off my fries in no time. I was so hungry even the sting of the salt on my lip didn’t slow me down. The milkshake was so thick it hurt to suck it through the straw. Jay had been thoughtful enough to ask for a plastic spoon, so I removed the lid and dug in that way.

  We ate in comfortable silence, watching the reflection of the moon sparkle on the gently flowing water.

  Jay finished his fries. He put the empty carton into the paper bag with mine, crumpled it shut and tossed it into the backseat. I glanced around at his immaculately clean car and raised a brow.

  He smiled jauntily. “I’ll clean it up later. How’s your mouth? Still sore?”

  “Not nearly as bad as earlier. I think the ice helped a lot.” I thought of Kayla’s reaction and laughed. “It upset Kayla a little when she first saw it, then she turned into a little mother. She wanted to look at it, asked if I needed to get stitches like she did when she cut her lip open. She even made me lay down while she went to the kitchen and got me a bag of ice.”

  “I’m impressed. Maybe she’ll be a nurse someday too.”

  “Maybe. She told me she didn’t think going out tonight was a good idea. Apparently, I should be in bed resting.”

  “Hmm, she sounds like a character. I’d like to meet her sometime.”

  He said it so casually, like it was no big deal, but I was at a loss for words. I’d never brought anyone I dated home to meet Kayla and never would unless I thought it would be long-term. Even introducing her to Tracey had been a big step for me. I put my shake into the cup holder between the seats, folded my arms across my chest and stared out the window. The silence stretched on and a feeling of tension filled the air.

  Jay shifted in his seat uneasily. “You got quiet all of a sudden. What’s wrong?”

  I glanced at his puzzled expression and realized he had no clue what I was thinking. I folded my hands in my lap and stared at them.

  “Sarah?”

  “I just…I wouldn’t….” I sighed and blurted it out. “I’ve never brought a guy home.”

  “Oh. What about Kayla’s dad?”

  “No, I mean to meet Kayla. She’s never met anyone I dated.”

  “Oh. Oh! I get it. I didn’t mean….”

  “I know. It’s fine.”

  I asked Jay to take me home shortly after the awkward conversation. My mouth was throbbing and I had to work the next morning, but the sudden strained silence was good enough reason to end the date. The drive home was no less awkward. He asked about Gran and I filled him in about the stroke. We talked a little about the seminar in New York and about Georgia. The short exchanges were interspersed with long, uncomfortable silences.

  After what seemed like an eternity, we pulled up in front of my house. Jay turned to me as if to say something. I quickly thanked him for the evening and got out of the car before he could speak. I hurried into the house without looking back, closed the door and waited until I heard his car pull away. I let out a huge sigh and banged my head gently against the door. “Stupid, stupid, stupid.” I was messing up a good thing because I was afraid to get too close. I was afraid of my heart getting broken again, only this time, I had Kayla’s heart to think of as well.

  Chapter 22 – Ethan

  JAY WASN’T WITH LLOYD WHEN he brought Georgia back to Tranquility Sunday afternoon. I was both relieved and disappointed. I told myself it was for the best. There was enough going on in my life without adding to it.

  I went straight home after work to shower and change before picking Kayla up from Amelia’s birthday party. Mom had dropped her off there before she went to the hospital. After my shower, I wandered aimlessly into the kitchen, still in my housecoat with my hair wrapped in a towel.

  My purse was slung over the back of one of the chairs. It buzzed insistently. I pulled my phone out and checked my messages. Tracey had texted me three times while I was in the shower. She wanted to meet later for coffee. I swallowed the lump of regret in my throat. I’d hoped it was Jay. I poured myself a coffee and sat down to send her a reply confirming I would meet her at Tim’s after I went to see Gran.

  * * *

  “Wow, your lip looks better already,” Tracey said when I walked into the coffee shop. “Think you can handle drinking something hot?”

  “No, I’ll stick to an iced cappuccino.”

  We ordered our drinks and looked around the crowded room for a couple empty seats. “Wanna drive to the park and walk around? It’s a nice night,” Tracey said.

  “Sure, why not?”

  We strolled in companionable silence along the path that followed the river, until we spotted a bench and sat down. The river was narrow there and the water was high from the melting snow. It flowed quickly, carrying bits of debris and ice downstream.

  “So,” Tracey said, “what’s up with you today? You seem really down in the dumps.”

  I shrugged. “I’m just feeling overwhelmed lately, between worrying about Gran and Mom and trying to figure out what to do about Edie and Sheila. It’s a lot to handle all at once, you know?”

  “No way. There’s more to it than that. All that crap’s been going on for weeks, but something’s different today. Did something happen last night with Jay?”

  Damn it, why won’t she leave it alone? I sat in rigid silence, staring off into the darkness beyond the river.

  “Sarah, will you talk to me already? I’m trying to help you here.”

  My shoulders slumped and I hung my head in misery. ”I was talking about Kayla last night and Jay said he’d like to meet her. It kind of freaked me out, I guess.”

  “Did you argue?”

  “No, not really. I told him I’d never brought a guy home to meet Kayla. He said he didn’t mean it that way. And then it got awkward, so I asked him to take me home.”

  “Hmm, and you haven’t heard from him today?”

  “No.”

  “Text him when you get home. Tell him you want to meet up tomorrow to talk about last night.”

  “I’m not doing that. I messed up, Trace. He probably doesn’t want to talk to me.”

  “Sarah, he thinks you’re pissed. That’s why you haven’t heard from him. He thinks he messed up.”

  I shook my head slowly. “I don’t know….”

  “What are you so afraid of?”

  I stared at her in exasperation. “Why do you keep digging? Can you not just leave this alone?”

  “No, I can’t. You keep everything bottled up inside. You try to be everything to everybody. You’re Kayla’s mom and her dad. You’re an emotional crutch for your mom, a nurse to your grandmother and you care more about your residents than some of their own families do. What about you? Who’s there for you?”

  I was taken aback by Tracey’s words. I’d never seen this deep, serious side of her before. And she knew me so much better than I’d thought. Once again, I’d underestimated her. I had a feeling a lot of people did.

  “So, what are you so afraid of?” she repeated.

  “It’s a long story.”

  “I have all night.”

  I sighed. “Fine, but don’t say I didn’t warn you,” I said, settling back into my seat. “So, when I was in college, taking the support worker course, I met a guy named Ethan at a party. He was the complete opposite of me; laid back, easy going, didn’t plan anything, didn’t think about tomorrow.”

  Tracey smirked. “So, the male version of me, huh? No wonder we hit it off.”

  “Actually, he was a lot like you in some ways. But, he wasn’t nearly as responsible.”

  “Hey, don’t call me that.”

  I smirked. “Sorry. I meant he didn’t have a job or an apartment, just slept on friends’ couches and picked up gigs at bars with his band whenever he could. Sometimes, I didn’t see him or hear from him for weeks, but I was so
busy with school and working part-time that it worked.” I took a sip of my half-melted ice cap.

  “I’m having trouble picturing you with a guy like that.”

  “I know. In hindsight, it probably wouldn’t have worked.” I pictured his face, and smiled fondly. “He had dark, curly hair and big, dark eyes. He was outgoing, charming, charismatic….”

  “In other words, Kayla takes after him?” Tracey asked.

  “She is a lot like him.”

  “Did you love him?”

  “I did. He made me feel happy and alive for the first time since my dad died.”

  I looked away and blinked back the tears. I’d never spoken to anyone about my dad’s death. Tracey laid her hand on my shoulder comfortingly. I looked at her and smiled dejectedly. “That’s a story for another time.”

  “Gotcha. So, how long did you know Ethan before you found out you were preggers?”

  “About three months. God, I was terrified. And, if it terrified me, imagine how he must have felt. He was so far from ready to be a father. Now, I wouldn’t go back and change it even if I could. I can’t imagine Kayla not being part of my life. But, at the time, I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t even bring myself to tell Ethan right away. I think I put it off because I knew I’d lose him.” I swiped a tear from my cheek and swirled the last bit of my drink around in my cup.

  “What’d he do when you told him?” Tracey asked.

  “He told me he wanted no part of raising a baby and that if I was smart, I’d take care of it and get on with my life. I told him I’d already considered my options and decided to keep the baby. I couldn’t help it. I already loved her. He left town the next day. It broke my heart. I cried every day for weeks.”

  Tracey looked heartbroken for me. “Wow, I can’t even imagine what you went through. I don’t know how you did it.”

  “I don’t either, but somehow I got through it and managed to finish school. Once the shock wore off, Mom was really excited about Kayla. It was the first time since my dad died that I felt like she stepped up and acted like a parent. Good thing, because Ethan wouldn’t have been any help, even if he’d stuck around. He could barely support himself let alone a baby.”