Free from Guilt

by Pat Simmons

  “Are you suggesting that I need to punch in a time clock at church?” Cameron chuckled at the obscurity of the thought. “I’m not anti-God. I’m pro-Jesus. If I’m not in church, most of the time I’m off somewhere doing a good deed.”

  “Cam, this is more than about you showing up every now and then at services. By the way, it’s been a while, mind you. God gave Gabrielle a double portion of something too, and she’s seeing right through you.”

  Lately Gabrielle made no secret of her disappointment with his legitimate reasons for missing church. She was a very desirable woman; one look at her could almost make him forget his name. Nobody was perfect. At the end of the day, couples have to compromise and overlook certain things about each other.

  Huffing, Cameron turned and stepped back inside the kitchen to get more ribs for the grill. Somehow he knew Gabrielle was his equal, but church shouldn’t be a prerequisite for a relationship.

  Her brother Drexel had basically said that it was when they squared off at her apartment complex. In absence of the courtroom, Judge Drexel Dupree was attempting to put him on trial. Nevertheless, he would lose this case. Cameron wanted Gabrielle based on honest intentions. He didn’t need church for that, and he wouldn’t bow to any woman’s demands regarding religion. That was still nonnegotiable.

  Later that evening, after all the meat had been smoked and Ace had gone home, Cameron was alone with his thoughts. He was absolutely clueless how to handle the divide between him and Gabrielle. His mind told him to cut his loss and walk away; yet he resolved to stay and fight. The question was: Who was his enemy?

  With his television on mute, he closed his eyes so that he could continue to mull over his dilemma in silence. Just then, his phone rang. When he answered, Gabrielle’s sweet voice greeted him.

  “I miss talking to you throughout the day,” he told her.

  “I miss you too, Cameron, but it’s getting busier at work as I settle in.”

  Cameron was still adjusting in his position too. But he always made time for her, even if it was a quick text. On the other hand, he didn’t believe in playing tit-for-tat. “You’re not calling to cancel coming to my house for the holiday, are you?”

  “No.” The line was silent. “I just needed some distance to think clearly.”

  “I see.”

  Gabrielle cleared her throat. “My family will be in town next weekend to hear my brother preach. Remember I told you about Philip, who is an evangelist. He’ll be conducting a tent meeting. Since he’s in the States and close by, we’re turning it into a family affair.”

  “Did you get it?”

  “What?” He definitely confused her.

  “Did the distance help you think clearly about us?”

  When she didn’t answer right away, Cameron assumed he had made her uncomfortable. So he switched the subject back to the barbecue at his house. “You’ll get a chance to see all the Jamiesons since the renewal ceremony. We’ll watch fireworks, play games, and get fat and full. There’ll be plenty of food.”

  “I can smell the barbecue all the way in North County. Talise told me earlier that Ace was going to your place. Wasn’t it a game night that changed Ace and Talise’s relationship?”

  “Somehow it got Talise speaking to him again.” Cameron chuckled. He wasn’t there but even back in Boston, he heard about how Ace was acting like a sick puppy.

  Then she flipped the script on him. “I’d like to invite you to the tent meeting. It will be held in Forest Park on Friday through Sunday. Talise said you don’t live far from there.”

  Cameron was conjuring up plenty of excuses, but his mind failed and his lips sabotaged him. “Sure.”

  “My brother preaches until the Holy Ghost descends in the midst of the people. God has truly anointed him to touch everyone under the sound of his voice.”

  Lifting a brow, Cameron withheld his smirk. Was that a challenge? Let her brother give his best shot to stir up anything in his spirit. When he did attend church with his family, they called him a spectator instead of a participator. Their summarization was accurate, and Cameron didn’t see anything changing because of Gabrielle’s brother.

  The next evening, Gabrielle drove through the gated Willow Estates complex after work and parked. While getting out of her car, Veronica Dupree’s ringtone played on her iPhone. For an instant, her heaviness dissipated and turned into a smile. She had texted her mother earlier for a dessert recipe to take to Cameron’s house.

  “Hold on, Mom,” she answered, as she inserted her key into her designated box to retrieve her mail. Next, she jogged up two flights of stairs to her apartment. “How’s everything at home?” She tried to sound upbeat, knowing her heart was heavy with her growing feelings toward Cameron and how to tame them.

  “I should ask you how things are in St. Louis. We missed each other’s call this past weekend, so I thought I would check in with you before your dad and I go to a function tonight.”

  “I’m fine …” And lonely. But Gabrielle kept that to herself, as she opened the door to her apartment.

  “What’s wrong, sweetie? You sound down.”

  “Cameron Jamieson. I think we’ve reached our crossroads. We’re not budging on our convictions. I’ve asked for distance to think and pray. He’s given me that and I’m miserable,” Gabrielle admitted.

  Before heading to the kitchen, she kicked off her shoes. Immediately, she started warming up leftover steak and a baked potato. “But I’m all right. I know you don’t have time to talk.”

  “There’s always time for girl talk. Your father will wait because he only has one daughter.”

  “A voice inside of me says I would be a fool to let him get away, but I feel my spirit warning me not to compromise. With two warring factions in my head, I’ve been evaluating whether I’m judging him too harshly—”

  “Never compromise when it comes to a man or salvation—never.”

  “Or I’ll have regrets?”

  “Regrets are part of life, but God rewards us if we diligently seek Him.”

  “Hebrews 11:6,” Gabrielle whispered. She reached for lettuce and cranberry bits to make a salad. Her eyes misted. She dared not sniff or it would upset her mother, who would upset her father, then her brother would be mad. Before the night was over, they would be at her doorstep.

  “Everyone wants companionship. It’s natural. Remember, God made Eve for Adam, and He created animals in pairs. Pray without the fear of being disappointed. Then God will open your eyes and allow you to see what He wants you to see.”

  “But I am afraid of being disappointed.”

  True to her word, Veronica spoke with her daughter until Gabrielle felt her melancholy mood pass. She also gave her the recipe for a cool dessert. Seconds after they said goodbye, Cameron sent a text: We just took a recess, and all I can think of is you.

  Smiling, Gabrielle instantly perked up. God, there is no way this man could disappoint me. Is there?

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Call her old-fashioned, paranoid, or just plain saved and trying to stay that way. To Gabrielle, it was something about entering a man’s house. With Cameron, she didn’t trust the chemistry between them.

  Even if they were surrounded by his family and friends for the holiday, Cameron would be the only one she would see. Was this the way love felt—uncontrollable? Oh no, was she really in love? Then she was in trouble.

  Maybe she was getting ahead of herself. Personally, she considered her home a private domain and anyone who stepped foot inside had to be special.

  Gabrielle pushed that anxiety to the back of her mind as she gathered the graham crackers, cream cheese, and sherbet for the strawberry lemon mousse tarts her mother had suggested. She prepared the dish in no time and cleaned up the mess.

  Checking the clock, Gabrielle jumped in the shower. Unaccustomed to the St. Louis humidity, she dressed comfortably in a flowing sleeveless sundress, topping her look in heeled sandals.

  With her dessert tucked away in a pr
otective plastic container, she gave herself one last perusal and was ready to leave. Once in her car, she programmed Cameron’s address and drove off.

  Exiting off I-170 to Forest Park Parkway, she waited at a stoplight and noted the history museum that guarded the entrance to Forest Park. When she relocated to St. Louis, it didn’t take long to learn it was one of the largest urban parks in the country—even bigger than New York’s Central Park—and a major tourist destination.

  In less than a week, Total Surrender Temple Church would set up a tent somewhere in that massive park and become the hot spot for a summer revival. Philip would preach and set St. Louis on fire with the Holy Ghost.

  Once she passed Barnes-Jewish Hospital, Gabrielle turned left onto Euclid until she saw McPherson Avenue and made a right. The homes were magnificent in architecture.

  A few cars crowded in the cul-de-sac around Cameron’s abode. As she crept closer, an orange construction cone was planted on one side of his driveway, prohibiting anyone from parking in the spot.

  She squeezed into a parking space a few houses away, unbuckled her seat belt, and then reached for her dessert. When she turned around, Cameron appeared out of nowhere and tapped on her window, startling her. Gabrielle unlocked the door and he opened it.

  “Hey, it’s about time you got here.” He was all smiles as he bent and brushed a kiss against her cheek. Her heart fluttered. They had negotiated a kiss on the cheek as acceptable.

  “Give me your keys,” he said, as if he was a valet.

  “Why?”

  Guiding her outside, he shut the door and stepped closer until she could sniff his cologne. “Because,” he said, pointing, “that space is reserved for you—always.”

  God, I want a man just like this, but one who loves the Lord so much that he’s scared to soil his spiritual garment. With her silent petition finished, she appraised Cameron’s outer appearance. He was to be admired in a sleeveless red T-shirt, blue Khaki shorts, and white sneakers. Cameron’s sculptured muscles resembled a stone Adonis.

  “Why?” she repeated.

  Cameron stopped and stared into her eyes. “You have a standing reservation at my house. We need to have a serious talk tonight with or without my family nearby. You’re killing me with this distance, baby.”

  Gabrielle exhaled and finally handed over her keys.

  Allowing him to move her car, she stared at the two- and three-story monasteries on his block. As they neared the front door of his home, his little nephews raced out onto the porch with water guns aimed at each other. Gabrielle stepped back, so she wouldn’t get caught in the crossfire.

  When two of them pumped their guns, Gabrielle braced for a splash. Instead, bubbles floated into the air. She laughed and they giggled. Cameron hiked up the steps and slipped his arm around her waist. Welcoming his comfort, she leaned into him and hugged him back.

  God, please keep me from falling.

  He rubbed a kiss in her hair and whispered, “Lady, you are one beautiful woman.” Before he could say more, one of the miniature Jamiesons distracted them. “I said you can play with them outside in the backyard, not on my front porch. Go on, you two,” Cameron ordered.

  Pouting, they did as they were told and marched down the steps and around the side of the house. As Cameron steered her through the door, Gabrielle recognized one boisterous voice. Evidently, Grandma BB was in her element and providing entertainment.

  The woman paused in mid-sentence to greet her. Others followed suit and offered hugs while Cameron stayed by her side.

  Remembering her dessert, she shoved the container in his hand. “This should go into the refrigerator as soon as possible. I think the children will enjoy it.”

  Cameron snickered. “I didn’t even notice it. Sorry.” Instead of doing her bidding, he passed the buck and placed it in his niece’s hands. “Here, do whatever she says,” he instructed Parke’s only daughter.

  Without an argument, Kami, who was always respectful, did as Gabrielle told her. Talise had raved about the child’s scholastic achievements. Gabrielle had teased that brains and looks run in the family. That’s when Talise had confided that Kami was adopted. Scrutinizing the child’s features again, it was hard for her to believe the girl wasn’t born a Jamieson.

  Glancing around Cameron’s house was like watching a reenactment of a United Nations meeting. There were guests from nationalities she recognized and others who Gabrielle wouldn’t dare guess. That was another thing they had in common; she and Cameron enjoyed diversity in fellowship.

  The chatter continued among the women, and she turned her attention to the interior layout. It was an older home that boasted rich character in its architecture. With a hint of elegance here and there, basically, the décor reflected his personality—contemporary, and that of an intellect who was accustomed to entertaining. The dark hardwood floors glistened and hinted that a fresh coat of polish had been recently applied.

  His choice of stylish mahogany furniture appeared staged for a showcase rather than practical use. Yet she didn’t sense he had any reservations when it came to his guests having a good time.

  People were everywhere. Guests mingled in the living room and dining room and some even congregated in the kitchen. Gabrielle chided herself for worrying about being alone with him.

  “So glad you finally made it, girl.” Talise squeezed her shoulders. “Cameron was really working my nerves. You could have ridden with us.”

  Shaking her head, Gabrielle smiled. “Nope. When I’m ready to leave, I can get in my car and go without disturbing you and your family.”

  “Uh-uh. I’ve got your keys, remember?” Cameron snuck up behind her again.

  She whirled around and scrunched her nose. “Uh-huh. I’ve got Mace, remember?” she teased, smiling.

  “Ouch. I still have flashbacks about that horrible experience.” He displayed a non-convincing, frightening expression and reached for the back of his neck. Gabrielle shoved him playfully, as she began to relax.

  “I would have protected you from any harm,” he whispered. As if he was reading her expression, he added, “And after our very first kiss, I knew I had to protect you against me even before you brought it up. But my plan didn’t include a permanent sabbatical from your lips.”

  “Change the subject,” she warned in a whisper, because his words were starting to subdue her and that was just as bad as an actual kiss. Despite the crowd, as she had predicted, they were sucked into a private moment. That is, until Grandma BB nudged her way between them.

  Suddenly dismissing Cameron, Grandma BB introduced Gabrielle to another handsome man. It was mind-boggling. “Where do you find these escorts?” she asked the older woman.

  “Craigslist,” Grandma BB answered with a shrug that indicated Gabrielle should have known. “A seasoned woman like me needs one or two bodyguards from time to time.”

  “Don’t get any ideas,” Cameron spoke up after suddenly reappearing. “You won’t need them for bodyguards or boy toys like Grandma BB.”

  Just then Talise stole her away before she could respond and ushered her into the kitchen. The Jamieson wives, Cheney, Hallison, and Eva, were manning the pans of food scattered across the countertops. The massive kitchen was another magnificent room with beautifully wood-carved French doors leading to a stone-covered patio. Gabrielle looked out and noticed a volleyball net set up in a yard that seemed as big as the house. There was a crowd milling about, and it appeared as though a game was about to begin.

  Questions began to form in her mind. Gabrielle came from money. Only an affluent person could afford this type of property, which was usually in the hands of well-to-do Black folks with old money passed down through generations of doctors or other professionals. Her father was the second generation in the medical field. She knew Cameron was doing well, but he had to have paid a pretty penny for this place. In spite of his financial ability, this just seemed like a lot of square footage for one man.

  Clearing her throat, Gabrielle blinked
. She came to have a good time, not calculate a home appraisal. “I didn’t realize there would be so many people. I definitely didn’t bring enough dessert.”

  Talise waved her hand. “Girl, please. I’ve learned quickly that Jamieson wives cook, regardless whose house is having a party. There’s always plenty of food.”

  Cameron’s house seemed to be a living sponge of delicacies, as visitors either dropped off a dish or carried away a plate. Although he was busy entertaining, when she glanced his way, he always had his eyes trained on her. He winked.

  As soon as the sun set, guests poured out of his house and gathered to watch the fireworks. Since Cameron’s home was situated between downtown and Forest Park, there were nonstop explosions of bright colors lighting up the sky.

  With her goddaughter cradled in her arms, Gabrielle sat on a porch step and watched Lauren sleep.

  A few minutes later, Cameron snuggled beside her and exhaled. “Whew. Being a host is like a second job.” He glanced at the baby. “She’s getting so big, and she’s a flirt too. Just like you.”

  “Me?” Gabrielle faced him.

  Staring into his eyes, she watched the reflection of red sparkles that rained from afar. Gabrielle didn’t notice the bottle of beer in Cameron’s hand until he took a swig. It was a reminder of their different convictions.

  He must have read the disappointment in her expression because he dropped the bottle in the nearest trash bin. Too late. Gabrielle had already been awakened from a spiritual slumber.

  “I thought you didn’t drink, or at least you don’t when we go out to dinner.”

  “I don’t drink hard liquor anymore. That’s what I told you.”

  She never wanted to be a woman who ignored the warning signs. The red sparkles had just turned into a red flag.

  “I messed up, didn’t I?”