Soul to Keep

by Rebekah Weatherspoon

  I must have blinked or maybe I started crying. I couldn’t tell with all the water dripping out of my hair and running down my face, but my throat felt like I was crying. So did my chest. I plunged myself back under the water.

  When I came back up, Tokyo was off the ladder. I was in her arms. I didn’t know what was wrong with me. She was right. I’d never done this before, not without the help of Ginger’s bite and what it did to me. I had no idea what I was doing, touching another girl’s body, and I was terrified that I was going to fuck it up. I just didn’t expect the panic to come so fast or to be so overwhelming.

  “How about we stop pretending?” she whispered against my ear. “You really be yourself with me. Really let it out. Forget about Ginger. Forget about the girls. It’s just you and me. I might be slightly important, but base brass tacks, I’m still human and you can be as human as you need to be with me.”

  I swallowed and tried to scrub my eyes. “I want to talk dirty with you. I actually thought I could try something sadomasochistic with you, but I just looked at you, this naked body, and I freaked out. You were right. I’ve never had sex before. I slept with James once, but that didn’t count, and it doesn’t count if it doesn’t count, right?”

  “Right. It only counts if you say it counts.”

  “Well then, I’ve never had sex before. The stuff with the feedings doesn’t count. That’s like a chapter meeting, but we’re all naked. But it’s a part of the job. I want to help Ginger, and I love the feedings, and sometimes I like fooling around with the girls, but it’s not organic, it’s not real. This is.”

  “It is. I like you, Jill. I wouldn’t have gone through all this trouble breaking and entering if I didn’t.”

  “Okay, well, I want to keep doing this, but I have to be honest with you. In my mind, the way I feel right now, I might as well be a virgin, and I’m terrified I don’t know what to do. Also, I’m kind of afraid of the dark. Did you ever notice the night light in my room?”

  “I did. And that’s okay. Scary things happen in the dark. How about this? We stop acting like we’re in a porno. If I remember things correctly from my first time seven hundred years ago, it didn’t start with in-pool oral.”

  “What did it start with?”

  “This.” She kissed me again. I kissed her back, but it took a moment for me to shake the emotional tremors that made me feel absolutely inferior to whatever she was offering. Her willingness to participate in this thing I had to label an experiment for it to make sense to me.

  We kissed some more, and I felt her lifting me. I didn’t want to know where we were going; I didn’t want to watch the weird shadows dancing around the pool. When I did open my eyes, we were in the light and the warmth. We were in the sauna in the women’s locker room. We kept kissing as Tokyo laid me down on the warm, towel-covered benches. I didn’t have to imagine how she found time to set it all up.

  “Are you okay with this?”

  “Yes.”

  “How about this?”

  She climbed on top of me and slipped her hand between our bodies, but instead of touching me, she touched herself. I glanced down and watched. I became a little transfixed with the way her hand was moving, the sounds she was making. The back of her hand brushed against me lightly. And then again and again with a little more pressure each time. My hips were rising to meet her cupped fingers. I moaned too.

  Chapter Eleven

  Jill

  We made it back to the dorm just before sunrise. Portia was still asleep when I climbed into bed. We’d rinsed off after our time in the sauna, but my hair still smelled like chlorine. The smell of it made me smile as I fell back to sleep again.

  But I wasn’t smiling when I woke up ninety minutes later to the sound of my alarm. Late was one thing for me, but all night? That was not my territory. It was a struggle to get in the shower. Almost impossible to do my hair. I gave up short of not even moisturizing it, but I knew the cool October air would leave it a dry, brittle mess if I didn’t at least throw some leave-in in it before I put it up.

  Walking down the stairs, I had no idea how I was going to make it through three ninety-minute lectures without falling asleep. I’d needed coffee, even though I never drank it. Or some sort of energy drink. I went into the kitchen where breakfast was laid out for us girls. Florencia was there, enjoying a massive cup of coffee herself and reading something on her tablet.

  “Good morning,” I said, greeting her with a kiss on the cheek.

  “Mhmm. And these are for you,” she said. I didn’t even notice the bouquet of flowers on the counter beside her. Orange, yellow, and pink peonies I think. The note was handwritten, not printed. My name was on the outside, and on the inside it said, I hope this counts, love B aka T.

  I pulled out my phone and sent her a text.

  It definitely counts. Thank you for the flowers and thank you for last night.

  We had sex in the sauna for at least an hour before we went back out to the pool to splash and play around. We ended up making out again and then having sex again. I was so nervous, but Tokyo made it easy. I knew how to deal with these things in groups or through the erotic haze of feedings, but I had no idea what to do one-on-one. Luckily, Tokyo knew how to defuse my embarrassingly timed panic attack. She made me feel comfortable and safe and not at all like a bumbling novice.

  “You still want coffee?” Florencia asked. She was standing there, pot in hand.

  “I—no.”

  “They’re very beautiful,” she said, nodding toward the flowers. Did she know who really sent them?

  “Thank you. I’m just gonna go put these in my room.” Of course the handful of girls I ran into had something to say. The bouquet looked perfect on my desk. I hid the note, though. I didn’t know the bounds of Portia’s nosiness.

  When I got outside, James was waiting for me to walk to class. Autumn and winter were starting their not-so-delicate dance. I shoved my hands in my pockets, wishing I’d grabbed my mittens.

  “What’s up?” I asked when I saw the look on his face. Something was up and I had a feeling what that something was. I’d shut down all his attempts to talk about Bridgette, but eventually I was going to have to explain.

  “Not much. So Bridgette. She seems nice.”

  “Thanks. She is. She’s very nice.”

  “And cute. You can tell she likes you a lot too. Why didn’t you mention her before? I thought we were supposed to be best friends, Jilly Bean.”

  “I still hate that name.”

  “I know. But what gives? You never even mentioned meeting her and then you were all over her at the Gamma party and then she’s showing up to study. She’s coming tonight too, right?”

  “Probably.”

  “It’s not like I mind. I mean, yeah, I mind. You tell me everything and I tell you everything. And you just take everything so seriously and you plan everything down to the letter and then boom, girlfriend out of the blue. And she’s not even an ABO girl, which might have made a little more sense.”

  “No, it wouldn’t. They all hate me and you know that.”

  “It’s because they don’t know you.”

  “Don’t do that, okay? You and Van choose to separate yourself from the guys. You choose to spend less time with your brother, but when it’s time to do stuff together, Tim and the boys don’t give you shit. They don’t make you feel unwanted. Tim even told me he wished you hung around more.”

  “I know. He said that I’d replaced him with you as my twin.”

  I almost told him the truth right then. I was creating unnecessary tension in our friendship, but I didn’t know what he would say. Or maybe I did. James always made me laugh. Even when I was stressing myself out or taking things in a way he thought was too seriously, he was always my voice of levity. And that’s what made it hard for me to tell him. He would crack jokes, and if Tokyo came around in her Bridgette form, I knew he would tease her or try to get her to do something to drop her human façade.

  And I also
thought he might laugh at me. I was one cash transaction from having actually hired a girlfriend, and even though I knew it was all a scam, something temporary that wouldn’t last, I was starting to feel things for her. Or at least starting to grow attached to the way she was making me feel. How did I explain that without sounding like a completely naïve idiot? I couldn’t.

  “I didn’t want to say anything until I knew how she felt about me. I’ve done one-sided before.”

  “Hey, we’ve all had our hearts broken before.”

  I wasn’t going to bug him about Van, but I glared at him. “Okay, well, we’ve thought about having our hearts broken. I get why you did it. Rejection can be embarrassing.”

  I glared at him again.

  “Okay, fuck you,” he said, laughing.

  “You know I will never, ever give you a hard time about any of this. I just want you to be happy.”

  “I know. I just need two good seasons in the pros and then I can come out. Making myself invaluable is key.”

  “I know. I still think you should tell Van how you really feel about him. It’s obvious it’s way more than sex with you two. It’s not like he would out you, and you wouldn’t out him. You two can be there for each other until you’re ready. You already are.”

  “I know. We fucked again last night and then he stayed in my room. Tim hung with the guys down the hall so we could have the room to ourselves.”

  “See! And you’re worried about me not telling you anything.”

  “Well, Bridgette seems cool. I’m gonna put her in a headlock if she hurts you.” There was that humor. I had to laugh.

  “Please don’t. She’s not ready to take on one half of the Tongan powerhouse.”

  “Damn straight she isn’t.”

  “Let’s stop at the Eagle’s Nest. I need a few energy drinks.”

  “Late night?”

  “I snuck out with Bridgette and we broke into the pool over at Evans.” I felt a rush of adrenaline just sharing a bit of my adventure.

  “What! Oooooh, Babineux. I’m telling your sister-queen.”

  Something told me she already knew.

  ❖

  Tokyo

  The next few days were interesting. And good and a little weird. I had to split my time with the girls and handling my responsibilities with Dalhem. He asked Kina and me to do a little asking around, talk to bound vampires, see if they’d heard or seen anything unusual, but it was business as usual across all the land. The rest of the time, it became apparent that I was dating Jill. She took a couple of afternoon naps down in my place. That was the good part. The weird part came Friday night.

  Our feeding movie night went off as planned. And as always, I gathered my girls to our corner of choice. Chelsea wasn’t feeling too well. An emotional snafu with her boyfriend, but she wanted to at least feed me before she went up to her room, to sulk or make up with him. She was gone before the title sequence for Pacific Rim even popped up on the screen. And so was Jill. I don’t know why I expected her to stay.

  I had to keep shit nice and normal, and nice and normal meant partaking in a minor orgy with my feeders.

  It’s not like I expected Jill to sit on the other side of the room to watch, and I didn’t expect her to come over and try to join us, but I wanted her to stay. I wanted her to try to join us. I wanted her to be with me. I saw the night through, feeding from and fucking the girls until all three of them gave up. D’Monique and Yaz wanted to stay in my bed, but I was able to convince them to take their after-party up to their room.

  It was nearly one a.m. when I got back to my place and got in the shower. Faeth and Omi were on house duty til sunrise. Natasha had gone across the street to hop on her husband’s dick ’cause six sorority girls weren’t enough to wear her out. They weren’t enough for me either. I wasn’t on house arrest anymore, and there was always Moreland’s. She was always happy to see me. And so were the strippers at Tens. I’m sure Kina would have been down for an x-rated field trip, but none of that was working for me. I checked my phone. And then checked it again.

  I texted Jill.

  Hey, are you still up?

  Yeah. Watching TV on my tablet.

  Do you want to come down?

  Yes.

  K. Door’s open.

  It only took her ten minutes to show up at my door, but those ten minutes made me realize just how much we took our ability to jump through space for granted. Stairs and elevators and doorways were for chumps. It gave me time to put on a shirt though. Jill was getting used to me, but I wasn’t sure if she was up for full frontal nudity. Though I’m pretty sure that might make at least some of my intentions clear as fuck. Some shorts and a shirt did the trick.

  When she finally arrived, I was more than ready for her. The feeding and fucking frenzy had only made me more horny, and I hadn’t done anything but kiss her since our time in the pool. And that time in the pool. God, Jill was shy, and yeah, she freaked out a bit, but once we found her comfort zone? Fuck. Being with her was like a dream. Eager defined everything about her once we got into that sauna. If there wasn’t the small issue of the rising sun I would have kept her there well into the morning.

  I opened the door for my sweet little thing before she could even knock. Maybe eager was my problem tonight. I looked down at her in her pajamas, ABO sweats and an ABO tank top. She had her tablet tucked against her chest. She looked cute but sleepy, like she’d really been dozing off when she got my text.

  “You tired?” I asked, tucking a few loose curls away from her eyes.

  “No. It’s just been a long week.”

  “Well, come on. Bed or couch?”

  “Bed.”

  I nodded and let her lead the way. I’d made sure to turn all the lights in my place on. The all-black decor made it feel like a dark cave. I liked it like that, perfect for doing dirty dark things, but I wanted my guest to be comfortable.

  I sat on the bed as she looked around.

  “What were you watching?” I asked.

  She looked at her tablet. “Oh, it’s called South End Girls. British show—”

  “Oh yeah, it’s a comedy. About the four girls in high school? Faeth loves that show.”

  “You’ve seen it?”

  “Yeah, a few episodes. We can keep watching if you want.”

  “No. I—I’m still pretty wound up from feeding Ginger. Sometimes I do something about it, but—”

  “That’s what I’m here for. Is that what you’re saying? Oh, do you want me to change forms?” I was still in all my five nine glory.

  “No, it’s fine. I think the height difference bothers me the most if we’re out walking around or if I’m out in a crowd. I hate having to look up all the time, but I like you like this too. I like the real you.”

  “And we don’t have to stand up.”

  “That’s true.”

  “Did tonight bother you? I mean me and it seemed like you left faster than usual.”

  “No.” She shook her head. “I’ve never really cared for them, the group feedings. Although I suppose I don’t really want to watch you with the other girls.”

  “I know. I guess it isn’t permanent. I—”

  “You what?”

  “I don’t have to stay here forever.”

  “How long have you been in the house?”

  “About seventeen years?”

  “How long do you have to stay?”

  “Our Master asks for four years minimum, but most of us stay longer or leave and come back. We like hanging out with you guys.”

  “How long will you stay?”

  “I don’t know. Things are different now.”

  “How?”

  “Meh, let’s talk about that another time. What do you want to do tonight?”

  Jill pulled in a deep breath then squared her shoulders. “I think you know by now that I like to…research. I was thinking about the other night in the pool and your taste for sadism.”

  “Did taking you to the pool seem sadis
tic?” Wow. Had I fucked up that bad?

  “No, no. I meant, when you were in control I felt much better. I felt comfortable. I think my…little breakdown had as much to do with inexperience as possibly not wanting to take the lead. It’s like how bad I am with dirty talk. I like when you talk that way, or when you ask me questions. I like that, but I’m so bad at reciprocating.”

  I grabbed her shirt and tugged her between my legs. She caught on enough to ditch her tablet on the bed.

  “Are you saying that you want me to dominate you?”

  “If that’s okay with you. I think I remember you playing the submissive role when you were with Cleo.” I almost laughed. She sounded like an adorable BDSM textbook. I reached for the ties on her sweatpants and started to undo them.

  “I can switch easily. Well, I think we’ll skip the sensory deprivation stuff. No blindfolds, possibly gags later, after we’ve had some practice.”

  I pulled her sweats down and her underwear with them. I could smell how wet she was, the sweet musk that was wholly unique to Jill Babineux and Jill only. She watched me as I slipped my hand between her legs, pulled up her tank top so it wouldn’t get in the way. Fuck, she was so wet. I looked up at her as I slid my fingers back and forth along her clit. I don’t know if I expected her to look away, but she didn’t. She met my gaze with a steady, almost neutral expression. If it weren’t for the subtle movement of her throat and the way her pussy seemed to grow even wetter, I would have thought I was doing something wrong. I spread my fingers apart, spreading her open.

  “Do you want me to tie you up?”

  A little nod. “Yes.”

  “On the bed or standing up like this?”

  “I want to stand up.”

  “Good. I like you this way. Don’t move.”

  I vanished from my spot on the bed over to my chest where I kept most of my toys. I hadn’t used them in ages, but I still had a pair of soft leather cuffs. The real metal handcuffs seemed a little too extreme. Plus, as much as I wanted to, I didn’t want to leave any marks.