The Face

by Ivan B

  She added, frighteningly, “Because, Brian, I am a gnat’s whisker of taking Janis away and never bringing her back.”

  He heart pounded as he tried to collect his thoughts. “It all began I suppose what I went to the supermarket and saw Bau for the first time…”

  Upstairs, Bau and Amy were sitting in Bau’s bedroom, side by side on the edge of the bed. Amy was crying, but crying without tears and probably very close to having a panic attack. “She’ll talk him out of it Bau. I can see it in her eyes. She disapproves of us.”

  “If he really loves us Amy no-one can talk him out of it. You might call it an early acid test”

  She sniffled, “But I don’t want to lose him Bau. No man has ever looked at me twice and I love him. He makes me safe; he’s got lovely large hands.”

  Bau put her arm round her friend and held her tight. “I don’t want to lose him either Amy. We both love him.”

  She could feel Amy trembling and gently turned Amy’s face with her free hand so that she could look into her frightened eyes. “We must trust Amy. If we’ve chosen the right man he’ll come through for us. We must trust and I’m sure that in fifteen days time you’ll be getting married to him.”

  “How can you be so sure?” She moaned.

  “Because we’ve chosen wisely. Brian’s a good man.”

  Amy croaked, “But she’s brought his daughter. Suppose she forces him to choose?”

  Bau considered the question; it was one she hadn’t thought of. “Then he’ll choose us, I’m sure he will.”

  Amy pleaded “Hold me Bau. I need a hug.”

  Bau put her arms around her. “So do I Amy, so do I.”

  As they hugged Bau became fearful herself. Not fearful of his sister, but fearful of the bishop. Telling Joan and perhaps giving up his daughter a second time was one thing; telling the bishop and giving up his calling was quite another.

  Brian eventually crept into the bedroom at 3am. He undressed and sat on the edge of the bed and put his head in his hands. He felt the bed move as Amy sat up, shuffled over and sat beside him. Tentatively she put an arm around him and tenderly whispered, “You OK?”

  He felt her quiver, “Are we all right?” She half-moaned.

  She shook again, “Is it all over?” She said weakly.

  He turned, gave her an enormous hug and an equally enormous kiss. “Of course not. We’ve said our vows yesterday and I meant every word of them and I mean every word of them now. I’m not giving you up Amy, not now, not ever. I just love you too much.”

  Amy shivered, “And Bau, is she forcing you to give Bau up?”

  “And I’m not giving up Bau either. We all love one another too much for that.”

  He felt her relax. “I was so worried,” she said as she cuddled him, “so worried.”

  He hugged her, “That’s what I’m here for; to stop you worrying. Big safe hands, remember?”

  “Big safe hands,” she duly echoed. “Big safe hands.”

  Bau lay in bed listening and trembling. She’d heard Brian come up the stairs and go into Amy’s room now she was waiting. After five minutes silence she let out a low slow breath, all was well. If there had been any problems Amy would have howled the house down by now. She turned over and tried to analyse her feelings. How could one man have such an influence on her life in such a short time? Unbeknown to her, directly above Joan was asking herself the directly opposite question. How could two women have such an influence on Brian in such a short time? She fell asleep before she found an answer.

  Chapter 13

  Fissures

  Joan came out of a deep sleep to the sound of guitar music. She lethargically listened to something that sounded like Greensleeves played hesitantly on two guitars before rolling over and gazing at her watch. She peered more closely, surely it couldn’t be nearly midday? She staggered into the bathroom and deliberately tepid had a shower before getting dressed. The guitar music was coming from Janis and Bau. Janis on Amy’s battered acoustic and Bau on her pristine steel-strung acoustic. Bau looked up as she entered. “Your daughter’s rather good,” said Bau encouragingly.

  “She should be; her lessons cost me a small fortune.” Joan replied.

  Janis grinned excitedly; “Bau’s showed me some neat ways of changing chords, much easier than Deborah’s method.”

  Joan realised that both Bau and Janis had sheet music in front of them, propped up on a pair of tiny music stands. She blinked almost in disbelief. Janis would practice endlessly, but never while reading, or trying to read, music.

  “You’re reading music?” She blurted out.

  Janis gave another grin. “Bau says the only way to learn properly is to use sheet music for half the time and ‘jam’ for an equal amount of time to get the real feel of the instrument.”

  Joan gave up and went into the kitchen. The electric kettle was on, but there was no one around. Amy appeared, as if by magic. “Hi,” she said with a grin, “Brian said not to wake you, jet-lag and all that. Are you hungry or do you want to wait for lunch?”

  “Coffee and a cookie will do fine.”

  She watched Amy move about the kitchen, despite her size she moved with seemingly effortless action between kettle and cupboard and worktop. She was obviously feeling at home. “Is Brian up?”

  “Mowing the grass. Give a man a sit-upon lawnmower and he’ll mow a golf course before breakfast, just don’t ask him to dig out the weeds first.”

  Despite her misgiving Joan laughed, Amy had summed up Brian rather nicely.

  “Brian told me you’d been ill.”

  Amy nodded without turning round. “Just a bit. Still have a few mental scars, but I’m learning to cope.”

  She turned round and placed a mug of tea on the table. A few shortbread biscuits on a plate followed before Amy sat down opposite. “Guess Brian told you all the gory details last night.”

  “All that he knows,” she replied ominously.

  Amy inclined her head to one side. “I’ve told Brian everything, we have a golden rule, no secrets. We find it best that way.”

  “So you know every time he sleeps with Bau?”

  The question was blunt, so blunt Amy almost rolled her head back as if she’d been punched. Amy licked her pink lips. “Not exactly. I know that he has intercourse with Bau, but that’s between them. We don’t check up on each other, we trust each other. Any more questions?”

  Joan tried to garner her thoughts; the after effects of the jet-lag and long sleep didn’t help. “Did Bau murder Lucy?

  “No.”

  “So in your eyes she’s perfectly innocent?”

  Amy hesitated. “In my mind she drove herself into the ground looking after a daughter she loved so much it was painful to watch. Perhaps at the end she was a trifle negligent, with most mothers that would mean a near miss and a sigh of relief. But Lucy died while Bau was sleeping because she was laying on her back not her side. Lucy was seven. Most seven year olds would automatically turn over; Lucy was too weak to do that so she died and Bau got the blame. Got the blame from the courts, not from me.”

  She fixed Joan with a stare, “You see I know how exhausted Bau was. She knew her daughter was dying and she was putting every ounce of her energy into giving her the best possible quality of life. You’re a mother, imagine Janis was dying, wouldn’t you try to move heaven and hell to make her last days beautiful?”

  The thought was not appealing, but she maternally knew where Amy was coming from. “This expert witness, did you hear her?”

  Amy glowered. “She swanned in, read the reports, never interviewed Bau, or talked to her GP, or the hospital consultant, and wove a fabric of quarter truths into a tissue of speculation that created a picture of a merciless mother out to satisfy her own ends. If she’d painted a picture of a desperate mother trying to ease her daughter’s pain I might have forgiven her, but she was so far off the mark she put Bau on a different planet; not in a room with a sick and dying daughter. Do you know it took the defence lawyer
thirteen questions before that witness finally admitted that she knew that Lucy was terminally ill with a prognosis of death within six weeks? That’s what Bau went to prison for, six weeks of a child’s life that she never took away in the first place.”

  Joan was surprised both at the vehemence and the eloquence. “She was that ill?”

  “Should have been in a hospice, but Bau wouldn’t hear of it.”

  Joan tried to picture the scene, whichever way she looked at it Bau went up, not down, in her estimation. She sipped her coffee, decided that it was not nearly strong enough, and placed the mug back on the table. Amy watched her closely. “I suppose,” Amy said carefully, “you think that Bau and I are out to fleece your brother and then walk away laughing. It’s not like that, not like that at all.”

  Joan made a huffing noise. “Bau just happens to be penniless and you have no means of support other than having him as a husband.”

  Amy smiled sweetly, while somehow giving the impression of a basking shark. “When I met Bau she was well on her way to having a lucrative career in music, she gave it all up for Lucy and spent it all her hard earned cash on private hospital bills. She still gets royalties from a couple of songs so she might be penniless at the moment, but that will end. As for me, I’ve got quite a substantial amount of money in the bank. Bau gave me full board and lodging plus a salary, I’ve hardly spent any of that salary. To start with I was too involved with Lucy and Bau and later I was too ill to spend it. So out to fleece your brother, no.”

  Amy’s face softened, “Love your brother, yes.” She held up her left hand where the rings were clearly visible. “I don’t know if you believe in love at first sight Joan, but I’ve loved him from the moment I saw him. Nice big hands.”

  Joan sighed and shook her head. “You’d base a lifetime together on less than a week?”

  “How long did it take you to know Sam was your man?” Amy shot back.

  Joan stared at her, and then burst into laughter. “Point made,” she said, “Point made.”

  Brian swerved the lawn mower round a bush and wondered just how his cousin made so much money just out of writing model railways books and publishing pictures of forgotten steam trains. He wondered what he would do after he’d seen the Bishop, a meeting he’d scheduled for the following day. Stay at the school? A possibility, but he doubted that they’d keep him on as chaplain. In any case being a school with a religious foundation he doubted they’d keep him on once they knew of his duel female relationships. He circled round a sort of golden conifer. Teach elsewhere? Not got the right qualifications. He smiled, supply teaching? This was often the bottom of the teaching heap, especially in inner city schools; qualifications would probably not be high on the headteacher’s mind in such schools. He pottered to a gentle stop. Could he get between those trees? It looked as if George had. He opened the throttle gently and eased forward. What about using his physics degree somewhere else? An engineering plant, or a factory perhaps. He winced as the mower gently bounced off of a tree and he shot through the gap. Perhaps his sister was right; perhaps he had made a decision that would alter the course of his life into a downhill spiral. On the other hand he felt like he was on the top of the world. He’d made love to Amy following his talk with Joan and had another shower encounter with Bau. In some ways life had never been so good. He noticed a movement to his left and stopped, Joan was waving a tea-towel. He guessed it was dinner time and reluctantly turned off the engine. He wasn’t quite all the way round, but it didn’t matter much, he’d already mowed the entire lawn system twice, three times would have been overkill.

  Janis eyed the scrambled egg. “What are the little brown bits?”

  “Bacon.”

  She made a face; “I don’t like bacon.”

  Amy, matter-of-factly, replied while still dishing up, “I know, your mum told me. You’ve got chopped peanuts.”

  Janis glanced at her mum, who was keeping a straight face. “Chopped peanuts and egg?” She queried, somewhat incredulously.

  Amy shrugged, “Only nuts I’ve got, sorry about that. We’ll pop out later and get something else. At least the salt from the nuts won’t spoil the egg.”

  Janis stared at the yellow mound on her plate. Brian lent over and took a forkful, “Mind if I have a taste, seems novel.”

  Janis became protective, “Hands off, I want the entire experience to myself.”

  Joan rolled her eyes at Amy. “Now you’re setting a trend. Every time one of her vegi friends comes round she’ll want scrambled eggs and chopped peanuts.”

  Brian noticed the lack of antagonism between Joan and Amy and wondered what had happened. Janis tasted the egg. “Say this isn’t bad.” She tucked in with vigour.

  Brian sighed, “Supermarket this afternoon is it?”

  Amy almost laughed at the resigned expression on his face. “No, I’ll go to the general stores in the village.”

  “I wouldn’t bother,” murmured Joan, “We’re not stopping.”

  Janis paused with a forkful of egg just hovering off of her thick lips. Joan gave her the mother’s glare, the one that means ‘don’t make a fuss.’ She said firmly, “I’ve really got to go and see Queenie, she’s expecting me.”

  Janis half took the hint and ate the peanut-laden egg. She waited until the very last mouthful of toast. “I don’t have to come and see Queenie,” she announced, “I’ve never met her.”

  Joan eye’s flashed. “She’s heard all about you dear and she’d love to meet you in the flesh.”

  “I could stay here.”

  “No.”

  “What’s wrong with me staying here?”

  “I said no, and that’s an end to the matter.”

  Janis opened her mouth and Joan pointed a finger, “I said NO!”

  Bau watched the interchange. She pushed her egg around on the plate. “Amy, do you think you’re gran would let you and I stay at hers for a couple of days?”

  Joan got the message, made a sour face and pushed her plate away. “It wouldn’t make any difference. We’re leaving.”

  Janis stood up in a huff, “Fulfilled our obligations have we,” she snarled in her rich Canadian accent, “You promised to let me meet Brian and I suppose you have. Of course, letting me get to know him is something not on your agenda is it?”

  Joan tried for calm, “It’s not like that love, there are other things to consider.”

  “Like what?” She raged, “Your precious itinerary? What about my life?”

  She stormed out slamming the kitchen door after her. Rather she intended to, however the dramatic effect was lost as the elderly warped door dragged on the floor and gently clicked home. She had much more success with the door of her room, which slammed rather effectively leaving a malignant silence in the kitchen. Joan gave a shrug, “Teenagers huh?”

  Anguish crossed Brian’s face; “Don’t let it end like this sis. First time I get to talk to my daughter and you drag her out against her will.”

  Joan stood up, plainly furious, she yelled, “She’s not your daughter, she’s my daughter and I don’t want her influenced by the likes of you and your harem!”

  She stormed out of the kitchen into the garden; her door-slamming being far more effective than her daughter’s. Brian, Amy and Bau sat in silence. Eventually Bau managed to say, in a cracked and pained voice, “I’m sorry Brian, sorry that we….”

  He seized a hand of each of them. “Stop right there. You’ve nothing to be sorry for. I’m not ashamed of our tripartite relationship and I’m not ashamed of either of you of what you are now or of what has happened in the past. If my big sister has a problem then that’s up to her. She only wants the best for Janis and I admire her for that.” He paused. “It’s what I wanted when I gave Janis to her all those years ago, someone to look over her and fight on her behalf. I can’t complain now when it’s me she’s fighting against.”

  Bau rolled her eyes, “Oh what it is to be a vicar, always seeing the best side in people.”

&nbs
p; Amy let a tear trickle from the corner of her eye before she had a fit of the snuffles. She shook off Bau’s offered arm and Brian’s hand. “It’s so mean, letting you see her and then whisking her away.”

  Brian glanced at Bau and then enfolded Amy in her arms. Bau decided that it might be time for a sacrifice.

  She found Joan down by the river sitting on a rotting tree trunk. She sat next to her and stared in the same direction. She took a deep breath, this was going to be hard; possibly the hardest decision she would ever have to make. She tried for a casual approach. “If I left now and never came back into Brian’s life, would it make a difference?”

  Her words seem to hang in the air. Had she really meant them? Could she really go through with it? Joan turned and stared at her for what seemed like an eternity. Her face looked weary with something more than just tiredness. “You’d do that?”

  Bau hoped she wasn’t going to be sick, but her throat felt full of bile. “If it meant that Janis could get to know Brian, then yes. I know that his not seeing Janis has almost torn him apart; it’s haunted him almost as much as not seeing or communicating with you.”

  Joan looked at Bau’s anguished face and then looked away. She closed her eyes and spoke in a pained and anguished manner, as if all her emotions were churned up and fighting against one another. “I could cope with my brother agreeing to marry Amy in less than a week, that’s par for the course for him. What I cannot cope with is the way the three of you are so brazen about your sexual relationships. Do you really think I want my daughter exposed to such filth?”

  She was off-hand and remote, so the die was cast. Bau could feel the bile rising; she swallowed hard. This was going to mean a long and lonely future; it did not deter her. Resigned to her fate she said flatly, “I’ll go then.”

  Joan thumped the tree trunk with her hand. “You will not go!” She screamed in a rising fury. “Do you really think I want my brother blaming me for loosing you? Do you really think I want Amy to have another breakdown on my account?”