The Face

by Ivan B

  Bau was temporarily speechless at the sudden rage. Joan stamped her foot, “Oh damn, oh damn, oh damn,” she yelled as if at herself.

  Bau waited, not really knowing what to say and slightly fearful of another sudden rant. Eventually Joan let out a long sigh as if emptying her lungs of an unwanted force. She took a couple of deep breaths. “You must love him very much.” She said huskily.

  “I do. He’s all I ever wanted in a man and more.”

  “And you’d give him up just so he could see his daughter?”

  “She’s important to him.” Bau sought for an explanation. “While he couldn’t see her it was one thing, but now he has once you can’t just whip her away without breaking his heart, maybe her heart as well. Perhaps it’s better that I break his heart, he’d probably recover from that”

  Joan sighed again, “I don’t want anyone to break anyone else’s heart, not any more.”

  They gazed as an inquisitive squirrel ran up to them and, at a slight movement from Joan, dashed up the nearest tree. It hit Bau like a sledgehammer. “You and Sam,” she asked tentatively, “Everything all right there?”

  Joan made a sort of huffing noise. “Takes a woman to see. I can fob Brian off with a few platitudes, but not a woman.” She sighed, “Sam had an affair with his dental nurse. I suppose I should have seen it coming as it’s not the first time, but I didn’t. He told me he was working late on paperwork. Unfortunately for him Janis visited a friend near his surgery and after I dropped her off I popped in to help him out, he hates paperwork. I found them at it on the waiting room carpet, ugh.”

  She shuddered. Bau watched her closely. This would explain all that internal anger, but not quite. “And?”

  “And he had the temerity to tell me to turn a blind eye. A blind eye! As if I could; as if I would.”

  Bau nodded, “So that’s why you find it difficult with Amy and I and Brian?”

  “Partly. I just don’t see how you and Amy can coexist the way you obviously do. I hate Bunny’s guts.”

  Bau smiled at the honesty. “Bunny being the nurse?”

  “Damn silly name for anyone.”

  Bau watched the squirrel dismember an acorn. “Amy and I love one another, that’s how it works for us; it’s a three-way love.”

  She watched Joan clench and unclench her fist. “Does Janis know?” She asked quietly.

  Joan sighed, “Not yet, I think we managed to keep it from her, but she soon will.”

  She turned her sad translucent blue eyes onto Bau. “He didn’t know Janis and I were flying into Amsterdam. I made a spur of the moment decision both about visiting him at the conference and bringing Janis here. Sam’s been against the idea from the start.” She closed her eyes as if in pain, “The conference is at the airport hotel and I guess I intended to make sure he’d really dumped her like he promised. Guess who’s in the next room?”

  She pounded the tree trunk. “He said he’d given her the sack and given her up six months ago. Son of a pig lied to me.”

  Bau opened her mouth and Joan cut across her. “Just don’t say it might all be innocent. Why would a happily married man on a business trip have condoms in his suitcase and what was her make-up case doing in his en-suite bedroom?” She sighed, “And I bribed the cleaner. Her bed hasn’t been slept in since they arrived five days ago.”

  She thumped the tree. “Swine. Filthy rotten swine!”

  “What did he say?”

  “He wasn’t there. I just ripped up his $600 suit and left a message on the mirror is his bedroom using her expensive lipstick.”

  Bau raised and eyebrow and Joan half smiled, “I just said I wanted a divorce and signed it.” She became sad again and slumped as if all energy had drained away. “It’s not the first time. He had an affair before we got Janis. I thought after she arrived he’d remain faithful and he’s done so, I think, until she went to high school. Since then he’s had at least two; I just can’t trust him anymore.”

  Bau watched the utter wretchedness in her body language. “How come Janis didn’t notice when you were in Amsterdam?”

  Joan shrugged, “I parked her in the hotel bar with a large fruit juice cocktail and a jazz band. She didn’t shift and I said he was away on a visit to downtown Amsterdam.”

  “And she believed you?”

  She shrugged, “What the hell do I know? My husband’s been having affairs behind my back. My brother’s turned into a polygynist and my daughter’s buying pregnancy testing kits.”

  “They might not be for her.”

  “I hope to god their not.”

  They sat in silence. Bau relieved, very relieved, she didn’t have to sacrifice Brian and Joan relieved that she’d told someone her marriage was on the rocks. Bau gazed at the frog that had suddenly appeared from nowhere to sit on a rock in the middle of the little river. “So what you going to do?”

  She shrugged, “Don’t know; not had time to think. I’m certainly not staying with the filthy swine, on the other hand finding work may be difficult.”

  “Out of practice?”

  “Out of Practices. I’m also a dental nurse, but Sam will make doubly sure that no practice in our area will employ me, he can be really vindictive when he wants.”

  Bau’s hand flew to her mouth, “Janis? Would Sam disclose her real birth identity to the authorities out of spite?”

  She was relieved when Joan shook her head, “His vindictiveness doesn’t run to Janis, he truly loves her as his daughter, besides he’d be equally implicated.”

  Despite her reservations about Brian’s sister Bau felt for her. She said softly, “Why not stay around, it’s quiet out here and you could think. That is if you can cope with us.”

  It was as if Joan hadn’t heard. Instead she muttered something. “Pardon?” Bau enquired.

  “And I’m so worried about Janis. Suppose she is sleeping around at her age?”

  Bau’s meagre eyebrows waggled. “Has she got a friend called Venetia?”

  “Yes, she was born in Venice hence the odd name.”

  “Well she’s worried about Venetia. Apparently they learn the guitar together.”

  “They do everything together, well they did up to a few months ago.”

  Brian appeared from between a couple of bushes, “Oh here you are. Having a tête-à-tête?”

  Joan managed a smile, “Just woman’s talk.”

  Amy appeared from behind Brian, looking worried and upset. Joan managed another smile, “Sorry I blew my top and sorry I was rude, just things crowding in on me.”

  She looked at Bau, “Could you leave Brian and me together for a little while? I need to talk to him.”

  She hesitated, “And please tell Amy what I told you, best if it’s out in the open.”

  “Best if what’s out in the open?” Asked a perplexed Brian.

  Bau half ignored him, “Amy and I will take Janis to the village shop, guess we might have some nuts to buy.”

  Joan laughed, “She’s not a real vegi, just doesn’t eat bacon, ham or pork. Now pan-fried steak and chips is another matter!”

  Bau dragged a reluctant Amy away from the river, in a few seconds they were deep in conversation with Bau doing all the talking.

  Janis watched the two women behind the counter. They’d simultaneously been friendly to her while giving Amy and Bau the cold shoulder; it had been a revelation of expressive body language. She gazed at the collection of cheap earrings and moved on to some old-fashioned hair-curlers before inspecting the make-up. Bau sidled up to her, “Wouldn’t touch that stuff if I were you, too cheap and nasty. Best stuff is tucked away in the corner.”

  Janis raised her eyes upwards, “Dad won’t let me buy any, says I’m too young.”

  Bau grinned, “Don’t worry, I never wore make-up until I was seventeen and only then because I left home.”

  Janis shrugged, “All my friends wear make-up, especially at weekends, but dad always says no.”

  Amy, who’d been listening in, butted in. “But
I bet you borrow your friends and take if off before you get home.”

  Janis grinned, “As if I would, dad would kill me.”

  They all laughed. Amy picked up a bag of hazelnuts and dropped it in her basket. Janis took it out and dropped in a bag of Brazils. Bau studied Janis’ deep black eyebrows and dropped in an eyebrow pencil and some cleansing cream. They all giggled and moved down the aisle. The two female shop assistants sniffed their disapproval. Janis was pleased to be included in the disapproval; it made her feel closer to Bau and Amy.

  Brian let Joan sob gently into his shoulder. He murmured, “I’m so sorry Joan, I wish I’d been there for you.”

  She pulled away and blew her nose, “I wish you had too. I’ve got some good friends out there, but it’s not the same as family.”

  He studied her tear-stained face, “Don’t go Joan. Stay a while with us; you need some rest and time to think.”

  She sniffed, “I promised Queenie that I’d pop in.”

  “Leave it to later.”

  She sat on the tree trunk and ineffectively wiped her eyes on a damp tissue, “I just might do that.”

  Brian carefully studied her small hands. She’d always had tiny hands, just like their mother. He said softly, “Do you want Bau and Amy to go over to her grans?”

  She shook her head, “No. If you’re always going to have them both I’ve got to get used to it. It was just a bit of a shock.”

  “So was the news about you and Sam, I’d always imagined that you lived in idyllic happiness.”

  She snorted, “I do love him Brian, he’s just stopped loving me. If I’m truthful to myself he stopped loving me a long time ago and it’s only Janis that’s kept him at home. We hardly talk. We never really communicate. We haven’t been intimate for years. I guess we’ve been going through the motions for Janis.” She blew her nose, “She’s been the best thing in our lives Brian and it was wonderful that you entrusted her to us, but now it’s all gone pear-shaped.”

  He held her hand, “You’ve still got Janis sis, I’m not going to take her away from you. I can’t, she’s your daughter. She walks like you, talks like you, apart from the accent, and despite her racing teenage hormones I believe she’s close to you.”

  Tears started to flow again, “How can I tell her Brian? How can I tell her that Sam and I are splitting up?”

  Her bloodshot eyes swivelled onto him, “And suppose she wants to live with him, I can’t force her to live with me, not at her age, it must be her choice.”

  She started crying again and Brian held her as she sobbed. After all that’s what brothers are for.

  As they walked back, Janis walked between Amy and Bau. She was now pretty sure of the reason for her mother’s displeasure. “Is my mum mad because of you two? I don’t understand it, she’s quite happy with Deborah and Diana my music teachers.”

  Bau swallowed, this was a line of conversation she didn’t really want to pursue. “Are they open lesbians?”

  “Yes.”

  Amy, who had no inhibitions on the subject, chipped in. “We’re lovers Janis, but not true lesbians, couldn’t be with Brian around could we?”

  Janis walked about twenty yards while Bau feverishly wondered how she could change the subject. Janis digested what Amy had unwittingly implied. “We have Eskimos,” she said suddenly, “’Cept we call them Inuit now, even though some hate the name. In Inuit society sometimes husbands have two or more wives; it’s a matter of survival.” She grimaced, “It’s also said that they used to kill the young female children if they couldn’t feed everybody in their group, but I don’t believe that.” She looked at Bau, “So are you two really lesbian lovers sharing the same man?”

  The adolescent bluntness made Bau catch her breath. She guided Janis to a bench in a bus-shelter. “Not quite. We all love each other. I love Amy and I love Brian. It’s not quite the same love: call it devotion with Amy and love for Brian.”

  Amy nodded, “And I love Bau and I love Brian, he has nice big hands.”

  Bau resumed, “And Brian loves both of us. Such a three-way relationship could easily end in tears, but as we love each other we’re working at it. I wouldn’t recommend it thought, it’s complicated.”

  Janis furrowed her smooth brow, “But he can’t marry both of you can he?”

  “No,” answered Bau swiftly. “He’s going to legally marry Amy and I’m a sort of add-on.”

  “You are not!” Exclaimed Amy suddenly affronted. “We’re both betrothed to him. I’m the épouse and Bau is the femme. We share everything.”

  Janis grinned, she spoke Canadian French like a native and was well aware of the meaning of the two words in the context Amy was using them. “Wow,” she said, “no wonder those old women in the shop gave you the cold shoulder.”

  Bau sighed, “That’s another story Janis, it has nothing to do with Brian and us. We try to keep it quite as people wouldn’t understand and it would embarrass Brian.”

  “But you told me.”

  “Well,” announced Amy, “you’re family, that’s different.”

  For some reason Janis found the statement very comforting, she was family. Not an outsider, not just ‘people,’ not a visitor, but family. It made her unreasonably happy.

  As they got to the front gate Bau stopped again, she had to say something. “Janis,” she said carefully, “be nice to your mum for a little while, she might be upset.”

  Janis squinted at her, “You mean because of dad?”

  “Your dad?”

  She shrugged, “He’s having an affair with that Bunny woman.”

  “You know!” Bau exclaimed.

  “Course I know. Her daughter is in the year below and anyway I’ve seen them.”

  “Seem them!” Amy gasped.

  Janis nodded. “In the diner back home trying to hide in the corner booth and they were in the hotel bar in Amsterdam snogging to the music.”

  “And you didn’t tell your mum?”

  Janis shrugged and looked away, “What could I say? Dad’s got another fancy woman.”

  Amy’s eyes widened, “Another fancy woman?”

  “He had a fling with John’s mum last year and I think I saw him with a teacher when I was nine, but I can’t be sure. I am sure that at my eleventh birthday party he flirted with Venetia’s mum, but she told him to get lost.”

  Janis gave a wicked smile. “Did send him a note this time though. Gave it to the waiter just before mum came back.”

  “What did it say?” Asked Bau in some trepidation.

  “That if he pushed his tongue any further down her throat he’d be washing her toenails.”

  All three of them burst into near hysterical laughter. Bau eventually gasped, “Did you sign it?”

  “Of course. He’s being mean to mum.”

  Bau’s head swam for a moment and Janis smiled from ear to ear. “Different with you and Brian. You know he loves Amy as well and you’re all happy. Mum’s not happy.”

  Her smile disappeared, “Think mum saw them in Amsterdam? They were easy to spot.”

  “I think she might know Janis.”

  “Then why doesn’t she leave him? Venetia’s mother left her husband and she’s much happier now.”

  Amy seemed to come to life, “Have you thought what that means Janis, if she left him? You could only live with one of them, perhaps she’s afraid that you’d prefer to live with your father.”

  Janis stared at her, “Why would I want to live with that toad?”

  “Daughters do,” said Bau softly, “fathers are an easier touch and spend more money on their children out of guilt.”

  “But I’d never live with him.”

  Bau whispered, “Then tell your mother that.”

  Janis turned and looked at the house, I can’t just say ‘hey mom dump dad and I’ll stay with you.”

  “I’m sure you’ll find the words.” Bau said softly.

  They arrived in the kitchen at exactly the same time as Brian and Joan entered from the ga
rden. One look at her mother’s tear-stained face made Janis run over to he mother and hug her. “Oh mum,” she gasped, “don’t cry, he’s not worth it.”

  Joan shot Bau a look. “You’ve told her, you had no right.”

  “She knew.” Pronounce Amy, not having her friend maligned.

  Joan looked at her daughter, “You knew?”

  “I didn’t know what to say mum.”

  Joan looked at Brian, “If you don’t mind we’ll just take a walk in the garden, alone.”

  She gently led Janis into the garden and closed the door. Brian flopped into a chair and Amy studied his harrowed face and put the kettle on. This was not a time for words it was time for a comfort drink, a nice hot comfort drink.

  Chapter 14

  Vocation

  Joan lay in a warm comfortable haze and heard the sound of singing. Until she’d stopped she hadn’t realized just how drained she was. She listened to the strains of Bau and Amy singing By the Rivers of Babylon and drifted back into sleep to the gently words of Baby it’s Cold Outside with Amy and Bau singing the alternating parts.

  Brian also listened to the singing and wondered just how many songs Bau and Amy knew between them, whenever they had a bath they seemed to sing different songs. He ached to join in.

  Janis lay in bed frightened of an uncertain future. It had been easy to cuddle her mother and say she would stick by her and didn’t blame her, but in the morning light she was experiencing dread of the future for the first time. She’d seen the change parental divorce had forced upon some of her schoolmates. One moment they had a dad and the next they didn’t. Their clothes subtly changed from designer-ware to cheap copies. They cease to do all the school trips and often started to work at weekends doing menial jobs as soon as they could. José had lost nearly two stone in three months turning him from a plump whale of a boy into a gaunt figure who devoured his state provided school dinner with a gusto none of the others could manage. On the other hand she couldn’t say that any of them were sad or unloved. She listened to the sound of Bau and Amy happily singing and almost cried; would her mother ever be that happy again? She turned over and hugged a blanket around her. Somehow that, and the singing, made her feel safe.