Pulse of Heroes

by A. Jacob Sweeny

  “Michelle, please. I need to tell you something important,” he said, lifting her face to his. “I killed him, not you. You just distracted him, that’s all. I did the rest.” Elliot lied, knowing full well that there would have been no recovery after Michelle’s stab had ruptured Hadeno’s spleen. Michelle began wailing and he held her close to his heart. Her entire body quivered with resonance.

  “I don’t want to be a killer. I hate myself now,” she mumbled into his chest. Elliot understood and hushed her down.

  “I’m sorry baby, for sounding so harsh with you. I know things aren’t always pretty. I’m sorry for what you’ve gone through, and I’ll help you, I promise. I’ll be here for you.” Elliot held Michelle until her cries ebbed. He then found her eyes again and told her that he had something to show her.

  Elliot drove quietly, still thinking about Hadeno and the images he had showed Michelle. None of it made any sense. Just when he thought he was closer to understanding what they were and what they were capable of, there was always something else that would upset all the theories. Did Hadeno know something he didn’t? Was there a possibility that he had been telling the truth about knowing something about Elliot’s mother and father? Could they have really been somehow related? Maybe they shared genetics, and that’s why Hadeno could see his memories as if he were watching a movie. But it was all too late now. Hadeno was dead and gone, and Elliot wasn’t the least bit sorry about it. He hadn’t found out anything about his father for five thousand years, did he really need to know anymore? Elliot looked over to Michelle who sat curled up like a ball with her hands against her temples and pitied her. He apologized for not believing her about what Hadeno had showed her, and she replied that she wouldn’t have believed herself either. He then asked her if her head hurt.

  “That’s an understatement,” she whispered. The stress. He took her hand and as soon as they touched she began feeling the warmth spreading from his fingers to hers. She asked him if it wasn’t dangerous to do while he was driving and he laughed, telling her that he could think of far more hazardous things to do. Michelle giggled but immediately regretted it because it made her head hurt even more.

  “Open your eyes,” Elliot said with excitement. Michelle was standing on a dock staring at a beautiful sailboat. “It’s mine. I had it custom built to my specifications. Come on,” he encouraged, jumping up and holding out his hand to help her get on board. Michelle smiled. “It just arrived a few days ago. Actually, while I was in New York. It was built in Finland,” he told her as he removed the canvas cover from the hatch. Michelle walked around the deck, her hand gliding on the shiny metal grabrail.

  “It’s huge!” she exclaimed.

  “43 feet. It’s a fairly large racing boat, but I got it mostly for cruising. I named it Pulsar, after your dream.” She looked at him in disbelief. “I hope you like sailing?”

  “Only if there’s no big waves. And I don’t like it when they tip over on their side. You know how they do. That scares me to death.” Elliot shook his head laughing.

  “Than how are we going to get anywhere? We need wind for the sails, and to get it moving it needs to be at an angle or else we’re just crawling.” Michelle told him that she didn’t mind crawling, and walked over to one of the many portholes trying to peek inside. “You can go below if you want. I just need to untie the lines.” Michelle looked down at the ropes that tied the boat to the dock.

  “What do you mean untie them? And leave me on the boat all by myself. Are you crazy?”

  “Just a second. You won’t go anywhere, I promise,” he said, starting the engine and jumping down to the dock. Michelle told him that she didn’t think it was a good idea to take the boat out. Especially because she couldn’t sail and was scared of the water. She stared at the raised anchor in apprehension, but Elliot was back by her side as he had promised. He told her that they weren’t going to leave the bay, pointing over to Angel Island and a small group of sailboats that were floating about peacefully close to one of the narrow beaches. Michelle reluctantly agreed, and nervously watched as Elliot maneuvered the giant boat out of the narrow slip. Once they were out of the dock, Michelle watched the regal mainsail go up with awe. Elliot looked so comfortable, and she loved watching him do whatever it was that he was doing.

  “It’s so beautiful,” she said and Elliot smiled. “What about the other one?” she asked, pointing to the smaller sail, and Elliot told her that despite all his abilities he could still only do one thing at a time. A moment later he had positioned the smaller sail, the jib, and asked if she was satisfied. Michelle smiled. The boat began slicing through the water faster than she had expected, but Elliot assured her that there wasn’t enough wind to make the boat heel over. He could tell that she was nervous as she made her way over to him and hugged at his side in fear.

  Within thirty minutes, the boat was anchored in the small lagoon and Michelle was able to relax enough to actually sit down. She apologized to him about being afraid, claiming that she didn’t realize how bad her fears had become since the day she almost drowned. Elliot thought back to that day and his face grew somber. He had hardly known Michelle back then, and after he brought her back to life he wasn’t even sure if he had done the right thing. But now as he sat in the sun watching her in her black dress with her hair blowing every which way, he realized that he was beyond grateful for the decision he had made. “What are you thinking about?” she turned to ask him, and he motioned for her to come and sit by his side. Michelle did, but her expression changed. She told him that she felt guilty about smiling and enjoying the sunshine on the water while Francesca lay underground in a cold grave. Elliot kissed her hand gently.

  “Michelle, you have no idea how many times I have felt the same way as you do right now.” He leaned in to kiss her but Michelle’s instinct was to pull away. She felt as if she was just getting to know him all over again. The memories of their closeness in the past felt like she was with someone else. Elliot realized that Michelle was not ready to just fly into his arms the way she had before, so he stood up and asked her if she was hungry or thirsty, to which Michelle replied yes to both questions. She was glad he gave her the space she needed.

  “Oh my God! It has three bedrooms? You could live in here if you wanted,” Michelle squealed in delight after opening every door and cabinet in the place. Elliot looked in the small refrigerator and asked her what she’d like because Xander had gone all out with the food shopping. Michelle asked if Xander knew that they were taking the boat out, and Elliot told her that he had an idea that they might be.

  Michelle hadn’t realized how hungry she was until she finished her sandwich before Elliot did. She immediately apologized for being a pig, and Elliot told her not to because she had lost too much weight since the last time he saw her and he didn’t like skinny women. Michelle looked at him, confused.

  “So you like me fat?” she asked him, and Elliot laughed telling her that she was never fat, she was perfect.

  “Really?” she asked again. He told her that he always meant what he said; she was too skinny and she had circles under her eyes. He forced her to eat an apple, telling her that he didn’t like to feel too many bones when he held her, then tried to give her a glass of milk too. “I can’t. I’m full. You’re stuffing me like some duck,” she said, yawning. She apologized and explained that she was probably still jet lagged. Michelle leaned back in the narrow booth, but she couldn’t stretch her legs out. She closed her eyes while Elliot put the food away. When he was done, he leaned against the curved wall and smiled down at her. Michelle felt him staring at her and opened her eyes.

  “I thought you’d find it relaxing out here.”

  “It feels so peaceful. I don’t even remember the last time I had a good night sleep. This makes me feel like a baby, being rocked by the water. It feels like a dream,” she said, closing her eyes again.

  “There are three beds here, brand new. If you want to nap I won’t disturb you.” he said, taking hold of
her arm and leading her to the main berth. Michelle’s muscles felt like jelly as she stretched out on the queen size bed, and Elliot got her a pillow, apologizing that he didn’t have any blankets on board yet. He sat on the edge of the bed and Michelle took his hand.

  “Elliot? What am I doing here?” she asked.

  “You’re with me. I want to make everything better. I want you to trust me again… I feel things when you’re around me. I’m feeling joy right now, and I haven’t felt that in so long. I see the world through your eyes, and you bring it back to life for me. You’re like my pulsar. I was lost before, for a long time, really. I am grateful that I met you, and I’m sorry for everything that has happened.”

  “Elliot, I’m scared,” she said, looking away from him. He knew exactly what she meant. She wasn’t scared of Hadeno anymore, or battles, or anything of that sort. She knew more now, about all the sacrifices that she would have to make in order to be with him. She was scared of all the difficulties that came with that.

  “Michelle, this is not easy for me either. Despite living all these years, nothing changes when I love someone. It’s always complicated. I will outlive you, unless by some miracle I actually grow old and die. It frightens me to go through losing someone that I love all over again. It’s been a very long time since I have.” Elliot looked up at the ceiling because he wanted to stop thinking about it. Was he crazy, he wondered? Why bother with love, knowing it would fade away from him and one day he’d watch this young girl grow old and slip from his fingers and not be able to do a damn thing about it. Then it would be his turn to walk around an empty home, frantically searching for her.

  “I don’t know. Maybe this is madness… and I’m just losing myself and dragging you along?” Elliot made a move to get up off the bed but Michelle squeezed his hand tighter.

  “It’s too late,” she said.

  “It’s not too late. There’s still space between us. You can go back to school, graduate, go to college, meet someone who will love you, get married, have babies…” he said, his voice fading with those last words. His eyes were so soft and blue, they looked almost pliable.

  “Now who’s scared?” Michelle accused him. “How can I just stop feeling what I feel and go live a lie when I know you’re out there? You’ve showed me a whole new world, and you think I can go back to what it was like before. I’ll never meet anyone like you. I know that, and everyone else will fall short next to you. I’ll miss you.”

  “Please just don’t cry anymore,” Elliot begged as he saw Michelle’s tears threatening to reappear. Michelle didn’t want to cry anymore either, and told him to stop making her sad. Elliot took a deep breath and settled back down next to Michelle. He stared out into the space in front of him and Michelle felt his pain emanating. She sat up, positioning herself directly across from him.

  “Tell me,” she said, staring straight into his eyes. After a short pause, Elliot began to talk. He told her that the last time he had been truly in love was many years ago and that he hadn’t felt those feelings since then.

  “Her name was Leta Memmia. We were married about 2000 years ago.” Michelle swallowed hard because she knew that she was going to have to deal with Elliot’s past love for that woman. “It started about two years after we married. She would become depressed and stop talking to me. She cried a lot. I loved her very much, and the more I tried to make things better the more she pulled away, always claiming that the problem was with her, not me. She had phases when she hardly ate, and lost so much weight that I saw her ribs and collarbones sticking out like blades. I brought over doctors, philosophers, even soothsayers. They found no ailments, and she refused to talk to them.” Elliot’s eyes glossed over and Michelle was split between feeling his pain and wondering if he could ever love her the way he had loved Leta. Elliot smiled sadly. “Maybe this is not such a good idea,” he said. But Michelle knew that he needed to talk it out. She had to get past her jealousy, and she leaned in to kiss his cheek as a show of support. She asked him to continue. Elliot sighed and his eyes looked even further into the past.

  “It was our third anniversary. I made her a gift. A small glass bottle to hold scented oils and a matching glass brooch that I was going to have her cameo carved into.”

  “Is that the…” Michelle asked, her eyes wide.

  “Yes. The glass you found, and the bottle you tried to take a photo of. I’m sorry I snapped at you back then, especially when you told me that you had the missing piece. I suspected that it might be from the brooch, which I lost many years ago, and I didn’t know you well enough to feel comfortable with the idea of some girl holding on to it. Please forgive me.” Michelle looked down at the mattress and nodded. He continued, “I knew something was wrong even before I crossed the central court. I rushed into the house but I couldn’t find her anywhere. Then I saw her letter.” Elliot stopped talking and Michelle felt his muscles twitch.

  “What did it say? Tell me.” She kissed him again on his other cheek.

  “I haven’t been back there for so long, I didn’t realize that there’s still an open wound,” Elliot said, almost embarrassed. But Michelle told him that she was here with him now, and that it had happened a very long time ago.

  “It was in her own handwriting. She apologized. She said she did it because she loved me too much to ever let her death separate us. She said it was too painful for her to bear.” A single tear rolled down Elliot’s face. “She didn’t want me to ever see her age, and she knew that the process had begun because she found a gray hair in her brush. One gray hair! She was only twenty-four! She killed herself, she took poison over by the river. She didn’t say where because she didn’t want me to see her body. No one ever found it. I never even got to give her a proper burial. She killed herself because of what I am. Because I wouldn’t age with her, because she wouldn’t meet me afterwards in the Elysian Fields. She wanted to always remain young and beautiful in my mind. Well she did.” Elliot’s voice trailed off and he made another move to get up from the bed. He was not comfortable with Michelle seeing him like that. But Michelle leaped onto him and wrapped her arms around him. At first he panicked, but eventually he held on tightly and buried his face in her hair. They sat like that in silence until Michelle felt his muscles relax and his heart was serene.

  “That’s my biggest fear. That that’s what will happen to you, or to anyone else I love. You’re so sensitive already, and so young… I can’t handle causing you so much pain. I can’t lose someone like that again. I just can’t. I’ve hated myself ever since, because of what I am.” Elliot held on to Michelle tighter. He loved her. He had known it from the start, and he didn’t want to lose her. He never wanted to see her sad because of him, and there she was already crying and hurting. Michelle ran her fingers through the back of Elliot’s hair and gently kissed his neck.

  “I love you, Elliot,” she said. “I won’t put you through anything like that. I promise,” she whispered in his ear, then slowly pulled away from him. Elliot’s eyes were large and frightened, and right there she saw the boy Elliot, the one that had lived so many thousands of years ago under the sunny skies of Eridu. He was the most beautiful person in the world, and she loved him. And she needed him, just as much as he needed her. “Lets go away from here, far away, just you and me. We can take the boat. I’ll learn how to sail. I’ll get over my fear and then we can go wherever we want. We won’t have to deal with anything ever again.”

  When Elliot tried to tell her that it was complicated she covered his lips with her kisses because she didn’t want to hear him. Eventually, Elliot gave up and let himself get swept away by her. He kissed her passionately and deep, feeling his body relax into hers. Michelle slowly lay back on the bed and pulled him on top of her. She ran her hands over his back and kissed his neck and cheeks and then back to his lips again. Her hands found their way to underneath his shirt, and he was so warm. She wanted to feel his skin against hers. She needed to be sure he was real, and began unbuttoning his shirt. She t
raced his beautifully sculptured chest, and Elliot forgot all the pain, worry and guilt that he had been feeling. All he felt was Michelle’s softness and all he heard was his own racing heart. When Michelle’s hands moved lower towards his belly, she felt something foreign under her fingers and immediately sat up. She pulled off the rest of his shirt to reveal the bandage covering his stab wound. Michelle became distraught.

  “Don’t worry. It’s healing, just a little slower than usual,” he assured her, although failing to assure himself. Then to Elliot’s surprise, in a quick move Michelle pulled her dress over her head and sat up on her knees in front of him in her bra and underwear to proudly show him that she had the same exact bandage on her side. She laughed about how they would be forever linked because the same sword had wounded both of them. Maybe they’d even have matching scars? Elliot looked at Michelle, but not at her bandage. He was busy studying her lacy black bra and the beautiful breasts that sat in it, and then his eyes focused on her pink underwear. He had seen Michelle naked before but it was different; she was injured and he had changed her out of her bloody clothes. There was nothing sensual about it then. But now she sat in front of him like a woman, and her curvy body was persuading his mind to let go.

  “Do you have any idea how beautiful you are?” he asked, placing his hands on her waist and feeling how perfectly they fit on the curvature of her body. It was like she was molded for that purpose alone. Michelle shook her head side to side. He kissed her softly, then gently caressed her neck with the tips of his fingers while she leaned her head back, her eyes shut so she could concentrate on his touch. He wanted her. Michelle slowly returned to face him and she slid his hand over her chest. Elliot studied her eyes. It was as if he had just awoken from a trance. Michelle had never acted that way with him before. Prior to this they had kissed passionately and held one another. And although he had felt Michelle’s body awaken to his touch, she was very shy and inexperienced. She was happy with him just kissing her neck. But now, she peeled his shirt off without an ounce of inhibition, and when her hands ran over his body they were devoid of any apprehension.