Pulse of Heroes

by A. Jacob Sweeny

  The fact that she was sitting in front of him in her underwear while holding his hand over her breasts in broad daylight felt as if they had done this before. But despite Michelle’s acting the part, Elliot could tell that her body wasn’t showing all the right signs. If she wanted him, it was in her mind only; it was calculated. That she loved him, that was obvious. Michelle leaned in to kiss him again. She went from his lips to his chest, and Elliot closed his eyes and plunged right back into the moment. Michelle’s kisses moved downwards. She kissed the bandage on his side and then planted kisses where his pants sat just below his waist. Although she was aware of what happens to a man when he is aroused, she was still a bit frightened, and cursed at herself to grow up. She began to unbutton his jeans. Elliot opened his eyes. He was once again baffled by her forwardness. He liked it when a woman knew what she wanted, but Michelle wasn’t fully a woman, not yet. He was torn. One part of him wanted to make love to her right then and there until she begged him to stop, while the other part wondered if it was all that bastard’s doing. Is that what Hadeno had taught her? Is this how they had behaved together? Maybe she thought she was obligated to do this. Maybe she thought that if they didn’t then it meant that they didn’t love one another. Or perhaps she feared that if she didn’t, he would question her devotion to him.

  “Elliot, make love to me,” she said awkwardly. The evidence that Elliot was still a young man with a young man’s healthy body that vigorously lusted after her was clear and about to override everything else. He took a deep breath and raised her face up to his.

  “Michelle,” he whispered into her ear between kisses, “I love you so much. I know you love me too, but after all you’ve been through I don’t think…” Michelle kissed his neck and told him not to think. She didn’t want him to treat her like a little girl anymore, and besides, Haden had tried to force himself on her and she wanted to make sure that Elliot was the guy whom she gave herself to. That way no one could ever take her again. And what’s more, she felt that she needed Elliot to prove his love to her, and she couldn’t think of any other way in which he could. With her lips still around his, she slowly began to lower her underwear. Elliot grabbed her hands so she couldn’t move them. She looked at him, confused and hurt.

  “I don’t understand?” she asked, her eyes growing larger than life. “Don’t you love me?” Elliot’s chest rose and fell with his deep breaths. She kissed him again, but this time he remained rigid. Her love rejected, Michelle hurled herself backwards on the mattress like an angry spoiled child. She felt awful and embarrassed. Did she do something wrong? Did he not like her that way? Elliot knew that he had hurt Michelle’s feelings, initially, but in the long run it was what was best for her. He pulled his shirt back on, buttoned it, and moved over to sit by her side. He tried to look at her face but she buried it into the pillow.

  “Michelle, I love you and I want you more than anything in the world, but I don’t think that this is the right time.” He kissed her shoulders. Michelle didn’t respond. “You’ve gone through so much in this past week, and I think you’re confused enough. This will only make it worse.” Elliot lay down next to Michelle and curved his body around hers. “I love you so much, my little woman, don’t be sad or hurt.” He kissed her neck many times until Michelle finally turned to face him and he saw her tears. He gently kissed them away.

  “I don’t understand. I wanted to show you how much I love you. I thought we’d be closer.” Elliot smiled softly and laid small kisses all over her face.

  “You really believe that the ultimate way for me to know how much you love me is through sex?” he asked. Michelle blushed.

  “No… I thought that you, we, were going to make love,” she whispered, disappointed.

  “We will, many more times than you could ever ask for. But trust me as someone who’s more experienced than you. This is not what you need right now. You haven’t mourned, you haven’t even made peace with what has happened. You need to heal.” He tapped her lightly on her bandage. “Yes, making love will bring us closer forever, but it takes two people to make love. My heart tells me that what you really want is reassurance and a sanctuary. You want me to be here for you, something solid. I understand all of that, sweetie, there’s nothing wrong with that.” He took her hand and put it over his heart. “Feel? That’s real.” He then looked deep into her eyes. “Look, they’re real too and they love you. Let us just wait until the storm passes.” Michelle wanted him to explain. “It would make it very difficult for you to go back to school and to your old life,” he chuckled, “and it would definitely complicate things for me too. You know, the whole idea that men don’t feel any attachment to the women that they’re intimate with is a lie that has been perpetuated for ages? Michelle, I know how I get. I would want to keep you all to myself, and I would take you somewhere far away where we could be alone together all of the time. I wouldn’t want to share you with anyone, especially not your friends, or even your parents. But I want you to go back to school in the fall. I want you to graduate with your friends, and to see the proud faces of your parents when you do. I refuse to steal you away from what is rightfully yours. I’ve had plenty of my own life, it’s your turn now. It’s important that you fully experience what your culture offers as your rightful life. It’s beautiful.”

  “I don’t understand what the two have to do with one another?” Michelle asked, puzzled and hurt. She turned away from him. Elliot realized that Michelle had no way to see into the future, not the way he could. She just didn’t have the experience.

  “Michelle, look at me,” he asked softly, but she shook her head. He asked her again, this time rolling her over on her back and forcing her hands away from her face. He smiled and pecked her grumpy lips. “Do you want me to go to jail? You’re only seventeen!”

  “You had no problem doing it with those Indian girls in the pool, or with your six wives. Do you think I don’t know about that too? How old were they when you went with them? What’s wrong with me? Why do you treat me like a child?” Michelle whined and folded her arms together. Elliot was perplexed and wondered what else she had seen.

  “Michelle, you ARE being childish. First of all, it was only five of them,” he thought for a moment, “and let me see, that was over four thousand years ago! I can’t believe this!” he exclaimed, laughing.

  “So that makes it all right? I’m sure you had no problem enjoying all those ‘young’ women around you then, ready to serve your every need,” Michelle shot back. Elliot rolled his eyes and tried to explain that everything was different then.

  “Ok, I’ll tell you how it was and we’ll see if you’re satisfied. First, my wife’s sister lost her husband and already had a child. It was obligatory for me to marry her and take care of her, otherwise she would be destitute. On top of which there was a shortage of men back then. Many died in wars and others couldn’t afford to marry and take care of a family. Life was tough, no one had surpluses like they do today. I was wealthy and fathers came to me so I could take care of their daughters because they couldn’t anymore. There were only three options for women at that time: to marry, become a servant, or be a prostitute. And yes, they were younger, but they weren’t children anymore. People only lived into their late thirties or mid forties at the most. You at seventeen would be an old maid by now.” Elliot laughed, but Michelle failed to see the humor. He tried to convince her that it was hard enough to please one woman, which was what he was trying to do at that exact moment. He told her about the endless fights and jealousies, with his children constantly pitted against their half siblings

  “It was absolute madness, and very difficult on everyone.” He found that he could only really love one woman at a time, his original wife. To the others, he showed affection and took care of them by fulfilling his husbandly duties, including having sex with them. It wasn’t physically a painful experience, he wasn’t going to lie to Michelle, but it felt wrong. “After making love to my real wife, it felt empty for me, like eating
when you’re not truly hungry. I don’t know how else to describe it. My first wife was always on my mind when I was with them, because I knew how much it hurt her. And they never got to feel the passion of someone being truly in love with them. It didn’t matter what they had in material things when their souls were starved.” Michelle saw the twinge of pain in his eyes. Elliot assured her that he never repeated that mistake again.

  “I can’t believe that I’m supposed to feel sorry for you now? That you had five women fighting over your attention? Cause I’m not,” Michelle said in anger. Elliot refused to talk about the Indian women. It wasn’t healthy or smart for her to know about every aspect of his sexual history. It was unnatural for Michelle to know about thousands of years of his relationships from the past. It would only serve to destroy their future. That he had enjoyed the company of women in the past was just something that she was going to have to deal with. Michelle told him that he was a pig. Creatively changing the subject, Elliot asked when she would be turning eighteen. She counted the months on her fingers.

  “Seven months… that’s almost a year! Why?”

  “I was just wondering how we should celebrate your birthday. And besides, what are you so scared of?” he asked, gathering her to him. Michelle laid her head on his chest and looked up into his eyes.

  “That you’ll go with someone else. That you won’t wait for me.” Elliot smiled and told her to stop batting her eyelashes at him because it wasn’t going to work. But Michelle felt him waver and raised herself on top of his chest, kissing him softly and then more passionately until Elliot had to physically remove her off him, all the while laughing because she was trying her best to change his mind.

  “You don’t know how tired you look, do you?” he asked, a wide grin across his face. He patted the mattress next to him. “Here, just lie next to me. We’re both going to relax for a while, close our eyes, ok?” Elliot took a deep breath, noticing that Michelle’s heart was beating faster, racing to catch up with his own; they were nearly in unison. He could sense her small capillaries opening up like the petals of a flower, delivering the extra life force that brought a fresh flush under her skin to awaken her. Now Michelle’s body was aligned with her thoughts, and called for his. He wanted to change his mind. He wanted to be inside her and see the ecstasy and pleasure on her face as they became two people in one body, stripped down to their souls. “Feel the gentle swaying of the boat?” he asked, stroking her hair. Michelle closed her eyes and snuggled next to him. He haphazardly covered her body with her dress so he wouldn’t be tempted. They lay there, rocking gently afloat on the sparkling water, listening to the strum of the lines against the mast and the seagulls calling out for one another. Out of nowhere, Elliot began to chuckle, and his laughter got louder and louder until Michelle couldn’t take it anymore.

  “What’s so funny? You’re hurting my feelings,” she said, sitting up so she could see his face. In one move, Elliot pulled Michelle on top of him and showered her with kisses.

  “You’re what’s funny, Michelle. I was ready to die for you. How much more do you want me to love you? I’m begging for mercy here.” Michelle was forced to smile at his beautiful face, especially as his eyes sparkled with every laugh. “And besides, I’ve waited my whole entire life. I’m always waiting. How could you possibly think that I wouldn’t wait for you? I have all the time in the world.”

  Epilogue

  Dear Michelle,

  If you are reading this then I hope you are well and I hope you don’t rip this letter up before you finish it. Yes, I know that I owe you an apology and I'm very sorry for misleading you. I really did enjoy our times together and I wish that Hadeno had nothing to do with us at all. All I know is that he asked me to bring you around because he said you had some information about this Elliot. He told me that it wasn’t you he was after and that he wouldn’t hurt you. After that, I don’t know what exactly happened. When I found out about Adi's death I really just checked out. It was too much for me to bear and I’m still hurting a lot and feel so alone. Now more than ever.

  You must have figured out by now that Hadeno is my father, not my brother. I know you understand about their kind because you know Elliot. The problem is that I haven’t seen my dad for months now, and I don’t know where he is. He has never left me for so long, and especially after my mother died he has been around a lot more. His voicemail is full and I keep going back to the house to try to find any clue where he might be, but there's nothing. I'm starting to worry very badly that there might be something wrong. I know that he might be involved in what happened to Adi, but I could never be sure. And even if he did do it, he did it because he loves me in his own way. He’s not all bad, I hope you know. If you have any idea where my dad went or what is going on, I beg you to tell me because I'm going crazy. If he’s gone then I really am all alone, and that scares me. I need to know. Please… my father is all the family I have left in the world. Other than Elliot.

  If you are still in touch with Elliot maybe you can let him know that he is my father's brother from many thousands of years ago, and that he has a niece in Europe. I’m including my address in London because I am going to school here now. I hope you can forgive me.

  Sincerely,

  Vilna

  Look for the next exciting installment in The Pulse series!

  Release Date - October 31st, 2011

  A. Jacob Sweeny holds a degree in History with an emphasis on Ancient Near East. Her immersion in world myths and her archaeological fieldwork provided the initial spark that led to the development of Pulse Of Heroes. She has always been fascinated by the awesome power of words to excite and inspire the mind, and sought to combine her love of writing with her passion for the past.

  All the historical elements in this novel have been thoroughly researched and are essentially accurate, although the author does maintain the liberty to slightly alter certain details for artistic purpose.

  Acknowledgements:

  A big Thank You to my family and friends for supporting me throughout the ups and downs of this project. Especially my husband, sister, brother, Kaleb, Rachael, Hannah, Gabby and Kai. I would also like to thank Adam, Jessica, Max, Linda, Todd D., and of course all the fantastic people on the production team at Thalamus Press who helped make this book a reality, including my very patient editor.

  Thanks also to Depeche Mode for the music that kept me company while I wrote this novel.