Always and Forever

by Lyn Denison

  And she had fallen in love. And it was wonderful. Her rational mind warned her to be wary, but her heart soared, spinning way out of control. She could only hope that Angie felt the same way.

  Corey climbed in the car and planted a wet sweaty kiss on Shann’s cheek. He chattered on about school and soccer as they headed for home.

  “And what sort of day did you have, Mum?” he asked solemnly as Shann turned the four-wheel drive into their street.

  “Pretty good,” Shann hid her smile. “Nice of you to ask, love.”

  “That’s okay. I am interested you know, Mum.”

  “Well, I went out for coffee with Aunty Liz this morning. That was nice. We went to Angie’s store.”

  “Did you see Angie?” Corey asked.

  “For a while.” Shann parked the car in front of the house. “She had coffee with us.”

  “Cool. Angie’s nice, isn’t she?”

  “Yes, she is.” Shann smiled. Angie was more than nice.

  “You knew Angie before I was born, didn’t you?” Corey asked.

  “Yes. Why?” Shann reached out and turned off the ignition.

  “Did Angie know my father, too?”

  Shann turned to look at her son. “Corey, please don’t ask Angie about your father. I told you Angie was younger than I was, and she didn’t go about with us. Do you understand, love?”

  “I guess.” Corey sighed. “I wouldn’t have asked her, actually, but . . . I’m sorry I upset you, Mum.”

  “You haven’t upset me. I want you to feel you can talk to me about anything, and I’ll try my best to answer any questions you have. I’d just prefer it if we kept any conversations about your father private, between you and me. Okay?”

  “Because it’s too painful for you?”

  “Partly,” Shann replied carefully.

  “Did my father break your heart?”

  “Not exactly. But you, Corey Delaney, can be sure you’re the very best of your father and me. And I love you.”

  Corey flushed a little. “Thanks, Mum. And if you ever wanted to fall in love with someone besides me I wouldn’t mind.”

  Shann suppressed a smile. “Thank you for that. And I promise you’ll be the first to know if I do. Okay?”

  Corey nodded. “Talking about that, I just wanted to say I wouldn’t mind if it was Angie. In fact, I reckon you should marry her,” Corey said, looking across at his mother.

  Shann laughed. “Marry her? You know I can’t do that.”

  “You can if you want to. People who love each other get married all the time.”

  “Corey! We’ve spoken about this before,” Shann began.

  “I know. It’s not legal when it’s not a man and a woman. But I think that’s weird. You should be able to marry who you like.”

  Shann laughed and patted him on the leg. “I love you, do you know that?”

  “Yeah, I know. I love you, too.” Corey grinned at her. “What time do you think Angie will come over tonight?”

  “After dinner. And, Corey, no talk about marriage. All right?” Shann warned. “We don’t want to embarrass Angie.”

  “Okay.” Corey sighed loudly. “Hey, Mum!” He slapped the side of his head. “I’m really dumb. I’m a guy. I could marry Angie then she could live with us.”

  “Corey, please. Knock it off with the marrying bit. We’re going to have a nice night playing board games.”

  They had a wonderful evening sitting around the dining room table playing Balderdash, RapiDoh and Upwords. Liz, Amy, and Shann’s father joined in, and they seemed to laugh all night.

  Eventually Shann persuaded Corey to go to bed as his eyelids began to droop. Her father had retired earlier, and Amy also decided to call it a night. Liz, Shann, and Angie sat out on the deck for a final cup of tea. When she finished hers Liz left them, too, and Shann and Angie grinned at each other.

  “Alone at last,” Angie whispered, and Shann laughed softly.

  “Well, if you can call sitting in this circle of bright light on show for all the neighbors being on our own.”

  “We could take a walk down the backyard. There’s a bench under the mango tree that’s relatively secluded.” Angie raised her eyebrows suggestively.

  Warmth radiated through Shann’s body. “If it means I can kiss you what are we waiting for?”

  They walked sedately down the stairs and along the short path between Liz’s vegetable and herb gardens. When they were sitting down side by side on the bench, Angie looked up and stifled a giggle.

  “Lucky it’s not mango season or we’d be dodging falling fruit and the prying eyes of numerous possums.”

  “They can’t hide their prying eyes,” Shann sang softly, and they laughed together. Then their arms were around each other, their lips meeting in a kiss that left them both breathless.

  “I love your kisses,” Shann murmured against Angie’s so soft lips.

  “Then you don’t mind if I keep kissing you, hmmm?” She kissed Shann. “And kissing you.” She kissed her again.

  “I’ll give you all night to stop doing that,” Shann said breathily and groaned. “I wish we had all night. Do you think anyone can see us down here?”

  “What if they can? Just at the moment, my need to kiss you far outweighs my concern about scaring the neighbors. At least Mrs. Nosy Parker Jones out the front can’t see us. That might have been a problem.”

  Shann stilled. “You did say Ann and Mike were at the movies, didn’t you? Would they be home yet?”

  “Probably not. They usually go for coffee and a chat afterward with their friends. Don’t worry about Ann and Mike, Shann. How they feel about us is, well, their problem.”

  “I know, but—”

  Angie sighed and slid her arms from around Shann’s shoulders. “We’ll behave. Probably best anyway. Kissing you only makes me want to do more than kiss you.” She ran her hand slowly along Shann’s thigh. “And not just on the lips, “ she added thickly.

  Shann shivered and covered Angie’s hand with her own. “And this is behaving?” she asked with a broken laugh, her body responding to Angie’s touch.

  Angie lifted Shann’s hand and kissed it before resting their clasped hands on her lap. “It’s your fault for being such a turn on, Shann Delaney.”

  “I am?”

  “You are. I could barely keep my hands to myself all evening. Not easy with your family looking on.”

  “Especially Liz, of the eagle eyes.”

  They laughed together.

  “It was a great evening, wasn’t it?” Shann said. “Corey really enjoyed it. He loves playing board games. Thanks for, well, for being so nice to him, even when he asked you to marry him.”

  Angie laughed. “It’s the very best marriage proposal I’ve ever had. Actually it’s the only one I’ve had.”

  “Really?”

  “I’ve never let guys get close enough to talk marriage.”

  Shann swallowed. “What about women?”

  “There’s never been anyone I cared enough about to want to make that kind of commitment.” She played absently with Shann’s fingers. “I want to be sure. It has to be always and forever for me. But I have to admit Corey’s cute enough for me to consider him very seriously.”

  Shann suddenly wanted to ask Angie to consider her. Yet while her nerve endings clamored for her to say the words, her head reminded her that she could get badly hurt again.

  “Corey’s so cute,” Angie was continuing. “Just like his mother.”

  “So you think so?” Shann’s heartbeats accelerated.

  “Oh, definitely. Pity Corey got in first,” she said with a grin. “However, I’m open to all offers.”

  Was Angie joking or—? Shann swallowed. “I’ll remember that.”

  Angie’s gaze held hers for long moments. “If you don’t I’ll remind you. So, have you decided what you’ll be singing up at the Muster?”

  “All set. And I’ve worked with the backing band before as well so that’s a relief. That’s
one thing I won’t have to be nervous about.”

  “I’m really looking forward to it. Especially since I saw you at The Blue Moon. You were fantastic.”

  “I think you’re as biased as Corey is.” Shann couldn’t hide how pleased she was. “And thanks for getting time off work next week. Corey was pretty ecstatic that he’s going to the Muster. I was pretty ecstatic, too. I’m not sure how I’m going to cope with waiting for three days for you both to arrive.”

  “It’ll be the same for me waiting till I can get up there. If I didn’t have those appointments, and that conference I’m committed to in Melbourne, I’d come up for the whole week.” Angie laughed ruefully. “While you’re away I might come over just to look at Corey to feel close to you. He has your eyes and your incredible smile.”

  “Liz says that, too.”

  “What about Corey’s father? Does Corey look anything like him?”

  “I don’t talk about that, Angie. As far as I’m concerned Corey’s my son. He doesn’t have a father.”

  “Corey doesn’t know who his father is?”

  “No.”

  She was silent for a moment. “What about your parents? And Liz?”

  “No one knows.”

  “But why? Was he married or something?”

  “Angie—”

  “He would have had to have been someone we knew,” she said, almost to herself, and then she stiffened. “Oh, my God. Shann.” Angie put her hand over her mouth. “I think I know who he is.”

  “How do you know?” Shann frowned, and her stomach tightened as memories of that night threatened to flood back. “You couldn’t possibly know,” she added flatly.

  “I was there, Shann. Well, not there. But afterward. I saw him. It was at Ann and Mike’s twenty-fifth wedding anniversary party, wasn’t it? It was Evan Radford.”

  Shann was pale and could only shake her head.

  “Oh, Shann. I heard him. He was talking to that red-haired friend of his, Caleb Dean. They didn’t know I was there, and Evan said he was going to show that bitch. He took something from Caleb, and Caleb said it was too risky. Then Evan said that no dyke was going to mess with his girlfriend.”

  “You heard them say that? Evan and Caleb?”

  Angie nodded. “I couldn’t leave it alone either. I stepped up to them and said I was amazed all women weren’t lesbians if they were the only alternative. Then I stalked off. Oh Shann, tell me they didn’t have anything to do with it.”

  Shann couldn’t speak. Evan had drugged her? How could that be?

  “Did Evan rape you, Shann?”

  Shann shook her head. “No. He did get me a drink, but I didn’t finish it. I only had a few mouthfuls. Then someone bumped me, and I spilled it all over my shirt. I was all wet and I was feeling sick so I headed for the bathroom. I left Evan and Caleb with Leigh, and I took a shortcut through the garden.” Shann stopped and swallowed convulsively. “I’ve never told anyone,” she said, fighting back tears.

  “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to,” Angie said gently, but Shann shook her head and clasped Angie’s hand tightly.

  “He caught me there in the garden and pulled me into the bushes. I thought he was helping me. He held my head while I threw up. Then he said it was time to learn a few of life’s lessons. I couldn’t quite take it in. I was so dizzy.” Shann’s tortured memories surged forward as she told Angie the story she hadn’t told anyone else, not even Gina.

  “I feel sick,” she’d said tearfully over ten years ago.

  “Don’t worry. It’ll pass. Take a deep breath.” His hand stroked her hair, moved down her back. “You know you’re too old to be fooling around, Shann.”

  “Fooling around?”

  “All that kid’s stuff with Leigh Callahan.”

  He knew about that. Who could have told him? Her father? Ruth? Shann looked up at him, and he smiled. The bright moonlight lit his face and something in that smile sent a shaft of fear through her.

  “I think I’ll go back now. Maybe I should just go home.” She went to move around him, but he was too quick for her, cut off her exit with his body.

  “Oh, no. Not yet. We have to have our little lesson.”

  “Lesson?”

  He nodded, pleased with himself. “You know I’m a bit like Queen Victoria. I don’t believe there are such things as lesbians. Lesbians don’t exist.”

  Shann wanted to retaliate, tell him that Gina and Cassie and her friends would beg to differ, but she made herself remain silent.

  “No. Lesbians just need straightening out. They need a lesson.”

  “Please. Let me go back to the party.”

  “In a while. Take off your shirt.”

  “No. I want to go back inside,” Shann choked out, hearing the panic in her voice.

  He grabbed her, and they struggled. She fought him, but he was stronger, and being sick and dizzy seemed to have made her sluggish. Then she was on the ground, the sharp edges of stones biting into her back. He roughly pushed her shirt and bra up, hurting her breasts. One of her arms was somehow caught beneath her and he was on top of her. She tried to scream but he’d pushed something into her mouth.

  With her free hand she scratched at him, her nails raking, and he swore and pinned her hand above her head. With his other hand he clutched at her bare breast, his fingers painfully squeezing her nipple.

  She managed to free her other arm and tore at his hair. He slapped her and captured both of her hands in his and pinned them both above her head. Then he reached down, pulled her skirt up over her thighs and ripped off her underpants.

  Shann panicked, tried desperately to fight him off, but she couldn’t seem to gather enough strength. Her body was uncoordinated, and she was no match for him.

  “Stop fighting, Shann, or I’ll really hurt you. Now I’m going to begin our lesson. I’m going to show you what you’ve been missing, and there won’t be any going back. Just relax. You’ll love it.”

  He forced her legs apart with his, fumbled with his zipper, and then he was thrusting himself into her. Shann thought she’d pass out with the pain.

  But she didn’t. It went on for a lifetime of agony and shame. Eventually he grunted and was still.

  “Lesson number one,” he said thickly. “Now you’re playing in the big league, kid.”

  Shann moaned, her body screaming in pain.

  He stood up, left her lying there while he zipped up his pants. Then he bent down and pulled the gag from her mouth. He picked something else up off the ground and shoved it into his pocket with the gag.

  Shann tried to scream, but her throat was raw.

  “Clean yourself up. You’ll thank me for this, I promise you.” He went to walk away. “Oh, and Shann. Keep this our little secret. It’ll be your word against mine, and I’ve already implied that you’ve been giving me the come on.” He turned and left her.

  Shann lay on the stony ground, shocked, aching, and bewildered. Eventually she sat up and rearranged her clothing. She felt around for her underpants, but she couldn’t find them. Why had she let Ruth talk her into wearing a skirt rather than her usual jeans? It had been no barrier.

  She climbed shakily to her feet and wrapped her arms around herself as she shivered in shock. She’d have to tell her father what had happened. But would he believe her? He was so angry with her since Ann Callahan had caught her kissing Leigh. He hadn’t spoken to her for a week. How would he react if she told him she’d been raped? They’d have to call the police. She’d have to tell strangers—

  She recalled a friend of Gina’s who’d been raped and who had tried to get the police to lay charges against the guy. The court case had turned into a fiasco, Gina said, where the woman had ended up on trial.

  As he’d said, it was her word against his. Who would believe her, a frightened seventeen-year-old who had just been caught kissing another female? She’d have no credibility. And what if it was reported in the newspaper? She went totally cold at the thought. Everyone would fin
d out. Leigh would know.

  Dashing away her tears Shann knew she wouldn’t put her family or herself through it. She’d have to keep this evening’s horrifying incident a secret. No one must ever find out.

  She made her way through the garden, to the toilet block, hanging back in the shadows until she was sure there was no one inside. She quickly washed her face and tidied her clothes as best she could. There was a reddening patch on the edge of her jaw where he’d hit her. She’d have to think of something to explain that.

  She looked at her untidy hair, and it all came back. She was vomiting into the toilet when her stepmother found her.

  “For heaven’s sake, Shann. What’s wrong with you?” She caught the odor of the drink Shann had spilled on her shirt and she gave an exclamation of disgust. “Haven’t you upset your father enough already with your abhorrent behavior without getting blind drunk? Come on, I was about to go home, and you’d better come with me before you make an even bigger exhibition of yourself. We’ll have to try to keep this from your father.”

  She took Shann’s arm and led her toward the car park.

  “Hello, Ruth. Shann. They’re handing out the cake inside,” Angelina said as she headed for the toilet.

  “Shann isn’t feeling very well so I’ve decided to take her home. I wonder if you’d tell my husband that’s where we’ve gone,” Ruth said.

  “What’s the matter, Shann?” Angelina’s green eyes filled with concern. “Shall I get Dr. Fleming? He’s inside. I could go and find him.”

  “No. No. That won’t be necessary,” Ruth said quickly. “It’s the time of the month, and she’s having a few cramps.” Ruth started Shann moving again. “Just tell my husband we’ve left.”

  “Angelina, you shouldn’t be out here alone,” Shann managed to get out, her tongue feeling thick and rubbery. “We’ll wait for you.”

  “There’s no need for that,” Ruth said, taking her arm, drawing Shann along with her. And they’d gone home.

  Now, ten years later Shann looked across at Angie, trying to gauge her reaction to what Shann had told her. The moonlight shining through the mango tree leaves danced patterns on her pale face.

  “Oh, Shann. I’m so sorry.” Angie put her arms around Shann, holding her close. Then she smoothed Shann’s hair back with her hands and, holding her face, gently kissed her. “Shann, that night, just before I saw you with Ruth, I saw Evan out in the garden. Caleb was trying to get him to go back into the hall. I heard him say what a waste it was, that it hadn’t worked. Then Leigh came outside, and she said he needed coffee. Caleb and Leigh took him into the hall. He could have been talking about your spiked drink, but he was out there that night.”