365 Days Alone

by Nancy Isaak

  She had to bathe regularly and she was not allowed to preach to any of them.

  Reluctantly, she agreed.

  For the most part, Sophia remained clean and respectfully quiet.

  Every once in a while, though, a Tribulations-warning would slip out of Sophia’s mouth. Immediately, Cherry would silence her with a deadly look and a nod toward the front door. What followed then would be Sophia sulking off into a corner, muttering away about something we could never quite catch.

  Truthfully—she worried me.

  And Jude hated her—she said that Sophia ‘stank of corruption’.

  * * * *

  On one cold and intermittently spitting-rain day, we sat in the football stands to eat our lunch and watch ‘Orla’s Army’ doing defensive tactics training. Jude, Lily, Shawnee, and I were on the very top level; Wandy and Cherry were on the bench just below us.

  Jay, meanwhile, was in the Medical Center.

  Though conscious and talking now, Amelie was still not well enough to be released. Except to eat and catch a few hours of sleep, Jay rarely left Amelie’s side these days.

  Even with the weather as bad as it was, our group had decided to eat lunch in the football stands—mostly because we were all so bored. With no television or internet, and not being allowed to travel outside of our borders, watching the older girls parade on the field and learn how to fight was at least something to do.

  Orla’s Army—basically the Protection Detail—had started ‘battle training’ in the middle of February. After Orla’s announcement that the beasts and the Probationary Camp girls were getting progressively nearer to Agoura Hills, their training had only intensified.

  At one point, Jude had asked Alice if she could possibly join in. She was told, in no uncertain terms, that only the members of the Protection Detail were allowed to train at this time. Alice said that they didn’t have enough weapons for ‘civilians’ and the priority had to be on getting ‘Security’ up and running first.

  Of course, our group never let on that we still had weapons.

  Jude had her gun; I had mine. (We never did find one for Jay.)

  Lily had her pepper spray, which she kept in her purse or tucked into a pocket.

  Jay and I also had our cop-socks, but those were back in the Sitipala hidden room. We should probably have handed those over to the Protection Detail, but we just couldn’t bring ourselves to do it. Jay and I simply felt that we had gone through too much to get them.

  And—although we never saw any—we assumed that the Continuation girls had their own weapons stashed away. In fact, we assumed that many of the girls around us were secretly armed in one way or another.

  These were dangerous times.

  It just made sense.

  * * * *

  “Damn, but that girl is quick,” said Jude.

  Down on the field, the Protection Detail girls had all separated into pairs and—wearing football helmets and pads—were punching and kicking at each other. Tray had just spun around, delivering a roundhouse kick that sent Alice flying to the ground.

  It was supposed to be just practicing; Tray, obviously, was making it full-contact.

  “She and Brandon met in karate class,” said Cherry. “That’s when they first started dating. I think they both have their brown belts.”

  “Figures,” said Wandy. “Brandon Keretsky and Traynesha Davis—the two biggest bullies in Agoura High. Who had the bright idea to give them fighting lessons, too?”

  “This is yucky,” said Lily, holding up her sandwich.

  It was one of Sophia’s creations. The bread was passable, though slightly burnt at the corners. Nobody was certain about the spread, however.

  “You don’t think it’s ‘Rover’, do you?” asked Jude.

  “It better not be,” I said, feeling suddenly sick. “Sophia promised me that it was vegetarian. Some sort of bean-cucumber-thing.”

  “I’m tired of beans,” groused Shawnee, even as she took another bite of her own sandwich.

  “Who isn’t?” said Jude.

  “Plus it makes everyone farty,” said Lily.

  We all laughed, while Lily just looked confused.

  “It does,” she insisted. “Especially Jude.”

  We laughed harder…even Jude.

  * * * *

  “Are you kidding me?!” Cherry sputtered—suddenly angry. “Bitch has highlights!”

  She was pointing down onto the field where one of the 12th graders had just taken off her football helmet. It was a girl named Shelton, who was tall and pretty, with blond hair that gleamed, even on this wet, dismal day.

  “Isn’t that her natural color?” I asked.

  Cherry looked at me like I was an idiot. “Dude,” she chided, “like I don’t know my hair color!”

  “So she has highlights,” sniffed Jude. “Who cares?”

  “I care!” Cherry ran a hand through her own shoulder-length hair. The pink had become cloudy and there were two-inches of blond showing at the roots. “Fracking Orla won’t let me get any color. She says that she can’t spare the security needed for the five minutes it’d take me to grab a box at CVS!”

  “That’s stupid,” I said. “CVS is literally just across the street on Kanan Road.”

  “According to Ms. President…that side of the street is out of our borders. Convenient, huh? Personally, I think she just doesn’t want me to dye my hair.”

  I looked back down at Shelton; her hair really did look good—nice color, well-conditioned.

  “But why would Orla care about what you did with your hair?” I asked. “It doesn’t make any sense.”

  Jude tapped me on the head. “Because it’s not about Cherry’s hair, Barbie…it’s about control.”

  Lily, meanwhile, reached over and twirled a finger around Cherry’s pink tips. “Shelton’s got pretty hair, but yours is prettier.”

  “Thanks, Lily,” sighed Cherry, giving her a quick hug.

  I would never have mentioned it, but I was glad that Orla wouldn’t let Cherry have any dye. While I really didn’t mind her pink hair, I was kind of fascinated to see what Cherry would look like with her normal hair color.

  * * * *

  We were all transforming—in different ways.

  Some of it, I’m certain, was just due to growing older. A lot of it, however, was because of our circumstances.

  Almost all of us had lost weight; some of us had lost a lot.

  For those of us who hadn’t been overweight to begin with, that meant our bodies were becoming ripped. Like meathead guys, we suddenly began comparing our ‘6-packs’ and ‘guns’.

  Meanwhile, the ones who had been overweight were now experiencing what it was like to be thin. Muffin tops disappeared, thighs slimmed—clothes actually fit for once.

  There were a few like Shawnee, who still had a few pounds to lose before they wouldn’t be considered ‘chubby’, but they were becoming rare.

  (Jay and I had seen Shawnee sneaking out of the kitchen one afternoon when no one was supposed to be there. She was carrying a box of cookies that she quickly tucked into her jacket. We figured that might have been one of the reasons that her weight-loss was so much slower than the rest of us.)

  * * * *

  Jude’s transformation was the most amazing of us all.

  Like Cherry, Jude’s natural hair color was finally growing in—a very pretty chestnut brown. Meanwhile, her acne had all but cleared up and her face was becoming thinner, exposing high model-cheekbones.

  It appeared that our Jude was going to be ‘very pretty’.

  The best part of it all, was that she hadn’t realized it, yet. Jude still thought of herself as that lumbering, spotty, fat girl.

  * * * *

  And then there was Jay and me.

  Truthfully—our hair was longer and we were a little skinnier but, mostly, we just looked the same.

  So disappointing.

  * * * *

  The upcoming library trip continued to be a source of e
xcitement in the community. All the girls wanted to go—some because they truly wanted to get books, others because they just wanted a chance to travel outside of the boundaries.

  Like everyone else, I was compiling a list of books I wanted. There were a number of authors I was having an ongoing ‘reading-love affair’ with—Ray Bradbury, Amanda Hocking, Stephenie Meyer, to name just a few.

  Hopefully, some of their books would be available.

  I also made up a second list; this one was of books that could teach us survival skills—sewing, canning, wilderness emergency first aid.

  Meanwhile, Lily asked for the “Harry Potter” series and a book on pugs. Though she probably wasn’t going to like it, I also added books on elementary history, science, and math to her list. Cherry, Wandy, and I had decided that—when the books came back—we were going to start regular classes for both Lily and Shawnee (and anyone else who wanted to learn).

  * * * *

  Wandy’s book list was especially interesting.

  She had been the first to sign up for the Farming Detail and wanted every book the search team could find on composting and crop rotation. In particular, Wandy was looking for a book that would explain how you could turn human waste into fertilizer. (Yuck!)

  Also—during her spare time—Wandy had begun working with Jude on a design for running PVC pipes from the soon-to-be-completed water tank down to the fields that would be used for the community’s farm.

  Which meant—books on water filtration and irrigation also made Wandy’s list.

  Meanwhile, Jay—of course—just wanted medical reference books, while Cherry and Shawnee were both into Anime and Manga.

  * * * *

  The only girl I never saw write out a book list was Jude. When I asked her why, she merely shrugged.

  “Too busy to read,” she said. “What do I care?”

  JOURNAL ENTRY #23

  I’ve been chosen to go to the library…so exciting!

  And Jude and Cherry also got chosen.

  Wandy is really disappointed that her name didn’t get picked. She wanted to go to the Library so badly. Both Cherry and Jude asked the Council to substitute one of their spots for Wandy, but the Council wouldn’t let them.

  Or what I should really say is—the Foxes wouldn’t let them.

  And, ironically, Jude didn’t even put her name into the drawing.

  The only reason she’s going is that Orla is making her a temporary member of the Protection Detail. Because we’re going to be pushing shopping carts all the way to the Agoura Hills Library and back (it’s about three miles away), she wanted Jude on the trip because she’s so strong and fierce.

  And I actually agree with Orla for once—Jude is strong and fierce.

  So glad she’s on my team.

  * * * *

  Unfortunately, Jay isn’t coming.

  Like Jude, she didn’t put her name into the drawing. In her case, it was because she didn’t want to leave Amelie alone.

  For a while, it looked like Amelie was actually getting better. That didn’t last, though. Now, she just keeps getting sicker and sicker.

  And Peyton—of course—isn’t coming on the trip because she rarely leaves her sister’s side.

  * * * *

  Speaking of Peyton…

  While Jude might be the girl who’s changed the most physically over these last four and a half months—I think that Peyton might be the one who has had the biggest ‘character-change’.

  The other day I saw Wandy sitting with Peyton at Amelie’s bedside. While Amelie slept, Wandy and Peyton talked quietly, their heads close together. There were tears coming down both of their cheeks and Peyton actually reached out and hugged Wandy.

  I wonder what Cherry thinks about that.

  * * * *

  Now speaking about Jude…both Jay and I are kind of worried about her.

  Lately, Jude’s just been so—pissy.

  It seems like she’s angry at everybody. Nothing makes her happy. She even snapped at Lily the other day—and Jude’s never mean to Lily. I mean, she absolutely dotes on the girl.

  Jude also has been really unfocused lately.

  At times, I’ve caught her staring out into space, as if trying to remember what it was she was looking for or doing. When she sees that I’ve noticed, she pretends that it’s nothing, but I can see that it really bugs her.

  The worst thing, though, was when I got up last night and went into the kitchen for a glass of water from the big bottle we keep on the counter. As I was reaching for it, I heard a sob. I thought maybe that I was imagining it, but then I realized it was coming from the backyard.

  When I peeked out the window—I saw her.

  Jude was sitting on the ground, with Pugly on her lap…and she was crying.

  As much as I wanted to go and give her a hug—this being Jude—I knew the best thing I could do for her was to turn around, go back to bed, and never mention that I’d seen her in such a vulnerable way.

  But—I’m still going to talk to Jay about it, I think.

  Maybe, together, we can figure out what’s going on and how we can help Jude.

  JOURNAL ENTRY #24

  It all makes sense now; so many things make sense.

  So, here’s what happened…

  I had just finished my shift at the Medical Center and I was pretty tired. All I really wanted was to have a bath and get ready for the trip to the library tomorrow.

  But, first, I needed to sort out my ‘lists’—so that I’d be better organized.

  The Council has divided up all the book lists into categories. Each of the girls who have been chosen to go to the Library have been given a particular category of books that they’ll be responsible for finding. I’ll be looking for books on natural medicines, first aid, and water purification. Plus, I’m allowed to find the books on my own personal list, of course.

  Anyway—I took my half-eaten sandwich from dinner (mashed beans and cucumber again!), my lists, and a soy chocolate milk and went and sat out in the backyard where the light was better (it was dusk).

  About five minutes later, Jude came out from the house and sat down beside me. She was holding her own handful of assigned book lists. “Barbie, I need your help.”

  “I don’t know,” I responded, not looking up from the list I was working on. “Are you going to snap at me, because I’m really not in the mood?”

  There was no answer.

  I looked up to see Jude sitting there, head down—staring morosely at her lists.

  “What?!” I snapped, irritated. “Look, I’m sorry, but you’ve been very cranky these last few days.”

  Jude nodded. “I know,” she said, quietly. “I get that way when I’m off my Adderall. It’s so hard for me to focus sometimes.”

  “Your ADHD!” I suddenly felt very stupid. “Oh god, Jude. You ran out of meds! Why didn’t you tell us?”

  “I was hoping that I could get by without them.”

  “Look, we’ll talk to Jay about it when she gets home. There’s probably some Addie in the Medical Center.”

  “Yeah,” sighed Jude. “It’s probably a good idea.”

  “It’s definitely a good idea,” I agreed.

  Jude frowned at me.

  “Really cranky,” I said, holding my hands up. “So, is that what you needed help with?”

  “Not really.”

  I waited. Sometimes you have to do that with Jude. Give her time to feel comfortable speaking.

  “Do you know Porter McIntyre?” she asked, after a moment.

  “Sure. He’s that really smart kid from our Chemistry class.”

  “I work—worked—with him down at Vons.”

  “I know…I’ve seen you both there.”

  “Well, it’s just that…Porter always helped me with my homework.”

  “That was nice of him.”

  Jude looked down at the lists in her hand. “Well, it’s kind of more than that…Porter helped me read my homework.”

  The
re was a period of about five seconds where I had absolutely no idea what she was saying. Then it hit me.

  “Are you kidding me?” I blurted out. “ADHD and Dyslexia?!”

  Jude nodded, giving me a bemused grin. “Hit the motherlode, didn’t I?”

  * * * *

  See, it’s not that Jude can’t read—it’s that it’s difficult for her to read.

  In her mind, the letters tend to jumble themselves up. It takes time for Jude to figure out the words. And—when she’s off her meds—her ability to focus is so low that it becomes almost impossible.

  I suppose that some of the teachers at Agoura High knew that Jude had dyslexia, but none of us kids did.

  We just thought she was—less smart.

  It’s very humbling to learn how ridiculous some of your preconceived notions are. Frankly, it makes me feel like a less smart person myself.

  Porter was apparently the only kid at Agoura High who knew about Jude’s dyslexia…and Jude didn’t tell him!

  She said that he figured it out himself the first day he worked with her at Vons. But, instead of making fun of Jude, like she was certain he would—Porter spent much of his free time helping her to overcome it.

  In fact—Jude says—if it wasn’t for Porter coaching her through practice tests, she doesn’t think that she would have made it through the last two years of high school. And the thing that’s really sad—is that Jude says that she loves school and learning.

  It’s just that it’s really difficult for her.