Upgrade U

by Ni-Ni Simone

  “A choir director. Something about the boas you wear and those finger waves in your hair tells me you would put it to sleep, fa’sho'.”

  “Yeah, and I can play a mean tambourine too,” Courtney bragged and started waving his arms in the air as if he were directing a symphony that only he could hear.

  “I’m ‘bout to update my status”—Khya blew a pink bubble and popped it—“and tell er’body about you being a future choir director and see how many people click the like button for my comment.” Khya picked up her phone, snapped a picture of Courtney, updated her status, and the next thing I knew she went from zero to sixty and started going off.

  “That’s the heifer who keeps sending cyber martinis to Jamil!” Khya stood up on the bench and yelled over to a clique of girls. “Let me tell you something Nastyazzdotcom, I ain’t the one! Now send Jamil another drink, please do it and I’m bust yo—” Khya came to a complete halt, jumped off the bench, and said, “Stop the press.” She looked at me and pointed. “Seven is that—”

  “Zaire,” I said, more to myself than I did to her. Don’t ask me why, but my heart thundered like crazy and instantly I wondered if every strand of my hair was in place, especially since I had styled it in natural waves that hung to my shoulders.

  I quickly glanced down at my clothing:

  Fitted jeans—check.

  Pink fitted tee with AM I MAKING YOU SWEAT? written across it—check.

  Okay, okay, I’m buggin'. I don’t even know this dude. Besides, I got a man. So, I’ma just walk over there and say thank you for the books. Yeah, that’s what I’ll do, say thank you and be out. … I sucked my stomach in—and though I was pear shaped and most of my sexy weight went to my size-fourteen hips, at this moment I was so self-conscious that my belly felt like I had a nine-month-old fetus in it.

  Be calm and play it cool, Seven. You got this.

  I boldly walked away from my crew and over to Zaire, who exuded an aura of straight-up confidence. Like that Jay-Z, grown-man-type swagger. It was like he knew … that everybody knew … that he was dope.

  He wore a black Yankees cap, a pair of black jeans, a black sweatshirt, an iced-out chain, and a pair of Marc Jacobs sneakers on his feet. His smile lit up the sky as he sat at one of the courtyard’s gaming tables, slammed dominos down, and laughed with another cat—who put me in the mind of Drake but with a fly buzz cut, three parts on the side, a goatee, and, from what I could see, a crazy nice body.

  Never noticing me standing to the side of the table, Zaire raised up from his seat, slammed his hand down on the table, and hollered, “Dominos!” He grabbed a bundle of money that sat on the side of the table, smiled at his friend, and playfully said, “All I do is win-win-win …”

  “So does that mean,” I interjected, “that you’re going to pay me the money you still owe me for my hair?” Why did I say that? That is not what I was supposed to say. The hair thing is so played now. Dang. Should I leave now or wait for him to bust out laughing?

  Zaire turned around and stared at me. His eyes clearly ran over my body and his gaze dropped compliments every step of the way.

  “Nice view,” he said with all the cocky confidence in the world. “But you know what’s funny?” He stroked his goatee. “I distinctly remember trying to give you the money for your hair and my number for a date and you turned them both down. You remember that?” He sat back down in his seat, and somehow I eased up close enough to him that I was practically standing between his legs.

  “I remember being pissed.” I batted my lashes and struggled to keep my lips from forming a smile.

  “And now?” he asked.

  “Now—” I paused. I couldn’t fight it anymore and my lips were full-fledged cheesing. “I’m not mad anymore. Especially since you were nice enough to buy me those books I needed. Thanks. I appreciated that.”

  “It was the least I could do. I owed you that.”

  He stared at me intensely, locking eyes with me for a moment too long and causing me to feel frozen in my spot. An awkward silence lingered between us, and then I said, “So … ummm … I didn’t know you went to school here.”

  “I’ma sophomore, bey-be.” He gave me a half grin and looked me over again.

  “What’s your major?” I asked.

  “Pre-med. All day.”

  “That’s what I’m talking about.” I knew I sounded stupid, or silly, or both. “A degree in moola.” I needed to shut up.

  “Nah.” He gave me a sexy grin. “It’s not about the money. It’s about the love of wanting to make a difference.”

  Before I could decide what to do he asked me, “What are you majoring in?”

  “Occupational therapy.”

  “Really?”

  “Yeah, I mean … I have a passion for English, but like that is sooo not a moneymaker.”

  “That’s interesting,” he said. “I didn’t take you as the type of girl who was caught up in dollars.”

  Shut down. Maybe I should just pick my face up off the floor and simply walk away now.

  As I went to say something that was probably just as ridiculous as my previous statements, “Hey, Cuz—” interrupted me.

  I turned around only to see Percy, standing there in a three-piece sky-blue tuxedo equipped with the smedium vest and ruffle shirt. And just when I thought it couldn’t get worse I noticed the burgundy velvet cape hanging around his neck. “ ‘Sup?” He gave me one of his dumb smiles. “It’s my birthday. I’m the big one-eight.”

  “Happy Birthday, now run away,” I said, tight-lipped.

  “You don’t be talking to me like that!” Percy snapped, and I wanted to choke him. “I’m the older cousin!”

  “You are not my cousin,” I said, agitated.

  “Oh really, well, we just gon’ see what my stepdaddy Shake has to say about that!” and he stormed away.

  By the time I turned around toward Zaire he was falling out in laughter. “Yo, beautiful, you shouldn’t play your lil big cousin like that.”

  “Whatever.” I laughed. “Long story.”

  Zaire walked up to me and, getting bold, took my hand. “You’re cute. I like that.”

  I knew I need to back up … but ummm … I was too scared that if I moved my nervous knees just might give way. So all I could do was stand there for a moment and say, “So ummm, you’re from New Orleans originally?”

  “Yeah,” he said, slightly put off.

  “That’s wassup,” I said, sounding the queen of dumb. “So umm, you live on campus?”

  “Nah, I have my own spot, not too far from here though. Maybe you’ll let me show you around one day.”

  “What day?” rained from over my shoulder. I didn’t even have to turn around to know that was Khya. “Wednesday’s free and the weekend of course.” Before Zaire could get a word in, Khya turned to Zaire’s friend, who was still seated. She stood before him and said, “Pause. Hold up—who is this lil Drake and Eminem combo? I need introductions please.”

  The guy laughed and said in a deep and sexy voice, “I’m Chaz.”

  “Oh wait.” Khya held her chest. “I thought I was about to pass out ‘cause you sound …”

  “Sound what?” Chaz said, curious.

  “So …” Khya said slowly, “damyum … cute.” She snapped her fingers. “Let’s just skip the formalities and get to the boo-lovin'. I’m Khya, I’m single, and if you play your cards right a few years from now we can lock down November fourth as our date to have the same last name.”

  This chick was straight-up trippin'!

  Chaz smiled and his eyes gave Khya the up-down. “You know what, ma. I might have to look into that. November fourth a few years from now? Well, depending on how soon you give me your number and let me take you out, then I just might be able to free up that date.”

  Finally, I was able to collect my knees and take a step toward Khya. “Seven,” she said, “this is the future Mr. Khya, Chaz.”

  He laughed. “ ‘Sup, ma.”

  “You got
it,” I said. “And where are you from?” I looked at Chaz and recognized his accent. “New York?”

  “Brooklyn, son.” He smiled. “Or Brooklyn, bey-be, as my boy would say.” He pointed to Zaire. “I’m glad he ran into you again.”

  “Really?” I said, taken aback.

  Chaz smiled and looked at Khya. “What time on Wednesday?”

  Khya blinked, “Umm, we can make that happen at about seven. I just need to cancel a date with this lil cutie named Devin who is working my nerves, and then me and you are a sho’nuff plan. Ya heardz me!”

  “You wanna join them?” Zaire asked me. “Or we gon’ do our own thing?”

  I really needed to tell this dude that I have a boo, but for some reason this has yet to fall from my lips.

  Before I could answer, “Hey, Zaire,” cut across me. It was Tori, Josiah’s groupie. I rolled my eyes to the sky because, I promise you, I hated the sight of this chick.

  Zaire nodded at Tori and said, “Wassup?”

  “I haven’t seen you around here in a minute,” she said.

  “I been around.”

  “All right, well take care.” She waved and shot a sick smile at me.

  Zaire quickly returned his attention back to me and I fought with everything I could to play off my feelings of uncertainty. But I had to get away, I had a boyfriend and feeling like this made no sense.

  “I’m good.” I smiled at him, gave Chaz a tiny wave, and walked away.

  Now don’t ask me why—especially since my friends were all in the courtyard—but I didn’t stop walking until I was back at my dorm and sitting on the edge of my bed. All I could do was fall back on my pillow and wonder why I had butterflies in my stomach for someone other than my man….

  14

  Everything was beautiful between me and him

  And here comes you and your big mouth …

  —JILL SCOTT, “GETTIN’ IN THE WAY”

  Monica’s “Everything” danced through my sleep and in and out of my dreams at least a million times before I realized it was my cell phone ringing. I didn’t know that I’d fallen asleep until I was waking up. I stretched across my yellow sheets and curled my knees into my chest. I didn’t want to move. All I wanted to do was finish my nap … but I couldn’t, because my cell was going off again and that’s when it clicked: Monica’s singing was the special ring tone I’d attached to Josiah’s calls.

  Instantly my heart thundered in my chest. I quickly prayed that everything was okay. I mentally scanned through my week’s schedule, but I couldn’t remember us having any plans that I’d missed. That’s when I remembered that we didn’t … because Josiah had been away at a game in Atlanta and he was due to come back tonight.

  A smile gleamed on my face. I bet he was already here and anxious to see me. I flipped through my zillion missed calls—all from him—and all ten of his text messages read, “You need to call me. Where are you?”

  I dialed Josiah’s number and the phone barely rang before he answered, “Yo.”

  I was smiling so hard I knew he could hear it in my voice. “Hey, Budda!” I said, calling him by the special nickname I’d given him.

  “Yo, for real,” he said sternly and seriously agitated. “Where you been all day?”

  I was a little taken aback by his tone, and then I thought, He’s jealous. How cute. “After class I came back to my room and fell asleep. That’s how I missed your calls. So how was your game?”

  “I lost!” he snapped.

  “Oh, Budda, I’m sorry.”

  “What are you sorry for? I woulda won, if I didn’t find out that you were up in the courtyard in some dude’s face a few hours before I was due to play my game. If I didn’t hear that I woulda been straight!”

  “Whoa!” I snapped. And for a moment I had to talk myself out of going off. “What is your problem?” I growled at him. “And who are you talking to like that? You don’t be cussing at me!”

  “Man, whatever! Here I am, away at a game, doing everything not to mess up, and the first time I’m outta state you in some cat’s face. Are you kidding me, Seven?”

  “What are you talking about?!” I found myself screaming at the top of my lungs as my heart raced in my chest. I sat straight up and felt like … like I was in a complete daze. Was this really happening? “What man?!”

  “Don’t lie to me, Seven.”

  “You are really outta pocket!”

  "I’m outta pocket? And you’re running around here all up in ole boy’s face. And then I hear that this is the same cat who bought all your books for you! Is that your dude now, Seven? You playing me?”

  “What are you talking about? I’m not playing you, I love you.”

  “Yeah, a’ight, but if I was in the courtyard in some chick’s face, I would’ve been every kinda dirty, no good nothing. And then you lied to me!” he said in disbelief. “You told me your mother sent money for your books!”

  “She did! But it was a problem with her card at first—”

  “Liar!”

  “Don’t call me a liar!”

  “How about this? I don’t call you at all. And since you wanna act like some lil greasy ghetto bird, then handle that. ‘Cause I’m not!”

  “Josiah!”

  Silence.

  I called his name again and when he didn’t answer I realized that he’d hung up on me.

  Can somebody please tell me what … the … heck … just happened here …?

  I sat in silence on my bed and tears bubbled in my eyes. I did all I could not to cry, and suddenly I had an epiphany…. That trick, Tori! She worked in the bookstore and she was in the courtyard today! Oh, hell no! I picked up the phone and called Josiah a zillion times back to back before he finally picked up. “What?” he snapped.

  “Who told you I was in the courtyard? And who told you about the books?”

  “Don’t worry about it—somebody who cares that I know the truth!”

  "Oh really.” I chuckled in a pissed disbelief. “Since you calling me accusing me, based on what I know that beyotch Tori told you, then you need to make sure that you deliver this message. Tell that trick that when I catch her I’ma slaughter her!”

  “Whatever, Seven.”

  “Oh, it’s whatever?” My feelings were hurt and they sank lower into the pit of my stomach with each passing moment. “I can’t believe that this chick called you to tell on me. Why does she care so much? Huh, Josiah?”

  “ ‘Cause that’s my friend and anyway it ain’t about her, it’s about you!”

  “About me? No, this is about you and how you just spat another lie—hmph, or maybe that one’s the truth. First you said, you didn’t know this trick! Then you say, she was somebody you knew in passing, and now this ho is your friend? What’s next? She’s your girl?”

  “Don’t be trying to twist this around on me. Girls come at me all day every day, but I’m up here trying to upgrade you.”

  “Upgrade me? I know you don’t think I’m on it like that?! I knew you when you had braces and a head full of naps. Don’t play with me.”

  “I’m not the one playing. You’re the one who was practically sitting in this dude’s lap—”

  “I wasn’t sitting in anybody’s lap!”

  “Yeah, right, you all holding hands and practically kissing him! I can’t believe this!”

  “It wasn’t even like that!”

  “It doesn’t matter what it’s like, ‘cause I’m done.”

  “Oh, you’re done?” I couldn’t believe he’d said that. “So we’re through? You’re breaking up with me based on something some lil hood bugger, hollah-back trick told you? Then cool. What, you think you’re irreplaceable? Hmph, you must not know ‘bout me!” I felt tears about to break free from my eyes and cause my throat to spring into a scream, but I fought back my emotions with everything inside of me. “I don’t give a damn. Do you? And if you think I was kickin’ it with somebody else and playing you, then step to the left! And you and your lil broke-down skeezer can ha
ve each other. ‘Cause guess what Seven’s doing? That’s right, you got it! Leaving yo stank azz alone!” I tossed my cell phone across the room; and the next thing I knew my eyes were running with a river of tears and all I could see were my dreams of being with Josiah forever fade to black….

  15

  It won’t last forever

  But now it hurts like hell …

  —CHERISH, “LOVE SICK”

  Once the day faded to night and I found myself sitting in the shadow of the moonlight, I wondered what I was supposed to do now. I mean, like … was I supposed to feel happy, because I stood my ground? Or sad, because I lost my man? Or indifferent because I didn’t understand what had really just happened. All I knew is that I felt like I was in space and as bad as I wanted to call Josiah and make up with him … my pride wouldn’t let me.

  So instead of giving in to my heart, I let it turn to liquid and stroll its way down my cheeks.

  I’m finished though and I may cry and hurt, but he will never know how being without him kills me.

  I fell backwards onto my bed, placed my pillow over my face, and cried myself into oblivion. I cried so much that it took me a minute to realize that my phone was ringing. Instantly, I prayed that it was Josiah, but once I picked it up off of the floor and looked at the caller ID I saw it was my mother; and I went from being in mourning to having an attitude.

  I started not to answer the phone. But then … if I didn’t … she would only worry, especially since I hadn’t called home in over a week.

  Forget it. “Hello?”

  “Seven McKnight,” she said without missing a beat, “did you forget that you had a mama?”

  “No, Ma, I didn’t forget.” I was doing all I could to swallow my tears.

  She carried on, “Actions speak louder than words. And what is this mess with you telling people that Lil Bootsy isn’t related to you?”

  “He’s not.”

  “He’s Miss Minnie’s son and they’re family.”

  Oh God, I really can’t do this…. Really, I can’t …. I rolled my eyes to the ceiling. The last thing I cared about was Lil Bootsy a.k.a. Percy. “Okay, Ma, if you say so.”