Upgrade U

by Ni-Ni Simone

  “On the real though, Seven,” Khya said, “right now we just need to live and have fun. Why be tied down anyway? I mean, my motto is ‘If you’re single, don’t stress—be fresh.’ “ She struck a pose.

  “True … but it’s just that I was with him for so long. He was my high school sweetheart.”

  “Well, Seven … I mean … you are entitled to be hurt. And who knows”—she waved at a passing cutie—“maybe you can move on to some new ‘ish.”

  “Puhlease,” I twisted my lips, “some new ‘ish is the least of my problems.”

  “Really?” interjected its way into my conversation. “And what’s the worst of your problems? Your phone not working?” I didn’t have to turn around to know that was Zaire.

  I fought hard not to smile, but it killed me.

  Chaz walked over to Khya and instantly she melted like butter. “Hey boo-boo.” She gave him a soft peck on the lips.

  Once I composed my face and was able to hold my smile and blush at bay, I looked up and into Zaire’s face. I promise you, this dude put the F.A.H. in fine as hell.

  “You have a bad habit of sneaking up on people” was all I could think to say. Saying anything more than that would’ve had me cheesin’ too hard.

  “And you have a bad habit of not checking in with your homies,” he said.

  “Homies?” I frowned, forgetting for a moment and then quickly remembering that I was the one who came up with that label for us.

  “Oh,” Zaire said, taken aback. “We’re not homies anymore?”

  “Y’all homies now?” Khya looked at me and then to Zaire. “When y’all become homies?”

  “A minute ago, Khya,” I said dismissively, hoping she would let it go. Then I said to Zaire, “I could say the same thing about you too, homie. You could’ve called me.”

  “Nah.” Zaire walked up so close to me that not even a slither of air could get between us. “The last time we were together, after we left my grandmother’s house, the ball was in your court.”

  “Grandmother?!” Khya said in disbelief. “Seven, you’ve been all in his Maw-Maw’s house, and you didn’t tell us? Did she serve food?” Khya looked at Zaire.

  “A full-course meal,” he answered.

  “You have eaten a home-cooked meal since you’ve been here and you didn’t say anything? You wait until we get back to the room,” Khya said in disbelief. She turned back to Zaire. “And what did she serve?”

  “Some of everything,” Zaire said.

  “Gumbo?” Khya pressed.

  “Yep.”

  “Mustard greens?” she carried on.

  “You know it.”

  “Pork chops?” Her eyes popped open.

  “Fried.”

  “O … M … G ….Baked tomatoes?”

  “Stuffed, baked tomatoes.”

  “Beignets?”

  “With praline and caramel sauce.”

  “Oh hell to da nawl! Seven, do you understand that you have been inducted into this family? No wonder you didn’t throw any punches tonight or trip too hard, ‘cause you over here cupcakin’ with lil Bayou daddy at his Maw-Maw’s house. Wait until I tell Shae that you been skippin’ out on the details.”

  “Out of sight, out of mind, huh?” Zaire said. “Is it like that with all your homies?” He took a step back.

  “Seems so,” Khya volunteered. “Seems she leaves us all in the dark.”

  “Excuse you, Khya,” I snapped at her, and then I turned to Zaire and said, “Most of my homies call me.”

  “Really?” Zaire arched his brow. “So what are you saying?”

  Before I could speak Khya interjected, “She’s saying that from now on out, she’s free er’night, except for when she needs to study for her exams. And don’t worry about her saying she has a boyfriend, ‘cause we killed him tonight. He’s a dead issue.”

  She has clearly lost her mind! “Khya!”

  “What I do?” she said. “I was just trying to help.”

  “Don’t help me, please.”

  “You’re so ungrateful.” Khya took Chaz by the hand. “Come on, boo, let’s leave the two homies and get us a lil somethin’-somethin’ to eat. Bye.” She waved as she and Chaz walked away.

  Zaire smiled and moved to the side of me and leaned against the brick wall behind us. “So tell me, Love, what was your homegirl talking about?”

  “Khya just likes to talk,” I said dismissively.

  Zaire boldly pulled me in front of him and placed his hands on my waist.

  “Here’s another bad habit you have,” I said. “Putting your hands on me.”

  “You want me to stop?”

  Silence.

  “Now,” he continued on, “I’ma ask you again, what did Khya mean about you and your boyfriend?”

  “Khya was just being Khya. I’m good though.”

  “What?” he said, confused.

  “I’m sayin’, I’m straight.”

  “You straight?”

  “Yeah, I’m good.”

  “A’ight,” Zaire said nonchalantly. “Cool, that’s wassup. So I tell you what, I’ma go grab me a burger.”

  “A’ight?” I blinked. “That’s it? You don’t want to know what happened?”

  “Seven, I asked you three times and each time you said some one-word nonsense that meant nothing. So, check it, homie, I’m feeling you and it’s clear you’re feeling me, but I’m not going to keep beating you in the head with how I feel with you coming back at me with some dryness. Nah, so when you realize that I’ma real dude and I deserve real answers, you let me know.” He gave me a pound. “Later.”

  Wait a minute … what just happened here? Can you say mouth dropped … wide … open? I looked from side to side and said to myself while pointing to my chest, “Did he just … ummm … leave me standing here?” I was stunned. I promise you I had never in my life had a dude do something like that to me.

  “Girl, this food is slammin’,” Khya said, walking over to me and pointing her burger at me. “You sure you don’t want any?” She looked to the side of me. “Where’s boyfriend?”

  “He left me standing here,” I said.

  Khya twisted her lips. “Why? Or should I say what did you do?”

  “I didn’t do anything.”

  “So then why did he leave?”

  “He asked me about what was up with Josiah and I told him I was straight.”

  Khya blinked. “Straight? After everything Josiah did to you, you so crooked you laid out on the ground. So how can you fix your mouth to tell anybody, and especially a hottie, that you’re straight? Why didn’t you just tell him the truth?”

  “I would’ve if he had asked again.”

  Khya looked perplexed. “I’m confused. Why does he have to keep asking you? Why didn’t you lay it out to him the first time?”

  “Because that would’ve seemed desperate.”

  “So you’d rather seem crazy? Oh, and immature?”

  “I am not either one of those.”

  “Well then, let me explain this to you, because dating Josiah for all those years has messed you up.” She pointed toward where Zaire stood kicking it with Chaz. “You see that grown, chocolate, hot, and muscle-down cutie over there?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Well, he’s a grown N’awlins man. And you can let folks fool you, but it’s nothing like a southern honey, and one thing they can’t stand is for you not to spell out the truth or tell them how you feel. Okay? Because they will walk away. He doesn’t have time to play games with you. Now you better go over there and get your boo, before Gold-digger2damax, who’s been peeping him, get up on that.”

  I hesitated. Tonight was nothing like I expected it to be. I started not to approach Zaire, but then I figured why not. I didn’t have anything to lose, and the truth was, I was feeling him and feeling him hard too. “All right,” I said to Khya, “I’m going in.”

  “Work it, girl!” Khya said as I walked over to Zaire and slid in front of him. “Can I speak to you
for a moment?”

  His eyes roamed all over me. “Yeah,” he said with a tinge of reluctance.

  “My boyfriend and I broke up tonight.”

  He paused. “Okay … and how do you feel about that?” he asked me.

  “Hurt, pissed … yet relieved,” I admitted.

  “Why relieved?”

  “Because I don’t have to pretend anymore that my feelings for him haven’t faded away; and I can move on.”

  “Any regrets.”

  “Yeah, I should’ve left him weeks ago.”

  “Better late than never.”

  “True.”

  “So why are you telling me this … homie?” he asked.

  “Because …”

  “There you go again. Seven, I have no idea what because means. It’s simply a conjunction to me.”

  “It means that maybe we should look into being more than just homies.”

  25

  You must not know ‘bout me …

  —BEYONCÉ, “IRREPLACEABLE”

  I’d sat in the center of my bed, contemplating when would be the right moment to talk to Shae. Out of everything I’d gone through yesterday, fighting with Shae had to be the worst. I had to make up with her, otherwise what would I do without my best friend.

  “Forget it, I’m waking her up,” I said to myself; but as soon as my feet hit the floor, Big Country’s morning greeting stormed its way into the air by way of Shae’s alarm clock radio. “ … Big Country bringing you ya mornin’ coffee. ‘Cause it’s not beans-and-cornbread time, it’s—”

  “Time to wake up.” Shae stretched.

  I bit the corner of my bottom lip, walked over to Shae’s bed, and sat Indian style on the foot of it. She looked at me like I was crazy, but I didn’t care. “I’m not leaving until you hear me out. And then after that, I’m not leaving until we make up.”

  “Well, you’ll be sitting there the rest of your life, because I put in for a room transfer.”

  My heart hit the bottom of my stomach. “You did what?”

  Before Shae could answer Khya sat straight up in bed. “What you say, yat?” She blinked. “Didn’t I tell y’all about waking me up crazy early?” She stared at Shae. “Now come again.”

  “I said I put in for a room transfer.” Shae shrugged her shoulders.

  Tears filled my throat. “Are you serious?”

  “Yep.”

  “Well, it’s gon’ be a problem then,” Khya said. “ ‘Cause anybody coming up in here will feel the heat of my nunchucks, and besides we’re not letting you leave.”

  “Shae,” I said in disbelief, “you’re that mad at me?”

  “I’m hurt.”

  “Me too,” I said, “but I still love you. You still my girl and I know that you meant well—”

  “So then why did you spaz on me?”

  “Because you were coming for my neck,” I said.

  “I was telling you the truth!”

  “I know, Shae, and that’s what I love about you, but at that moment I just wanted you to fall back. This thing with Josiah had me feeling embarrassed, hurt, and confused and you were just spitting blades at me. I know you did it because we’re best friends, but I just needed a minute. That’s it and I would’ve come to my senses.”

  “I just hate how he treats you.”

  “I know.”

  Shae bit the inside of her cheek. “And yeah, maybe … you know I was a little harsh. But I have a lot on my mind too and all I’ve wanted to do the last few days was share it with you, but you were acting like the world had ended.”

  “That’s how I felt.”

  “I’m just so pissed that you allow Josiah to treat you like nothing. Ugg, I wanted to slug you and him.”

  “I know.” I chuckled a bit. “You just slugged me with words. But still, I shouldn’t have went off like that. The truth is Big Country is a good dude. He’s perfect. He loves you, he doesn’t act funny towards you, and he doesn’t mind telling the world how you’re his world. And I guess—” I twisted my index finger into my cheek, like I did when we were kids. “I was a little jealous. And not because I didn’t want you to have a good boyfriend. I just wished mine acted the way that yours did.”

  “I wished Josiah did too, Seven,” Shae said. “But he’s not treating you right and I can’t sit back and watch you take that. I just can’t. So I’d rather leave and go to another dorm.”

  “But, Shae, you don’t have to do that—”

  “Oh, yes, I do, because if I don’t, I’ma end up going to jail for assault, ‘cause I’ma cold scrape Josiah.”

  “We already did that, Shae,” Khya said.

  “What?” Shae said, surprised. “You beat him up?”

  “Not quite,” I said.

  “Not quite?” Khya blinked. “You’re to calm for me, Seven. The answer is heck n’awl we didn’t beat him up. Seven wouldn’t let me jump him or that trick we caught him with.”

  “Trick?” Shae frowned. “What trick?”

  “You know that girl that would never go away?” I said to Shae."Well, we went to Josiah’s dorm unannounced and she opened the door wearing his jersey and her panties!”

  “Oh heck no!” Shae threw the covers off of her. “I’m going to see this dude.”

  “Shae … Shae.” I grabbed her arm, and Khya and I cracked up. “It’s cool. I broke up with him.”

  Shae looked at Khya. “She did?”

  “Yes.” Khya grinned from ear to ear. “And let me tell you how she did it….” Khya recapped for Shae the entire spiel we put on last night and Shae shot us both a high five and started doing the cabbage patch. “Hey’yay, hoooo!” She waved her hands in the air.

  “But, wait a minute, Shae, that ain’t the half of it,” Khya said. “Tell her, Seven, how you got a fine, chocolate, muscle-bound piece of Bayou candy. Tell her how you and Zaire kicked it all last night.

  “Tell her how his Maw-Maw cooked food for you. Tell her how he put you in your place, and said, ‘Now, looka here, you gon’ have to sattle up, you wanna be with me or not!’ Tell her how the sun rose over you two and that he walked you back to the room in the hours of the morning dew. Tell her that Josiah, is what?” Khya took a breath. “Officially black history, bey-be.”

  Khya stood on top of her bed and said, “I’d like to welcome my girl into the world of moving on to a new boo. Tell her, Seven, tell her what happened to you last night. Girl, Shae”—Khya jumped to the floor. “You ain’t even ready for this. Tell her, Seven.”

  “Khya, you pretty much summed it all up. There’s nothing left to really tell her, other than I have a date with Zaire this morning.”

  “That’s wassup.” Shae smiled. “So now you officially have a new man.”

  “You’re jumping the gun,” I said. “Now I admitted to him that I liked him. But I’m not interested in doing more than just kicking it.”

  “Kicking it.”

  “Kicking it. Like homies.”

  “Oh, Seven, don’t get on the made black woman’ish. Now, look, I have something to tell you too.”

  “Are you about to tell her how your period is late? If so, I already told her,” Khya said. “I’m sorry, Shae, I just couldn’t hold it in.”

  Shae shot Khya the evil eye. “Would you be quiet?”

  “What?” Khya said. “What I do?”

  “Look.” Shae shook her head. “I just don’t know what to do. My period is two weeks late.”

  “First of all you should’ve been using condoms,” I said. “I’m real disappointed in you for that one.”

  Shae agreed, “It was stupid, I know. But it happened.”

  “Now what?” Khya asked. “Did you tell Big Country?”

  “No, I didn’t tell him,” Shae snapped.

  “Well, we have to get dressed and go buy a pregnancy test,” I said. “And then we’ll figure out the rest from there.”

  “I already bought one,” Shae said.

  “And?” Khya and I said, holding our breath.

&n
bsp; “I didn’t take it yet.”

  “Why?” I asked.

  “Because I wanted you to be here when I did it, just in case I passed out on the floor. I needed someone to catch me.”

  “You have to go and take that thing now!” I insisted.

  Shae hesitated. “You’re right.” She walked over to her dresser and pulled out an EPT test. She walked toward the bathroom. “Listen out for me hitting the floor.”

  Khya and I stood behind the closed bathroom door, with our ears pressed to it like a professional pair of eavesdroppers. “Do we really have to stand here and listen to her pee?” Khya frowned.

  “Would you hush? This is going to be the longest few minutes of her life.”

  We waited in silence for about five minutes. Shae opened the door and caused us to stumble and practically fall over one another.

  “What?” I said, catching my balance. “Wassup?”

  Shae sighed and folded her lips into her mouth. My heart jumped out of my chest and Khya gasped, “O … M … G …”

  “It’s negative!” Shae jumped up in glee. “It’s negative! Thank you, Jesus. Now all we have to do is find my period.”

  I wiped invisible sweat from my brow. “You know,” I said, “sometimes when women all live together their cycles can change and all align with each other.”

  “Really?” Shae squinted. “I’ll run over to the campus clinic today and have a talk with the doctor.”

  “Yeah, and after that run by Walgreens and hook Big Country up with some Trojans.”

  “Y’all need to be like me,” Khya insisted, “a good Christian girl and wait until you’re married. Virgins are wassup!”

  “Tell ‘em, Khya!” Courtney yelled as he pounded on the wall.

  Once we were all dressed for the day, and Shae admitted to us that she didn’t really put in for a room transfer, she only had the paperwork, we hunched in the mirror and put our MAC faces on.

  “It’s so fly that we all have dates this morning before class,” Khya said. “This is why I stressed that day we registered for classes that we needed at least one day where our classes started in the afternoon, so we could get our groove on over breakfast. Ain’t nothing like seeing a fine man in the morning.”