Fragile Simplicity

by Tara Neideffer

  After numerous rings, she feared it was going to voicemail, but then his deep voice came through.

  “Hello,” he said in a tone that was more of a question than a greeting.

  “David,” she breathed, not able to hide the apprehension that she felt.

  “Yeah, Kyleigh, what’s up?” he asked, the hardness in his tone felt like a brick sideswiping her from behind.

  “I wanted to talk to you... Um, I’m at your house. Where are you?”

  There was a long pause before he finally said, “The hospital.” Another hesitation, and then, “If you want to talk, you’ll have to come here and talk to me.”

  “Are you okay?” The fear and shock that blindsided her was evident as her voice cracked at the end.

  “Yeah, look, I’ll explain when you get here. Just come to room 405,” he said before hanging up, leaving her with an empty stillness as she sat alone in her dark car.

  Backing out of the driveway and heading back to the hospital, her mind raced with too many unwanted thoughts. Her own issues were now gone, shredded into paper dust at the thought that something was wrong with David. The worry hit her hard, and panic made her leg weak as it pushed on the gas.

  As she drove, the road seemed never-ending, like her car was sitting just inches above the pavement with its wheels spinning madly, never gaining any ground. After what seemed like a lifetime, she finally saw the lights of the city come into view, and she pulled her bottom lip into her mouth as her upper body cradled the steering wheel, urging the car forward. Her heavy foot made the fifteen minute drive cut down to eight minutes, and the sign for the hospital finally came into view. Weaving in between cars, she quickly pulled into the parking lot and found a spot.

  Taking the same route to the entrance that she took every day for work, she rushed inside. The elevator dinged, and she slammed her index finger against the number four button. Bouncing from foot to foot, she watched the door close slowly; her labored breathing loud in the stillness of the tight space. She dragged her eyes toward the ceiling as each number lit up while her fingers tapped nervously against her thigh.

  The door opened and she turned left down a long hall, passing doctors and nurses who were busy tending to patients. Room 405 came up on the left, and bracing herself against the white wall, she hesitated for a moment. She didn’t know what to expect. Was something wrong with him? Or was he visiting a friend? She didn’t know.

  As she stepped around the corner, she looked up and saw a woman lying in the hospital bed, not David. Confusion touched her features, relief flooded her body, and her eyes darted around the room, looking for David. Assuming she had the wrong room, she turned on her heel to leave when the bathroom door opened and he stepped out, looking drained. He gave her a small smile and she smiled back, uncertainty touching her face as she looked from him to the woman in the bed, who was lying perfectly still.

  He glanced over his shoulder and said in a hushed tone, “That’s my mom. Come on, let’s go outside to talk so we don’t wake her up.”

  As they stepped out into the dark night and onto a small patio area, she watched him in the shadows. He rolled all the tension out of his shoulders, and then ran his hands over his face, looking as if he was trying to shake away all the exhaustion that had taken him over.

  With her arms crossed, she took a tentative step towards him and said, “David, I’m sorry—”

  “No, you shouldn’t be sorry for anything,” he interrupted, “I’m the one who started drinking again after I promised you that I wouldn’t. I went back on my word, like an idiot,” he said, filling the distance between them. “I will never touch another drop of alcohol again, Ky, if you’d take me back. I know I said that before, but with everything that has happened lately, it has opened my eyes. You give me reason to pour it all down the drain.”

  She looked into the brown depths of his eyes, seeing a vortex of pain, regret, and hope swirling around. His eyes looked defeated, almost as if he was at the point of giving up on everything. She felt the soft touch of his calloused hands as they took each arm into them, saw the need to be with her in his pained expression, and felt her heart dip with her own pool of mistakes. It dawned on her now that she didn’t deserve him. Her mistake was one hundred times worse than him lifting the bottle to his lips.

  He swallowed hard as he cast a pleading look down into her eyes, and said, “Please, just let me explain the reason behind why I broke my promise.”

  She barely nodded as the memories of being with Brad ripped through her guilty conscious and whisked her away to the land of regret and bad choices. She knew it had been wrong, but her rational thoughts had been nothing but a sliver inside her consciousness, taken over by the drug Brad had given her and the alcohol she had consumed. She would listen to him, hear him out, and then break the terrible news to him. She wouldn’t keep it from him, even if it meant they’d be over for good, she couldn’t do that to him. He deserved better. Walking out on him when he needed her was bad enough; she wasn’t going to hide this from him.

  She met his gaze and said, “Okay, tell me what happened.”

  She watched him lean against the railing and stare out into the busy street ahead of them. He seemed to be struggling with his words and she realized that whatever he needed to say must be hard. It made her feel even worse. He took a heavy breath and looked back over his shoulder at her. His features were darkened by his shadow and she inched closer to him. Reaching out, she placed her hand on his shoulder, wanting him to know she wasn’t turning her back on him, ever again.

  “David, I’m here for you. Whatever it is that you’re holding onto, you don’t have to keep it all to yourself,” she said softly, leaning in and resting her chin on his shoulder.

  He let out an aggravated growl and stood up straight, scratching at his head in thought. Her chest tightened as she took in his hurt as her own.

  Finally, he began to speak, his words so quiet against the breeze that she had to lean forward to hear what he was saying. “I let my brother die, Ky. It’s my fault. I should have stopped him from leaving that night, but I let him ride off anyway.”

  Her head shook furiously at the admission of his guilt, knowing he was being crazy. David didn’t have any control over Randy’s motorcycle wreck. “David, you’re wrong, it was an accident, and it wasn’t your fault.”

  He lifted his gaze towards her, his eyes pinched with blame, and said, “Ky, I knew how drunk he was and I just let him drive away without even trying to stop him. Our argument got the better of us. You know the saying that friends don’t let friends drive drunk?” a sarcastic laugh shot out of him, and then he said, “But I just let my brother take off on his Harley while he was shit faced drunk. I mean, he was completely out of his mind, and I just stood in the driveway and watched him go.”

  “But you couldn’t have known, David. You can’t continue to blame yourself.” She reached for his hand but he turned around to face the street away from her.

  “I just keep replaying that last moment before he left, everything I had said that night, and how much I wish I could have done things differently. But it’s too late and now he’s gone. I can’t get past it, my mom is in the hospital because of it, and I feel like I’ve lost control of everything around me now. The drinking helps to dull all the feelings I have and that’s why I do it. I don’t know how to turn it all off without the help of alcohol.”

  He paused for a moment, a distant look in his eyes as he seemed to think about everything, and Kyleigh waited, not wanting to interrupt him. “My mom called last night and wanted to talk to Randy, again. She does this all the time and I know that her mind is slipping, for whatever reason, but I just didn’t know what to do about it. So, when she kept asking for him, it just kept tearing me in two and I picked up the bottle to drown out her cries. I shouldn’t have and I’m sorry, Ky. But I’m going to try harder, and hopefully you can help me.”

  He turned towards her and she just now noticed the dampness in his eyes and ho
w he was holding back tears that he thought he was too tough to shed. She finally understood why he craved alcohol so much and it made sense to her. She had gotten drunk last night to ease her worries and take away the pain she felt when she thought David had betrayed her. She hadn’t even considered the fact he had his own personal demons that went deeper than she could ever imagine, she just assumed he wasn’t thinking about her feelings. And then, dealing with his mom calling for his brother who had been dead for months now would take its toll on anyone. She couldn’t imagine holding on to something like this. The guilt he carried far exceeded what she thought he was dealing with. In his mind he murdered his brother, and he wore that blame as much as he wore the shirt on his back.

  “David, I’m so sorry for being such a bitch about all this. I didn’t know you carried so much guilt around with you. I’ll be more considerate from now on, I promise. Whatever you need me to do to help you through this, just ask. I’m here for you. I love you, David,” she said as she reached for his shirt and pulled him to her. She rose up on her tip toes and pressed her lips gently against his; taking in the feeling and praying it wasn’t going to be the last time she felt it. She didn’t know how he was going to take the news about Brad.

  His kiss was slow and easy, like he was memorizing every detail so he could carry it with him when the guilt tried to take him under again. She felt his firm grip wrap around her waist and pull her closer, his fingers lightly brushing her skin as he toyed with the seam of her jeans. A few moments went by before she pulled away, ready to spill her side of the story, and beg for his forgiveness. It would be a fresh start. She tugged nervously on her earring and opened her mouth to begin when the door opened and a large man leaned out, yelling David’s name.

  “David, you need to get to your mother’s room now, she’s losing control,” the man said before he quickly ducked back inside.

  The sound of the metal door clicking shut spurred David into action. “Dammit!” he yelled as he darted for the door.

  Chapter 19

  Consequences

  David rushed inside the hospital, leaving Kyleigh trailing behind him. The only thing he was worried about right now was his mom. He didn’t know what Roger meant when he said losing control. It could be anything. Getting angry at the nurses, losing control of herself, but whatever it was, he knew by the look on Roger’s face it was serious. Maybe now he’d understand that his mother needed help.

  Not having the patience to wait on the elevator, he took the stairs two at a time, and as he got to the fourth floor, he shoved the door open to a chaotic mess before him. There were at least twenty people standing around in a semi-circle, staring in the same direction, all wide eyed with mouths hung open in shock. It took him a moment to understand what he was seeing, but when he saw his mother standing with her back towards the wall, legs apart, and both hands holding a syringe to her neck, he knew what was going on, even though the scenario was surreal.

  He started to step forward, but one of the doctors held their hand up to keep him back, afraid he would set her off to plunge the needle into herself. He felt Kyleigh come up beside him and gave her a concerned look. He didn’t know what to do and it didn’t seem like anyone was stepping in to try and take that needle out of her hand.

  “Mom, what are you doing?” he finally asked, breaking the silence and taking a step forward against the doctors’ glare. He needed to get her attention on him so he could get her to snap out of this whacked out episode.

  He watched her glazed eyes focus in on him, saw the recognition hit her, and then breathed a sigh of relief when her hand began to slowly come down to her side.

  “David, is that you?” she asked in a weak voice, squinting her eyes as she studied his face. Her mass of long, blonde/gray hair fell over one side of her face and she didn’t bother to push it away.

  “Yes, Mom, you need to put that needle down and come over here.” He felt like he was talking to a child, and in a way, he was. His mother was going off the deep end, and she needed to be steered back in the right direction. He looked over at Roger standing in the corner by himself, his hand covering his mouth, looking more embarrassed than worried, and David felt like grabbing that bushy, white mustache and ripping it off his face, along with giving him a nice punch in the mouth. It was obvious he wasn’t going to do anything but stand back and watch the show.

  “I’m not putting it down until they bring Randy to me. For some reason they’re keeping him locked away. David, go get your brother,” she said, raising her hand up and shooing him away as if he were still a child.

  David’s face fell at her words and his heart sank with the pain. The confusion in his mother’s tired face tore his guilty heart into shreds of nothing. He knew she’d definitely be admitted into the psych ward now, there was no stopping it. As much as he wanted to keep her home, he knew it was for the best. She needed help. He had never seen her like this before. He looked over at Roger and angrily threw his hands up at him, gesturing for him to do something, and grimaced when Roger held his hands out in front of him in surrender. It didn’t surprise him. He never thought Roger would be the type to fight for his mom. It seemed most days he could take her or leave her.

  As if on cue, the doctors took that moment to grab her arms and pull the syringe out of her hand. She tried her best to put up a fight, but her five foot four petite frame was nothing against the two large male doctors. Her screams were what hit him the hardest. What he would hear tonight while he tried to go to sleep. They weren’t screams of physical pain, but screams of emotional pain that seemed to ricochet off the walls and bounce straight into his heart. He knew she was coming out of the haze and remembering that Randy was actually dead. Her wails were that of loss. There were times he wondered if he was a horrible person to wish his mom would just stay in that dreamland where she thought Randy was still alive. He figured most people would think that was a terrible thing to wish on someone, but they were the ones who never had to deal with something like this.

  David watched as they injected his mom with something to calm her down so they could take her upstairs into confinement, and after a few moments he watched her sink to the cold, hospital floor in a defeated pile, still sobbing. He turned away, not able to watch anymore. There was nothing he could do for her at the moment. He felt Kyleigh’s warm hand slip into his and squeeze tight, reassuring him that she was here for him. He needed her more than ever right now.

  He looked over at Roger as he watched them take his mom away, and decided he couldn’t leave without speaking his mind. He stalked over to him, trying to control the anger that wanted to rise up and out. David stopped inches from his face, his larger body towering over Roger’s smaller frame, and watched Roger’s chest puff out as he tried to show his dominance, knowing David was mad.

  “Roger, why the hell were you just sitting back here hiding in a god dammed corner, not even doing anything to help my mother? She needed someone to talk to her and try to help her through this. If I hadn’t been here she’d been all alone because your sorry ass didn’t do a damned thing.” David snapped, trying to keep his voice down so he didn’t cause a scene.

  “What was I supposed to do, David? Run towards her so she’d slam that needle into her neck?” Roger huffed, placing his hands on the spare tire that had become his waist over the last five years.

  “Well, it would have at least shown that you cared. But, whatever, man. Call me when she’s settled in a room and is able to have visitors and I’ll be here first thing in the morning,” David said, turning so fast on his heel that it caused his black Harley Boot to squeak against the linoleum.

  Turning away from his step-father, and the mess his mother had created, he started down the hall, holding tight to Kyleigh’s hand. He glanced over his shoulder at Roger who was walking the opposite way down the hall. He wanted to go home, to hold Kyleigh in his arms, and let her make him forget about everything.

  “I’ll drive,” he heard Kyleigh announce, not giving him a c
hance to argue.

  He climbed into her car, heard her start the engine, and after that, he heard nothing else as his mind slipped away into his own head. He needed rest. He let his head fall back against the headrest and looked out the window as the buildings began to disappear and the quiet suburbs quietly slipped into view.

  Before he knew it, they were pulling into his drive. Kyleigh had been quiet the whole way here and the sound of her voice was startling in the stillness of the car.

  “David, I’m so sorry about your mom,” she said as she placed her hand on top of his.

  He looked down at the small hand that barely covered half of his own, and thought how lucky he was that she had given him another chance to prove he was a better man than he’d portrayed himself to be. He had been positive that their relationship was over, that he’d screwed that up too, but things between them felt different now that he’d opened up to her. There was now understanding where there had been nothing but misunderstanding, and that made a huge difference in their communication.

  He gave her hand a gentle squeeze and said, “It’s okay, Ky. Every action or inaction has a consequence and I’m paying for mine by watching my mother lose her mind.” He gave her a thin smile that showed nothing but his anguish, and then opened the door to head to the house.

  He threw his keys and wallet on the counter, opened the fridge and pulled out a bottle of water instead of his usual bottle of beer. He leaned back against the counter and took a drink, eyeing Kyleigh to his right. She looked like something was bothering her. The normally chatty Kyleigh was slumped against the counter, fiddling with her hands, and looking like she was lost in deep thought. He watched her for a few moments, and figured it was all from the commotion with his mom that had her thinking. He’d be pretty quiet too if he’d seen his girlfriend’s parent threaten to kill herself in front of a crowd.