Fragile Simplicity

by Tara Neideffer

  “Let’s go to bed,” he stated as he tossed his empty water bottle into the trash. He walked past the counter and heard his phone go off. He snatched it up without paying any attention and as he looked down at the screen he saw a text message pop up with Brad’s face and number displayed across the screen. He looked down at the message, confused for a moment why he was texting him, before he realized he had grabbed Kyleigh’s phone instead. As the message lit up before his eyes, he found his throat constricting with each word that he read.

  You can’t deny that you didn’t enjoy the other night. You ended up in my bed again; you’ll be back again soon.

  He paused in the kitchen for a moment, staring down at the phone and wondering how he was going to voice his question without blowing up. Surely, he was reading into this wrong. But his gut told him there was definitely something going on and he should have seen it a long time ago. Brad had never been over Kyleigh and for whatever reason she could never tell him about their relationship. That meant one thing.

  He slowly turned around to face her, and as soon as he did, he saw the knowing look on her face. She knew he knew something. She began to speak before he could find his voice.

  “David, let me explain—”

  He let out a dry laugh and said, “Explain? Explain what? That you leave my house and run straight to Brad? There isn’t much to explain, is there? God, I should have known, the signs were so obvious,” he yelled in the quiet house, throwing his hands into his hair and then clasping them behind his head as he began pacing the kitchen.

  “David, I swear it isn’t what it looks like,” she trailed off as her eyes drifted to the floor.

  “Right, like I’m supposed to believe that. That’s why you didn’t want to tell him about us, because you still weren’t over him this whole time.”

  David took off walking from the kitchen to the living room, he couldn’t remember the last time he’d had such a shitty day. It seemed that he couldn’t catch a break.

  “David, please, just let me explain. I heard you out earlier,” she shouted, her voice cracking at the end as she threw her arms out to try and snag his shirt.

  He stopped in front of her, his eyes tearing into hers as every lie she’d said about her feelings for Brad pulsed through his mind like waves, one after the other, threatening to drown him. “I think me getting drunk is a hell of a lot different than you going behind my back and screwing your ex. I know you left me, but damn, Kyleigh, that very night? Now I know why you would never tell him about us.”

  He saw the tears fall down her cheeks in large drops, a bright red tinting her face as if someone had slapped each cheek with the back of their hand, and her red eyes pleading for him to listen. But he didn’t care, she should be upset, because now he didn’t know if he could trust her again.

  She reached out and grabbed his arm, and he yanked out of her grip as if she were contagious with something.

  “David, please,” she said, her voice a whisper of hope. “If you would just let me explain what happened. Please.” The last word was full of so much emotion that he had to turn to make sure she wasn’t on her knees begging.

  He licked his lips, his eyes nothing but an icy glare as he said, “I’m not sure there’s any way to understand something like that. I know you walked out, but damn, I thought I meant something more to you, I didn’t think you’d forget me by the night’s end.”

  She looked away and in a quiet voice said, “I didn’t forget about you, David. He drugged me that night and I’m sorry I let it happen.”

  He saw the quiver in her bottom lip as she forced the words out, almost as if they tasted bad as they slipped through her mouth. Cradling her stomach, she leaned back against the counter, her eyes sailing around the room on everything except him. Placing his hand on the edge of the table for support, the realization of what she’d said sank in. That mother fucker, he thought as his eyes inadvertently went to her cell phone where he’d last seen Brad’s face staring back at him. Taking in a long breath, he refocused his eyes on Kyleigh. “What do you mean he drugged you?”

  The question hung in the air for several seconds before she finally spoke. “I left your house the other night and met Brooke at a club. He showed up out of the blue and asked for one dance. I said yes if he’d leave me alone after that. At the end of the night, he said he’d take me home and Brooke didn’t think she’d be able to get me out of the car because I was so drunk, so I left with him, thinking he was just taking me home, but I passed out in on the way, and when I woke, I was at his house, and don’t remember everything that happened. So, I went there tonight to clear things up with him, to make sure he didn’t think we were getting back together, and that’s when he told me what he’d done.”

  She paused for a second and lifted her eyes up to his. The regret and pain that smoldered in their depths yanked his mind out of how he was going to kill Brad. Staring into his eyes, she said, “I never should have walked out on you and I’m so sorry.”

  He watched her hands grip her waist even tighter as her chest began to shake. He crossed the distance between them in one swift motion, wrapping his arms around her as he pulled her into his chest. “Shh, it’s okay, Ky, it wasn’t your fault. It was my fault. If I hadn’t gone against my word, none of it would have happened.”

  Her head began shaking back and forth against his chest as she mumbled, “No, I left you. I should have just talked to you and found out what was going on.” She sniffled as she pushed away from him.

  He reached out and held her hands as he stood in front of her, hating the pained expression clouding her beautiful face. “Ky, we both made mistakes. It isn’t one, or the other’s, fault. I don’t blame you and I’m not mad at you. I’m going to kill Brad, but that’s a different story. But, we’ve learned from our mistakes and we now know how important it is to communicate with one another,” he said as he took a step forward, draping his arms on her shoulders as he leaned down and kissed the top of her head. “We’re okay, Ky, I promise.”

  He was trying to remain calm at what Brad had done, but he felt rage swelling up inside him. The warmth of Kyleigh’s arms as they slid around his waist caused his eyelids to drift closed and helped to keep his anger down. Blowing up wasn’t what he needed to do right now. He would figure out how he was going to deal with Brad in the morning, after he and Kyleigh made up. He nestled into her neck, taking in the scent of honey as his lips pressed against her skin. “I love you, Ky, so much,” he breathed, squeezing her tighter.

  Bringing her gaze up to his, the smile she wore took away all the pain from a few moments ago. “I love you, David.”

  Clasping her cheeks in each hand, he gave her one last look as he pressed his lips against hers. His kiss was slow, his tongue moving against hers in a rhythm that mimicked a slow dance, where the music that played was the sound of their racing hearts and rapid breathing.

  With one hand gripping the small of her back, the other tangled in her brown waves, he began taking small steps forward, directing her backwards to the couch. Once the back of her legs hit the cushions, they found themselves falling onto the black leather. He leaned back on his legs, staring down at the heavy rise and fall of her chest, and finding it hard to take his eyes off the fullness of her lips. He touched the outline of her cleavage that was peeking out of her shirt, and as he slid his finger along the crease, he watched her eyes momentarily close. Pulling his bottom lip into his mouth, he thrust her shirt down with both hands, giving him the access he craved. The whimper that escaped her mouth teased him even more, and she arched her back, begging him to take her. A low growl rumbled deep in his throat as he bent down and pulled her breast into his mouth.

  The urgency in her touch as she gripped the back of his head pushed him along, and before he knew what he was doing, he was yanking the rest of her clothes off, along with his own.

  As their bodies folded together, their desire ignited even more, and before long they were in a seamless rhythm as each breath, each k
iss, and each gasp conveyed the feelings that they couldn’t find the right words for. They spoke with their bodies and it was a feeling David had feared he’d never experience again.

  Her hands wrapped around the back of his neck and her fingers slowly ran through his hair, pulling him closer to her. With one of her legs propped on the back of the couch, he watched her tilt her head towards the ceiling, her fingers gripping a fistful of his hair as a wave of pleasure soared through her body. Feeling his own release coming, he kissed her damp neck, inching his way along her jaw line, down to her lips. As her lips parted and his tongue slid into the warmth of her mouth, he felt the control he was trying to hold onto slip out of his grasp as he came.

  Collapsing against her, he felt her nestle against his neck, her chin resting on his shoulder as they slowly came down from their climax.

  “I love you, Ky,” he said as he kissed her cheek.

  “And I love you,” she said, her breath warm against his face. Silence echoed in the room for a moment before she said, “I will never walk away from you again, I promise.”

  He leaned up to study her face, taking in the pain that darkened her eyes. “I know, and I’ll never break a promise again,” he said as he leaned down and pressed his lips against hers.

  Chapter 20

  Letting Go

  Wetness coated her skin as drops of rain fell from above. Kyleigh looked up, seeing a sliver of moon beginning to tear into the smoke colored sky. She angled her head back down and was surrounded with limestone headstones. Her breath hitched at the scenery, and confusion and fear erupted in the form of goose bumps on her skin. She was cold and scared. As she looked around, she saw a young, blonde girl standing next to a tree. The woman’s back was to her as she stared out into the hilly landscape. There was something familiar about the woman and Kyleigh found herself taking a step closer.

  “My dear, Kyleigh,” the woman said without turning around.

  Kyleigh stiffened at the sound of the woman’s voice. Her words felt strange as the name came from her lips. “Mom?” she found herself asking.

  The woman turned around, a sad smile on her face, and said, “Kyleigh, it’s time to let it go. The past. Me. It’s time to move on. I’m okay now, and I want you to be okay, too.”

  Kyleigh felt tears begin to fall as she said, “But, Mom, I don’t know how.”

  “Letting your pain go is hard, but it’s even more difficult to keep holding on to it. You’ve always been my strong girl,” her mother said.

  Kyleigh’s only answer was a nod and she watched as her mom began to fade. Kyleigh threw her arms out to grab her mom, not ready to let her go, but it was too late. Pain exploded in her chest as grief hit her and she fell to her knees as tears streamed down her face.

  Hot tears dripped down her neck and onto her shirt, and her sobs threatened to choke her. She took in a big gulp, hoping to give her lungs some relief. The darkness was an unwelcome shock, and she flung her hands out, frantically searching for the comfort in David’s touch.

  “What’s the matter?” he asked, jerking around to face her. The worry in his voice echoed in the quiet room and she cringed.

  The dream had felt so real that she looked around the dark room in search of her mom. Breathing hard, she said, “I... I... couldn’t breathe.” She smoothed out her tousled hair, pushing loose strands out of her face so she could see better. The words she had said sounded in her mind. Her mom had always referred to her as her strong girl, knowing what all she was being put through, and always amazed that she could still wear a smile. She pulled her legs up towards her chest, resting her chin on her knees as she thought about her mom’s words, and began humming her childhood tune.

  Her mind was taken over by the dream, and she barely felt David’s hand as he gently shook her shoulder, trying to coax her to answer him. “Ky? What’s going on?”

  She continued to hum the soothing tune, her mind lost in memories.

  “Ky?” he questioned again.

  The sternness in his voice brought her attention out of the dream and back to him. She cradled her legs with shaky hands and stopped humming as she blurted, “My dad killed my mom in an alcoholic rage when I was nine.”

  She felt his hand on her shoulder loosen as the words hit him. After a tense moment, he whispered, “What?”

  Releasing a breath, she inched to the side of the bed, held up her finger and whispered, “Hold on a sec, I have something to show you.”

  Slipping her sweatpants on, she walked out of the room, feeling David’s confused eyes on her the whole way. As she walked down the hall and towards the living room, the thought of telling David everything jolted her nerves. But part of her was just ready to tell someone and get it all over with. Maybe he could help her deal with it in a way no one else could.

  She reached into her purse and pulled the letter out. As she stared down at it, contemplating the best way to put her painful past into words, she felt David’s presence behind her. She dropped her arms to her side and turned to face him. Barely forming a smile, she took a step towards him, holding the hand with the letter out to him. “Here, read this first, then I’ll explain everything.”

  A look of apprehension darkened his features as he accepted the letter. He paused for a moment as he stared down at it, almost as if he was scared to read it. She gestured for him to open it, and watched as he pulled the letter out and began reading.

  She leaned against the kitchen counter and waited for him to finish, her thoughts going back to the dream she’d had, and the words her mother had said to her. She was suffocating from her past. Every day she was at war with herself on what was the best thing to do. Forgive him or keep holding everything in and let it slowly eat her away? It was time to let it all go and take a step towards moving on with her life. She didn’t know how she’d do it, but she would find a way to let it all go.

  The rustling of paper brought her attention to David as he folded the letter and handed it back to her. “Ky, can you tell me what all happened?” he asked.

  She ducked her head as tears threatened to escape. She didn’t want to cry right now, she wanted to get this out as quickly as possible. Dragging it on in a crying fit, as her mind kept throwing pictures of the past at her, and then having to explain it all again to David, was not how she wanted to handle this situation.

  She pushed the tears back, bit the inside of her jaw to move the pain from emotional to physical, and then figured the best place to start was the beginning.

  She began with her earliest childhood memory, one of the good ones that made her smile. The time when she was seven years old and she and her parents had gone for a country cruise and then went for ice cream. They rarely did things like that and it was one of the few times that had stuck with her. There was no fighting that day, no alcohol; she actually had her parents’ full attention. She remembered everything about that day. And as she stood there in the dark kitchen describing the many fields full of cows and horses they had passed, what jokes her mom had made, the sound of her dad’s deep laugh, and how good the chocolate ice cream with rainbow sprinkles had been, David listened intently to every single word she said.

  Each piece of her story went deeper and deeper into her dark past. She went on to describe how her father’s anger had graduated from only yelling and hitting her mom to letting his frustration out on her as well. She told him about the abuse, how her father’s drinking had gotten worse, and how the yelling matches escalated from once a week to every night. And how she would hide under her covers and hum the tune of her favorite song, hoping to drown out the noise.

  She saw David’s eyes shift from concern to anger, the muscle in his jaw clenching and unclenching as she kept describing the ways her father would take his anger and frustration out on her and her mom.

  She finally got to the night when her father had completely lost control and gone too far. As she began, her voice broke as tears stung her eyes and fell against her flushed cheeks. She threw her hands to her face,
wanting to stop the tears from coming, but it was no use. She didn’t know if she could go on, the pain was too unbearable.

  David’s strong arms secured tightly around her, his voice cracking as comforting words caressed her ears, urging her to continue so she could get it all out in the open.

  She continued, even though her voice was barely audible, and began to describe the last night she would ever hear the fighting again. The pain that thundered inside her chest was almost too much to handle as the images came crashing into her mind. She began pacing, clutching her arms around her waist, as she talked.

  Describing that night was re-living it again. It was worse than the flashbacks because as she described what had happened, she also had to let herself feel the emotions that came with it. But, she knew it was time to let it all out and try her best to move on.

  She told him about how the fighting that night had felt different, how, after a while, the house grew eerily silent, and how she had tiptoed down the hall towards her parents’ bedroom, needing to know that her mom was okay, but terrified of what she’d find behind that door.

  Once she got to the part where she opened her parents door, the sobs that rushed out of her nearly knocked her down. She heard David shushing her, trying to calm her down so she could get through it, but the tears seemed to keep the rest of the words from being able to come out.

  “Ky, it’s okay. I’m here, you don’t have to continue if you don’t want to. I understand everything now,” David said quietly in her ear.

  Gripping her arms around his waist for support, she shook her head, needing to continue. She felt that it was all part of her healing. If she could get to the point of talking about what happened, she could begin to move on completely. But she had to do this no matter how painful it was.

  “I can keep going,” she breathed, as she wiped the tears off her face.

  David shook his head. “Okay, but only if you’re comfortable.”