Dare to Love

by Carly Phillips

  Ian shifted in his seat. “Actually I was going to ask you to do it.”

  The other man narrowed his gaze. “I don’t get it.”

  Ian studied his hands, trying to figure out how to explain his most personal feelings to a guy he barely knew. “After the fundraiser, I thought Riley and I had come to an understanding.”

  You either trust me or you don’t. You either instinctively come to me first or there is no us. On that, I can’t compromise, he’d told her.

  “Yet at the first sign of trouble, she went off on her own,” Ian said.

  Alex shrugged. “Told you from the get-go she was independent.”

  “Yeah. But I thought we were working on how to compromise. Hell, I compromised on you,” Ian said, because he knew the other man could take it.

  Alex burst out laughing. “I hear you. The thing is, you just saw firsthand why she doesn’t trust. She didn’t call me either.”

  Ian nodded. He’d give her that. That might have sent him completely over the edge.

  “I’m still not sure we can go forward from here.” And that was about all he wanted to say on the subject to his half brother. “I just need to know you’ll be there for her.” Because he knew she shouldn’t be alone.

  It would kill him to leave her, but he had no choice. He’d made his needs clear—and he didn’t think he was being unreasonable. He’d done everything he could to give her the space she needed to be independent, backing off from his possessiveness at work, not pushing on the unsafe apartment issue…well, not much.

  Yet when the ultimate shit came down, she’d gone it alone.

  “I’ll be here,” Alex said. “I always am.”

  Ian nodded. He knew better than to thank the other man.

  So he’d wait for news she was okay. Then he’d leave, ripping out his heart…along with hers. Because after her choices, what kind of partnership did they have? He might not be an expert on relationships, but he knew for sure without trust, they had nothing.

  * * *

  Riley had a concussion and mild bruising. The doctor told her she could go home as long as someone was there to make sure to check her every hour. He also advised her to watch for more severe symptoms—headache getting worse, vomiting, and extreme dizziness. Since she knew Ian wouldn’t let her out of his sight, she promised the doctor she’d follow his instructions. He left her to inform Ian and Alex of her condition and to send them in to see her.

  She lay with her eyes closed, her head pounding, moving only when she heard the rustling of the curtain in her small cubicle. She opened her eyes in time to see Alex enter, and she immediately looked beyond him for Ian.

  He wasn’t there.

  “Where’s Ian?”

  Alex settled into a chair beside the makeshift bed. “I’m sorry…he left.”

  “Work emergency? Or is he that mad at me?” she asked.

  Alex groaned. “I’ve seen him angry, and I wouldn’t say that now. He’s…hurt. Really hurt. What the hell were you thinking?”

  “My father wanted cash. I was thinking that I’d pawn the necklace and buy myself some time to figure out what to do. Otherwise, he threatened to show up at places like the fundraiser and embarrass Ian. I didn’t want to put him or his family through that.”

  He shook his head. “That’s bullshit.”

  She raised her gaze. “Excuse me?”

  “You heard me. You ran scared. The man told you to come to him with anything, and the first chance you had to do that, you took off on your own. To pawn the necklace he gave you to pay that lowlife son of a bitch.”

  “I didn’t go through with it!” she said, raising her voice.

  “That’s not the point!” he shouted back. “That moron I call a half brother is the best thing that ever happened to you, and you lost him, and why? Because you’re afraid to trust, that’s why. Everything has to be on your terms. You won’t accept help from the people who love you, including me. I know how that makes me feel, so I can only imagine how Ian’s suffering.”

  Tears filled her eyes. “You’re taking his side?”

  He grasped her hand. “I’m taking your side, Ri. Always. And I know that you love him.”

  She blinked. “I never said that.”

  “You didn’t have to.” He shook his head, his expression thoughtful. “Honest to God, if you had to fall for a guy, why did it have to be him?”

  She managed a smile. “I don’t see how it matters. He’s gone.”

  “Only because you won’t give him what he needs. Look, I’m the last guy to talk about relationships, but even I can see he’s changed for you. So why can’t you do the same thing for him?”

  She glanced down. “I’m scared,” she whispered. “What if I rely on him and he’s not there?”

  “Listen to me. Kids are born, and they’re supposed to know their parents will be there for them, to keep them safe, to love them. You never had that, so you learned early to count on you. Then later, you found it in yourself to trust me.”

  She swallowed, and it physically hurt. “Because you were always by my side.”

  “I don’t see Ian going anywhere if you open yourself up to him.”

  “I told him I would…and I didn’t.”

  “Can you? In the future?”

  Riley searched her heart. She wanted to. She did…but she just didn’t know, if pushed again, if she’d turn inward like she always did.

  “Ms. Taylor?” A woman dressed in a skirt and blouse, her blonde hair pulled back in a ponytail, walked into the room. “I’m Madison Evans, but you can call me Madison. I’m a social worker.”

  Riley’s head whipped up. “I don’t need—”

  “Good to meet you,” Alex said, rising from his chair, nearly stumbling over his feet in an effort to say hello. “I’m Alex Dare, a friend of Riley’s.”

  The pretty woman appeared to be about Riley’s age. She smiled and shook his hand, no sense of recognition in her expression.

  “Nice to meet you too,” she said, dismissing him by turning back to Riley.

  Alex’s mouth opened in disbelief.

  Riley did her best not to laugh. Poor Alex wasn’t used to not being fawned over by women.

  “I appreciate you coming by, but honestly, I don’t need a social worker,” Riley told the woman.

  “Don’t listen to her. She protests too much. Finish what you were going to say.” Alex shot Riley a pointed look.

  Madison glanced back and forth between them before again focusing on Riley. “I was just going to tell you that I speak to all domestic abuse victims who come through the hospital.”

  Riley wrinkled her nose. “But I’m not—”

  “You are.” Alex came to stand by her side, placing a calming hand on her shoulder.

  Madison stepped closer to the bed. “The reports say you were injured when you were attacked by your father?” she asked gently.

  Riley met her gaze. “Yes.”

  “If you’d like to set up an appointment for counseling, it might help to talk to someone.”

  “It definitely might,” Alex said.

  “I get the point.” Riley accepted the woman’s business card, doubtful she’d be using it. “Thank you.”

  “That’s my job, and I’m good at it, if you don’t mind me saying so. I’d like the chance to help you work through whatever issues might have arisen from this experience.”

  Riley nodded. “Okay.”

  Madison smiled. “Okay.”

  She strode out of the room, Alex’s stare never leaving her retreating form.

  Riley narrowed her gaze, but she had no chance to ask about his obvious interest in a woman who looked nothing like his usual bimbo type.

  “She’s right,” Alex immediately said.

  “You think I need help.” Riley glanced down at the blanket covering her.

  “I don’t think talking can hurt.”

  “Look at you, being all diplomatic.” She pursed her lips and studied the woman’s card in her hand.r />
  “I just want you to be happy, and you were happy with Ian. He was good for you.”

  Riley grinned. “Don’t sound like you’re choking on those words.”

  Alex laughed. “Give me a break. I called him with information on your father, and I thought that was being generous. Now I’m singing his praises.” He shook his head. “I’m not sure how much more I can handle in one day.”

  “Alex?”

  “Yeah?”

  “What if Ian’s gone for good?” She voiced her biggest fear. “He doesn’t let people in easily either. What if I pushed him so far he’ll never come back?”

  “Then he’s the idiot I always thought he was.”

  “You’re so bad,” she said, laughing through her tears.

  “And you’re so good. Get the help you need. It’s important for you, whether or not Ian is in your life.”

  FIFTEEN

  A few days after the incident with her father, Riley left the comfort of Alex’s house and headed home to her apartment. On doctor’s orders, she’d taken the rest of the week off from work and used the time to rest and heal, and to think.

  Her mother had been gone well over a decade. Riley had been out of her father’s house for ten years. All this time, she thought she had survived her past unscathed. She looked at the box of her things Ian had sent over, and her eyes filled with tears. Apparently she hadn’t emerged as unscathed as she thought.

  She glanced at the clock. Melissa would be here soon, and Alex was coming to take her for dinner. Not only were they the extent of her family, they were the extent of her friends too. She’d been kidding herself thinking that the co-workers she used to have an after-work drink with were real friends. She didn’t let anyone close enough to have any friends.

  She ducked her head, only now accepting that she had trust issues that just might rival Ian’s. Except he’d been making an effort to change, up until the point when he’d abandoned her at the hospital. Of course, she knew the obvious reasons for his disappearance from her life. She’d disappointed him by handling things with her father herself and not turning to him like she’d promised. She also knew his bailing on her had to do with his insecurities, just like her actions had been dictated by her own issues.

  None of which mattered when she hurt so badly she wondered if she’d ever recover. Her heart was well and truly broken for the first time. She couldn’t do anything about that, but she could work on her problems and fix her life as best she could.

  Heading for her purse, she pulled out the social worker’s card, hoping to make an appointment for early next week.

  She needed help for herself.

  And if she happened to convince Ian she not only loved him but was trying to get beyond her fears, well, her future was definitely bright. If he was finished with her regardless? She brushed at her wet cheeks. Well, she’d just have that much more to discuss in therapy.

  * * *

  Sending Riley’s things back to her had nearly destroyed him. Still, he’d done what he had to do, ridding himself of all reminders, going back to the solitary way he’d lived before. Her scented items no longer sat in his bathroom surrounding his razor and toothbrush. Her clothes no longer hung in his closet. He now had an empty drawer where her sexy underwear used to be. No, she hadn’t been with him long, but she’d made her mark.

  He’d made room. Let her into his life.

  And he missed her.

  It’d been two weeks since the episode with her father, and staying away from her at work was giving him an ulcer. He was a nasty bastard with his sisters, his brothers steered clear, and his mother liked to berate him often about letting Riley slip through his fingers. Olivia had a big mouth.

  “Shit.” He never used to brood about women.

  He had a breakfast date with his mother this morning, and if he could keep their conversation off Riley, he just might survive this day.

  He strode into the restaurant his mother had chosen, but instead of finding her waiting at a table, he found his father.

  “Oh hell no.” Ian spun around, turning to go.

  “Ian. Don’t walk out on me.”

  He clenched his fists as he pivoted back and strode to the table where his father now stood. “But you had no trouble doing the same to me. To us.”

  “That’s right. I did it. Now sit down and listen to my side for once.”

  Ian reared back, both at the admission of guilt and the fact that his father demanded to be heard. He hesitated a brief moment.

  “I suggest you sit and talk to me. Unless you want to spend the rest of your life not only resenting me but giving up on the woman you love.”

  “My mother sent you here.”

  “Yes.”

  “To set me straight.”

  “Right again.”

  In other words, if he didn’t have this talk, his mother would make sure she sat him down and did it herself. But for some reason, she’d decided to ask him to do it instead.

  “Let’s get this over with.” Ian pulled out a chair and sat down.

  His father did the same.

  “I have no excuse for what I did. Your mother and I had an arrangement. I not only violated the sanctity of marriage by cheating, but I was a shitty father.”

  “To some of us,” Ian muttered.

  Robert braced his arms on the table. “To all of you. Savannah knew about your mother. I’m not sure which of the kids knew too, but trust me when I say, they didn’t like me not being married to their mother, and when I told them about all of you—they resented being the illegitimate ones.”

  His words gave Ian pause. Not once had he thought about Alex and his siblings getting short shrift. Not. Once.

  He pinched the bridge of his nose. “What’s your point?”

  “You are not making this easy.” Robert shook his head, but Ian had to give the man credit, he didn’t get up and leave. No, he stuck it out.

  “Did you really expect me to?”

  “My point is, none of you have good reason to trust or believe in people. The thing is, you underestimate people. You underestimate yourself. Look at what you’ve done for your sisters. For your mother. You’ve been their rock.”

  Compliments? From Robert Dare?

  “Look at what you’re capable of, and now let me ask you, are you really going to give up on Riley when she needs you the most?”

  “Now we get to the point. You really think I’m going to sit and listen to you give me advice on love?”

  His father grinned. “At least I know you love her. There’s a place to start.”

  Ian sat back in his chair and groaned. “Yes. I love her. But she—”

  “No buts, boy. If your mother hadn’t said yes to marrying me, things would have been different. If she hadn’t said, ‘I might love someone else, but my father’s sick so I have to marry a man of my parents’ choosing’…well, I wouldn’t have you wonderful children I don’t deserve. But she’d have the man she really loved.”

  Ian’s eyes opened wide at his father’s full knowledge of his mother’s emotions and feelings.

  “Don’t look so shocked. I knew I wasn’t it for her. To say we didn’t have a shot? Well, that’s an understatement. But you and Riley? What could possibly be holding you back except for the fact that my behavior left you unable to trust or hold on to a good woman?”

  Ian grew dizzy.

  A waitress started toward them from across the room, and Robert shook his head. She stepped back.

  “What do you know about Riley?” Ian asked, suddenly hungry for information about her. Starved, in fact.

  “I only know what your brother told me.”

  Ian held back the word half.

  “Which is?”

  “The concussion’s getting better, and she’s moved back home.”

  “Into her piece-of-shit apartment?” His voice rose, and the older couple sitting next to him frowned at him, but Ian didn’t care.

  Robert shook his head. “Your brother and I agree
about her living arrangements.”

  “She got a raise. She can afford a much safer place to live.”

  “Therapy costs a lot of money,” his father said. “I didn’t say that out loud, did I?”

  Suddenly needing a caffeine boost, Ian gestured to the waitress, who bounced over with a smile. “What can I get for you?”

  “Coffee, black, please.”

  She glanced at Robert. “Refill on the decaf. Thanks.”

  “Decaf, huh?” Ian asked when the waitress had walked away. “I remember Mom always having your coffee ready in a travel mug whether you were leaving for work or for the airport. Strong, black, no sugar.” The memory took him by surprise.

  He’d suppressed so many of his early childhood memories, the good and the bad, not wanting any part of his past, because any time he remembered, he hurt. Suddenly the hurt wasn’t as sharp.

  It wasn’t the years that had dulled the pain, it was the changes in him. The softening. He knew he had Riley to thank for that.

  “Therapy, huh?” he asked his father.

  “You didn’t hear it from me. I just thought if you realized how much of an effort she was making to deal with her past, maybe you would do the same. I’d ask you to do it for yourself, but I have a hunch I’d have more success if it was for her.”

  Ian frowned. “Because you know me so well?” he asked with no heat to his words. Not anymore. Though he didn’t think he’d ever forgive and forget, holding on to so much hatred had taken so much out of him.

  His walls had walls.

  And those walls had kept Riley out. Even when he thought he’d let her in, he’d been pushing her away. How the fuck else had he walked out on her in the hospital? Self-loathing filled him at the thought, and Ian rose from his seat.

  “Going to get your girl?” his father asked.

  “Don’t think this was a bonding moment,” Ian said.

  “Wouldn’t dream of it,” his father said, raising his coffee cup in a mock toast.

  Ian’s lips turned upward despite himself.

  * * *

  Riley worked late, not minding since she didn’t have anything to rush home for. She typed up the last report of the day and organized her desk for the morning. But now she was ready to shut her computer and head back to her lonely, empty apartment, when her instant message chime went off.