The Perception

by Adriana Locke

  I brought the fabric up to my nose and I descended the stairs, breathing him in while Titus nipped at the back of the terrycloth. I opened the back door and let him out to potty before I started the Keurig. I went to open the fridge for my creamer, when a post-it caught my attention:

  I removed it from the fridge, which was against our little game, but I wanted to save that one. I took out the pad of Post-It’s and the Sharpie and wrote:

  I fixed my coffee and added the creamer until it was a perfect golden color. I swiped my phone from the counter and made my way to the sofa, nestling in. I sipped the drink, the routine of it just as much as the liquid itself. I unlocked my phone to a missed call, but I didn’t recognize the number and there was no message.

  I sipped my coffee, hoping it would release the knot in my stomach. Although Max had gone out of his way to show me he loved me despite everything, I still felt guilty.

  Can I really do this to him? Even if he says it’s what he wants, can I stay with him, knowing what that means for his future?

  I took another sip, willing the hot liquid to dissolve the twisted bundle of nerves in my body. I knew Max wouldn’t just up and leave me—it wasn’t his style. Even if he agreed with me that it was too much of a sacrifice to stay with me, he would do it in as nice of a way as possible. That’s how he rolled. Even that could take months and did I want another handful of months of his life wasted on me?

  I need to find a way to give him an out. I need to figure out how to let him walk away without being the bad guy . . .

  I pulled up the news and started to read the latest headlines when a number flashed across the screen.

  I sat my coffee down and answered it. “Hello?”

  There was a long pause before a voice answered, “Hey, Kari.”

  “Blaine?” I sat up on the sofa, tossing Max’s favorite flannel blanket off of me.

  “Yeah. I . . . um . . . I wanted to, I don’t know, check on you?” It was more of a question than a statement and I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t expect him to call me. I didn’t want him to call me.

  “I’m fine. Nice of you to wait, you know, a few years to make sure I was okay. So sweet of you,” I spat. I heard the phone get tossed around some, the speaker muffling a little. I gripped my end tightly, the disbelief of hearing his voice quickly turning to anger.

  He cleared his throat. “I should have called—”

  “Yes, you should have!” I stood up, pacing the floor, the volume of my voice breaking something free in my soul. It was cathartic. “You should’ve called me. You should’ve turned the hell around and came back.”

  The line was quiet. I knew he was running a hand through his hair, probably looking at the floor.

  “How dare you show up last night? How dare you call me now?” I roared.

  “Kari, please. Listen to me. I didn’t know you were going to be there.”

  I laughed angrily. “Of course you didn’t. Just like I didn’t know you were going to be there or I damn sure wouldn’t have been!”

  “I can’t blame you,” he said, his voice way more controlled than mine. “Look, can I take you to lunch or something?”

  “No, you can’t. I have nothing to say to you.”

  He laughed. “You’re sure saying a lot right now.”

  I paced a circle, ignoring Titus scratching at the door. “I’ve waited for years to tell you what a piece of shit you were for leaving me like that. And now,” I looked at Titus and he cocked his head, knowing something was wrong, “and now I don’t even know what to say to you. I’ve always thought I would go into some big speech about how much you hurt me.” I took a breath and spotted a picture of Max and me at a football game. He was kissing my cheek and holding the phone out with one hand, snapping a selfie. A calmness settled over my soul. “But now, I don’t think any of it matters.”

  There was a pause, both of us waiting out the other.

  “Seeing you sitting there last night . . .” He cleared his throat again. “Seeing you again was like my worlds colliding. I’ve wanted to call you a million times since that night, but I’ve been so ashamed of myself that I couldn’t.”

  “You should be ashamed.”

  Blaine sighed heavily into the receiver. “Kari, I’m sorry. I just . . . meet me for lunch. Give me the chance to explain things.”

  I snorted.

  “By the time I wrapped my mind around what had happened, I heard you lost the baby. I just couldn’t call you after that. How could I?”

  “You weren’t supposed to. You were supposed to be by my side. By our side.”

  “You’re right,” he whispered. “Please, at least see me. Let me get this off my conscience.”

  “Get what off your conscience? The fact that you left your fiancée and she was so devastated that she lost the baby she was carrying?” My voice betrayed me and broke on the last word. I sniffled back my emotions, determined to be strong. “Sorry, Blaine. I really don’t give a fuck whether you feel better about this or not. God knows I’ve lived with it for years—guilt, memories, feeling so empty. Things you’ll never feel. Things you’ll be saved from ever feeling.”

  I opened the door and Titus rushed in, jumping up and resting his paws on my thighs. Max didn’t let him get away with things like that, but I appreciated his concern. I petted his head and he licked at my fingers.

  “I’d say I’ll talk to you later, but I won’t. Don’t call me again, Blaine. Ever.”

  MAX

  I looked out the doorway of my office and into Sam’s cubicle. She was pouring over the bid list for all the jobs in the State of Arizona, highlighting everything that met a certain set of qualifications I had given her.

  We had been at it for hours. Sam was in the parking lot when I arrived at seven and we got started right away. She hadn’t mentioned the night before and I hadn’t either. Instead, she had entered a couple of jobs into the system and researched a few specialty items while I had a meeting with Cane and then began the work I should have looked at the night before.

  She looked up and caught me watching her. She smiled shyly before going back to the bid book.

  I kicked back in my chair and tossed a quick text to Kari. I didn’t know what she was up to and I wished I was with her, hiking somewhere or sitting through some ridiculous movie she made me watch. She liked the cheesiest romantic comedies and even the action movies she liked were corny.

  Dumb or not, I’d be with her and that would be better than being here.

  I got back to the plans on my desk, doing some calculations and comparisons when Cane knocked on my door.

  “Did you see the job in Tempe? Mill Expansion, I think it’s called. Bid’s due in a couple of weeks but it looks exactly like what we need.”

  “Nah, I didn’t see that one.”

  He sat a spec book on my desk. “Let’s take a look at this one. It’s pretty similar to the one we just lost. Grady actually called me about it this morning.”

  “He did?” I asked, leaning forward. “That’s interesting.”

  “It is, it is. Wade wants to meet for lunch and take a look at it. I think he feels bad that Chalgon got our number on the other one.”

  “He should. That fucked us.”

  Cane leaned against the door way, folding his sunglasses into the front of his shirt. “It’s going to be alright.”

  “What? Cane Alexander turning into an optimist?” I chuckled. “I’ve obviously been working too damn hard. I’m hearing things.”

  “Fuck you, Max,” he said with a huge smile on his face. “I just think things are going to work out. I don’t know how, but I do.”

  “I hope so.”

  “What’s going on?” he asked, his eyebrows shooting up. If anyone on the planet could read me, besides my mother, it was Cane.

  I opened my mouth to respond, but Sam peeked her head around the corner. “I’m finished,” she said softly. She looked from me to Cane, her smile fading as his expression didn’t budge.

&nb
sp; “Do you have anything else?” she asked, looking back to me again and fidgeting nervously.

  “Yeah. Can you enter this one, please?” I pushed the spec Cane had sat on my desk towards her. She took it and nodded, casting a quick glance at Cane before retreating to the safety of her cubicle.

  I shot him a look. “Can you just be nice?”

  “You just said I was an optimist. Being nice is pushing it,” he smirked.

  “You know what I mean.”

  “I can’t help it. I don’t like her,” he said quietly enough so she wouldn’t hear. “She’s a five alarm fuckup.”

  “Cane!” I exclaimed, shaking my head. “What the hell?”

  He shrugged unapologetically. “Sorry, Max. Not a fan.”

  “Obviously. Okay, so lunch with Grady this afternoon. You have a time?”

  “He’s going to call me in a little bit.” He pulled his phone out of his pocket and looked at the screen, his brows furrowing. “I need to go call Jada. I’ll let you know when he calls.”

  I nodded and got back to work, working out a few problems that had been plaguing me. A knock broke my train of thought and I looked up to see Sam again.

  “All entered, boss,” she said, walking to my desk and sitting the spec down. “This one has a lot of the same items as that Chandler project.”

  “Good eye,” I smiled. “I’m having lunch with Grady this afternoon. Hopefully we work something out and get this one.”

  Her eyebrows raised. “That’s great!”

  The current in the room changed. Nothing was said, nothing indicated, but we both felt it. She looked to the floor.

  “Max, about last night . . .”

  I huffed out a breath. “Yeah, about last night.”

  “I had no idea that Blaine knew Kari at all. I feel so stupid, so embarrassed for putting Kari in the middle of that.”

  “Of course you didn’t know,” I said softly. “How could you?”

  She shrugged, fidgeting with her locket. “I just feel awful. Kari looked shell-shocked and Blaine—well, he wouldn’t really talk to me about it last night. So I don’t even really know what happened.”

  “Kari was pregnant and he left her.”

  “And then she had the abortion. Oh, Max. My heart breaks for her. Knowing that it was her makes it completely different. Before I knew it was her, I assumed the woman was crazy after Blaine’s description, but I can’t see Kari that way at all.”

  “She didn’t have an abortion. She lost the baby,” I said firmly. “I don’t know where you got your information, but it’s wrong.”

  Sam swallowed and took a deep breath. “Blaine told me that. Maybe he’s just got bad information or something,” she countered.

  “I don’t care where he got his information. But make sure he gets this message, okay?” I narrowed my eyes and she backed towards the door under my gaze. “I don’t want him bothering her again. If he upsets her, he’s gonna see me upset and that’s not gonna work out real well for him.” I sat back in my chair and twirled a pencil. “Pass that along.”

  She stood frozen in the doorway, watching me while I picked up my cell.

  “Hello?”

  “It’s me,” Cane said. “Just heard from Wade Grady. He’s gonna be a little late, but wants to meet us at Maisano’s at 4 for lunch.”

  “So he’ll be there at 4 or after 4?” I asked.

  “His wife will be there at 4 and then Wade will be a few minutes after. What’s her name?”

  “Jillian Grady,” I said, writing down the information on a sticky note. Cane had a way of changing topics and making me forget things by the end of our conversation.

  “Yeah. Her. Anyway, I had something come up.” I heard a nervousness deep in Cane’s voice. “I’m not sure I’m gonna make it. Is that alright?”

  I sat my pencil down, wondering what was going on. “I don’t know. Are you alright?”

  “Who the fuck knows. I’ll call you tomorrow. You got this Grady thing?”

  “Of course.”

  “I owe ya, Max.”

  “Of course you do,” I laughed, clicking off the phone.

  Sam’s fingers were flying across her phone screen. She looked up. “Bri just texted me. She got promoted today and wants to celebrate. You wanna come?”

  I laughed. “No way. I have a lunch meeting with Jillian Grady and then I need to spend some time with Kari.”

  “Jillian Grady?” Sam furrowed her eyebrows. “The blonde that was in here the other day?”

  I nodded and started getting my shit together to take to the meeting.

  She nodded and looked down, apparently typing in the message to Bri. My phone went off again.

  Cane: Have Grady fax all bids to my house. Not the office. Okay?

  I had no idea what he was up to, but whatever.

  Me: Sure.

  KARI

  “Do you think we got everything covered?” Isa was beyond excited about Joselyn’s upcoming birthday party. We had been on the phone for over an hour discussing it. Jos would be having a Frozen-themed birthday to beat all birthdays. Ever.

  “Are you serious? You just discussed getting a snow machine rental. Yeah, think you got it all covered,” I laughed. “She’s going to be so excited, Isa.”

  “I hope so but I don’t know if she can be any more excited than I am,” she laughed. “So I’ve talked your ear off! Tell me what’s going on with you.”

  I took a deep breath and tried to figure out what to say. “Things are good over here. Just working, trying to help Jada get ready for the baby, stuff like that.”

  “I noticed there was no mention of Max in there. Everything alright?”

  “Yeah,” I said, drawing out the last syllable. “We had a bit of a rough night last night. Nothing to do with him, of course. Just . . . stuff.”

  “Girl, if you need to talk, I’m here. All my girlfriends are back in Texas and I miss that chitchat girly stuff. We need to schedule pedicures or something.”

  “I’d like that,” I laughed at her southern twang. It was just like her—honest and adorable. “Hey, my phone has been pinging me for the last ten minutes with texts. Max had to go to a late lunch with a guy from work and I was supposed to go to Cane’s, but something came up and I’m not sure what. I probably need to go check on things.”

  “No worries. Thank you for all your help. Call me this week and we’ll go do something fun on Pierce’s credit card.”

  “Will do,” I giggled. “Bye, Isa.”

  “Later, love.”

  I flipped to my texts and had three from a number I didn’t know. I clicked the message and one, two, three pictures loaded on my screen.

  Max was getting out of his truck in the first one. The second one loaded and showed him walking into a restaurant with a woman. She was tall, almost as tall as he was, with long, light-colored hair. She had on a dress with a floral print and heels . . . and she was smiling up at Max and him down to her. The third showed him holding the door open for her as she walked into a restaurant.

  Maisano’s.

  Another text popped up.

  Sender: Look what Max is up to this afternoon.

  MAX

  I checked my phone again. Still no reply from Kari.

  I pulled into my subdivision and wondered what was going on with everyone in my life. I left Cane a message and he didn’t call me back. I called Kari and sent her a couple of texts and she failed to respond to either one.

  What the hell?

  The only person that had answered me was Samantha. She was on her way to meet with Blaine to discuss the night before. It was strange that we were both tied up in these other two people’s lives, but the world was a crazy-ass place. Our conversation had been brief, but Sam had said something that really bothered me.

  “Blaine knew about Kari not being able to have kids. You didn’t? That surprises me.”

  It hadn’t crossed my mind like that, but it was true and had taken root deep in the back of my brain. Kari had o
bviously trusted Blaine with the intimate details of her life and not me. And that hurt like a bitch.

  A real fucking bitch.

  A neighbor and his son were shooting hoops on the corner of my street and I waved as I drove past. I cracked a smile and hoped it looked real because my mind was focusing on things that made me anything but happy. Shortly after, I pulled into my driveway, trying not to let myself get all amped up. I hopped out of the truck and went into the house. I shut the door behind me and listened.

  Silence.

  “Kari?” I called, setting my keys in the dish by the door.

  I heard the water kick on in the kitchen, so I headed in there. She was sipping from a glass facing the back yard.

  “Hey, you,” I said.

  She looked at me over the glass, her lashes dark and full.

  “How was your day?” I kissed her on the top of her head tentatively. She didn’t react normally—no wrapping of her arms around me, no flirty bats of her eyes. No sassy remarks or teasing lines.

  I swallowed passed the fast-forming lump in my throat.

  She’s had time to process everything, to really understand what she’s feeling. It’s probably just hitting her that she saw Blaine again. What if she’s second guessing things with me now?

  Shit.

  She sat the glass down on the counter and walked to the table. “It was good,” she said, her voice controlled, even. “How was yours?”

  “Busy. I got lots done at the office this morning and then talked to Grady about this job in Tempe for next week,” I said warily, bracing myself for what was to come.

  She didn’t turn to face me, didn’t say anything.

  “What’s going on?” A nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach started in, not letting me ignore it. Something was going on with her and I was almost sure I was right.

  She knew she wasn’t in love with me, after all. Not the way I loved her.

  Not in the way she had once loved Blaine.

  Mother. Fucker.

  She picked up her phone, her fingers racing across the keys. I wanted to grab her and make her look at me and remember who I was to her.