The Perception

by Adriana Locke

  What he did to her.

  What I would do for her.

  But I didn’t. I stood in place, watching her play on her phone. I swallowed roughly, fighting back tears for the first time in a long time.

  A few seconds later, my phone went off in my pocket. Thinking maybe it was Cane, I pulled it out to see Kari’s name flashing with an incoming text. Curious and a little confused, I opened the text.

  Jillian Grady and I were on the screen.

  “What the hell is this?” I asked, puzzled. “Where’d you get this?”

  “Someone sent it to me,” she said, pausing before my phone flashed again. “And these, too.”

  “Why?”

  She sat her phone on the table and faced me, her eyes nervous. “I have no idea.”

  “Look, I don’t know what’s goin’ on, Kari, but that was Jillian Grady and me going into lunch. Her husband met us a few minutes later.” I scrubbed my hands down the length of my face, trying to figure out who and why someone sent pictures to Kari. “Who sent you those?”

  She shrugged. “I don’t know the number.”

  “I just . . .” I let my mouth hang open as I released a breath. “I don’t understand.”

  “Neither do I,” she said, raising her eyebrows. “That was a business lunch? That woman works in construction? Because she looks like a model.”

  “She’s very pretty, I won’t deny ya that. But she’s also a shark. She’s married to Wade Grady, a subcontractor that was good friends with Cane’s father. She’s sharp as a tack and handles all of Wade’s business.”

  I saw the apprehension leave her face, the softness of her features that I loved reappear. “So that’s it?”

  “That’s it. I’m not sure what else it was supposed to be.”

  Her shoulders slacked. “So who sent those to me? Who would do that?”

  “I have no idea. But it’s a waste of their time. Cane was supposed to meet them, actually, but he had to take off because something happened. Speaking of which, do you know what’s going on?”

  She shook her head. “No. He just called here and told me that I didn’t need to come over this afternoon. He sounded really weird, though. I figure maybe Jada will call me later. He did tell me it had nothing to do with her, though.”

  “But if it isn’t her or the company, because I would know if it was, then what could it be?”

  She gave me a frown and walked over to the sofa and sat down, curling herself up in the blanket from the back. Her phone buzzed on the table and I picked it up to take it to her. I glanced at the screen.

  Unknown: Please, talk to me.

  “Who’s this?” I asked, handing her the phone. My jaw pulsed with irritation because I knew damn good and well who it was.

  She looked at the screen and sat upright. “Nobody.”

  “Really?” I asked, sitting beside her and stretching one arm along the back of the couch. Her nonchalance and the way she was avoided looking at me made the knot in my stomach wind tighter.

  Her phone buzzed again and she didn’t look at it, completely ignoring it. “Should we call Cane and Jada?” she asked, trying to divert my attention.

  “We can. But I want to know who’s texting you.”

  She swallowed roughly before looking up at me. “Blaine.”

  “What?” I asked a little louder than I intended. Even though I knew it was him, the sound of it coming out of her mouth was still a blast. “What the hell for?”

  “He called today and I—”

  “He called you today?” I suddenly knew what real jealousy felt like. If I thought I felt it the day she went for coffee with the doctor, I was wrong. This was it. This burning, itching, come-out-of-my-damn-skin feeling was it.

  I got up and headed to the fridge, pausing to read Kari’s sticky before opening it and grabbing a beer. “You didn’t think to tell me?”

  “You were at lunch with the pretty blonde,” she said, throwing the adjective I used for Jillian back at me. “I didn’t want to interrupt.”

  “Don’t even go there, Kar.”

  She stood up quickly, shooting me an irritated look. “What? You were at lunch with Jillian while I was helping Isa plan Joselyn’s birthday party and getting pictures of you and Jillian sent to me. Sorry if I forgot to take time out to tell you about the little interruption in my day.”

  I took a drink of the cool liquid, watching her over the top of the bottle. Her eyes darted around the room, her phone clutched in her hands. She worried her bottom lip between her teeth.

  But what, exactly, is she worried about? What did that asshole say to her? Did he get in her head?

  “What did he have to say?” I asked.

  “Nothing, really.”

  “You want me to believe that? That the man you agreed to marry calls you after however long and he had nothing to say. I’m not stupid.” The longer we debated it, the madder I got.

  Why won’t she just tell me!?

  “I don’t know why you’re acting like I insulted you by not telling you!” she shouted.

  I kicked back a drink, feeling the fizz slip smoothly down my throat. “You want to know why I’m a little insulted as to why you didn’t tell me that the guy you were engaged to, were pregnant by, the guy you told all your secrets to called you?”

  “It’s not like that.”

  “Oh, sweetheart, it is. Think about it from my perspective for a second. I had to make a fool out of myself to get you to move in with me. You won’t marry me. You won’t tell me things about you. But Blaine—you got engaged to. You were gonna move across the damn country with him! You told him all the things I had to find out by pure happenstance. Then he calls you and I’m supposed to not be at all irked by that? Nah, sweetheart. Fuck that.”

  Her jaw dropped.

  I took another long pull of my beer.

  The things that had begun to take root in my mind when I walked in the house were getting watered. Blaine was back . . . the love of her life was back.

  “I can’t believe you just said that to me,” she breathed out.

  “I love ya, Kar. I’ve loved you for a long time, probably since the first time I saw ya. But I’m starting to wonder if this is a one-sided thing, if I’m not some fill-in for Blaine because he walked away and I hate that. I hate that.”

  A little gasp escaped her lips. “I can’t believe you’d ever think that.”

  “What am I supposed to think?” I asked quietly. I didn’t want her to cry, but I didn’t want to be second best to some other guy, either. “I’ve had to fight tooth and nail to get us where we are now. And then I see that you handed everything over to someone else. And now he’s back and . . .” I pulled the lid of my hat down over my eyes.

  “And what? You think I want him? I can’t stand him! I wish he’d fall off the face of the planet. Don’t you see that?”

  I tilted my head back and looked at her. She was perfection if I’d ever seen it. A cute button nose. High cheekbones and an olive complexion. Lips I wanted to kiss ’til the end of time.

  “I see someone I love that I hope loves me the same. I’ve never given you a reason to not trust me. I’ve never given you any inclination that I’d walk away but you hold back from me. That is what hurts, Kari. Not that he called you. None of that shit. The fact that you don’t trust me. You won’t give me your heart. Like you did him.” I shook my head slowly. “That. Fucking. Hurts.”

  She ran up the stairs and, for the first time, I didn’t chase her.

  MAX

  I was sitting on the couch, watching some guy go on and on about college football on ESPN. I didn’t really care about who was ranked number one, but I didn’t know what else to do with myself, either. I didn’t know whether to go upstairs to Kari or give her time to think about what I said.

  I wanted her more than I’d ever wanted anything in my life. But I needed to know she wanted me, too—that she wanted me for me and not because she couldn’t have Blaine.

  Or maybe she can hav
e Blaine now.

  An hour or so later, she came downstairs with a bag in her hand. “Cane just called and wants me to go stay with Jada tonight. He said he’s leaving in a little bit for Payson because he has an appointment with someone there tomorrow and he doesn’t want Jada alone.”

  Cane has an appointment in Payson? I scratched my chin. The only person he has in Payson is his attorney. That can’t be good.

  “Did he say what was going on?” I asked, wondering why he hadn’t called me.

  She shook her head. “I didn’t ask either. But I’m gonna go . . .” She paused in the doorway before turning around and leaving.

  “Kari!” I called out.

  She paused but didn’t turn around.

  “I don’t know what to do about everything that’s happened. I know the things you’ve told me don’t matter to me—it doesn’t make a lick of difference. But I need to know that you love me the same way I love you.”

  I saw her shoulders crumble before she started walking again. “I love you, too.”

  And I watched her walk out. I allowed the love of my life walk out of my house because I wasn’t sure if I was the love of hers.

  I listened to her car start and heard her leave.

  I threw my Corona against the wall and it shattered everywhere, pieces of glass scattering around the room.

  Fuck that.

  My jaw working overtime, I grabbed my keys out of the dish and jumped in my truck. I didn’t know where I needed to go, just that I needed to get outta there. I was angrier than I’d been in a helluva long time—angry with Kari for leaving without some sort of reassurance. Angry at myself for not knowing what to do. Pissed as hell at Blaine for breaking her heart but mad, too, that he came back in her life.

  Do I let her go? Do I chase her the hell down and make her talk to me?

  I was sitting at a light, trying to figure something the fuck out, when Cane called.

  “Yeah?” I asked.

  “Hey, man. Listen, I’m sure you know this, but I gotta head to Payson tonight. I’m meeting with my attorneys in the morning.”

  “Kari told me. What’s going on?”

  I heard a door open and close. “I got a letter in the mail today.”

  “And?” I prompted.

  “From my mother.”

  “Well,” I said, licking my lips. “That even makes me speechless. What the hell does she want after all this time?”

  I heard him sigh. “I don’t know. She wants me to call her or send her a letter or something, but I have no interest in that shit. She fucking left me when I was a little boy and now I’m about to have a little boy or girl of my own—there’s no way I’m letting her into my life.”

  “So she’s had a change of heart thirty years later?”

  “Apparent-fucking-ly. That or she’s out of money, which is my actual guess. Either way, I’m making sure everything I own is locked down tight. If I’d end up in a ditch like my dad, she’s not getting her fingers on any of it.”

  “I feel ya there. Do what you need to do. Family first.”

  “Family first,” he muttered back. “Hey, speaking of which—this isn’t really the way to ask this, but it’s me and you so it is what it is. I’m going to have a will drawn up for Jada and me and for the baby while I’m up there. It won’t be official until the baby is born, but it’ll be ready to go. We want you and Kari to be the godparents.”

  “I’d be honored.”

  “You’re the only family I got, besides Jada. I’d rest easy knowing my kid was growing up with you.”

  “Ah, thanks, man. I appreciate that. I’m flattered. Really.” In the midst of my own despair, I couldn’t help smile.

  “Good,” he laughed. “Alright, I see Kari’s headlights coming up the driveway, so I’m gonna go get my shit ready. Talk to ya tomorrow sometime.”

  “Later,” I said, ending the call as I pulled into Casaar’s Bar.

  What the hell am I doing here?

  Without thinking twice, just knowing I wanted to escape all the mess of my life, I walked inside. It was busy as hell and not my normal style with lights flashing and pop music pounding over the stereo. My normal choice would’ve been something quieter, maybe a little Keith Whitley on a jukebox in a corner, a pool table, and some old men cracking jokes.

  Then again, my normal choice would leave me ample room to think about shit I didn’t want to think about.

  I grabbed a seat at the bar and waited on the bartender to make her way over to me. She was young and flirty and having a ball with all the just-turned-21’s around me. I scanned the bar, the karaoke stage being used for the DJ. I imagined what I’d looked like up there singing for Kari.

  I probably looked like a fool . . . but it got me what I wanted in the end.

  Or did it?

  I’d started to mellow out a little but the thought sent the anger boiling up again.

  “What can I get ya, baby?” the bartender asked, winking, as she finally made her way over to me.

  “Crown on ice.”

  She pursed her lips. “You got it.” She made my drink and sat it in front of me. I tipped the glass to my lips and let the fluid drain down my throat. “Give me another.”

  “Whoa, there, sexy. It’s gonna be a quick night if you keep that up.”

  I nodded to the glass and she shrugged again and filled it. She sat it in front of me and scampered off before I could replay my request. I took another drink. The liquor stung and soothed, burnt and caressed.

  I hated everything about this situation. I hated not being home. I hated knowing Kari wasn’t at home either. I hated not knowing what she was thinking, what she wanted, what I needed to do.

  I hated I was in this shitty bar, getting drunk, by myself.

  I swallowed the rest of the liquor in the glass, feeling sick.

  Just as I was starting to feel the numbness set in, my phone alerted me of a text. When I saw Pierce’s name, I dismissed it.

  I’m just gonna get hammered and forget this damn night.

  I flagged down the male bartender and got myself another drink. I watched the girls in too tight dresses dance on the dance floor, college-aged guys in Polo shirts trying to get their attention. But my attention was on Kari.

  My brain felt comfortably fuzzy as I tried to make sense of my situation.

  Did I push her too hard? Did I force a relationship on her when she didn’t want one? Would she ever have told me or just eventually left?

  I downed the glass and pushed it to the other side of the bar for a refill.

  I closed my eyes, letting images dance across my mind in one long fuzzy blur. I felt the peace that came with drinking a bit too much, the bliss that came with a slight buzz.

  Or a heavy buzz.

  At this point, who cares?

  My phone went off again and this time it wasn’t Pierce.

  “Heya, Sammy,” I slurred into the phone over the beat of some pop shit.

  Don’t these people know Alabama? Tim McGraw? Blake Shelton?

  “Max? What’s going on? Where are you?”

  I chuckled. “Well, I shouldn’t probably tell ya that.”

  “Oh, I think you should. You aren’t by yourself, are you? Because it sounds like you’re pretty wasted.”

  “Ah, hell. I’m alright?”

  Why did that sound like a question? Who cares?

  “Why don’t you just tell me where you are and Bri and I can come get you. You know you can’t drive like that.”

  “True,” I said, trying to keep my eyes open, but it felt so good to let them close. To block out the light, the faces . . . the memories.

  “So?”

  “So what?” I asked blankly.

  What the hell is she talking about?

  “So where are you?”

  “Uh,” I looked around the room. “I’m at the karaoke bar. Where I sang for Kari.”

  She sighed. “Ok. Bri and I will be there in a bit.”

  KARI

  I stared o
ut the window into the night. The city lights blinked below, little beacons in the dark. It reminded me of Christmas lights strung for miles in every direction. I could see why Cane and Jada loved this place—it felt like you were above the world, secluded from all the problems.

  Except for the ones you brought there yourself.

  Cane sat on an ottoman in front of the fireplace, his forearms resting on his knees. He watched me like a caged animal that he wanted to approach, but was afraid it would bite.

  I sat on the couch across from him, wrapped up in a yellow blanket and nestled into Jada’s throw pillows.

  “You going to tell me what’s going on?” my brother-in-law asked me.

  I shrugged. “I don’t know. Max and I just had a little . . . disagreement and I just don’t know what to do.”

  His lips hinted at a smile. “Remember the first time you met me? Not the night at Max’s, but the night we went to the bar?”

  I nodded.

  “And you ordered the third margarita? And I told you not to drink too much because I couldn’t guarantee your safety if you did?”

  I nodded again, a smile touching my lips at the memory. I thought he was an arrogant asshole. I wasn’t completely wrong, in retrospect. But when he drove my car home to make sure I didn’t drive, I knew he wasn’t a complete dick. Cane and I have always shared some sort of understanding—two black sheep that just “got” each other.

  “What did you tell me, Kari?”

  “I told you I would do whatever I damn well pleased.”

  Cane smiled. “That’s what you should do right now.”

  “Whatever I please?”

  “I think you need to do whatever you want to do. I don’t know what to say. I rely on Max for this kind of shit. The fact that someone is asking me for advice is kind of scary.”

  “Don’t think I don’t know that,” I muttered. I watched the lights blink again, wondering which light was Max’s. “I feel like I’m holding him back, Cane.”

  “How do you figure that?”

  I turned to face him head on. I wanted to say this bluntly, to get a true reaction out of him. “Look around. See all of this? This is what Max deserves.”