Deep in a Texan's Heart

by Sara Orwig

  Laughing, she touched his glass with hers and sipped while watching him. He set his glass on a table and then took hers, and she wondered again what he had planned.

  Taking her hand in his, he gazed at her with an earnest look on his face. “You’re special, Lila, and this baby of ours is incredibly special to me.”

  “Sam, I’m touched.”

  “I was going to do this another way,” he said, “take you somewhere fabulous, but at the last minute, I wanted to be just the two of us.”

  Puzzled, she received another shock when, still holding her hand, he knelt on one knee in front of her.

  “Lila, will you marry me?”

  Eight

  Even though she had expected a proposal from him the moment he learned of her pregnancy, she stared in surprise. Since he had not proposed right away, she had begun to accept that he wouldn’t. Her heart began to pound. “Sam, for heaven’s sake.” She stood to walk away from him, turning to face him when there was more space between them.

  He got up and started toward her, but when she held up her hand, he stopped.

  “When you didn’t propose at the first opportunity, I stopped worrying about it.”

  “There’s no reason to worry. I mean it. I want to marry you.”

  “I’m sure you do. I appreciate your offer very much. I have to say no. You’ve been wonderful, but I can’t marry you.”

  He frowned as if it had never occurred to him that she might turn him down.

  As he crossed the room to her, she locked her fingers together. She didn’t want him coaxing, seducing, charming or doing anything else to win her over. He could weave a spell, but when marriage was at stake, she had no intention of succumbing.

  He touched her closed fists, which were locked together. “Your hands are freezing,” he declared, frowning. “Why can’t you marry me?” he asked.

  “We can settle this one quickly. We have vastly different philosophies of life. You don’t want a wife who works outside the home. Correct?”

  “No, I don’t. Why would you want to if you have a baby to take care of, a mansion to tend, all the charities you want to run—”

  “Stop right there,” she interrupted. “It’s okay for your wife to run charities, which takes hours away from home and sometimes can be as much work as a regular job, but it’s not all right for your wife to be gainfully employed?”

  “A charity is less stringent, less demanding and, most of the time, a hell of a lot shorter lasting and you know it, Lila,” he replied. His blue eyes had darkened to the color of a stormy sky and she suspected a big storm was on her horizon with him.

  “I don’t know that all charities are shorter lasting. I’ve seen my mother work like crazy on charities. I intend to keep my job and my career. There is no way you would be happy with that, because it means I will be in California.”

  “I don’t think you’re considering our baby and I don’t think you’re being the least bit sensible about this.”

  “Me not being sensible?” she asked, staring at him. “That remark sounds like the Sam Gordon I know. Also, there’s a far bigger reason, Sam, actually the biggest and most important reason of all—you and I are definitely not in love.”

  “Lila, we’re wonderful together. It’s been fantastic. I’ve told you that several times and frankly, you’ve said the same back to me and acted as if you were happy to be in my company. What we have between us is good enough for me and you’re important enough for me to say I love you.”

  “Please. Don’t do that now. You’ve never said those words to me before. Don’t say them now. I have no intention of marrying without love.”

  Silence stretched between them. “Lila, look. I think true love will come. I feel something for you, that’s certain. I want to be with you. We have a lot that’s good going on between us. Other than our views of a woman’s place in life, we’re compatible.”

  “Oh, Sam, if you only stopped to listen to yourself—‘a woman’s place in life.’ Great heavens, come into this century.”

  “You’re so damned independent. You want to go off to California and raise our baby on your own so you can work and live as you please.”

  “That kind of covers it,” she said, her anger growing.

  “You’ll struggle with being a single parent, cut our baby out of knowing, really knowing, his or her blood father, just to pursue a career. A child is forever, while a career, a job, is the most fleeting thing. Why tear up your life over a job?”

  “I’m not going to argue the merits of my job with you. I want my career. Period. End of discussion.”

  “If you have to work, there are jobs here in Royal.”

  “Please. How many production-designer jobs are there?”

  “Okay, so no damned movie jobs. But interesting jobs nonetheless. And you know I like being with you. I think you’re messing two lives up so you can prove your so-called independence that will get you nothing. Maybe some heartaches.”

  She walked away from him. “We’re not in love and that’s the most basic reason. I don’t want to marry because it will be convenient.” She hurt as she turned to face him again with more distance between them. “Sam, I want love. Real love. You and I don’t have that between us, and don’t try to tell me you love me.”

  “I won’t,” he replied solemnly. “We could give love a chance to develop between us. Has that ever occurred to you?”

  “Maybe, but if we do, we’ll have to give it a chance while we’re single because I won’t marry in the hope that love will come.”

  “Are you thinking about this baby?”

  “Of course I am. Do you think a child is happy with parents in a loveless marriage who married for the wrong reasons?” Hurting, she stared at Sam. He was so handsome, so appealing to her, but also so old-fashioned. She couldn’t cope with that every day of her life. They were poles apart and she couldn’t see how either one could change.

  “I would try to make you happy, Lila,” he said.

  “I know you would, but it wouldn’t work. You want a wife who has a certain lifestyle, who will be a wife like my mom is for my dad. You don’t want to live in California and I don’t want to live in Royal, because I have a career in California. We’re not in love. I always come back to that because that’s the big one,” she said firmly, but her words seemed to ring hollow. The past few days with him had made her care more for him, but the feelings should pass because they wanted different things out of life. Each time she reminded herself there was no love between them, she had a fluttery feeling, as if she knew better than what she stated. She wasn’t in love with this chauvinistic, stubborn man. She could not be in love with him.

  “Sam, love can overcome all sorts of obstacles and if we were deeply in love, we would try to work things out. But we’re not. You’re not in love with me. You didn’t even pursue seeing me after your first few calls.”

  “You didn’t return them. I don’t go where I’m not wanted.”

  “That’s understandable, and that’s all past now, anyway. You’re like my dad. I am not like my mother. We don’t have a future together. Face that and let’s work from that point. We can work out dividing our time. Loads of couples do that.”

  “Doesn’t make it good,” he said.

  “I want a marriage filled with love and someone who will support me in what I really want to do. I imagine you want that, too. Did your parents love each other?”

  “As far as I know. I was so young when Mom died that I might not have noticed if they weren’t happy. Actually, Dad seemed torn up when he lost her and I imagine they did love each other. I never had anything to indicate otherwise.”

  “Don’t you want a marriage filled with love?”

  “Yes, I do,” he replied solemnly.

  “There you are,” she said with a no
te of finality. “Now be realistic and let’s work from there. The flowers are beautiful, but stop sending them and trying to conjure up something that doesn’t exist. I’ll share our baby. I know this is your baby, too.”

  “It’s going to be more difficult to work out.”

  “That’s probably true, but marrying just to make it easy to deal with raising our baby isn’t my idea of something good.”

  “I imagine plenty of people have married for that reason, married for the sake of a baby. I’d even guess that a lot of those marriages have worked out well and the parents have fallen in love.”

  “I’m not taking that chance and going into that kind of union. Or a marriage where we battle constantly over my career.”

  His eyes narrowed and he crossed the room to her. With a drumming heartbeat, she watched him approach. “This has to count for something,” he said, wrapping his arms around her and kissing her.

  At first she doubled her fists and held them back to avoid touching him. All thoughts fled and she became aware of only his kiss, what she had dreamed about, like the kisses last night, steamy kisses that melted and seduced and banished differences.

  She knew what he was trying to prove—that she responded to him. Her arms circled his neck and she kissed him in return in spite of knowing her response would only encourage him to argue further.

  All thought processes ceased because she was submerged in sensation. She clung to him, returning his kisses as he leaned over her and then, still kissing her, picked her up to carry her to a sofa, where he sat and cradled her against his shoulder as he kissed her.

  She stopped kissing him, gazing into his eyes, feeling her heart pound because she wanted him, wanted his loving, wanted his kisses. Instead, she slipped off his lap and moved to a nearby chair to sit facing him.

  “We can still spend the evening together and talk about the future and what you will do,” he said quietly. “Just think about getting married. Don’t say no quite so fast. That isn’t asking too much, is it?”

  “No, it’s not,” she answered. His light brown hair was a tangle from their past moments. It fell in disarray on his forehead and gave him a disheveled but sexy look.

  “Good. Don’t cut me out of your life, either, just because I proposed and you turned me down. We’re going to have to find some common ground because of our baby.”

  “I know we will and I won’t cut you out of my life,” she said, feeling a pang because in a lot of ways she liked Sam. How deeply did that liking go? She would return to California. How much would she see him and how would they work out sharing a baby when they lived so far apart?

  “If you would prefer a quiet evening here instead of going to the TCC, I’ll cook steaks. I promised you a special place—”

  “I’ve really lost my appetite and would just as soon go home. At the moment, I feel we’re at an impasse.”

  “You need to eat something, Lila. And we can at least talk about sharing this child and how we’re going to do so.”

  She rubbed her head. “Sam, we have six more months before the baby is due. We have a lot of time to think this through and tonight is not a good time for me.”

  He reached out to take her hand. “I’ll take you home if you’ll feel better, although I’d prefer you eat something.”

  “I’m okay. Even that first year, I can’t imagine what we’ll do because a baby is too little to pass back and forth between us.”

  “I’ll think about it, Lila. You’re right about the baby being too small, too young, for him—or her—to be away from you, so I’ll have to adapt some way. I’ll think about that. Later we can work it out.”

  “Thank you for being reasonable about it,” she said, relieved that he seemed to be willing to cooperate.

  “We have the next eighteen or twenty years where we will be involved with each other.”

  “That’s sort of mind-boggling,” she said, aware of him seated close beside her.

  Still holding her hand, he spread her fingers out over his as he turned his palm up. Her long, slender fingers were smaller than his, her hand smaller.

  “Lila, have you seriously thought about being a single parent?”

  “Yes, I have. I expected to be a single parent from the first moment I learned I was pregnant,” she said.

  “I wish you’d been here and I’d been with you,” he said solemnly.

  “Sorry, Sam. Things are not working out the way you want them to work out.”

  “So when you go back to California, can I fly out and see where you live?”

  “Of course. But do you really see any point in that?”

  “If we’re sharing a child, I do. I want to know where my child will be.”

  She gazed into his blue eyes and could feel the clash of wills and the tension crackling in the air between them. She had never expected them to agree. How could she adjust to dealing with him constantly? He was strong-willed, forceful and accustomed to getting what he wanted. He was also charming, considerate and caring. It was that side of him that was her undoing.

  “Yes, you can fly out and see where I live. I’ll show you around. I think you’ll hate every bit of it. You’ve grown up here and this is your world. You’re so like my dad.”

  “Thank you. I like your dad and think a lot of him,” Sam stated.

  “I love my dad, but we have vastly different views on life. He’s set in his ways, old-fashioned, chauvinistic, sometimes a little narrow-minded. My family did come to see me once, and after two days they packed and came back home and have not been to California since. Too many people, too much traffic, a big city—all sorts of things that you don’t have to put up with in Royal. I expect you’ll react like my dad.”

  “We’ll see. I want to be with you when our baby is born,” Sam said quietly.

  “Let’s wait, Sam. What happens if I fall in love with someone before then? Or if you do?”

  “I’m not going to fall in love with anyone before that time. Somehow I’m guessing you’re not going to, either. You haven’t answered my question,” he said.

  “That’s one I want to think about. I imagine the answer will be yes. At least you can come to the hospital. I don’t know who I want in the room with me other than the medical people. We’ll discuss it later.”

  “I can wait,” he said. “You know your dad will come after me like a tornado sweeping across the prairie when he learns about your pregnancy. He’ll want me to marry you and when I tell him I’ve already proposed and you turned me down, what do you think he’ll do?”

  “He’ll try to get me to marry you every which way he can, but I’m an adult and I learned long ago how to say no to my dad. I’m an adult, and I’m free to do what I want. I’m not worried about Dad. He’s a lot of bluster where Hack and I are concerned. He dotes on us. Once he’s a grandfather, he’ll be so taken with his first grandchild, he won’t care what I do.”

  “I’m not sure I agree with you there.”

  “Also, he has a chivalrous attitude toward females that keeps him from losing it with me the way he occasionally does with Hack.”

  “I’m sorry he’ll pressure you. No one should be pressured into marriage.”

  “That’s reassuring to hear you say,” she said, studying him and thinking it was contradictions like that opinion that kept her drawn to him. “So the subject won’t continue to come up between us?”

  He turned to look at her, giving her that intense look he could get. “No, it won’t,” he said as if he had just made a decision about proposing again. “But while you’re here in Royal, I want to continue seeing you and going out with you. We have a good time, Lila.”

  “I don’t see any future in seeing each other socially, just more heartache. Besides, I’ll be working starting Wednesday and won’t have time.”

  “Scared you’ll f
all in love with me?” he asked, watching her closely.

  “No, I’m not scared,” she said. “Well, maybe a little.” She rose. “I really would prefer to go home.”

  He stood, facing her in silence, and again she could feel a tangible clash. “We’ll get through this some way. I still want to be with you. I would if you weren’t pregnant.”

  “Sam, you can be so old-fashioned and then turn right around and be so sensible or so much fun or so sexy.”

  “That’s about the best thing you’ve said tonight.”

  “At the moment, I think you might as well take me home.”

  “Sure you don’t want to go back to passionate kisses and hot sex?”

  She had to smile.

  “That’s better,” he said, touching her chin. “Come on, home it is.” He took her hand and they headed to his car.

  As they made the drive, he talked, sounding as cheerful as if nothing had happened to ruin his evening. Thankfully, he no longer brought up the subject of marriage or the baby.

  “You know there’s the annual end-of-summer party at the TCC coming up the end of the month. Let me take you. It’ll be right before you leave for California. It’s the last Saturday night you’ll be here and the party is fun.”

  “All right, Sam. You talked me into it. We have a date.”

  “Good deal, darlin’. How’s the children’s center coming?” he asked, interrupting her thoughts about the party.

  “I think it is going to be great. They’re moving right along with the construction. They are working extra hours so they can get this done soon, which is exciting,” she said, relieved to talk about something less personal or volatile. “They’re far enough along that they are having an inspection of the alarm system tomorrow morning. Also, I’ll have one last meeting with Shannon before I go to work and Shannon goes back to Austin. It’ll be up to the other ladies to see it finished.”

  “So the children’s center will open ahead of schedule?”

  “I don’t know, because funds are getting tight. When did you become so interested in the progress of the children’s center?”