Anomaly

by Caitlin Lynagh

  ‘Great,’ Cameron said. He ran back to the ramp to collect his board. The rain fell heavier then, and both boys ran for the exit and up along the pavement as a rumble of thunder rolled over the sky. ‘What are you going to do about that page?’ Cameron shouted as they ran towards his house. The rain was pouring down now, quickly soaking their hair and clothes.

  ‘I don’t know,’ Kyle yelled back and then another rumble of thunder split the air. He wasn’t a business person, not really. He could do it if he forced himself to, but his mind and heart would never be truly in it. They ran and he could hear Alice’s voice. ‘You shouldn’t be afraid of getting things wrong or changing your mind.’ Cameron’s house came into view and Cameron darted in through the front door.

  ‘What are you doing? Come on!’ Cameron yelled. Kyle shook his head.

  ‘I’ve got to get home. I’ll talk to you later.’

  ‘You better call! I want to know about that page.’ I was wrong Alice, I’ve been wrong for years. Kyle pushed his leg muscles to carry him faster and his shoes made a wet slapping noise against the rain-soaked pavements. A streak of lightning forked through the sky and he ran faster. The air felt charged with static energy and he could almost feel it running through his veins and mixing with his adrenaline. He was tired of living his life like a mindless robot, he was tired of going with the flow, dipping into inescapable eddies of unfulfillment. He was more than just a rock.

  Kyle ran all the way back to his house, passing only a couple of people huddled under umbrellas. He caught strange smudges of colours out of the corners of his eyes but when he turned to look they were gone. He decided it was just the stinging rain, seeping into his eyes, and by the time he charged in through his front door his skin felt saturated and his hair dripped on the floor.

  ‘I’m not working in a book shop so I can take over your business,’ he heard Hailey shout and then her footsteps stomped across the landing above and he heard a door slam.

  ‘Hailey Hunter!’ his father yelled and then he started to wheeze and cough. Kyle looked up from the small puddle he had created on the floor. His father was standing at the foot of the stairs, bracing himself on the bannister, his face flushed red and his right hand gripping at his chest. His mother was beside him.

  ‘Stop it now Matthew, come on, you need to rest.’

  ‘I will not have our daughter speak to me like this. She’s rude. After all the help I give her; the sacrifices I make. I work damned hard, Stacy.’

  ‘Later Matthew, shouting isn’t going to help anything. God Kyle, you’re soaked!’

  ‘At least one of our kids is being sensible about their future,’ his father said loudly and then he looked at Kyle. Kyle’s determination was knocked from his mind and Alice’s words reburied themselves into the past. His father looked haggard and old; behind the thin veil of anger Kyle could see desperation and fear etched over his father’s face.

  ‘Kyle, go change and dry off,’ his mother said. ‘You’ll catch a cold.’

  ‘Sure,’ Kyle replied as a cold heavy weight settled in his stomach. ‘Sure,’ he repeated.

  Thirty-Four

  He stood outside the doorway but the doors kept changing. One minute it was the wooden door with glass panes, looking into the examination hall at school, and the next it was Alice’s white door, the door to her hospital room. He could see her in the white room, in a single little bed. She was so weak, so pale and ill. He could see her chest struggling to rise and fall, a thin film of sweat on her forehead and her eyelids fluttering. The doorway switched again and he saw rows of desks occupied by students, bent over exam papers. He tried to move to the doorway but his feet and arms were locked by his sides. He glanced down and he could see rusted chains around his ankles and wrists, holding him firmly in place. The hospital door appeared again, only this time Alice was surrounded by frenzied medical staff.

  ‘Alice, no!’ he yelled, ‘Alice!’ He pulled against the chains. The doorway switched back to the examination hall, and he saw the students from his physics class. Cameron was there, and Mr Blakely was patrolling the desks as an invigilator. There was one empty desk, Kyle realised, and Mr Blakely stopped by it briefly and shook his head sadly before continuing on. The doorway switched and Alice’s hospital room came back; he saw the medical staff but they weren’t doing anything. They had all stopped and were all looking gravely at the bed. Alice lay there, still and unmoving. She was gone. ‘Alice!’ Kyle screamed and yanked on the chains; he could feel the cold metal biting into his wrists and tearing his skin. The doorway cracked and suddenly the floor gave out beneath him.

  Kyle fell, the strange doorway fading into a starry sky. He felt the wind whip past him and curl around his body, pulling at his clothes and hair. His stomach lurched and he saw the park below, rising to meet him. He panicked and flapped his arms desperately, as though he were trying to fly like a bird. His body slammed painfully into the cold icy lake water, and he saw a stream of bubbles mark his descent. He kicked back up to the surface, and just managed to gasp a mouthful of air when he felt his legs being yanked back down. He screamed as he went under, and an angry stream of bubbles erupted from his nose and mouth. He looked down at the metal, rusty chains, clamped around his ankles and weighing him down like an anchor.

  Kyle’s lungs screamed for air as he was pulled down and he thrashed fruitlessly. He felt his body slowly giving up as he gazed out through the deep water; there were more bodies, all of them in suits and being pulled down by chains. Voices jumped into his mind, thousands of voices, and he heard them, he heard them all. I hate my job, one voice said. My boss is an ass, said another. Why did I decide to do this? All of them were fighting to speak first. I’m so miserable. I’m so tired. I wish I could do something that makes me happy. Why are we here? I bet my colleagues are paid more than me. What if I’m pregnant? There’s so much paperwork. It’s just the same day in and day out. I never get to see my kids. Is this really what life is about? I wonder if I’ll get that promotion. I really need that promotion, everything is so expensive these days. I bet the trains will be delayed. There are too many bills to pay this month. The traffic is always a nightmare. God, why does she look so miserable, she’s got nothing to be miserable about. I’m so scared of screwing up the rest of my life… A final breath escaped Kyle and then the drowning world grew dim. He heard his chains hit the bottom of the lake with a muted clink, and he saw the corpses of everyone else, sprouting up from the ground like flowers. His lungs burned and ached; everything was so heavy. His vision narrowed, and he only just about caught the wrinkled, decomposing face of his father, staring back at him.

  Kyle gasped and choked as he sat bolt upright in bed. His eyes darted around the room wildly, trying to recognise the darkened details but not really registering anything at all. His heart thundered in his ribcage as though it was being struck by lightning every other second. His lungs burned, oh god, they burned. He groaned and hugged his chest as he doubled over and pushed his face into his mattress. He turned his head to the side to concentrate on his breathing and slowly his dimly-lit room revealed itself. Why did dreams hurt so much? His gaze travelled down and across the room to his bedside table where the red letters on his digital clock cast a devilish semicircle across the floor. It was the ninth of May 2012, and the time was 03:06am, he had an exam in less than six hours. He groaned again and pushed himself up. He sipped some water from a glass on his bedside table and then lay back down again.

  He drew his hands over his face and pulled at his cheeks.

  ‘This is messed up,’ he said and then he chuckled darkly as he remembered Cameron using those exact words at the skate park. He had never drowned in the lake before, and there were all those voices, and all those bodies, his father’s body… he shuddered. Was it like Sophia had said, was he just not listening to his sub-conscious? He felt like he was making a big mistake and everything he did and saw only echoed his inner
thoughts. Alice wouldn’t want this for him; Kyle didn’t want this, yet ever since he had returned home from the skate park after the thunderstorm, he had kept silent, he had continued to do what his father wanted, but his mind, his mind was in turmoil. I should have said something; I should have argued like Hailey, she’s not afraid to say no. His thoughts smothered him and kept him awake, but eventually he drifted back to sleep again. It felt like no time at all before his alarm sounded and he stumbled out of bed. He felt groggy, tired, confused, not exactly the best combination of feelings to go into his last second year exam. He showered, ate, picked up his things and then walked with Cameron down to the sports centre.

  Cameron had been amazed when Kyle had found Alice’s last page at the skate park but even he wasn’t sure what any of it meant, and he was still convinced that it wasn’t Alice’s doing. He had been quiet about the whole thing, both of them had. They had buried themselves into their revision and the last couple of weeks had vanished. Kyle was still puzzling over his nightmares; he had one year left and then the rest of his life had been mapped out by his father. He would work at the company, then switch to another company where he would work his way up and stay for a few years and then probably job hop his way up the salary ladder. Hopefully he would find a nice young woman, settle down, have a house and kids. Then his father would retire and Kyle would take over the family business. He would make sure his kids went to a good school, college and then university. Eventually he would retire, at the ripe old age of sixty-five, possibly seventy-five by then, and spend the rest of his years playing golf, looking after grandchildren, and discussing political events that were controversial and which he could do little about. He felt his heart sink at the thought. It was all very boring and structured. Was he just destined to be a money making machine who paid taxes and bills without question and did what he was told?

  ‘Do you think life is completely random?’ he asked suddenly. Cameron raised his eyebrows.

  ‘Well, it depends what you mean. Most of life is random, but sometimes our choices can influence the degree of randomness in our lives.’ Yes, just like within the two timelines Kyle thought. Cameron frowned at him. ‘Are you ok? You look kinda pale.’

  ‘Just tired,’ Kyle replied.

  ‘Well, just keep it together man, this is our last exam. We can sleep, drink and go partying after this.’

  ‘Mhmm.’ Kyle’s mind had taken an imaginary pen and was joining the dots of the past with those of his future and he wasn’t sure he liked the picture. They were almost at the sports centre when Sophia stepped out through the doors.

  ‘Oh dear,’ she said as her eyes settled on Kyle. ‘That doesn’t look like the face of someone who is confident and relaxed.’

  ‘Hey Sophia,’ Cameron said.

  ‘Hi.’ She smiled at him and Kyle thought Cameron was going to pass out. ‘What’s wrong Kyle?’

  ‘He had a bizarre study period,’ Cameron said. Kyle shot him a scowl.

  ‘Just tired,’ Kyle said.

  ‘Hmm.’ Sophia placed a finger on her lips. ‘You need to wake up, Kyle.’ She gave him her all-knowing smile. ‘Oh here,’ she said suddenly. She turned to the bag at her hip and drew out some papers. ‘I came up with a research proposal with Professor Green; we need Master’s Students. I was wondering if you would be interested, Cameron?’

  ‘Definitely,’ Cameron said as he took the paper and began to read. ‘Quantum Entanglement?’

  ‘Yes, it’s just a brief proposal for now but more details will be going up on the website soon. If you want to apply you should look out for it online; we think there will be a lot of interest.’ Cameron nodded. ‘Well, I wish you all the best with your exams,’ she said, her gaze flickering to Kyle one last time. ‘Good luck,’ she called as she walked away.

  ‘Thanks!’ Cameron yelled, a big grin stretching across his face.

  The hall had been filled with row upon row of single foldable desks and chairs. Kyle’s desk was number forty-two and thankfully it was near the back of the room; he hated being near the front. He spotted Cameron sitting in another desk a couple of rows away and his friend flashed him a grin before settling down for the next two hours. Kyle sat down in his seat and switched off as the other students found their desks. His thoughts strayed to Hailey; he was proud of her. She was trying so hard to achieve her goals and she fought their father every step of the way. Hailey was determined; she had a bounce in her step and a wildfire in her eyes, unlike their father. Their father had wrinkles on his face, a receding hairline, constant circles under his eyes and tight lips. He hardly smiled these days; he didn’t seem to have much time anymore and he looked ill. Was that the epitome of working life?

  Kyle looked down at the exam paper before him; he had barely heard the invigilators announcing that their time had begun. His doubts had wormed their way into his dreams; they had twisted themselves around his memories and gripped at his insides with iron claws. They wouldn’t let him go, not in his first exam a couple of weeks ago and not in his last exam now. No! he told himself firmly. We chose business so we’re doing business, Dad won’t be able to run the business for much longer and someone has to take over… He answered the first question hastily, his pen almost ripping through the paper as he moved onto the next.

  He tried to calm down but memories of the past kept forcing their way to the forefront of his mind. He recalled Alice’s sickly, weak body, the tears and groans, her hair falling out, her body expelling everything it was supposed to be taking in, her skin drawing thin and pale over her bones. He remembered her hours of pain as the fight slowly drained out of her and he remembered her frustration at being bed-bound. He remembered her battling with everyone and pushing herself too hard in a bid to get outside, just so she could see some sunshine. He felt his head pounding harder and his knuckles whitened. No, not now, please not now! He gritted his teeth as a memory surfaced from the depths, accompanied by a sharp pain that made his brain feel like it was splitting in half…

  Eighteen-year-old Kyle sat in his suit by Alice’s bedside, it was the morning of the 18th June 2009 and he was visiting the hospital just before his last A-level exam. Alice was propped up in bed with a blue beanie on her head, hiding her very short hair which was just starting to grow back. She owned a wig, but the wig was itchy and uncomfortable.

  ‘Do you feel confident?’ she asked. She was bony and uncomfortably thin, her clothes loose sacks on her frame.

  ‘Yeah, I’ll nail it,’ Kyle replied. He was sure he would do well in his last physics exam; he had been revising for months. The backs of Alice’s hands were bruised from needles and tubes puncturing her skin. He took her right hand gently between his; she was cold, she always felt cold.

  ‘Just do your best,’ she said and she smiled. Despite the chemotherapy and surgery destroying her body and poisoning her veins, her smile remained unchanged.

  ‘I will.’ He kissed her hand gently.

  ‘When I’m better again we’ll make a great team. I can’t wait to join you.’

  ‘OK.’ He smiled, ‘but first I’m going to help look after you.’ She rolled her eyes and he chuckled.

  ‘I’m getting a bit sick of being looked after,’ she said. ‘I’ll get stronger again, I’m going to beat this. I have so much to live for…’ Her eyes started to well and her lips trembled.

  ‘Shh, it’s OK.’ He reached forwards and cradled her bony cheeks. ‘It will be OK, there’s plenty of time, just be patient.’ He kissed her between the eyes. ‘I’ll be right back after this exam and then I’m not leaving again for the rest of the summer.’

  ‘OK,’ she whispered. Kyle hugged her gently.

  Kyle’s vision wobbled and he felt bile lurch up into his throat. He blinked and gripped the desk as he tried to stop the swaying dizziness in his head. He felt sick, and cold, and heavy. He felt his body tilt to the side and he gripped the desk tig
hter to straighten himself. He hunched forwards, closed his eyes and put his head in his hands as he willed his mind to clear again. That morning had been the last time Kyle had seen Alice alive, the last time he had spoken to her. ‘You need to wake up, Kyle,’ he heard Sophia’s voice say. He focussed everything on the shadowy light behind his eyelids and let the sensation of his breathing calm down his mind.

  When he felt calm enough he opened his eyes and realised he had lost fifteen minutes. He leant back in his chair and gazed blankly ahead. What am I doing here? he asked himself. He could see row upon row of students, all bowed over desks, scribbling frantically into paper booklets. Why am I here? Why are any of us here? His gaze wandered around the hall. ‘You’re going to do great things Kyle.’ No I’m not he thought, not here, not doing this. He looked down at his exam booklet; he could hear his father’s words. ‘Physics was always Alice’s thing, as much as you were fascinated with space I think you just liked the idea of being an astronaut and that’s not realistic. Business is realistic; it’ll get you into any office job and with some hard work you can make a decent career for yourself.’

  The scratching of pens, the rustle of paper, the creaking of chairs and the sighs from students rushed back to him. Pens woven between fingers, synchronised turning of pages to some inaudible beat. Tick, scratch-scratch-scratch, tick. He hadn’t done anything he had promised to do; he had been selfishly compassionate and an honest liar. He had spent so long trying to avoid his past, cutting himself off from Alice, and trying to protect himself under the guise of moving on. He hadn’t realised he had actually cut himself up and buried the parts that had made himself, well, him.