Anomaly

by Caitlin Lynagh

  I’m sorry, Dad, he thought. You’re wrong. Physics had always been there even when he had been a kid. He may have not always realised it was physics but his interests had been there from the very beginning. He gripped his hands into fists; I’m not supposed to be here. He shot his hand up into the air, feeling slightly giddy. This was his life, his degree, his choices; he didn’t care what his father thought or what society wanted. He was a person, a human being, a mind with thoughts and a body with emotions, he was a living creature, and he had one life to live. He would leave the exam, call his father, and then talk to Professor Green. He would switch his degree back to physics and he would put his energy back into the things he had once loved. He did deserve it; he deserved it for himself and for Alice. He would stay up and study long hours if he had to; he would spend every day in the library, and he would watch the postgraduates in the labs. A spark of hot energy erupted from his core and out through his veins. He felt alive for the first time in years.

  He watched as one of the invigilators approached him. They were moving too slowly so he stood up and picked up his paper and belongings. ‘Don’t be afraid’ had been Alice’s last message but the initial leap was always terrifying. The invigilator frowned but Kyle was beyond the point of caring. He thrust the exam paper at her and marched out of the room as quickly as he dared.

  Once he was outside, he collected his bag from a locker and called his father.

  ‘Hey Kyle, has your exam finished already?’

  ‘No, Dad, I need to talk to you,’ Kyle said.

  ‘What did you say? Sorry I’m in the back room with all the files; the signal is pretty poor in here.’

  ‘Dad, I’m not doing business anymore, I’m switching back to physics.’

  ‘What did you say? Physics?’

  ‘I’m switching to physics Dad. I’m sorry, I’m not taking over the business.’ There was silence for a few moments.

  ‘Now Kyle…’ his father paused. ‘WHAT THE HELL!’ he shouted suddenly and then he began to wheeze and cough.

  ‘Dad?’ Kyle said. He could hear his father gasping for breath and then he heard a loud clack, as though something had been dropped. ‘Dad?’ Kyle said, louder this time. He heard a heavy thud and then nothing. Kyle lowered his phone, the call had disconnected and he felt a chill of panic stir the hairs on the back of his neck. He tried to call his dad again, but there was no answer. Kyle cursed and ran out of the sports centre. He called the office and Zack answered the phone.

  ‘Hello this is…’

  ‘Zack!’ he yelled.

  ‘Kyle?’

  ‘Zack there’s no time to explain. Go to the back room now, the one with all the files.’

  ‘What’s wrong Kyle?’

  ‘My dad! Go now!’

  ‘Alright, Alright.’ He heard Zack leave the phone on his desk. Kyle made it back to the flat and hasily shoved belongings into a holdall. A few seconds later he heard Zack’s distant yelling. ‘Someone call an ambulance!’ It was all Kyle needed to hear. He packed his wash bag and Alice’s book, and then he ran to the bus stop. He called his mum but there was no answer so he called Hailey.

  ‘Hey Kyle.’

  ‘Hailey, Dad’s in trouble. I’m not sure what happened exactly but you need to get hold of Mum.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘The office has called an ambulance. You need to get to the hospital. Now. I’m on my way.’

  Thirty-Five

  The last thing Matthew remembered was talking to Kyle on the phone with one hand, and reading an alarming email on his tablet with his other hand. He wasn’t even sure what the email had been about exactly now, only that he had felt angry all of sudden and his chest felt like it was being crushed. The next moment he had felt nothing but utter peace and bliss. His body was weightless or didn’t exist and he was surrounded by a strange, warm, golden light. Where am I? was his first question, but he found he didn’t much care. The peace was overwhelming; he felt like a child again, asleep and safe within his mother’s arms. He closed his eyes, nothing mattered here; he was free of all pain and physical needs.

  ‘You’re still stubborn, Mr Hunter,’ a voice called, echoing around the empty space. He opened his eyes; he recognised that voice. ‘You haven’t changed a bit,’ the voice said and she appeared then, and the light shifted as though she were stepping through golden clouds.

  ‘Alice?’ She wore a creamy dress and her hair hung down around her shoulders, her pale skin glowed and he could see the veins in her arms shimmering beneath her skin, like lines of fireflies or twinkling stars. Her eyes were incredible; her deep blue irises shifted into lilac, red, gold, and pale blue hues.

  ‘Hello Matthew Hunter.’ She smiled.

  ‘Alice? Where am I? Am I dead?’ he asked. He felt panic trying to override his system but the warm peace kept it at bay.

  ‘No, you’re not quite dead,’ she said as she stopped before him. ‘You’re in the divide.’

  ‘The divide?’

  ‘Yes, between life and the afterlife, but I don’t have much time to explain all of that. There’s something you need to see before you go.’

  ‘Go? Go where?’ he asked. Alice ignored him, reaching out and putting her palm on his forehead.

  ‘You need to see time as the deceased do; all of it, past, present and future.’

  ‘I don’t…’ He gasped as a bright light erupted from her chest, blinding him temporarily as it travelled up her arm and into her palm. Colours bloomed behind his eyes forming images, memories he had mostly forgotten about. He could feel, touch, see everything with such clarity it was like he was there again, only his eyes were everywhere and he saw everything he hadn’t seen before.

  Matthew saw himself as a young child with his younger brother; he saw their tiny one bedroom flat and his mother and father. There was nothing of note in their little home, but he saw clearly the souls of his family; he understood all of the colours, their thoughts and emotions. He and his brother were happy and content, scribbling with broken crayons on old newspapers on the floor. His mother was calm, filled with an enormous amount of love as she looked on at her children. His father was a different story; he was miserable, his soul shrouded in greys and browns. He was worried, tired, frustrated. Matthew wanted to talk to him, wanted to show him how happy and content his family were, but he couldn’t change the past now.

  He saw his father surrounded by a cold, black energy. It dipped into his soul, dimming his colours and squeezing out all of his positive emotions.

  ‘What is that?’

  ‘Negative energy.’ Alice replied. ‘It comes from harbouring negative emotions; it cripples the soul and fills people’s minds with self-doubt. Sometimes it feeds anger and resentment, other times it whittles people away, convincing them that there are only bad decisions that they can make, feeding life with regret.’ He watched horrified as it consumed his father; time continued forwards and he saw his father’s soul dim with sickness.

  He also saw himself, slightly older and passing the music shop on his way to and from school. He could see the shiny, red drum kit in the window and its price tag. Both Matthew and his brother looked at the drum kit with a mixture of awe and longing, but both knew they would never be able to afford it. Matthew saw the secret time he had spent saving money in order to someday buy the drum kit; he had had paper rounds, washed pots, anything, but it had never been enough. They had always needed every penny, whether it was for rent, food or bills. Then he saw his father pass away and Matthew was no longer a teenager anymore. The colours which had once been so vibrant and bright within his soul dulled and became thin. He saw himself change from the hopeful and determined teenager into a frightened and demoralised man.

  He applied for his first office job; he was rejected by many companies then finally accepted by one. He became wrapped up in his working life and obsess
ed with money. Then one evening, after he had stayed on late at the office, he passed a bar where he could hear live music playing. He stopped as he heard the drum beat, the bass, the guitar and the voice; the singer’s voice was like nothing he had ever heard before. He walked into the bar and that was when he had met Stacy for the first time, it was her voice who had called to him. A sudden surge of youthfulness burst through his soul; he could remember the drum kit he had always wanted. He caught her eye and she smiled. The rest became a new history.

  The years moved on and Matthew watched himself age. He watched his soul dull and dim, the colours moving slowly compared to his childhood days. He noticed that nearly everyone in the offices around him became this way, the colours in their souls fading, as though they were slowly dying. He saw himself and Stacy move to Elbridge; they were married and for one day he saw his soul shine brightly, but it was brief and short lived. He watched as he set up his own business, immersing himself in work and watched again as his soul faded. At the births of his two children his soul shone again, briefly, but it never lasted long enough. Stacy was different; she continued to sing and play in bands, she toured all over Europe at small events, and she still had time to look after the family. He marvelled at Stacy’s soul, the vibrant hues of lilac and aqua, and the deep crimson for love. She was brilliant like the sun and Matthew’s soul was like the far side of the moon. He saw every decision he had ever made, every chance. He saw Negative and Positive in the air, shadows and golden light. He saw how emotions and decisions are so finely intertwined.

  He watched his kids grow up. He saw their souls mature, obtaining new and more colours as they got older. He knew instantly what interested them, what drove them; he felt their emotions as though they were his own. Their thoughts and questions passed through his mind; he began to realise that he had never understood his kids. He saw their souls dim when he told them what to do, when he tried to push them down certain paths because he feared for their futures. He saw their features crumble and their motivation dwindle. This was wrong.

  He saw Kyle and Alice, how their souls bounced off one another, their colours almost dancing around their cores. He knew their relationship had been genuine, he could see it in their souls, in the red that dominated their outer layers every time they were in each other’s company. It was both incredible and mind blowing to see such a relationship between two young people, but it had been there, he could see it now. He saw and felt their dreams and ambitions, he saw their colours brighten and grow every time they talked about their futures and plans. He saw a fire in his son that blazed in Alice’s company, and suffocated in his own.

  Then he saw Alice weakening, being diagnosed with gastric cancer. He saw the toll her death had taken on his son for a second time, and in a cruelly intimate way. He knew the secret feelings and thoughts Kyle had hidden from everybody. Kyle’s soul became smothered by grey, and the despair that crashed through Matthew shocked him right to his core. He saw Kyle give up on everything he had once believed in, everything he had loved and he saw the dead, blank eyes of his son staring back at him, just nodding and agreeing with Matthew’s plans. The very life had been ripped out of Kyle when Alice had died; he was miserable, Stacy was right. Matthew had mistaken compliance for moving on.

  He saw Hailey, her defiance and determination. Her soul blazed brightly in comparison to Kyle’s but still dimmed and dulled under Matthew’s words. He saw her struggling, and then at the park with her nose in a book and her soul shining in an array of different colours. He saw Tank at the park with her, both their souls a mixture of pink and red. He would have frowned but then Alice’s voice jumped into his mind.

  ‘They’re good together, look,’ she said. Matthew held his thoughts and followed her advice, he looked and he saw. He saw Hailey and Tank talking and laughing, like they had been at the bonfire event. He saw their souls, the colours shifting and blending into different Positive hues until they almost resembled Alice’s and Kyle’s souls. The same spark was there, the same one he had seen between himself and Stacy, between Alice and Kyle; it was there between Tank and Hailey too.

  The images drifted away from him and then stretched thin; he saw time in a way he could have never envisioned. The images split and stretched upwards like the branches of a tree, and downwards like the roots. With each split he was aware of the decisions and choices that governed the doorways to each tiny branch. He could see his own past, the decisions which had guided him to where he was now, but he could also see the decisions he could have made, the choices he had decided against. He saw his younger self buying the drum kit and practising long hours on it with his brother, teaching themselves with second hand books. He saw himself take music at school, and the music teacher helping him with the drums. He saw himself playing at different events and gigs, his soul a bright rainbow of colours. He looked happy, healthy, and youthful; he was nothing like the haggard and tired youth who had taken on an office job. He saw himself at a big event, and he saw Stacy there too, playing with her own band. He realised then that some things were just meant to be; he would have still met Stacy even if had pushed and followed his dreams. His vision blurred as tears sprung into his dark eyes; he could see his mother and brother in the audience too, smiling as they watched him play.

  ‘If you want something bad enough, there is always a way to make it happen,’ he heard Alice say. He could see the branches of his tree growing and overlapping, twisting around one another. The whole structure was glowing gold, and then he saw more tree-like structures, twisting and growing, what looked like a giant bird’s nest. He was pulled back further and he realised that there were more of these strange structures, like great webs depicting everyone’s choices, decisions, lives, all of them interwoven with the next. A central line split down the center of these webs and another curved around like a spiral, creating a vortex shape. He could see every choice every person had ever made; he could see the major decisions that had altered the course of humanity; he could see the minor decisions from everyday life too, both Positive and Negative. He saw a future version of Kyle, in a high tech lab, working alongside other scientists. He could see his son’s research and all the good it could do for the world and the future. He saw a future version of Hailey too, writing and happy. They would be OK he realised, his fears were all groundless, they really would be fine.

  ‘I was wrong,’ he whispered.

  ‘You were right to care, but sometimes care lends itself to fear and fear becomes a prison. They will make mistakes, everyone does, but they are more likely to succeed following their dreams than following somebody else’s vision,’ Alice said.

  ‘Yes,’ he said, ‘yes, you’re right.’ The finely interwoven lines of energy and time blurred before his eyes, his body felt heavy all of a sudden, like he was being weighed down by an anchor. Alice appeared again before him; she removed her hand and smiled at him.

  ‘Tell Kyle that even though he has dropped his penny, he only needs to reach out and pick it back up again.’ Matthew stared at her, dumbfounded. He was about to speak when he was suddenly yanked down. Alice and the golden landscape faded, revealing the frightening beauty of the universe. He felt his body falling, passing the stars and planets as the peaceful warmth disappeared from his limbs. He closed his eyes and waited, waited for it all to end.

  ***

  Matthew felt heavier than he had ever done in his entire life. His head was fuzzy and an irritating high beep sounded regularly. He forced his eyelids to open, but it felt like he was trying to lift weights at the gym. Everything was blurry and disorientated at first, his head pounded and his chest felt stiff and sore.

  ‘Dad?’ he heard Kyle say. He turned his head to the sound of his son’s voice, but it only made him feel sick and dizzy. ‘Dad? Can you hear me? Are you awake?’ Matthew tried to speak but his mouth wasn’t cooperating and his throat was dry. ‘I’m so sorry Dad, I’m so sorry; I didn’t mean to stress you out. It’s
all my fault, I’m so sorry. I will stay on my course, I’ll do business…’

  Matthew tried to speak but he was incapable. He was aware of the hustle and bustle around and the nurses and doctors but Kyle remained beside him as he drifted in and out of consciousness. Eventually he could feel the sedative effects wearing off enough to speak.

  ‘No.’ His vision cleared and he could see his son, sitting by his bedside, leaning forwards anxiously with tears still falling down his face. ‘It’s not your fault.’

  ‘Dad?’ Matthew pushed himself up slowly and Kyle stood quickly to help him.

  ‘I’m alright,’ Matthew said. ‘Water? Please Kyle.’ Kyle picked up a plastic cup from the side and eased it to his mouth, enough to moisten his lips enough to whisper. ‘You won’t do business Kyle, you’ll do physics.’ Kyle’s eyes stretched wide.

  ‘What?’

  ‘I know this sounds… odd… but I saw Alice, Kyle, I saw her. More than a dream.’ Kyle paled slightly but he held his nerve. ‘She’s still here Kyle, and she showed me everything. I’m… so sorry Kyle, I was wrong. I’ve been wrong for years.’

  ‘Dad, you should rest; you don’t sound like your usual self.’

  ‘Kyle, I’m fine. I’m telling the truth. I saw her and she showed me… things… my whole life, everything it is and everything it could have been.’ He tried to supress tears, he felt ashamed, and yet pride for his son. ‘You should study physics Kyle, it’s what you enjoy, and it’s your passion. I see that now… I see it more than ever.’ He pushed for words, it was taking every ounce of energy but he knew he must. ‘I was wrong to push you into business. I’m going to sell the company. I’m retiring Kyle and you can do whatever you want.’ Kyle stared at him. ‘Alice said… you’ve dropped your penny, she told me to tell you to pick it back up again.’ Kyle’s jaw fell.

  ‘What?’

  ‘It’s OK Kyle. I’m saying you’re free to do whatever you want with your life. You and Hailey both. I’ll always support you.’ Matthew smiled.