Beautiful Life

by Bruce Thomas

  When she looked back up I smirked to let her know that I heard her. The light pink that covered her cheeks did something to my southern region.

  "I got my own souvenir. But to be honest, I don't think I could get myself to drink it." I took the bottle of milk from her, grimacing, making the room laugh. "Well done, Fred," Cathie said smiling at me, then at Anna, then back at me. I watch the exchange with curiosity seeping through every pore of my body. I wonder what they talked about. I'm sure girly things, but still. I wanted to know.

  Anna looked over at me timidly and smiled softly before going back to frosting some more cookies. The room was set aglow by the dim orangish light that made the red of the walls jump out. Candle that smelled like cinnamon wafted through the whole house making the sweet aroma of cookies mix in with it. Something stirred in my stomach that made me feel sick, or maybe content. I don't know, but it made me levitate to Anna.

  "Want some help?" I offered moving closer to her. The memory of cooking mac and cheese and hotdogs for Matty circled my thoughts making me feel lighter somehow. Like this was how it was supposed to be; her and I cooking in the kitchen during christmas time in a little house, just her and me.

  Oh God. I need to get back to the city before I go crazier.

  She laughed pushing me away. "Go shower first, then you can. You smell like a barn."

  When I returned to the kitchen, clean and fresh smelling, Anna was alone pulling two mugs out of the microwave.

  "Made you some hot chocolate," she said sweetly handing one mug over to me. I took it but set it down and pulled her to me instead. I looked down at her while she looked up at me surprised. I have found that I liked surprising her. I loved the look on her face when she saw me here. There was sadness in it too but at the same time I knew she still loved me no matter how much she wanted me to think otherwise before she left. The look she was giving me now was content and warm. Her blue eyes were wide with amusement and her lips curved up. I leaned forward and softly covered her lips with mine.

  She tasted of sugar and cinnamon just like the candles. Her hands traveled up to my hair like they always did and she tugged lightly at the ends, taunting me only the way she could. Before I could hold myself back, my lips smothered hers, sucking, biting, licking, everything I could do to get closer to her.

  Fear creeped up in my chest that I was beginning to need her. I was allowing myself to accept her and now I was doomed. What scared me the most was that she would figure it out and she would know that she was doing so. There would be no more hiding.

  I pulled away quickly, leaving my forehead pressed against hers. The noises she makes when she is kissing me is enough to send me over the edge. She was so addicting.

  "Come back to New York," I suggested. I wanted to beg her. I knew she would cave if I did so, but I actually wanted to give her the option. "Let us give us a chance. For real."

  =================

  35

  My heart pounded rapidly in my chest. "Fred," I warned inching myself away from him. He held me tightly to him, not allowing me to escape his intense gaze that sent me spiralling.

  "I'm serious, Anna."

  It was hard for me to believe that out of nowhere, practically, he was willing to try an actual relationship.

  "Where is this coming from?" I asked finally getting out of his grasp. It was hard for me to think clearly with the scent of him surrounding every sense of me. "I know I'm a confusing person," he admitted, bracing one hand on the countertop. "I know that this is coming out of nowhere but I am serious, Anna. It's not like I haven't given this thought. I want to try this. I think we could work."

  "What makes you think that?" I asked. "Yes, these past couple of days have been amazing and all but what makes you think that when we both get back to New York this bubble of simpleness will last? It's simple right now because we're secluded from everyone and everything. There is no school, no friends, jobs, nothing. There's just you and me and--"

  "That's how it's supposed to be, right?" He interrupted wrapping his hands around my waist. "Relationships are about two people. It should only concern you and me." "Yes, that is true but that isn't always the case." Oh, how I wanted that to be the case. I truly believed that Fred and I could be happy. But with the past experiences in New York I didn't see how that happiness would remain there.

  "You're not willing to try?" He pushed. "I thought this is what you wanted; me to want a relationship with you.

  Well, that's what I want now." Is it what I still wanted? I have learned that when Fred is angry he makes me feel like I'm nothing... because I allow him to. I allow myself to let him consume me and I become a different person that I don't want anything part of me to belong to. I need to be independant. But he makes me feel good about my body. He makes me feel beautiful and happy unlike any other man ever has. He doesn't make me feel self conscious but sexy and wanted.

  "I do, too," I admitted, pushing my hair away from my face aggressively.

  Fred smiled and tucked my hair behind my ears. "Then let's do it." It should be this simple. This is how decisions should be made. They should be made with the heart and not the head because the brain is contradictory while the heart is what you honestly want. And I wanted Fred.

  "Okay, let's say I did move back to New York. Where would I live? I gave up my room with Janet when I decided not to come back. Sure, I can re-enroll my classes but I can't afford to live in an apartment." "You could stay with me."

  All the oxygen left my body. "What?"

  "Yeah," he said nodding to himself. "You could live with me until you decide to find your own place. We'll be together so it's not like it will be weird." "But where do I go if we decide not to be together, Fred?" Anxiety bubbled inside of me making me feel ill. I wasn't feeling sick about being with Fred, it was from the whole living with your boyfriend thing. That's what he would be if we decided to go full in, right?

  He kissed me again, catching me off

  guard. My bottom hit the back of the counter, pinning me against his hips. Fred sure knew how to shut a girl up.

  "One step at a time, remember."

  This was something that needed to be thought out but at this moment in time my brain wasn't doing much for thinking.

  I closed my eyes and breathed in deeply to steady my beating heart. "We're really doing this?" "I'm in, if you're in." I wish I could have snapped a picture of Fred's face just then. His strong jaw was relaxed and his stormy eyes were light with happiness that I couldn't explain. His whole body engulfed mine, swallowing me whole and I let him. I let myself succumb to the reality that I was in love with this confusing man and we were finally moving somewhere and that somewhere was foreward.

  "I'm in," I said letting out my breath of air. Fred grabbed me to him again with a fierce need that I met him equally with. It was like we couldn't get close enough to each other now that everything was out in the open.

  We sprang apart at the pitched bark that sounded from below us. Fred stooped down and kneeled in front of Chuck. He coddled his face with both his hands and rubbed his floppy ears with his thumbs. Chuck closed his eyes and let his tongue hang out in bliss.

  "I wouldn't mind having a dog back home," Fred said softly, scratching Chuck behind the ear. "Ew," I said with a giggle. "Not me."

  Fred cocked his head in my direction, a shocked look on his face. "How can you not like dogs? Chuck, here, is pretty cool." "Yeah and his bark is enough to make me go deaf. I'm more of a cat person."

  Fred straightened up keeping his eyes on Pat's dog. "Cats are assholes."

  I laughed and turned back to the cookies on the counter. Cathie and I still had a batch in the oven which was going to ding at any moment. My cheeks felt flushed and my whole body felt like it was vibrating. I just agreed to go back to New York. I just agreed to move in with Fred.

  Cathie walked back down with Pat trailing behind her, examining a button on his shirt that was becoming loose. The happiness I was feeling just seconds ago vanished with the sig
ht of him. He was not going to take this well. Not only does he not want me in New York, he was going to flip out when I told him I was going to be living with Fred.

  I looked at Fred in the corner of my eye to see that he kept the content half smile on his face. Great, glad to see he and I were on the same wave length. Not.

  Maybe it could wait until tomorrow?

  "So," Fred said leaning against the counter nonchalantly. I sent a warning look over to him but, as usual, I didn't make it too subtle and Pat caught on.

  "What's going on?" My uncle asked stepping closer to the island.

  Timing was on my side at that moment because to timer for the cookies went off. "I'll get them!" I spun around and practically jumped on top of the oven.

  I took my sweet time taking the cookies out and setting them on top of the burners. The longer I stayed facing away from them, the more I believed I could avoid this conversation with my uncle. "Okay, Annaanna, what's got you acting so weird?" He wrapped his knuckled on the granite countertop then abruptly stopped. "Are you pregnant?!"

  I spun around so quickly my hair slapped me in the eyes. "Absolutely not!"

  "That's right you're not." Pat stood up straighter and glared at Fred who stood his ground in his spot. "Now talk." I had a hard time looking over at Fred for help because I knew this was my fight and not his. I knew how protective my uncle was but I also knew how Fred was too and having too extremely protective men on your side wasn't as wonderful as it sounded. I just decided to spit it out.

  "I'm going back to New York."

  Silence laced the still air as my uncle watched me. Everyone had gone motionless: Fred looking at me, Pat looking at me, Cathie looking at my uncle--Me looking at my hands.

  "You can't," Pat said breaking the stillness. "You said you lost your room and board. You wanted to stay here. You said you were going to stay here." "I changed my mind."

  Pat scoffed while shaking his head.

  "What, I'm not allowed to change my mind? It's my life, Pat. I get to decide where I live it. I don't want to stay here in this town. I hate this town! I hate everything about it. In New York, people know nothing about me. I like that. Why are you so against New York?" My voice was getting louder and louder as I continued to talk.

  Pat's face became red. Cathie put a hand on his shoulder but he shook it off. "You are so oblivious, Annaanna." He shook his head again and stepped sideways of the counter. "Go anywhere, anywhere other than New York. Go to Washington, hell, try out LA."

  I froze in mid-tantrum. My body buzzed as Fred moved closer to my side. I expected him to tell me to calm down or to shut up before I made a bigger mess of this but he didn't. He surprised me by placing his hand on the center of my back in a comforting way. Pat looked between the two of us and sighed.

  "I knew it." He took off his cap and wipe his brow exasperated. "Makes sense now." I leaned back into Fred, excepting his sturdy structure. I looked up at him begging to not have to tell him about the move in but rather the move. He nodded his head and for a second, he jerked forward as if he was going to kiss my forehead but stopped, remember who our company was. A glow ignited in my chest.

  "It's the best decision for me, Pat." I tilted my head back to my uncle and Cathie. I meant what I said. I didn't want to stay here. I wouldn't have mind giving up a little of my freedom to live for free somewhere. I would have loved going to school with my friends but I would have hated being thousands of miles away from Fred. And I would have missed Janet too. I wanted to be around for when the baby was born. I wanted to throw her a shower. I thought of all this through the week of finals but my mind was clouded with sadness about Fred.

  "So give me the game plan," Pat said, eyes pinning me to where I stood. "Can you get your room back?" It was strange because I would have loved to move back in with Janet but the thought of living with Fred, where we could wake up to each other and fall asleep together, was too good to pass up. "I'll try," I lied. "I'm sure Janet, my old roommate, would allow me to crash there for the semester. She's very acceptable to sleepovers."

  Pat shook his head again. "Not good enough, Anna. You need a set plan to make this work."

  "Why?" I exploded. I don't know where it came from but the word bursted out of me before I could contain it. "Why does there always have to be a plan? Why can't I just go by instinct and make it work. It's not like I am going to be homeless. I know people! I'll get a job, I can do work-study. I'll make it work as I go."

  Cathie made a sound of agreement that sent my uncle into another rant. "You used to be so responsible, Annaanna. You used to have goals and cared deeply about everyone. That city has changed you. Are you even thinking about the worry you will be providing me every night when I don't know if you will be sleeping on the streets? I need to know where you are. I need to know you are safe. It has always been my job to keep you safe. Let me do that."

  All fight left my body. My heart clenched at his insults but I knew they weren't true. I had goals. My goal was to go to NYU and be with Fred. My goal was to make something out of myself without the watchful eyes of this town. I cared so much about what my uncle and Cathie thought that I felt like I was being torn apart.

  "I know you have." "Pat," Fred said, stepping up. I wanted to tell him not to speak because he would only make things worst but at the same time I wanted to know what he had to say. "I know you worry about her. I would, too, having someone you love be so far away and you're not around to protect them when they need it. But I will take care of her. I can promise you that."

  Tears

  instantly sprang to my eyes and lodged in my throat. I blinked them away and looked back up at my uncle hoping to see his discomfort gone with Fred's reassuring words. They weren't.

  "I get the drift that you would, Fred, but there are some things you cannot protect her from. Yourself included." "Good Lord," I hissed. "You can't control everything! I have to make my own mistakes and deal with my own problems. I can't have you doing that for me. Fred and I are together. Yes, we are a mess half the time but we are making it work. This is my life."

  Silence swept over the kitchen once again. The only sound that could be heard was my labored breathing and the hum of the refrigerator.

  "I understand that," Pat mummered, hanging his head while taking deep breaths. He did this when he was stressed. I didn't want him to be stressed. "Thank you, Pat, for everything you have done for me. I appreciate it more than I can ever tell you. You have been the best parent I could ever ask for. But you've done your job. I think I'm a pretty great kid." Pat snorted and Fred huffed out a breath behind me.

  "I am!" I stamped my foot like a child against the kitchen floor. "I do care about other's feelings and I am trying to make something of myself. I can't do that here. It's my decision. I can always come home if that changes...right?"

  Even though I claimed to hate living here, I couldn't imaging never getting the option of coming back. "Of course you can, Annaanna. This is your home and I am your family. You are always welcomed here." I sighed and walked forward to cling to him in a hug. "Love you."

  "Love you too, Honey Bee." Pat sighed and squeezed me closer to him. I groaned and shook him off. He winked at me and looked behind me at Fred. "I'm trusting you here, boy. I will hunt you down if anything happens to her. I promise you that."

  "Message received."

  I turned my head to look at Fred too, a smile creeping over my face. After Christmas, I will be back in New York. I would be with Fred.

  Short, I know, but I now have finals coming up so I'm busy busy busy! Thanks for everyone who has stuck around to read this story. It's about to get a BOOM in events so stay tuned;) =================

  36

  This chapter was deleted somehow on my drive (grrrr) so I tried to recreate it the best I could but just a heads up that it will probably be rewrote or at least changed/added to!!!!!! I just didn't want you guys to wait for another chapter! P.S. Annalynne McCord is the best Sydney.

  "Are you even watching t
he movie?" I asked, propping myself up on my elbow on Fred's bed, in Fred's apartment. He smiled a crooked smile and mirrored me, bracing his weight on his arm. "I've already seen this a hundred times." His continued to wrap my hair around his fist repeatedly, feeling the curls with his fingers while the other skimmed over my tattoo on my hip. It was very distracting.

  "That's strange because you're the one who chose it." I hit pause on the movie and laid back on the bed, snuggling deeper under the blankets. It was so warm in here compared to the chilly New York winter on the other side of the windows.

  "You're more fascinating to watch." I sarcastically laughed and pushed play again of the laptop, anything to get the attention off me. I tried my hardest to watched Katniss scream for Peta but Fred's gaze on the side of my head was more distracting. I peeked over at him from the side of my eye.

  "Stop that." "Stop what?" I felt him move closer to me under the covers. A new playful/cute side of Fred has emerged since we came back from Iowa and I can't say that I didn't love it. His knee slightly parted my legs the closer he got and I couldn't help but squirm.

  "Fred," I warned. My body was already sore and he had the recovery of a Pat rabbit. I wasn't complaining though. It was weird, in a good way, having someone like my body as much as Fred.

  Yes, I had lost weight, which Fred had commented on a few times. At first I was happy that others were noticing. I've never been less than a size 12 for as long as I can remember. But after the third time Fred mentioned it I was beginning to think he didn't like me this way. I liked me this way and I was going to try my hardest to keep the weight off.

  "Anna, I think you down right hot--beautiful," he corrected when I asked him my fears a few days ago. I've reprimanded him about the difference between hot and any other kind of adjective when speaking to a lady many times and he was finally catching on. "I don't care what size you are just...don't lose the hips, okay?"