Beautiful Life

by Bruce Thomas

Time. That was my main focus. Time gave me freedom and at this moment in time, I felt like I had all the time in the world. =================

  Epilogue

  Five years later....

  "Oh, will you hurry up, Annaanna, I want to walk down the isle before the rain sets in." Janet fidgets with the big silk bow on the back of her dress. "Doesn't rain mean bad luck?"

  "No, I think it means the complete opposite," Anne pitches in with a questioning look. She swings her peach and yellow bouquet back and forth as she thinks this over.

  I came out of the ladies room, fixing my earring which wouldn't seem to stay in my lobe. "Either way, all that is crap."

  I stand behind Janet in the mirror and smile at her, hoping that will calm her wedding jitters. She smiles back and lets out a large sigh. No Annade could have looked as beautiful as she looks. Her dark skin is glowing against the ivory lace dress that clung to her skin. Her cheeks are flushed under light makeup that is applied on her face and her hair is long in waves down her back. Janet was glamorous, as what every Annade should be on their big day.

  "Can you believe I'm actually doing this?" She exclaims, straightening her dress over her hips. "Elmer better be at the alter when I get there or else I'll--" There is a knock on the door. "Who is it?" I ask and we all freeze.

  The door cracks open. "It's me." Elmer opens the door slowly, his hand over his eyes.

  "What are you--Goddamnit Elmer, first the rain now you're seeing the Annade before the wedding--Are you trying to curse us?" Janet quickly runs into the bathroom.

  "Calm down, baby, my eyes are closed. I can't see anything." Elmer chuckles deeply, not seeming as anxious as Janet is. In fact, he seems calm; shoulders relaxed under his navy suit, along with a dopey smile on his face. "I just needed to speak with Anna."

  "You couldn't have called or texted?" Janet shouts from behind the wall. Elmer shrugs even though she can't see him. His hand is still covering his eyes.

  Before Janet could drop dead of a coronary, I guide Elmer out the bedroom door of his parents' house and out into the hallway. "What's up?" I ask once the rest of the Annadesmaids are out of hearing.

  "So look," he says shifting awkwardly on his feet. He hesitates.

  "What is it, Elmer? Is something wrong with Winnie?" I start looking around for their almost five year old, crazy haired, daughter. I'm sure she is somewhere where there is mud because she never seems to be clean. Janet is going to kill all who were supposed to be keeping an eye on her.

  "No, no. She's with my Mom." Elmer stops me from rushing around by grabbing ahold of my shoulders. His eyes turn worried. "Then what, Elmer? Just spit it out."

  "Fred is here."

  Wow, he didn't even hesitate on that one.

  My heart stops. I hadn't heard that name is years. I thought about him, often, but never had the guts to get back in contact with him. I didn't even know if he was still in New York. I hadn't been to New York in almost 7 months, either. I bolted

  right after graduation. The city still holds a place in my heart but I was loving San Fransisco even more. "Oh." That was all I could say at that moment. Immediate butterflies flutter around in my stomach at the thought of seeing him. "Okay." "He never sent in his RSVP so I didn't expect him to show but I can't say I'm surprised. This is something Fred would do. He never was someone who planned on anything. He always popped up where and when he wanted to." Elmer is babbling now, reminiscing on the memories with his friend from college. The one who never attended, yet seemed to always be around.

  "Elmer," I say as calmly as I can manage even though I am internally freaking out. "It's fine. Really." "You're going to be okay with him being here? I know you two didn't really end on a good note."

  I never asked what Fred had to say about me leaving him that night after we made love. I was still too insecure to ever hear about it.

  I laugh. "It's not really up to me, it's not my wedding day. But yes, Elmer, it's okay that he's here. It's been years. I'm a big girl now. We've both moved on." The last part is a lie. I hadn't moved on. I kept my word on focusing on school until I got my degree. I made a life for myself, though it has only just started. But I couldn't get myself to date. They say you never forget your first love, and that may be so, but mine was to an entirely different level. I measured every man I went on a

  date with, which wasn't many, up to Fred. Was he as mysterious as Fred? Did he speak in the same charismatic way that Fred did? I can tell you right now that no one had the same eyes as Fred, therefore, no one looked at me the way that Fred used to look at me. So every guy was a deal breaker in the end, leaving me alone but not necessarily lonely.

  Elmer sighs. "Good. I was so worried. Yes, he's my friend, but so are you. And you're Janet's, who I really didn't want to tranquilize when we're in the middle of saying our vows because you were upset." You could tranquilize me, I want to say but forced a smile instead. "We're all good here." I make my smile stretch wider.

  "Great!" He claps his hands together, once, making me about jump out of the pale peach dress. "Alright, well, I'm gonna go head down to the garden. Everything is under of control?" I nod and watch him in a daze as he starts down the staircase. Somewhere, outside this house, Fred sat in one of the white folding chairs waiting for the Annade and groom to tie the knot. What if the same spark vibrates through me when I see him again? What if he feels it too?

  I quickly push back open the door and Janet appears with a worried look on her face. "Something's wrong isn't it. I can feel it. He doesn't want to get married anymore, does he?" She slaps her sides with her hands as they fall limply beside her. "I never did lose all the baby weight and now he found a younger,

  perkier, tramp."

  I force myself not to laugh by rolling my eyes at her. "Absolutely not. Calm down, everything is fine. He just wanted to see if you were ready or not."

  Janet breathes through her mouth a couple times before latching on to what I said. "So no running?" I shake my head, my styled braid staying solid to my scalp from the can of hairspray Janet's hired stylist used on me. "Nope. Now how about you?"

  "I just want to run down the isle to him."

  All of her Annadesmaids, who are mostly girls that worked at the boutique that Janet has worked at for the last three years, awed, sending Janet into a giggling fit.

  I want to laugh too because it was the corniest thing to ever come out of Janet's mouth, but I suddenly felt sick to my stomach.

  I was about to see Fred again. I make Anne walk in front of me, in order to gather myself once the music starts. I was supposed to go first as done in rehearsal but I hesitated too long and Anne, being the sweetheart she was, made the show go on without missing more than five beats.

  When I have no other choice than to walk down towards Elmer and his best man, his older brother, I have to focus on the roses scattered around Elmer's feet up front.

  Everyone's eyes are on me now that I am making my way towards the front and all I can think about is which ones are his. That

  is if he is even looking. I was roughly the same size as I was my freshman year of college. But my hair is longer and lighter thanks to highlights and Evan from Tresè in San Fran. Why am I even thinking about this? He probably has a girlfriend or, God, I don't even want to think, a wife. Maybe he even has kids. So much can happen in five years.

  I keep my eyes down when I reach the alter. Anna nudges me and gives me a what-the-hell look but I shake it off. I look up just in time to see Winnie lead her mother down the isle. I sneak a peek over at Elmer to see him damn near in tears. The look makes my throat clog up. All I want is that look directed towards me. When my eyes attach back onto Janet, she mirrors his heartfelt look and I just about coo.

  I suddenly feel embarrassed as if I had been intruding on a private moment between them. In my rush to look away, my eyes skirt across the crowd of people all witnessing the same thing. Except there is one who isn't looking at Janet and Elmer.

  Freds face invades my brain as my eyes lat
ch into his. I stop breathing again. Those eyes look the same, just as murky and just as penetrating. The only thing that is different is that his hair is cut closer to his head and he has a tattoo on his forearm, right below his rolled up dress shirt sleeve. His skin is tanner, like he had been in the sun lately. He looks healthy, like he has been working out even more than what he had used to. His eyes are the only thing that haven't changed. They still look just as shadowed.

  I look away first. That's only because a movement beside him, sliding into the chair to his left, catches my attention. The distraction leans over, dark hair curtining their face, and a lean hand braces herself against his arm.

  Fred's eyes detach from mine, as well, as he listens to what is being whispered into his ear. The dark hair and lean hand belong to the most stunning woman I have ever seen. Her dark eyes to match the hair shine Annaght against dark makeup and she has golden skin that looks to belong on a skincare ad. Her waist is small enough for me to touch both of my hand together in girth. And she seemed to had been Fred's plus one.

  I wipe the tear that escaped from my eye away and manage to pull it off as wedding emotions. I force a closed lipped smile and focus on the ceremony.

  Once the 'I do's' are spoken and the party moves to the tent on the other side of the acreage, I take off, my heels sinking into the soft lawn as I practically run to the bar. I don't drink anymore. Not like I used to when it came to parties because quite frankly I had a life now. One that involves twenty little five year olds and a cat named Penny. But I need something to numb the ache that gripped my heart at seeing Fred with another woman.

  The second a waiter comes into view, a glass of bubbly is in my hand and down my throat. I officially hate weddings. It was like the second I stepped foot back on New York soil, all the memories came back along with its curses.

  It now came back to me why I got the heck out of dodge. Twice.

  I pull out my phone and change my flight to San Fran to tomorrow instead of Monday. "You should slow down. You know how you get after a few too many." I quickly drain the glass and turn to grab another one. That voice set my nerves vibrating.

  I turn the opposite direction to get myself together. After a few deep breathes, I turn and face the owner of that enticing voice.

  "Hi," I say overly chirpy. I bite my lip instantly catching my wrong doing. Play it cool, Annaanna. You're a grown ass woman now.

  "Hi," Fred says back, his face slightly grim but I can see a hint of amusement there. Once again, he was laughing at me. Maybe not much has changed.

  "How are you?" I sip my champagne, trying to rid the ache inside my chest.

  Fred doesn't answer but continues to look at me like he's trying to figure something out. I move my eyes to my surroundings, drinking from my glass again. People are now on the dance floor, including Elmer and Janet with Winnie in their arms, twirling and laughing to a Bruno Mars song. Anne is off next to them dancing with her boy friend of two years, Michael. All I want to be right now was snuggle on my couch in my small apartment watching the House Wife's of Beverly Hills, sipping tea and planning my preschoolers art projects for the following week.

  My

  glass is snatched from my hands faster than I could find a coffee shop on Lombard.

  I slowly swallow, being overly dramatic in doing so. "Why did you do that? Give it back." My hand shoots forward to grab the flute but Fred holds it back just far enough to be out of reach.

  "There's the Anna I remember." A smirk pulls up on his lips and I just about double over from the pain gripping my heart. "There's the fire."

  "Stop it, Fred." It suddenly hurts too much to take a trip down memory lane. There was too much to remember.

  "Stop what?" He moves slightly closer to me when a child in a flower printed dress runs by chasing after the ring bear.

  "We don't have to do this." I laugh nervously to myself. "I'm glad to see you're well. I'm good too, so you can go back to your date now."

  Once I finish my second drink I realize that Fred still hasn't left. I set the crystal back on the bar and turn to him expectantly.

  "You mean Stephanie." Oh man, now the bitch has a name. That made it ten times worse. Stephanie, the tall, long legged, goddess, Stephanie.

  I reach over and grab another one. Before the glass can touch my glossy peach lips, Fred snatches it away from me, grabs my wrist, and pulls me behind him. I don't have the will power to get away because the heat from his hand is searing into my bones, melting our ligaments together.

  He rushes us into the huge white shingled house and opens the first door he gets his hand on. "Fred, this is highly inappropriate--"

  "Annaanna, please stop talking," he says in a calm voice. It makes my ears prick.

  It is dark until Fred pulls a string producing a light bulb to zap on and shows that he crammed us both into a coat closet. How predictable.

  I wait patiently for him to speak because quiet frankly I am too embarrassed to step out of the closet that I happened to be sharing with Fred Montgomery for all to see.

  "Stephanie is my date--" I make a face that leaves Fred grinning. Okay, so I am tipsy. Sue me. "But she's not my girlfriend."

  My head snaps up but I whisk an escaped ringlet away from my face to play it off. "Okay." Alright, so they aren't dating but knowing Fred, well, the old Fred, he was probably banging her. Lucky girl. "She's my AA advisor."

  Oh. Well...Oh. That I did not see coming.

  "Don't give me that look, alright. I haven't touch a drink in four years. Four years next month actually but whose counting." He visually gulps and I feel my pulse slow. "The fact is, I asked her to come with me as my date to watch over me. The place is filled with booze and triggers. It is a celebration after all."

  Was he really that weak? I left him because I wanted better for both of us. At least he got help and all but was he really this bad when it came to drinking. Sure, I had gotten a few drunken phone calls back in the day but he was young and everybody does it. How naive of me to think so.

  "Triggers? What kind of triggers?"

  Fred's eyes bore into mine. He then blinks a few times before clearing his throat.

  "You look beautiful by the way."

  I blush even though he completely swerved me.

  "Thank you." My eyes drop down to his sleeve. Words line his forearm. It is still too dark for me to tell what they say.

  Now one thing has not changed over the years and that was my disease that consumed me called word vomit. "You got another tattoo."

  The smirk grows larger on his face. "Yeah, I got a few more actually. I opened a tattoo parlor with a couple of buddies in the city."

  He did it. I always knew he would. He never talked about his ambitions or the future with me but I was a classic Nancy Drew and found what I could at the beginning of our relationship to figure him out. I tell him just that.

  "I didn't realize you knew about my sketches."

  "Yeah, well, you didn't make it easy to ever know you." I look down again at his tattooed forearm. "It says: Darkness can not drive out darkness, only light can." He flips his

  arm over for me to see it better even though the light is too dim. The words now seem to jump out at me.

  The intricate lines show sharp on his skin, carving out the meaning though it was unknown to me. I met his eyes with wonder.

  "I like it," I say politely. I, too, had a tattoo but I never really had much of a meaning. Not like his. I just liked the style of the little birds when I was 18.

  "I have another one on my other." He pushes his other sleeve up and on his smooth skin, inked in black, read Beautiful Disaster.

  "What's your tattoo shop's name," I ask to get my mind off the words bouncing around in my head. Fred looks away almost bashfully, his cheeks spotting pink in the off lighting. "When was the last time you were in New York before this?"

  "You're doing it again." Fred cocks his head at me innocently. I try my best to hide the smile from painting my face but I fail. "You're chang
ing the subject."

  He looks down at me for a second before he moved closer. Those muddy eyes hold me captive. "I don't want to talk." My world stops when he smashes his lips against mine. Every memory comes flooding back. Every caress, every passion filled moment heats my veins and pumps my heart. My hands thread in his hair, grabbing what I can, since he cut it off. The groan he gives off, or maybe it was from me, flies right to the spot that hasn't been ignited in

  a while.

  "Purple Raine, my shop is called Purple Raine."

  My lips stop moving against his and I inch back. Raine, like my last name? He named his shop after me?

  "I'm going to tell you something and I don't want you to get all freaked out on me." He stops and I manage to nod though I am not prepared at all for what I'm sure is going to be mind blowing. "The tattoos are a permanent marking that you saved me. You were the light that kept the darkness from taking over me and keeping me alive." Fred licked his lips. "The path I was going down was deadly, Anna, and you showed me what life should be like. Then the other tattoo stands for what I want my life to be like. Everything is a disaster in some way." Fred leaned forward and kissed me softly again. "It's just beautiful when you have someone to share it with."

  Tears fell from my eyes at his confession without my permission. I missed him so much. Life was dull without him. Without Fred, I didn't feel like I was living. I have a life now, but I'm not really living it. "When you left me that night, I thought I would die," Fred confesses.

  A sob racks through my chest and I shake my head wanting to speak an apology but I am afraid that if I open my mouth, the only sound that would come out would be more cries.

  Fred bends down slightly in the compacted closet and tilts my head up to face him. "I understand now why

  you did it, so don't think that I'm trying to make you look like the bad guy, because we both know that was me. I know that now, Annaanna."

  He kisses my forehead and my eyes flutter shut at the light touch. "After months of drinking myself silly it finally hit me that I needed to get my life together. But mostly it was the thought that if you couldn't picture yourself with me, someone who you could trust, someone who could take care of you like you deserved, then you definitely would have hated what I had become. So I got help. And I got my life on track the best way that I could. I'm not perfect, never will be. But I want to be better for you."