One Real Thing

by Anah Crow

  What the hell was Nick going to do with himself? With Holly?

  He groaned and leaned his head against the cold shower wall as he wrapped a wet hand around his cock. He knew exactly what he wanted to do to Holly. Images flashed through his mind, one after the next. Holly on his knees; his wet, red mouth stretched wide-open; his lips pressed to Nick’s feet; Holly stretched out on his bed, golden and naked and beautiful.

  Nick writhed against the wall, fucking his hand, imagining for a moment what might have happened if he’d let Holly finish. Would Holly have sucked him off, used those pretty lips and that clever tongue to make him come? So often in college, Holly had been right there for the taking, all wide eyes and flirtatious smiles, so much like how he’d looked today. All those chances and now Nick wondered if it had been a tease or if he could have had Holly by reaching out and taking…

  Nick shuddered as he came, and slumped until he sat on his heels, panting. What was he doing? And more importantly, could he trust himself to make the right choices this time?

  Finally he struggled to his feet and rinsed off one last time, then shut the water off. Time to get out before he looked like a prune. There was a tap, and then Holly swung the bathroom door open.

  “I bought you a new toothbrush,” he said, as though he was blissfully ignorant of what Nick had been doing. The steamy air might have smelled of come, but Nick couldn’t tell. “And toothpaste. I think I threw yours out by accident.”

  When Nick mustered the nerve to pull the curtain aside, Holly was wearing a pair of skull-printed gray cargo pants and nothing else. Holly put paste on the brush and ran it under the water before holding it out to Nick.

  “Here. You do this. I’ll help you dry off.”

  “Well, I suppose that’s simpler than the reverse,” Nick murmured and then stuck the toothbrush in his mouth.

  “I would if you wanted it.” Holly snagged a towel and started at the bottom. Holly’s broad, muscled back was still beaded with water. Once Holly had dried his feet and calves, he bent even farther to press a kiss to the top of one of Nick’s feet, then the other, sweet and submissive and loving.

  The sight of Holly bringing one of his fantasies to life was enough to make Nick’s dick twitch. He didn’t think he could get hard again so soon, but part of him wanted to find out. Nick leaned over the sink, spitting out his toothpaste before he choked on it, and tried to remember why he wasn’t dragging Holly up to kiss him or suck him off or something, anything.

  Holly kept working as though he had no idea what Nick was thinking, taking advantage of Nick’s position to dry his back and rub the towel over his hair. When he was finished, he rested his cheek on Nick’s shoulder. “Let’s go to bed.”

  Nick was still so tired, even if the shower—and if he were honest, Holly’s caretaking—had helped. “Bed would be good.”

  “There’s clean sheets.” Holly herded Nick toward the bed without waiting for him to get dressed. The apartment looked so good. Spotless. There was even a fire in the fireplace. Flannel sheets waited on the bed for Nick to curl up in them. They would keep Nick warm through the cool night even though the windows were cracked to let fresh air in. “Lie on your belly, and I’ll rub you down. You keep moving like you’re eighty.”

  “I keep feeling like I’m eighty,” Nick muttered, sprawling on the bed. Mmm, the sheets felt good. Soft. “Like this?”

  “Just like that. You look better, though.” Holly smoothed a hand over Nick’s hair as he crouched down to eye level. “It’s gonna be okay, Nicky,” he said, still petting. “We’re gonna be okay. Right?”

  Nick wasn’t sure, didn’t know. Maybe. Maybe they’d be okay, maybe he’d be okay. But that wasn’t what Holly needed to hear. “Right.” He managed a smile. “We’re going to be fine.”

  “I know we will.” Holly leaned in and kissed Nick’s forehead. “But I like hearing it from you.” He padded into the kitchen, then returned holding a bottle wrapped in a towel. “I like this,” he said, sitting on the bed. “Feel guilty as fuck for that, but I do.” His touch was warm and slick with oil.

  “Like what?” Nick turned his head, peering over his shoulder at Holly. Holly didn’t have anything to feel guilty about, not that Nick could see.

  “Having you to myself.” Holly wasn’t looking at Nick, and he bit his lip. He kept working, though, his hands strong but gentle on Nick’s back.

  Nick pulled away and rolled over. “Look at me.” Holly’s hands dropped into his lap. When he dragged his gaze up to meet Nick’s, Nick said, “You don’t have anything to feel guilty about. Nothing, understand?”

  A flush rose on Holly’s cheeks even through the sunburn. Nick took a chance. Maybe he could make the right choices this time, if he did what he wanted to do and not what he thought he should do. Nick sat up and leaned in. Holly would pull away, Nick knew he would, but Nick would be okay. At least he’d have finally done it.

  Holly cupped Nick’s face with slick hands as he met Nick partway. There was nothing tentative or teasing about the way Holly kissed. It was sweet and tender and open with the gentle brush of Holly’s tongue over Nick’s lips.

  It wasn’t anything Nick had expected—it was better. He met Holly’s tongue with his own, tasting him. Holly was every bit as delicious as Nick had ever imagined him to be and more. He teased at Holly’s tongue and then slowly pulled back to press light kisses to Holly’s lips.

  “Nothing to feel guilty about, Holly.”

  Holly was silent and breathless, and his hands were unsteady. Without warning, he curled over and dropped his forehead to Nick’s thigh. Shivers ran through him, and his breath came in shudders.

  “Shh.” Nick petted Holly’s hair and his bare back, trying to soothe him. What had he done now?

  Refusing to look up, Holly pressed a kiss to Nick’s thigh and then rubbed his cheek there. Upsetting Holly hadn’t been Nick’s intention. When Holly had kissed him back, Nick had thought…Maybe he’d been wrong.

  He tucked loose curls behind Holly’s ear and said, “Tell me what’s wrong.”

  Holly straightened but kept his head down. “Nothing new.” He drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Sorry.”

  Oh, Holly. Nick brushed the tears away from Holly’s cheeks with his thumbs. “There’s nothing to be sorry for.” He drew Holly against him, pulled him in for a hug. “You’re okay.”

  Holly buried his face in the curve of Nick’s neck and hid there. “Nothing to be sorry for?” He laughed sharply, and then his breath caught. “I’ve been wanting you to do that since I saw you for the first time. You finally get around to it, and the fucking wheels fall off. Maybe I should stick to the housework.”

  That long? Holly had flirted with him in college, but Holly had flirted with everyone. Nick had just assumed…“I’m the one who’s sorry, Holly. I didn’t realize. I thought you were joking.”

  “Not about wanting you. Never. Only about expecting you to do anything about it.” Holly sat up again and looked Nick in the eyes. “You have no idea how amazing you are. So poised, so brilliant, so composed, so perfect, so everything I wasn’t. Everything I’m not. I wanted you to look at me. Notice me. Tolerate me, even. Everything you gave me was more than I deserved. I would never expect you to want me. I would never presume.”

  Nick had missed so much, misunderstood so much. Christ. “I noticed. I always noticed. I couldn’t help it.”

  “It was more than enough. It still is. I know I was an ass, that I was wrong to do it. It was so good to have someone who gave a damn like you did.” Holly shrugged one shoulder. “I meant it when I said you were the best thing that ever happened to me. Anything you want from me, you can have. No strings. I promise.”

  Nick threaded his fingers into Holly’s hair and leaned in to press a kiss to his forehead. “I want you to finish the massage, and then I want both of us to get some sleep.”

  He needed to stop and think, to make sure he wasn’t going to make the same mistakes all over again, to make s
ure he wasn’t missing anything, before he rushed ahead to take what he wanted. He wanted so much, and he had to be sure. The last time he’d made this choice, he’d picked Caroline, and that had been a terrible mistake. He couldn’t get it wrong this time, not when it was Holly hanging in the balance.

  “Okay.” No argument at all. “Lie down. I’ll take care of you.” Holly reached over to pick up the bottle of oil. “Let me warm this up again.”

  Nick nodded. “Go on.” He rolled over onto his belly again. In a matter of minutes—seconds, even—everything had changed.

  When Holly returned, he started at Nick’s feet. He kissed the arch of each tenderly before stroking warm oil onto them. He’d always given damn good massages, like his fingers knew the secrets of other people’s bodies. He was patient and silent, chasing out the tension as he worked his way up Nick’s body. Holly didn’t kiss anywhere else, not that Nick knew. By the time Holly got to his back, sleep had won out.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Holly couldn’t sleep. Sleeping on the floor wasn’t the problem. It was Nick. It was him. It was both of them. He hadn’t expected Nick to kiss him. If he had, he wouldn’t have cracked like that. He wanted to pull his heart out and put it at Nick’s feet, but he couldn’t.

  This wasn’t real. Not that it wasn’t happening, but Nick…Nick was not himself. Nick had never made a pass at him before. Fuck, and then Holly had gone and acted like a fucking moron about it.

  Fuck. Holly wanted to bounce his head off the hardwood floor. He wanted to get drunk, maybe walk in front of a faster cab. How could he have been so fucking weak and stupid? At least I know now, he thought. I’m ready for it. Holly would give Nick anything he wanted.

  Whining because it wasn’t “real” was disgustingly disingenuous. Wasn’t like Holly hadn’t put out for more nameless, meaningless people than he could count. If Nick wanted any part of him, Holly was going to take the moment and enjoy it, because when Nick was better—and Holly wanted him better—nothing like that would ever happen again.

  Above him, there was a grumbly sound and a yawn, and then Nick’s head appeared. “You’re allowed to sleep on the bed.” Blinking in the dim light, he added, “It was your bed first, after all.”

  “Imposing on you isn’t as funny as it used to be,” Holly pointed out. He reached up and petted Nick’s cheek. “If you want me there, I’ll come up.”

  “Come to bed, Holly.” There was a commanding tone to Nick’s voice that Holly hadn’t heard in so long. Then Nick rolled away, yawning again.

  Holly suppressed his shiver of pleasure at the edge in Nick’s voice as he crawled into bed. He curved his body to match Nick’s and slid an arm around his waist. The memory of Nick sleeping with him after the accident was still fresh and sweet. Nick’s arm covered his, holding him there, and Nick laced their fingers together.

  “Sleep, Holly.”

  Nick smelled so good: clean and warm and Nick. It took Holly a long time to fall asleep, he was so knotted up inside with the pleasure of being close and the memory of Nick’s mouth on his, but the knowledge Nick was going to be all right made it possible for him to sleep at last.

  When awareness seeped back in, Holly wasn’t wrapped around Nick anymore. He was curled up and facing out of the nook, and Nick was holding him. Nick’s breath was hot on the back of Holly’s neck, ruffling his hair.

  That felt so good. Holly couldn’t help pressing back to soak up Nick’s warmth. Shifting brought Nick’s morning erection right up against Holly’s ass, and Nick groaned, arms tightening around Holly, pulling him even closer.

  “Good morning, Holly,” Nick whispered, nuzzling Holly’s nape.

  Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. Holly couldn’t keep himself from grinding backward against Nick’s delicious hardness. He wanted so badly to push his clothes aside and offer himself up. Anything to make Nick feel good.

  The nuzzling turned to kisses, open and wet, with hints of teeth brushing Holly’s skin. Nick’s hips rolled forward, pressing that hard cock between Holly’s ass cheeks like Nick could get in even through Holly’s pants.

  “You like that?” Nick’s voice wasn’t much more than a growl, low and hot.

  Holly was dreaming. He was going to wake up sticky and humiliated in Nick’s bed. His rational mind reminded him he was awake and this was real, but it still felt like a wet dream. All he could do was nod, shivering with pleasure as his body answered Nick’s without his permission. He was so hard already, in spite of the twist of fear and shame in his chest.

  “Yeah. Holly…” Nick slid his hand under the narrow elastic waist of the pajamas, and then cupped Holly’s dick. “God, I’ve been wanting to do this for years,” Nick muttered softly, almost like Holly wasn’t supposed to hear, and then moved his hand.

  The confession was more of a shock than the touch. Holly whimpered Nick’s name, shoving his pants down to his thighs so Nick could have anything he wanted. Nick’s hand on him was as good as Holly could have imagined back when he’d bothered imagining it. He curled forward to tug the hoodie he’d worn to sleep off over his head and then pressed his back to Nick’s chest, his skin singing with the awareness that it was Nick he was touching. As Holly slid back, Nick’s cock nudged between his thighs and Nick wrapped his arms around him again, holding him close.

  Nick trailed his fingers over the head of Holly’s dick, and he asked, “Are you allowed to do this?”

  It was so hard to think when Nick was touching him. Holly loved him so damn much.

  “I don’t know,” he said unsteadily. “It’s not meaningless sex.” He reached back to touch Nick’s cheek. “But it’s up to you. Your rules.” If Nick said no, Holly would do as he was told.

  “That’s what I wanted to know.” Nick kissed Holly’s bare shoulder and wrapped his hand around Holly’s dick again, stroking him slowly. Holly tensed his thighs around Nick’s cock, the feel of it adding to the pleasure. He wasn’t going to last long, and he knew it. Holly reached back to find the curve of Nick’s hip and then his ass; he’d wanted to touch Nick for so long.

  Nick’s free hand slid down to cup Holly’s balls, the tips of his fingers pressing behind them, and his grip on Holly’s dick tightened as his palm rolled over the head. “I want to make you come.”

  “Anything you want. Oh fuck, Nick.” He was so goddamn easy.

  “Yeah, like that.” Nick twisted his hand around Holly’s dick faster, tighter, kissing his way to the curve of Holly’s neck. “I want to hear you.”

  Anything Nick wanted. Holly let his head fall forward, baring his neck, pushing backward into the safety of Nick’s body. Holly had never had any damn dignity anyway. He gave in to gasping Nick’s name and fucking Nick’s hand. When he came, it was graceless and uncontrolled, his whole body jerked by one wave of pleasure after another as he cried out again and again. He had no idea what he was saying, all he could hear was his own voice and the slamming of his pulse.

  “So good,” Nick murmured as Holly’s focus returned. “You’re so good. Beautiful, Holly. I knew you would be.” He moved his hand in slow, slick circles over Holly’s belly, petting, his cock still hard between Holly’s legs.

  Holly mopped up with the hoodie that had caught most of his come, then dropped it off the side of the bed. The meaning behind Nick’s words was seeping into his consciousness—Nick wanted him, had wanted him for a long time. The surge of emotion nearly choked him, and his breath caught. He pulled away from Nick, but only to turn over, to get closer.

  Careless of the mess, Nick laced his fingers into Holly’s hair to draw him in for a kiss. This wasn’t the light, tender kiss from last night—these kisses were intense, fierce and hot and overwhelming. They made Holly want to beg, to get on his knees, to kiss Nick’s feet, anything to show how he felt.

  He let Nick have him, yielding, unable to stop shivering. He found Nick’s cock, brushing it with a flutter of fingers; he didn’t want to touch without permission, but he couldn’t ask with Nick’s mouth on his. Nick nipped at
Holly’s lower lip, then licked to soothe the bite.

  “I want your mouth. You always looked so good like that, your lips all soft and swollen. Such a pretty mouth.”

  The first time Nick had caught Holly having sex with someone, Holly had been blowing a random frat boy outside the kitchen door of one of the campus clubs. At the time Holly had just hoped it would make Nick want it for himself. He could still taste the cherry of the condom when he remembered how badly he’d wanted to be with Nick instead. He couldn’t remember where he should have been that Nick had been looking for him at all. Nick had walked away and not talked to Holly all night, which had only made Holly that much more determined to show him what he was missing.

  “It was always yours,” Holly said, surprising himself by managing to say anything past the tightness in his throat. He slid down Nick’s body, pushing the covers away, and swallowed Nick’s cock whole. He didn’t want to give Nick a chance to change his mind.

  “God, yeah.” Nick rolled onto his back and pushed up on his elbows, and Holly followed. “I want to see. I want…”

  Holly wanted him to see, always had. Getting Nick’s cock in his mouth for the first time was better than coming, better than anything Holly could imagine, even Nick fucking him. Like this, he got to take care of Nick, give Nick everything he had. He went slow at first, exploring as he drew back almost all the way and then took Nick in deep, again and again. It was a long time before Holly realized the soft noises in his ears were his own low moans of pleasure.

  Nick slid his fingers into Holly’s hair, tugging his head back. Before Holly could wonder what was wrong, Nick guided him, held him while fucking his mouth.

  His eyes slid shut as he let Nick have him. It was such a rush. He kept sucking and licking and swallowing, not wanting to be passive, loving the way he got to focus on how damn good it was to have Nick’s cock in him. Slowly his eyes fluttered open.