One Real Thing

by Anah Crow

  Nick’s cock slicked precome across Holly’s tongue with every pass, and his breath came faster. “Fuck. Holly…Christ, your mouth…”

  Holly whimpered, sucking hard to get more of the taste. The look on Nick’s face was incredible; Holly hadn’t ever seen Nick like this, and it made him ache. This was everything he’d wanted to give Nick all this time.

  Nick wasn’t just focusing on getting off—he watched Holly take him in. Nick moved faster, deeper, and moaned as Holly swallowed around him. Holly loved him so much. He didn’t want to miss a moment of watching Nick want him. As much as he’d fantasized about this, he’d never imagined Nick would be this into him.

  Holly took Nick in all the way, letting him thrust deep into his throat as he came. Shudders ran through Holly’s body. The thrill of making Nick come was a rush as good as his own orgasm.

  Nick’s thrusts slowed and finally stopped, and then his hand slid into Holly’s hair, tugging lightly.

  “Up.”

  Yes, yes, anything. Holly lifted his head obediently, going where Nick led. He could taste Nick’s come, and he licked his lips in case any had escaped him. He was going to be jerking off thinking of this for as long as he could reconstruct it in his mind’s eye.

  Nick pulled him up until he was kneeling over Nick’s lap, until his lips were pressed against Nick’s mouth, and then Nick kissed him, licking into his mouth and moaning like he wanted sex all over again.

  When Nick drew back, it was only to mouth at Holly’s lips and whisper, “Are you okay?”

  Holly couldn’t figure out what that meant. His head was spinning, and somewhere inside, he was still waiting to wake up. He just nodded and hoped it was the right answer.

  “I think this time you’re the one who’s in dire need of a shower.”

  Holly nodded again. Whatever Nick wanted was good. His throat ached deliciously, and he was unsteady, but he didn’t care. He wanted as much of Nick as he could soak up before life had to go back to normal again.

  “Do you want me to come with you?”

  Holly paused as he was sorting himself out to get up.

  “Only if you want to.” He could feel his cheeks flush. He didn’t want Nick to do anything Nick didn’t want to do, and he felt guilty for how much he wanted Nick to come with him and touch him and not stop touching him.

  “I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t want to.” Nick pointed toward the bathroom. “Come on. Maybe now I’ll be able to properly appreciate how good you look when you’re all wet.”

  “You’ve always been welcome to it,” Holly pointed out. He’d never been shy about his body, never taken nudity too seriously. He made himself get up, ordering his legs to behave, and held out a hand to Nick. Nick slipped his hand into Holly’s and slid out of bed.

  “I’ve always been welcome to look,” Nick corrected. “But that’s not the same thing.”

  “No.” Holly walked backward so he could look at Nick. “You were always welcome to it. To any part of me. You still are. I was a fucking coward.” In the bathroom, he pressed apologetic kisses to Nick’s jaw. “I was wrong.” His hands shook as the way he’d felt all those years came rushing back. He’d been so bitterly afraid.

  “So was I.” Nick cupped Holly’s cheek and tilted his face up for real kisses. “I didn’t know, and I should have. I should’ve seen, but I didn’t look closely enough. It won’t happen again.” Nick’s kisses were soft and as tender and soothing as when he used to pet Holly’s hair. Maybe those touches had been another way for him to show how he felt.

  “I was always yours. I didn’t care how.” Nemesis, lover, plaything, confidant, friend—Holly would have settled for anything. Then Nick’s words caught up with him. “See if you still want me after you’re back on your feet.” He mirrored Nick’s gesture, stroking Nick’s cheek with his free hand. “I know this isn’t—this hasn’t been a good time for you.” Nick didn’t owe him anything. Holly hadn’t forgotten his reason for coming here: to put Nick back together.

  “You can see if I still want you then. I already know. I’ve wanted you since you were eighteen and throwing yourself into every kind of trouble you could find. It’s not likely to change at this late date.” Nick smiled and kissed Holly’s forehead, then moved away to flick on the shower.

  Holly stepped behind Nick and ran his hands over Nick’s shoulders, drawing him closer until Holly could kiss the back of his neck. He held on to Nick for a long moment, sliding his arms around Nick’s waist and pressing his cheek where he’d kissed. He wanted to hold on to Nick a while, to know this was real.

  “I’m not saying I have any idea what I’m doing here,” Nick warned, leaning back against him. “I’m not even sure I know which way is up right now, but this—you—I’m sure about.”

  “You don’t have to know.” Holly sighed and let himself believe this was really happening. “Let me take care of you, take care of everything you need, until you figure it out. It’s what I want. Please.”

  Nick was quiet long enough that Holly wondered if he was pissed off. Finally, though, Nick said, “I’m not hurting for money, Holly.”

  “I don’t mean money.” Fuck, that stung. Holly slipped past Nick into the shower. His throat was tight, so he ducked his head under the hot water, waiting for the worst of the emotion to pass. “Money’s not what you need. When did either of us ever give a damn about that?”

  Nick slid in with him and pulled the curtain closed. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”

  Holly didn’t bother to keep the hurt off his face when he straightened and pushed his wet hair back. He grabbed the shower gel and a washcloth. He really wanted to get clean. He felt stupid and dirty all of a sudden, eighteen again and missing whatever sophisticated point Nick had in mind. He dumped gel on the cloth and shoved the bottle back onto the shelf. It fell to the floor instead and oozed green, sage-scented slime.

  “Hey.” Nick wrapped his hands around Holly’s wrists. “I’m sorry. I misunderstood. I do that a lot, apparently.” He shifted his grip, moving both Holly’s wrists to one hand and tipped Holly’s head up with the other. “You want to take care of me. All of this, the things you’ve been doing for me here these past few days. Are we talking about the same thing now?”

  Holly felt like his head was going to explode with frustration. He didn’t even have words to explain, didn’t know what was wrong with him.

  “Anything.” It was the only word he could make come out.

  Nick held his gaze and nodded. “I like it when you do things for me.”

  “Just let me.”

  Holly felt like he’d run too far, too fast. He slid down, back to the wall for balance, and picked up the shower gel before its slick contents made the entire tub treacherous. He’d just swiped his hand over the bottom of the tub to rinse away the escaped gel when Nick got a hand in his hair. The touch was like cutting the strings on a marionette. He sank to his knees, dropping his head against Nick’s thigh, and his breath escaped him with a soft, torn sound.

  “I’ve got you,” Nick said softly, petting Holly’s hair. “It’s okay. You’re good.”

  Holly closed his eyes and tried to let the petting fill him up. He bent and kissed the tops of Nick’s feet—it was the only way he knew how to say what he was feeling, how much he had meant it when he said anything—and then straightened. Everything felt fragile and right just now, and he didn’t want to unbalance them. He would just keep taking care of Nick and let that speak for him.

  “That’s good,” Nick said. The expression on Nick’s face, the darkness of his eyes, said it was true.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Nick was clean and well slept and, for once, hungry. The smell of things toasting filled the apartment. Holly was managing to make breakfast with surprising ease, while Nick was banished to the love seat. Nick hadn’t really thought about whether Holly could cook. Holly, it had seemed, lived on sex and sun and excitement.

  “Here’s your coffee.” Dressed in the same cargo pants f
rom the day before, still slipping down to show his hip bones, Holly padded over to him. He gracefully knelt by the love seat, holding the mug while Nick got his hands out of his robe to take it.

  “Thank you.” Nick took the mug and brushed Holly’s cheek with the backs of his fingers to show his thanks. There was something about seeing Holly on his knees, about Holly kneeling for him, that warmed Nick from the inside out.

  Holly leaned into the touch, closing his eyes. When he looked up, his expression was hopeful. “May I please have some coffee?”

  Holly could’ve been asking to suck him off, the way Nick’s body reacted to the question. God, he didn’t even know…No, he hadn’t known. He’d thought his responses to Holly’s obedience were only because he’d wanted to make sure Holly was safe. But he’d been lying to himself. He could see that now. He wanted that all the time, wanted to hear Holly ask so sweetly for the simplest things. “Yes, you may.”

  Holly turned to kiss Nick’s fingers. “Thank you. Breakfast will be ready soon.” He got up and got a cup of coffee, then went back to making breakfast.

  “So when did you learn to cook?” Nick sipped his coffee and shifted so he could see Holly more clearly. Holly was so gorgeous, warm and golden and alive.

  “When I was a kid. For my mom. We had a cook. It was just that sometimes Mom wouldn’t eat her cooking, you know, in case it had drugs or something in it. So the cook let me do it. Nothing fancy, but I can get by.” He pulled a tray out of the oven. “The first thing I learned was eggs Benedict. That’s still her favorite. Any variation on the theme. Florentine, lobster, asparagus, you name it.” Holly brought over a plate with a toasted bagel and scrambled eggs, and a dish with melon and mango slices. He held them out like an offering. “Here. I’ll move the end table for you.”

  “Your mother has good taste in breakfast food.” Holly so rarely talked about his mother, even now. Nick wanted to encourage any effort Holly made to share her with him; he wasn’t going to miss a chance to get Holly to talk some more. “How’s she doing, by the way?”

  There was a pause as Holly moved the table over, and Nick held his breath, hoping he hadn’t ruined a beautiful morning.

  “She’s good,” Holly said at last. He put utensils and a napkin on the table and kissed Nick’s forehead before returning for his own breakfast. Nick couldn’t see his face, but he could read Holly’s shoulders and the insecurity written there. “They got her on a new med that seems to be doing well for her. Less paranoia. If she can stay stable, I might go and see her. If that’s okay.” He looked over his shoulder at Nick, his expression cautious.

  Nick set his coffee down and shoved his fear for Holly aside. “As long as you keep talking to me about it, I’m sure it’ll be fine.” He’d lost his family, he’d be damned if he did anything to make Holly lose his. “Just tell me when. I’ll come with you if you want.”

  “I want it.” Holly’s voice was so quiet, almost lost in the sound of cutlery clinking together as he pulled out a fork and knife for himself.

  Nick exhaled and made himself take a bite of his breakfast. He wasn’t going to push Holly more—he wanted to tell Holly how damn proud he was of how far Holly had come, how good it felt to know Holly trusted him, but he knew Holly wanted to let it go. He’d find other times, other ways, to tell him all those things, again and again.

  “This tastes as good as it looks. Thank you.” Nick would have lied about it just to see Holly’s anxiety fade in the glow of getting something right, but it really was good. The eggs were perfectly creamy, the English muffin lightly crispy and fluffy at once.

  “I could get used to cooking once in a while.” Holly settled on the floor by the table. His sweet, adoring expression was so familiar and yet so different now that Nick knew it was utterly genuine. “Especially if you were around.”

  Nick wanted to be there. He’d loved Caroline, and he’d been committed to his marriage with her—he never would’ve cheated on her—but his feelings for her had never come close to how he felt about Holly. His feelings for Holly had been frightening in their intensity, but he wasn’t afraid anymore. Knowing Holly wanted him too made all the difference. Impulsively Nick set his plate aside and gestured for Holly to hand his plate over.

  “Let me.”

  Holly obeyed without question, twisting so Nick could see the confusion written all over his face. He speared a bite of mango and held it out instead of trying to explain. As Holly opened his mouth, Nick knew his impulsive decision had been a good one. He should’ve done this months ago. Feeding Holly felt natural.

  Holly wriggled and leaned over to rub his cheek on Nick’s knee. The smile that touched his mouth was small, but the way his eyes shone, it was like he was holding back to keep from bursting out in every direction with sheer happiness. No one in Nick’s life did happiness like Holly.

  Nick fed him slowly, pausing now and then to allow Holly to drink his coffee and so he could eat too. It felt as though eating took longer, maybe more than twice as long, but the time didn’t matter. Sharing a meal this way was an indulgence, one Nick wanted to experience many more times in the future.

  “Next time,” he said, offering Holly a small bite of egg, “maybe just one large plate for both of us.” Holly ate the egg, then nodded.

  “If you want, I’ll buy us some dishes next time I’m out that way.” He shifted enough to kiss the back of Nick’s hand.

  Holly had always stolen kisses when Nick least expected it, and then escaped before Nick could react or scold him. Before, it had been frustrating. Now, it was sweet. Nick touched Holly’s lips with his fingertips and smiled.

  “If you think that would make things easier, then yes.”

  “They’d be ours.” Holly kissed and mouthed at Nick’s fingers, his tongue sneaking out to brush the tips.

  Nick cupped Holly’s cheek and drew him up, up, for a kiss on the mouth. “Then you should buy some.”

  “I love you,” Holly said softly. He’d said it before, at that charity ball, in that text message, but this time was different. Or maybe not so different. Maybe it was simply that this time Nick was ready to hear the truth in the words.

  “I love you too,” Nick said and dipped his head to kiss Holly again. Holly gave him that kiss and then another, yielding and sweet. When he pulled away, he butted his nose against Nick’s jaw and nuzzled under it to kiss Nick’s throat, so Nick couldn’t see his face.

  “Will you take me to bed, please?” Holly’s voice was thick, his words coming haltingly. “Please, take me to bed and fuck me.”

  Nick had never seen Holly so shy about sex. He wasn’t hungry anymore, not for food. Not with Holly asking so very sweetly to be fucked.

  “Yes.” Nick set the plate on the table and said, “Breakfast can wait.”

  “I’ll go get what we need.”

  He stood and Nick could see his cheeks were a deep crimson far darker than any sunburn. Nick had never seen Holly so shy about anything. He caught Holly’s wrist and pulled him onto the love seat; Holly managed to fall gracefully enough to land with a knee on either side of Nick’s thighs. He cupped Holly’s cheek in his free hand and made Holly look at him.

  “Are you okay?”

  “Yes.” Holly’s eyes were downcast, but finally he looked at Nick through his lashes. “No. I’m sorry. Can we please pretend I am?”

  “If you can promise me whatever’s wrong isn’t going to be made worse by what you’re asking for.” Nick didn’t want to hurt Holly any more than he already had.

  “I don’t think so.” Holly leaned his hot cheek into Nick’s hand. His lips were tight and he looked away again. “When I knew I wasn’t good enough for you, making it worse didn’t matter.”

  Christ. “You are…Holly.” Nick had no idea how to fix that, except to show Holly he was good enough. He drew Holly in with both hands for a long, slow kiss. “You’re good enough.”

  Holly kept his eyes closed, but he didn’t pull away. “I wish I weren’t so…secondhand. Used. I�
��d be better for you, if I’d known. I’m sorry.”

  “I want you the way you are. I always have.” Nick mouthed at Holly’s lower lip and slid his hands down to cup his ass, pulling Holly against him so he could feel how much he was wanted. Holly moaned and shivered, slipping his hands into the opening of Nick’s robe to touch his skin.

  “Oh God, I love you.” Holly’s voice was rough and unsteady. “I wanted you so much, for so long. I want to feel you want me. Just…anything. Just please have me.”

  Nick wanting him was not something Holly needed to worry about. “Where are the condoms and lube?” he asked, kissing his way over to lick and nibble the curve of Holly’s neck.

  Holly arched his neck to give Nick better access and swallowed hard. “They’re in the closet.”

  Nick sucked hard enough to leave a mark, then looked at it with a bone-deep and visceral sort of satisfaction. “Go get them. And take off your clothes for me.”

  “Yes, Nick.” As soon as Holly was standing, he undid his pants and slid them off. As he stood there, folding them, Nick got a chance to admire him all over again, from the newly muscular, lean lines of his body to the hot rise of his erection. Still flushed and eyes down, Holly put away his pants.

  Nick’s eyes were fixed on Holly even as he walked to the bed, shedding his robe along the way. God, it was sexy, the way the muscles in Holly’s legs and ass rippled as he stood on his toes, reaching for an upper shelf. Nick pulled back the bedcovers and lay down, tucking a pillow under his head. Holly came to the bed and knelt, putting a box of condoms and a pump bottle of lube on the mattress for Nick’s approval. Both were unopened.

  Holly could’ve been lying about not having had sex since the car accident. He could’ve been, but Nick knew he wasn’t. Knowing Holly had followed the rules and that he’d been untouched all that time sent heat racing through Nick.