Fighting Blind

by C. M. Seabrook

  He takes it, and I scoop Logan up in my arms, following him outside.

  I still can’t believe I’m doing this, but I can’t deny how right it feels.

  Theo opens the passenger door of his silver Mustang and flips the seat forward. There’s a high-back booster seat in the back.

  I look at him, open-mouthed, not knowing what to say. I hadn’t even thought about a car seat. But he had.

  “Is it all right?” He frowns, clearly worried. “I told the lady at the store her size and she said this should do.”

  “No. It’s perfect.”

  The drive is awkward. Even Logan, who usually babbles endlessly, remains silent. I shift in my seat, feeling restless.

  “There’s a private entrance for the upstairs apartments,” he says, as we pull into the parking lot behind the gym.

  I frown up at the second floor, realizing how big it is. “How many apartments are there?”

  “Only two. Come on.” He keys in a sequence of numbers on a keypad beside a chrome door. “The code is zero, six, two, five. Can you remember that or do you want me to write it down?”

  “I can remember.” Of course I can. It’s my birthday. I study the back of his head as he leads me up the stairs. I wonder if he knows he did that.

  When he gets to the door marked two, he turns and looks at me.

  Logan is on my hip, her head tucked under my chin.

  I chew on my lip. Doubt. Fear. Hope. Emotions swarm me, choke me. I can feel tears building at the back of my eyes, and I have to blink them away.

  “You okay?” His eyes search mine.

  Breathe in. Breathe out.

  “Yes. Thank you for all this.”

  “Don’t thank me until you see the place.” He winks, then opens the door and sets my bag in the corner of the front hall.

  “I got groceries, but if there is anything you need, just let me know and I’ll run to the store.” He fidgets with his keys, pulling one off, then handing it to me.

  It’s cleaner than I expected. And bigger. All the kitchen appliances are new, stainless steel. There’s a couch and flat screen TV in the living room, and the bathroom has been updated within the last few years.

  It’s way more than I expected.

  “The master bedroom is here.” He taps on a door as he walks past, then opens a second door.

  The room is empty, except for a large rectangular box leaning against the wall.

  “I didn’t have time to put it together, but I got another present for you.” Theo pokes at Logan’s belly and she giggles. “It’s a princess bed, for Princess Logan.”

  Logan claps her hands and yells, “Yay!”

  “I can set it up now.” He moves to the box and pulls out a flip blade from his pocket.

  My pulse immediately increases. The reaction is silly, but I can’t help it. Fear pounds on my chest and I can’t breathe.

  “It’s okay. Logan sleeps with me, so–”

  “I wanna pwincess bed.” She reaches her chubby arms out to Theo.

  He looks at her, then back at me, not knowing which one of us to obey.

  “Pwincess bed, mama.” She claps her hands again, then plants a big wet kiss on my lips.

  “All right.” I sigh, setting her on the ground. She immediately starts spinning and dancing around the bare room. “I’ll let you two set it up.”

  Theo looks like he’s about to protest when I start to leave, but I don’t give him the chance.

  I need a second to recoup.

  In the kitchen, I grab a glass from the cupboard and run the tap. My hands shake as I take a sip. I close my eyes and place my palms on the counter.

  What am I doing?

  He thinks we’re staying. This isn’t fair. To him or to Logan. I need to leave now.

  I’m not sure how long I stand there, but it’s long enough for Theo to set up the bed.

  “Mama. Look. Come.” Little hands tug on my leg.

  Theo is leaning against the doorframe studying me, brows drawn down. I feel like he can read my mind, like he knows I plan on running. Good. Maybe it won’t be such a shock when I do.

  “Okay, baby girl.” I let Logan pull me to the bedroom.

  She runs and jumps on the plastic, pink toddler bed. It’s the perfect size for her. Low enough that if she falls out, she won’t hurt herself. I doubt she’ll stay in it though. There hasn’t been a single night since she was born that she hasn’t slept in my arms.

  “My bed,” she squeals.

  Theo moves beside me, so close our arms brush. His fingers graze mine, gently, as if he’s testing my reaction. I lean in just enough to let his hand clasp mine.

  My chest swells painfully. The gesture of what he’s done is not lost on me.

  “You have no fucking idea how much I’ve missed you,” he says softly.

  His tortured admission breaks me. I swallow thickly, trying to keep my tears at bay.

  Since my throat is too tight to speak, I give him a small smile. Will he feel the same when he finds out the truth? If he finds out. I still don’t know what I’m going to do.

  I can’t tell him. If I do, will he try to take Logan from me?

  My eyes close tightly, the urge to run fighting against the urge to wrap my arms around his neck and give myself over to him.

  He rests his forehead against mine and releases a heavy breath. “I’ll let you two get settled.”

  I don’t want him to go, but I also need the space. Time to think.

  I walk him to the door.

  “If you need anything, I’ll be across the hall.”

  “Across the hall?”

  “Who do you think lives in the other apartment?” He gives me one of his classic Theo Ryan grins.

  My skin tingles at the thought of him being so close.

  “Theo?”

  “Yeah?” He stops, and looks over his shoulder, brows raised.

  “Can you just keep it between us that I’m back in town? I don’t want a lot of people knowing.”

  Theo frowns. “Yeah, sure thing.”

  “Thanks.”

  I shut the door, locking it, and sink to the ground, finally letting the tears fall.

  Chapter 9

  Theo

  Five days I stay away. It nearly kills me, but I give her the space she needs to get adjusted.

  I use the time to train. With the big fight less than two weeks away, I need to get my shit together.

  Moody and my trainer Evan are on me like a cheap suit. I get it. I’ve never been this distracted before an event, but no matter how hard I try to stay grounded, my thoughts go back to Mac.

  She’s barely left the apartment. I know this because the high-tech security system I have lets me know who comes in and who goes out.

  I’ve checked on her a couple of times. Brought her a few groceries that she asked for, but she still seems distant. Like she’s hiding something else.

  But what could be bigger than a fucking kid?

  A shiver rolls down my neck and shoulders. I have a feeling that when I find out, I’m going to have some serious ass to kick.

  When I open the door to my apartment, I can hear Logan screaming from the hallway. Damn, the kid has a set of lungs on her. How such a little thing can make that much noise is beyond me.

  The high pitch scream is mixed with Mac’s exasperated voice on the other side of the door.

  I knock and immediately there’s silence.

  A shadow crosses the keyhole, and a few seconds later the door opens.

  “Hi,” she says, a little breathless. She looks fucking gorgeous. Her dark hair slightly damp, her cheeks flushed. She’s wearing gray pajama pants that ride low on her hips, exposing a thin strip of pale skin. The black tank has been pulled low on one side, revealing a pink lacey bra.

  She must have caught my gaze because she looks down and adjusts her shirt.

  I clear my throat. “Everything okay in here?”

  “We’re just having a slight disagreement over bedtime.” She
turns a bit to display Logan lying on the floor a few feet away, big crocodile tears rolling down her chubby cheeks.

  The kid is quiet now, staring up at me with big brown eyes. She kicks her leg in a last attempt at defiance.

  “Who’s winning?”

  Mac laughs. “She’s got a stubborn streak. Reminds me of–”

  Her face goes pale and she looks away.

  “Reminds me of you.” I smirk when she looks up.

  “Yeah.” She chews on her bottom lip.

  “Book. Book. Book.” Logan is at my knee, holding up a green cardboard book.

  I squat and take it from her. “You want me to read this to you?”

  She nods.

  “And then you’ll go to sleep?”

  Logan nods.

  “Don’t trust her,” Mac says. “I’ve already read it to her twice tonight.”

  “Again.” Tiny hands clasp mine.

  Fifteen minutes later, I’m sitting on the floor of the kid’s bedroom, beside the pink plastic bed.

  Logan’s eyes are half-closed as I read the last line, “Goodnight noises everywhere.”

  When I start to stand her eyes pop open. “E-O”

  It takes me a second to realize she’s trying to say my name, and my heart literally melts. God, the kid is cute.

  “Goodnight, Princess.” I flick the light off and a small nightlight glows in the corner.

  “Night, E-O.”

  I find Mac in the living room, sitting on the couch, watching CNN. Her eyes go wide when I place a finger to my lips.

  “You did it?” she whispers.

  “Fingers crossed.”

  “Thank you.”

  “How about a movie?”

  Her brows draw down and she licks her lips. “I don’t know.”

  “There’s a Pirates of the Caribbean marathon playing.” I wink and grab the remote, not giving her a chance to argue. She’s a big Johnny Depp fan, dragged me to all the damn openings of each of his films.

  “Theo, you don’t have to do this–”

  “I want to spend time with you. I promise, tonight, no questions. Just two friends hanging out. Okay?”

  She chews on the inside of her cheek, then tilts her head. “Okay.”

  I find the channel and lean back. We sit, not touching as the movie starts.

  The tension in her body is almost tangible. Like she’s carrying the goddamn world on her shoulders. She shivers and rubs her arms.

  “Here.” I pull the throw off the back of the couch and place it over her legs, which are curled up under her. “Give me your feet.”

  “What?”

  “You heard me.”

  Her toes are curled when she peeks them out from under the blanket, letting me place them in my lap. She’s got great feet. I know it’s a weird thing for a guy to notice, but I do. They’re small, with high arches, and perfect little toes. I’ve always loved her feet.

  She use to beg me to rub them. I’d always put up a stink about it, even though I secretly couldn’t wait to get my hands on them.

  I pull her sock off and begin rubbing one foot.

  “Watch the movie,” I say, when I catch her studying me.

  Her lips purse, and there’s a small line between her brows, but she obeys, turning her attention back to the screen.

  I only half watch the movie. How can I concentrate on anything when she’s sitting two feet away, her feet in my lap?

  My cock is rock hard, straining against the zipper of my jeans. I wonder if she has any clue what she does to me. How many years I’ve fantasized about touching her.

  Shit. Less than a week back and I’m already stuck back in the goddamn friend zone.

  I’m not satisfied with that. Not this time.

  My hand skims up her calf, under the lightweight material of her pajama bottoms. She stiffens slightly, then relaxes as I start to massage the knotted muscles. She’s put a little bit of weight back on since coming here. Only a few pounds, but it looks good. She’s lost the gaunt look she had when she first came to the gym.

  My hand goes higher, over her knee, rubbing her tight thigh.

  Her tongue flicks over her lower lip. She doesn’t look at me, but she doesn’t stop me either, which in my mind is a green light.

  She makes a small sound when I pull my hand back.

  I can’t read her expression. She’s still so fucking guarded. I place my hand beside her hip and lean forward.

  “What are you doing?” Her eyes go wide.

  “Kissing you,” I say, moving closer, so that I can feel her soft breath against my lips.

  “I don’t think–”

  “Don’t think.” I cup her jaw and cover her mouth with mine. She inhales sharply, and the sound goes straight to my balls.

  “Theo.” She says my name like a plea. To stop? To continue? I don’t know. I only know I want her.

  I kiss her hungrily, tasting her, breathing her in. Her tongue responds to mine and she presses against me, fingers gripping my biceps.

  Her body warms to my touch instantly.

  Like the first time we kissed, the feeling of rightness settles over me. This is where she belongs. In my arms.

  “What about Logan?” she says when my mouth moves lower, down her neck, along her collarbone. She shivers beneath me, melting into my touch.

  “She’s sleeping.” I pull her shirt lower, exposing the pink bra.

  “Tha-that’s not–” she gasps when I rake my teeth over her exposed nipple. “What I meant.”

  “Hmm?” I suck and tease the hard nub until she’s trembling beneath me. I know what she meant. She’s worried that because she has a kid, that I won’t want her, but she’s wrong.

  I slide my hand down her stomach, under the elastic of her pajama bottoms. She moans the instant my fingers go between her legs and I nearly come undone.

  Every touch increases my need and hunger for her.

  But I have to go slow. I need to reign in the Neanderthal part of my brain that wants to tear her clothes off and fuck her till she comes screaming my name.

  She looks up at me, her eyes half-lidded.

  “You are so…” I lift her shirt and kiss her stomach, my palm cupping her warm, wet pussy. “…fucking beautiful.”

  Her fingers tangle in my hair, stopping me from going any lower. “Theo?”

  “Let me taste you. Nothing else.”

  She licks her lips, then gives a small nod.

  I move between her legs, easing the cotton pants down, kissing each foot as I pull them through the thin material.

  “I love your feet.”

  That makes her smile. “You always hated when I asked you to rub them.”

  “I lied.” I wink, lowering my mouth to the soft flesh on the inside of her thigh.

  Her skin tastes like pure heaven, and I have to stop myself from rushing to the prize. I trail my tongue up, licking, nipping, until she’s trembling beneath me.

  I slip a finger beneath her panties, pulling them to the side. She gasps when I slide a finger inside her, stroking against the clenched opening of her pussy. Her mouth drops open, and her breath begins to quicken.

  “Theo.” Her hips jerk, trying to force my finger deeper. Her pussy is wet, hot, clenching tight when I slide a second finger in.

  I grip her ass, holding her in place as I find her clit with my tongue.

  A soft cry erupts from her throat while my tongue works circles over the nub. I devour her. Unable to get enough.

  I’ve never tasted anything so sweet.

  Her fingers grasp my hair, and her back arches. She comes, her hips thrusting against my fingers and mouth, and I groan into the swollen folds of her pussy.

  This is ecstasy.

  All the blood in my body is between my legs. “Three years, Mac. I’ve waited three fucking years to do this.”

  “I can’t.” She squirms under me, crawling backwards so quickly I think she’s going to fall over the side of the couch.

  Shit.

&nb
sp; I grab her wrists to stop her. “We can slow down.”

  “I-I” She shakes her head, and there’s real fear in her eyes.

  “It’s okay.” I pull her against my chest, and hold her until she stops shaking.

  Whatever the fucker did to hurt her this way, I’m going to kick his ass for it.

  “We’ll stop.” I run the back of my hand over her cheek.

  “I’m sorry. I just…I just haven’t been with anyone since…” She glances away.

  “Since what?” I narrow my eyes at her, forcing her to look at me. “Since what, Mac?”

  “Since the night Logan was conceived.”

  I blow out a long, uneven breath and ask the question I’ve feared. “Were you raped?”

  “No.” She shakes her head and her eyes go wide. “It wasn’t like that.”

  I don’t know if I believe her.

  “Talk to me.”

  She tucks her hair behind her ear and pulls her bottom lip between her teeth.

  “It hurt. A lot. I didn’t think it was supposed to hurt…”

  Fuck. She’s telling me the first and only time she’s had sex she got knocked up. What were the fucking chances?

  “It only hurt because the guy didn’t know what he was doing.”

  She actually smiles at that, then laughs.

  “What?”

  “Nothing.” She shakes her head and looks away, her expression tight.

  Damn, but I want to see that smile again. And I will. I’ll do whatever it takes to right the wrong that was done to her.

  “When you’re ready for this. For us. It’ll be different. I swear to God, Mac, I won’t hurt you.”

  “I can’t–”

  “I’ll give you time.” I kiss her temple, then stand, not wanting to see the rejection in her eyes.

  I’m on edge and my balls ache when I walk out the door, but I’ve made my first move.

  It won’t be my last.

  Chapter 10

  Mackenzie

  “Mama, higher,” Logan squeals when I push the swing.

  “Hold on tight.”

  Her giggles are infectious, and despite the anxiety that never leaves me, I laugh with her.

  Pulling my hat lower over my eyes, I push the swing again. There are a few other moms with their kids, nothing threatening, but I can’t shake the feeling that I’m being watched. My mind plays tricks on me, and I swear I see a man watching me from the shadows across the street.