Cross My Heart

by A. M. Hartnett

  She gave his shin a kick with her bare foot. ‘Shut up, Seth.’

  ‘It’s true.’ He leaned back and the chair creaked with his weight shifting. ‘So, are you just merely OK with his experimenting, or does it get you wet?’

  The question sent a jolt through her. Does it get you wet? Jesus, those words coming out of Seth’s mouth were enough to soak her panties.

  Another scalding sip of tea to ease her dry throat, and she forced herself to meet his gaze so he wouldn’t think she was lying.

  ‘Oh, it gets me wet all right,’ she confessed, and her heart fluttered as she watched something new and exciting shimmer across his face.

  He raised a brow and the corner of his mouth twitched into what could have passed for a smile. ‘You wouldn’t be lying to me, would you?’

  ‘I’m not lying. If you want the truth, last night was my idea. It’s not exclusively about doing something for Ryan. It’s what we both want.’

  ‘For both of you to fuck another man, together.’

  ‘Exactly. I might not be entirely there emotionally, but in bed we want the same thing.’

  In the silence that followed, a strange sound caught her attention: Seth’s finger tapping his cup like Morse code. It was a faint tinkling, but to Evie it was as loud as a warning bell.

  Something had crept into the atmosphere of her cosy kitchen and moved like mist around their legs. She could feel it in the gooseflesh that rose on her legs and the prickling under her hair, and she could see it manifesting in Seth’s gaze.

  Talking about it turned her on. Hearing about it turned him on.

  ‘So I can expect to be kept on my toes for a bit while you two whittle down the selection process?’

  There was just enough friendly sarcasm in his voice to break the tension. Evie giggled and propped her chin on the heel of her palm.

  ‘We don’t need an enforcer,’ she said, and protested at his dubious snort. ‘Last night has to be a one-off. Like, you know, when you first start online dating you’re supposed to ignore the first ten people who respond because they’re all freaks?’

  ‘I’m pleased to say I have yet to experience online dating.’

  ‘Well, take my advice if you ever do – ignore the first ten people who respond, because they’ve been shot down by everyone for a reason. I didn’t think about that when we first heard from David, we were both just so thrilled to get a response that wasn’t some old pervert with a beer gut.’ She shrugged. ‘Next time, we’ll be a bit more selective.’

  ‘I have a stupid question,’ Seth said, and drained half his cup before going on. ‘Why don’t you just pay someone?’

  Evie rolled her eyes. She wasn’t about to admit she had already suggested that.

  ‘Right, like Ryan and I can afford to rent a cock and still pay for student loans. By the way, no offence, but I don’t need a threesome guru.’

  The table vibrated with his laughter as he leaned forward and filled his cup again. ‘I’m just trying to help. I may have been an old married man for almost fifteen years, but that doesn’t mean Rita and I only ever had dry sex in the missionary position.’

  It was at that moment, as Seth’s remark hung between them, that Evie realised that she had never really thought of Seth’s wife as a person. No matter how many times she saw that picture on his desk downstairs, it didn’t seem real. Rita, with her Bettie Page cut and the nose ring, was like an actor in a movie. Evie knew there was a person there, but she couldn’t quite convince herself that she was real.

  Rita had been real. Rita had been more than just an extension of the lonely man who lived downstairs with his cat. She and Seth had been partners, lovers, closer to each other than anyone, and now she just wasn’t here any more.

  Evie found herself more affected than ever by the mention of Rita. She tried to keep it off her face, but Seth must have seen it. He lowered his gaze and took another slurp of his tea, then stood.

  ‘You’re right, I should have minded my own business,’ he said.

  Evie got to her feet and reached out, but stopped short of laying a hand on him. ‘I’m sorry.’

  ‘You’ve got nothing to be sorry about.’ He sounded a little angry as he spoke, and Evie didn’t know what to do, so she held her tongue and let him burn it off as he packed up.

  ‘I promise you won’t have to come back upstairs again,’ she told him as he headed for the door, and when he looked at her she shot him a smile. ‘I swear. There won’t be a repeat of last night.’

  ‘If there is, I don’t want you to think twice about calling me. Even if the two of you get into something stupid, the second you need me I expect you to make the call.’

  He yanked open the door and turned, and Evie was grateful to see his smile had come back.

  It remained as he leaned against the jamb and his gaze slid from her face to her painted toes, and there was no denying that his expression was different from what it had been before their conversation.

  ‘You know,’ he said softly, ‘you and Ryan ought to think about just going analogue and asking someone you trust to be the third.’

  ‘What did I say about advice?’

  ‘That wasn’t advice. That was a suggestion.’ He smirked and stepped over the threshold. ‘I’ll be downstairs if you think you need to call me again.’

  He left the door ajar, and left Evie to stare after him.

  He didn’t just…did he?

  Once the shock penetrated to the bone, Evie bolted forward to where he had stood and looked out.

  Seth was standing by the elevator, the ghost of his smile still twisting his mouth as he ran his fingers through his thick black hair.

  She didn’t dare ask him if he had meant what she thought he meant. She didn’t even think he saw her until the car thumped to a stop and the doors opened, and Seth flashed a smile that could only be described as flirty as he stepped out of sight.

  As soon as Evie finished talking, she folded her hands in front of her and wondered if what she had said was really so out of this world as to warrant that look on Ryan’s face – brows screwed up, corner of his mouth twitching a little – and the slight tilt of his head.

  Ryan was dying to laugh at her.

  He leaned forward and shook his head. ‘First, you actually told him we were in the midst of a threesome last night when he came up.’

  ‘What was I supposed to tell him? That we’re spies and David discovered our secret identity? Everyone was naked, for Christ’s sake.’

  ‘How about, our friend came over and got a little drunk?’

  Evie leaned back on the sofa. ‘He wouldn’t buy that. No one would buy that.’

  ‘Probably not, but at least I’d be able to look him in the eye when we met in the hall. Second, are you on fumes? Seth Axworthy from downstairs, our landlord, wants to hit the sheets with us?’

  ‘That’s what it sounded like. I just told you –’

  ‘And I think he was just making fun of you.’

  Her frustration swelled into the bubbling beginnings of anger. She gritted her teeth as she settled back and crossed her arms over her chest. ‘I hate it when you do this.’

  ‘You hate being wrong.’

  He gave her the most infuriatingly condescending look imaginable. If she’d had something to throw at him, she would have done it, and with his next words she really thought of going to the kitchen to find something.

  ‘I don’t believe you,’ Ryan said, laughing.

  Evie shook her head as he handed her a beer. ‘I swear to God. If I’m wrong, I’ll let you win every argument from now on.’

  He settled back in the recliner and wiggled until his legs were up and his bare feet were dangling over the edge. He twisted the top on his own IPA and took a swig, but spluttered into a laugh as he swallowed.

  ‘Seth Axworthy? Really?’

  ‘You’re the one always telling me not to act like the guy’s some wounded animal,’ she told him impatiently. She wanted him to at least consider it and stop g
iving her that look like she was completely crazy. She took a sip and leaned forward to set her beer on the coffee table. ‘He said he and Rita had a bit of an adventurous sex life. In fact, by the looks of him I’d say that before he became a widower he probably did things that would make you and me look vanilla.’

  He rolled his eyes. ‘Tell me exactly what he said.’

  ‘I already told you what he said.’

  ‘Yeah, well, tell me again.’

  For the second time she recounted her teatime with Seth, frustrated as Ryan’s expression became more dubious. She couldn’t say she blamed him. Coming from her mouth, Seth’s remarks seemed far more innocent than she was certain they were intended to be.

  But she was sure.

  She’d zoned out a few times at work that afternoon and evening, replaying it in her head, and had over-caffeinated herself in an effort to reclaim her attention span. Now she was a bundle of nerves and feeling feral about Ryan’s dismissive reaction to what she had told him, but she hadn’t let doubt in.

  Seth had as good as said that they ought to think about him the next time they wanted to play. She’d bet her life on it.

  Yet, by the time she was finished, Ryan was shaking his head.

  ‘You’re reading too much into it,’ he told her. ‘He meant what he said, but he just meant that if we need him to oust another fucker like David, we should let him know.’

  ‘Ryan, he was flirting with me.’

  ‘He’s always flirting with you,’ he said with just a hint of venom. ‘He waits for you in the window so he can get a few minutes of your time. I’d even bet he made up that thing about the windows and the smoke alarms just so he could catch you in your nightie.’

  ‘Can you not be an asshole for five minutes, please? You seriously think that he meant nothing by it when he said we ought to find someone we trust?’

  ‘Yes, I do, actually. You’re driving yourself crazy by reading too much into what everyone says, as usual.’

  Evie narrowed her eyes and reclaimed her beer. ‘I wasn’t reading you wrong.’

  ‘Maybe that’s because I couldn’t have been any more obvious about how into you I was.’

  ‘Oh, fuck you, Ryan. I hate it when you do that,’ she growled, but ended with a laugh. ‘This is serious. Stop trying to be adorable.’

  ‘I’m not trying, but if it’s enough to thwart you from this notion that our landlord wants to have a threesome with us, I’ll just have to up the adorableness. Brace yourself, Evie, there might be kittens involved.’

  ‘Why can’t you just trust me on this?’

  ‘Because it’s absurd.’

  She pursed her lips just above the mouth of the bottle and sighed as she looked back at him. ‘Why don’t we invite him up for a beer?’

  ‘Evie –’

  ‘Just a beer. We keep it casual and friendly and see if he drops any more hints.’

  Ryan’s veneer finally peeled and it was clear to Evie that he was no longer humouring her. He splayed out his hands. ‘Are you sure you’re not just projecting because you want to fuck Seth?’

  She narrowed her eyes. ‘Are you sure you’re not shutting me down because you know Seth wants to fuck me?’

  ‘What’s the difference?’

  ‘See, if it’s just about me wanting to fuck Seth, you can say, “Oh, Evie, it’s just all in your head. Let me handle this like a big man.” But if Seth wants to fuck me, fuck us, you don’t feel like you have complete control over the situation and then there’ll be a tantrum.’

  His eyebrows flew up and he got to his feet. ‘I’m not doing this with you.’

  ‘Doing what? Giving me the benefit of the doubt, or allowing me to be a part of this scheme for once?’

  ‘Excuse me?’ He whirled where the living room met the kitchen and planted his hands on his hips. ‘Sorry, but which one of us had the brilliant idea to bring that asshole from last night into the apartment?’

  Evie leapt to her feet and mirrored his pose. ‘I knew you’d blame me for David.’

  ‘Did I say that? No, that was my fuck-up.’

  ‘For listening to me, you mean.’

  ‘If you want the truth, yeah. Instead of sticking to my guns and being cautious, I gave in to you and look what happened. I’m not doing it this time, Evie, especially not where Seth is concerned.’

  ‘Just tell me why you think it’s so crazy.’

  ‘It’s Seth, for Christ’s sake.’

  ‘What does that even mean? You think that just because his wife died he’s numb from the waist down? Remember the redhead?’

  ‘That’s not what I’m saying. Look, we already talked about this. Strangers, not friends, so we can make a clean break if we have to. Getting involved with someone we know, like our landlord, will only get messy.’

  ‘You think last night wasn’t messy? That guy was a stranger. I’m not so sure a stranger is the best idea.’

  Ryan raised his brows, and Evie could see the defiance crackle around him.

  ‘If you’re going to be so quick to assume that every guy we meet is going to be like that, why did we even bother getting into this to begin with?’

  His tone had sharp little teeth that pinched, but Evie kept herself in check.

  ‘That’s not really what I mean. I didn’t feel it the way I wanted to, the way I should have. He had a nice body and a big dick, but there was nothing there for me to warm up to.’

  ‘Which is kind of the point. It’s you and me, and whoever gets into bed with us is just a nice body and a big dick. Last night was a fuck-up of epic proportions, but at least we’ll never see him again. What if that was Seth?’

  Evie let her hands drop to her sides and quietly said, ‘I know he wouldn’t hurt me.’

  ‘How do you know that?’

  ‘I just do. Ryan, listen to me. I’ve spent all day thinking this over. I don’t –’ She resumed her seat, perched at the edge of the sofa. ‘I don’t want to invite a stranger in here again, not after last night. I want someone I know and trust, and I trust Seth almost as much as I trust you.’

  Ryan’s head ached. Seth. She wanted to proposition Seth. They’d be packing their bags and looking for a new place on Monday.

  He humoured her. ‘I’m not sure I want to start something like this with Seth. I mean, he is our landlord. We see him every day. I thought that we agreed that if we were going to do this, it would be with someone who was…part-time, for lack of a better term.’

  Evie sucked in a deep breath through her nose and held it, then blew it out with a puff as her nerves sizzled.

  If it’s not Seth, I don’t want to do this any more.

  She didn’t want to have to say this, but she would if he dismissed her again. As much as she loved Ryan and as much as this whole thing excited her, she wasn’t about to suffer a repeat of the previous night.

  Not knowing what she’d find, it took all of her nerve to meet his gaze. She couldn’t read him, and it alarmed her. The fight was gone, but what was underneath was a mystery.

  She went on and tried not to squirm. ‘I did think about it, but none of my friends and none of yours. It wouldn’t be a secret any more. It would be something we’d worry about other people finding out and talking about. Yeah, it could be a huge misfire with Seth, but we could still walk away. We could just move.’

  He shook his head but said nothing, instead sighing and crossing the short distance to sit next to her.

  ‘I don’t think you’re reading him right, but –’ he cut her off as she began to protest ‘– but I will indulge you so far.’

  Ryan reached across the coffee table and picked up her phone, then placed it in her hand.

  ‘Call him and ask if he wants to come up for a drink as a thank-you for last night,’ he said, and leaned back against the cushions. ‘We’ll just talk for a little while and see if there are any vibes. I’ll open a door and we’ll see if he walks through it. If he doesn’t, drop it.’

  Evie slipped her hand in his and he s
queezed, and though his smile didn’t quite meet his eyes it was enough.

  Chapter Nine

  Ryan pushed open the window just as Evie made the call. His guts churned and once again he had to repress the urge to shut down Evie’s stupid idea.

  Aside from the butterflies in his stomach, Ryan had a headache he couldn’t shake. It pressed against the back of his eyes. While he wouldn’t show Evie more than a little testiness, the truth was that he was furious.

  Seth Axworthy.

  His landlord had never been less than friendly with him, but Ryan always suspected that Seth had never liked him, and the feeling was mutual even if Ryan did feel sympathy for the man. When Rita had died, Ryan had even gone on to the fire escape with a six-pack once or twice, but since Evie moved in he’d had the impression that Seth would have liked to find a reason to evict him.

  It wasn’t jealousy. Ryan was sure of it. Jealousy didn’t have the chill he got from Seth whenever they crossed paths. It was more disapproval. Maybe he was imagining it, but, when it came to Evie, Ryan had the impression that Seth was suspicious of him.

  He sat back on the sill and watched her pace barefoot across the kitchen space. He didn’t believe Evie’s theory that Seth wanted to play. Seth treated Evie like she was a little sister. Like any man with a pair of eyes and a cock, Seth would have admired Evie for the beautiful woman she was and maybe even had a crush, but Ryan suspected it would still be hands-off even if she didn’t already have a man in the picture.

  To Seth, it must have looked like Ryan had done everything he could to get his hands on the pretty new neighbour, and he wasn’t completely guiltless. When he discovered that this was Evie’s first time living alone, he’d found a reason to pop down in the late evening when she said she sometimes got nervous. He’d invited her along with him to countless street festivals and concerts nearby, and afterward they’d linger on the stoop and talk for another hour or more. He remembered the curtains moving slightly as he and Evie stood on the steps the night she invited him up. It was possible that Seth wanted to come down those stairs and bully him off.

  ‘He’s on his way up,’ Evie said, slapping the face of her phone into her palm as she approached.