Arms of Serenity (Rock Services)

by Lynn, Donina

  “Angel, who left you?”

  His simple question brought Becca’s thoughts to a screeching halt.

  Why does he want to talk about this now?

  She knew that her breakdown in the living room had pretty much drawn him a road map to the mountain of crap she desperately tried to keep hidden from view. Right now, she just wanted to bask in the glorious light of her newfound freedom, happiness, and, dare she say it, hope.

  Becca twirled the hairs on his chest. This conversation would be better tomorrow, next week, or maybe never. Never would be good. She didn’t want to dredge up what he so effectively had buried for her. She was feeling too good to have a mood spoiler now.

  “I’m sorry I didn’t quite hear that. You’re a guy that wants to talk after sex? Shouldn’t you be turned over, snoring, and scratching something by now?”

  Becca’s head bounced along with his laughter. She liked when he laughed. It was a deep sound that rumbled up out of his chest making his muscles ripple.

  Hmm, now would be a great time to take advantage of how close those muscles are to my mouth. She inched closer and lightly brushed her lips up against his chest.

  Becca felt a slight hitch in his breathing when her lips made contact with his skin. The subtle sound gave her an incentive to embark on a quickly formed plan to distract and occupy. A little more exploring and he would forget all about this silliness about having a talk. She ran a hand down his chest to his abdomen where she slid her fingers across the contour of his six-pack. He tensed under her touch, and a slight moan echoed in his throat.

  Nick’s hand came down to lace his fingers through hers. “Not getting it out of it, Becca. Talk to me, and tell me what happened. Then I’ll make love to you however, wherever, whenever you want.”

  Becca angled her head to look at him. The light from the living room played across his face, and the look of determination and resolve that shone in his eyes said it all. He wasn’t going budge no matter what she tempted him with or tried.

  That just sucks. Sighing, she squeezed his hand before letting go and leaned over to turn on the bedside lamp. After her meltdown, he deserved to know.

  Becca turned back to see the questions in his eyes. “I have a tattoo.” She pulled down the bedspread and turned over to lie on her stomach.

  Nick moved to get a better look and ran his hand over the ink. “It’s a great design. Did you get this before or after the logo for the bakery?”

  “Before.” Becca closed her eyes to the feel of his fingers tracing over the tat that wound around and up her back. She knew the path. She had traced it so many times herself. He followed up the lines of the white rose lingering on each letter of the one word that was entwined in its stem: Serenity.

  The scar underneath had faded over the years, but she knew it was there. It was a constant reminder of a twisted car, crushed dreams, and the loss of life. “From serenity comes growth. At least, that was one part of what it was meant to represent.” When his fingers stopped, she lifted her lids to find him watching her.

  “When I started college, I met and fell in love with a guy named Mike. We were together from the first day we saw each other. For three years, we talked about our future and the life we would build together. After the accident, I woke in the hospital, and he was there. Instead of being there to console and support me like I thought, he accused me of getting pregnant on purpose and trying to trap him into something he wasn’t ready for.”

  Becca watched his face for his reaction. The silence weighed heavily around her, and she waited to see what he would do or say.

  “You were pregnant?”

  There wasn’t any accusation or animosity in his question. His words were laced with only compassion and understanding.

  She nodded her head. “I didn’t even know. In one quick moment, I had found out that I had been carrying his baby and miscarried because of the crash. Then he walked out of the room and out of my life. When I needed him the most, he just left.”

  “Jesus. Becca, I’m so sorry.” He pulled her in his arms, and she snuggled in to his warmth waiting for the tears that, surprisingly, never came. She was ok, and it was because of him. Nick gave her the courage to truly let go of the pain, anger, and loss that she had clung to for so long.

  “Can you forgive me for being such an ass when I saw the ultrasound?”

  “There isn’t anything to forgive.” She moved back and reached up to place her hand on his face. “In fact, I should be thanking you for giving me the strength to move forward and leave the past where it belongs.”

  He placed her hand in his and left soft kisses in her palm. “I didn’t give that to you. It was inside of you all along. I can’t give you something I’m not sure I have myself.”

  She didn’t understand what that meant. Why would he think that he wasn’t strong? “Nick? What is it?”

  Nick rolled on to his back and removed his arm from her to place over his eyes. “I have a tattoo, too.”

  Becca had seen the barbed wire tat that wrapped around his bicep. She hadn’t gotten a look at the design but assumed it was a symbol from his military days since the wire started and ended with a set of dog tags in the middle of his arm. She leaned across him to read the writing on the tags. The name inked into his arm wasn’t his. It was someone named Jack “Rock” Powelt. “Jack?”

  Nick took a ragged breath before answering. “He was the youngest member of my team and one of the best snipers I have ever seen. He had joined the military to make a better life for his family. With a wife, a two-year old son, and another baby on the way, the Army was his way of providing for them while paving the way for a better world his children could grow up in. We called him Rock because he would key himself up before every mission by listening to the theme from Rocky. He would play that damn song over and over until we thought his ears would bleed.”

  Becca could feel the change in his body. The tension and grief rippled off of him and was evident in his voice. She placed her hand over where his heart was, silently assuring him that she was there and trying to give some part of her soul to him that he desperately seemed to need. He brought his hand down to squeeze hers and stared at the ceiling as he continued.

  “We were given a mission to take out a communications tower that was suspected to be under Taliban control. The intel we got looked good, and we moved out a few hours later. There was a ridge to the north of the tower. I gave the order to get in positions. Jack went up the ridge to be our eyes and take out any hostiles that were visible targets. The rest of the team was spreading out and working their way around when we heard the explosion. I screamed over the radio for him to report, and when he didn’t, I went back to find him already gone. There was nothing we could we do other than bring him home.”

  Becca didn’t know what to say to comfort him. She wanted to take his pain away, tell him it was going to be all right. Tell him anything that would help him. But she knew from firsthand experience that it didn’t matter what people said or did. All the kind words in the world didn’t make the grief miraculously disappear. The only person who could truly help was your own self. The struggle was inside of him, and all she could do was let him know he wasn’t alone. He was still staring at the ceiling fighting the battle of his memories when she gently ran her hand along his chest. The touch brought him back to the present, and he continued.

  “It was my order that got him killed. I sent him up that ridge. Because of me, his children will grow up never knowing their father. How do you forget that? How do you continue living life when you know you’re responsible for the loss of one?”

  “Nick, it wasn’t your fault. I’m no military tactics expert, but I know enough to be certain that you were doing what needed to be done and was expected on the mission.”

  “I was his leader, Becca. It was my job to make sure everyone came back.”

  “If you weren’t in charge and someone else was giving the orders would anything have been different? If you were in Jack’s
place, would you have gone up that ridge?”

  He slowly nodded, but she saw the doubt in his features.

  “You have to stop blaming yourself for something that wasn’t your fault.”

  Nick began to absently stroke his thumb along her wrist. “A part of me knows that. But how do I forget carrying his body out of there? How do I forget telling his wife? And if I do forget, does that mean I accept it? I won’t accept it. I won’t allow myself to dismiss his death like it was nothing.”

  Becca leaned up to level herself with his eyes and placed her hand along his jaw. She hoped that he would allow what she was about to say to sink in and get past the barriers he built around his grief.

  “Nick, look at me.” Becca watched his eyes drift down and focus on her. “You don’t forget. You don’t ever forget, Nick. What you do need to accept is that he died doing what he believed in and what he thought was right. Then you honor him, his life, and his sacrifice to his family. But before you can truly give him the honor his life deserves, you need to forgive yourself and find your serenity. ”

  She could see the confusion in his eyes when he repeated the last word back to her. “Serenity?”

  “It was my mother’s favorite prayer. She would repeat it to help me remember that we can’t always control the events that happen in our lives. But we can control the path we take and the person we become because of those events.” Becca closed her eyes, remembering the words. “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. Courage to change the things I can.”

  Nick broke in. “Wisdom to know the difference. That’s the AA prayer. I was in basic with a recovering alcoholic. He would recite that each morning and night.”

  Becca shrugged. “I didn’t know that. My grandfather got a card back in WWII from the USO with the prayer written on it. He kept it with him at all times, and when he got home, he passed it on to my mom. My mom passed it on to me when I needed it the most. It took me a long time to accept that I couldn’t change what happened because of the accident and even longer for me to realize that I needed to find peace within myself to enjoy the life I still had. I deserved happiness, and so do you.”

  As she said the words to him, the realization hit that she truly didn’t believe in them until now—until him. She had eventually come to accept her father’s death and her mother being paralyzed. She had even come to believe she was happy, fooling herself that she didn’t need love to be fulfilled. Becca knew now, without a doubt, she had been wrong. Her true happiness was lying next to her, and she wasn’t going to let him give in to his own self-doubt and loathing.

  Becca moved to straddle his hips. She ran her hands up his chest feeling his muscles twitch under her touch. Inching closer, she brought her lips to a whisper above his and asked, “How about I show you how to be happy?”

  She took his lower lip between her teeth and lightly nibbled and sucked. He responded by wrapping his arms around her back and pulling her closer to explore her mouth more deeply. His hands blazed a trail down her spine sending delicious chills cascading along her skin reaching every crevice of her body.

  When he reached her hips, he gently flipped her over on to her back. She stared up his blue eyes dark with desire and all the emotions swirling in their depths.

  “I’d like it better if we were happy together.”

  Once again she didn’t know what to say or how to express what she was feeling. In such a short time, he had given her so much and had become more to her than she ever thought she wanted or needed. All she could do was nod and wrap herself around him. She might not be able to say the words, but she could show him.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Becca was having a wonderfully erotic dream. Nick’s hard body was pressed up against her back while his hands explored her breasts. She could feel his open-mouthed kisses on her shoulder while his fingers dipped lower and found her clit. He lazily drew circles around the nerves as she arched her hips to allow him better access. A moan escaped her lips, and the fog of sleep slowly dissipated being replaced with heat coursing through her core.

  Yay for me. It’s not a dream.

  She reached behind her and wrapped her hand around his erection. “Good morning.”

  He moaned when she began to stroke his length. “Good morning to you, too. I was wondering how long it would take until you woke up. I thought I might actually have to get a little creative in my technique.”

  She let go of him and closed her legs around his hand to stop his movements. “Oh then by all means get creative. Pretend I’m still asleep.”

  He chuckled and pinched her bundle of nerves causing her to instinctively buck her hips back against him. The result had his hard-on nuzzled between the globes of her bottom. He stoked up and down. “That worked out nicely, but I have a better idea.”

  Bringing his hand under her knee, he lifted her leg and glided his fingers down her thigh until he found her spot again.

  “Mmm, that feels so good.”

  “It’s about to get better, Angel.” Nick angled his hips until he was poised at her entrance. He slowly pushed through her folds allowing just the tip to enter and then just as slow withdrew until she was empty. He continued to tease her by thrusting just a little more each time.

  Becca clamped around him desperately trying to keep him inside of her. She tried to move her hips down lower wanting more.

  Nick chuckled. “Patience, Angel. I enjoy teasing you.”

  His slow movements were torture, and she whimpered as he refused to give into her pleas for more. He was driving her insane with his slow shallow strokes and feathery light circles on her clit. She put her hand on his and pushed down to apply more pressure while she ground herself against his hand. She groaned as her abdomen tightened and she rocked harder fanning her desire.

  Nick suddenly became still and withdrew from her. Her breathing was coming in pants, and a small cry of frustration slipped from her throat.

  “Please, Nick, don’t stop.”

  “I’m not stopping, Angel. Just ready for a different view. Get on your knees.”

  A rush of excitement came over her as she positioned herself, and the bed dipped when he maneuvered behind her. A groan escaped her lips when he palmed and massaged her bottom while rubbing the tip of his cock up and down her sex. He moved his hand up her spine and gently pushed down on her shoulders.

  “Jesus, you’re so wet and ready for me. Rest your head on the pillow and angle your sweet ass up at me.”

  Becca eagerly put her head down and glanced behind her. She could see his hand stroking his cock and his balls hanging heavy between her thighs. Reaching back, she grabbed them, causing his body to jerk and an approving groan to rumble in his chest. She squeezed and fondled them between her fingers enjoying the feel of him in her hand.

  Both of his hands came up to the sides of her hips, and he held her still as he began to slowly push inside of her. Becca held her breath as her muscles wrapped around him welcoming his invasion. When he came to a stop, he was fully inside of her with his sac still in her hand. She gave one last squeeze and brought her hand back up to rest by her head.

  “Angel, you feel so good around me.”

  Becca had never felt so full as he moved slow and deep. The new position allowed him to stretch her in a way where every stroke brought a new wave of pleasure flowing through her. Her body was on fire, and she started to thrust back to meet him.

  She could hear the slap and feel the ripple of force carry over her when their bodies met. Each collision caused her to lose her breath while he would grunt through his labored breathing. She moved faster wanting more and hurling herself toward that moment when she would come apart against him. His pace matched hers, and soon she heard the strangled words come from his now gravel-filled voice.

  “Come with me, Angel. I’m almost there.”

  He grabbed her hips and stopped her from moving while he pounded into her at pace that was fast, hard, and demanding. The ferocity of his thrusts
caused her to buck forward. His fingers dug into her flesh so hard they were going to leave bruises, and she enjoyed every bit of what he was doing to her. He was taking what he wanted, and she obligingly gave it to him. All she could do was fist the bedspread and hold on as the onslaught of sensation pushed her over the edge. She exploded into a million pieces screaming his name barely hearing him calling out hers as he bucked against her one last time.

  Becca was weightless floating high above the ground. The only sound she could hear was the pounding of her heart mixed with her heavy breathing. Drifting slowly back to Earth, she felt the cool bed against her face, sweat trickling down her back, and Nick easing out of her.

  “You’re going to kill me.” Nick came up to rest beside of her, and she maneuvered her head on to his chest as he wrapped his arm around her to hold her close. She could hear his heartbeat still wildly pounding, and she closed her eyes to listen to the loud rhythm.

  “Hmm, I don’t know. I think I like the way you wake me up. You’re the best alarm clock I’ve ever had.” She might even learn to be on time with wake up calls like that.

  The rumble of his laughter bounced her on his chest. “You liked that, huh? Then, let’s go back to sleep, and I can wake you up all over again.”

  The idea of spending the day in bed with him caused a wave of pure contentment to wash over her. She wrapped her arm around his middle and her leg around his. As she snuggled closer, his warmth seeped into her depths, and she took a deep breath of his lingering cologne that could only represent him. She held onto the scent imprinting it into her memory, and when she let the breath out, a blissful sigh escaped.

  A ray of sunshine landed on her face, and she opened her eyes to look out the window. She could see a scattering of snowflakes dancing and falling down, and an idea started to form. She loved when it snowed, and there was a place that she wanted to share with Nick. Excited, she jumped up on to her knees.