Heart of the Matter

by KI Thompson

  Kate walked into the kitchen, her hair wet and hands shoved into the back pockets of her jeans. Ellen could tell she was about to bolt, and she needed to defuse the situation.

  “I was thinking we’d go over to the National Archives and do some research today. Their holdings are enormous, and we’ll have to skim through a lot that’s superfluous before we find what we need.”

  Kate sat down at the table. “I need to do some running around today, get some groceries, respond to mail, you know. How about you give me a call tomorrow?” She glanced at the door. She wanted to escape, to never again recall the tousled look of Ellen’s hair in the morning, the way her robe separated loosely, revealing the sloping curve of a breast.

  Ellen stared at her. “You’re going to go out? By yourself?”

  Kate shrugged. “Guess I have to start sometime, and now’s as good as any.”

  They ate in silence, Ellen trying to absorb Kate’s newfound sense of freedom. She was rapidly pulling away from her, and Ellen didn’t know how to stop her. While she had wanted it for her all along, she felt a bit hurt that Kate no longer needed her.

  Kate finished eating, the eggs tasting like sand in her mouth, and made excuses that she had to leave. She wanted to go home, close the door, and never come out. How could she have been so blind to who Ellen was? She’d certainly been fooled. That’s because you are a fool, you idiot.

  Ellen walked Kate to the door. “Kate.” She hesitated. “About last night…”

  “It was amazing,” Kate replied, her throat tight with emotion.

  “Thank you, for everything you’ve done for me.”

  “But I want to explain about Sandra. Please, don’t—”

  “No, it’s okay, really, Ellen.” Kate backed away as though Ellen’s touch might burn her.

  Kate opened the door and ran into a woman about to knock.

  She mumbled her apologies as the woman stared open-mouthed at her, her gaze fixed on Kate’s scar. Anger flared inside Kate and she opened her mouth to say something rude, but caught herself.

  After all, the woman was probably another of Ellen’s girlfriends.

  She strode down the hallway, feeling the eyes of both women on her back as she entered her condo and locked herself inside.

  Ellen closed the door behind her sister. “What are you doing here, Joan?” What is it with everyone’s timing this morning?

  “My God, was that Kate Foster, leaving your place at”— she glanced at her watch—“eight thirty in the morning?”

  “What of it?” The heat rose to Ellen’s cheeks.

  Joan looked disapprovingly at her and Ellen flushed in anger.

  “You cannot tell me that you and she…that you were… How could you?” Joan spluttered. “And that horrible scar.” Her face contorted with disgust.

  Ellen’s anger was now barely controlled fury. “You will not say a word about Kate.” She emphasized each word as she spoke. “She is a kind, caring woman who has been through hell, and if you say one more insulting thing about her or us, I swear I’ll—” Joan raised her hands. “Fine, fine. Do what you want. If you don’t care about the gossip, why should I? I’d have thought you would at least have better taste, that’s all.” Ellen collapsed onto her chair at the kitchen table and sighed.

  She felt defeated, not because of her sister, but because nothing mattered anyway. Kate had practically run away. Ellen probably wouldn’t be able to revive the relationship. Everything had looked so promising last night. How did it all go wrong so quickly?

  “What are you doing here?” she asked tiredly.

  “Mom said you were back in town. I wanted to talk to you and was coming into the city anyway. Dad’s sick.” Ellen frowned. “And? Sick as in he has the flu?”

  “Do you think I’d come here in person if that’s all it was?” A cold fist gripped Ellen’s heart. “What’s wrong?” She was almost afraid to ask.

  “Well, we don’t know yet.” Joan sniffed. “He’s been having stomach pains for a while and is going in for tests tomorrow.”

  “Tomorrow! Why the hell didn’t anyone tell me?” Ellen wanted to scream.

  “I was all for calling you, but Dad didn’t want to worry you when he didn’t even know what it was. Besides, you were out of town. By the time you got back, the tests would have been over.

  But you need to spend more time with them, Ellen. They’re getting so old. I’m always the one helping them. I knew something wasn’t right with Dad, but he kept brushing me off. If you were there more often you’d have noticed it, too. Dad listens to you. If you had said something sooner he might not have let it go so long.” Ellen was all too familiar with Joan’s guilt ploy, but this time it succeeded. She tried to justify her infrequent visits by saying she had a demanding job while Joan was solely occupied with her family and the club. Joan had more time and also lived closer. But the justification sounded hollow even to her ears. She was only an hour away, and her job wasn’t so demanding that she couldn’t visit once a week.

  “I’ll shower and then go see them.” Ellen jumped up from the table and headed for her bedroom. “You can let yourself out.”

  ❖

  Kate finally sat down at her answering machine and listened to a dozen or so messages, all from her agent. His insistence that she call him became more vehement with each call until finally his anger dominated. Surprised, since Dean knew better, she grabbed a beer and reluctantly picked up the phone.

  “Where the hell have you been?” he shouted into her ear.

  “Whoa. Hang on just a minute, Dean. What’s going on?”

  “I have called and called you. At least have the decency to call me back.”

  “Okay, I’m calling you back now. I was out of town, sorry. What’s got you so bent out of shape?”

  “Only the biggest goddamn offer you’re going to get. No kidding, Kate, this is a tremendous opportunity.” Kate rolled her eyes. “I’m not interested in a single-watt in Kansas.”

  “You’re not in Kansas anymore, Dorothy. It’s CNN.” Kate’s hand with the beer bottle in it froze halfway to her mouth. “What?”

  “Yeah, what nothing,” Dean scoffed. “Do I have your attention now?”

  Kate was confused. “CNN wants me on the air?”

  “No, not exactly,” Dean admitted. “But they’re looking for a managing editor—no small potatoes.”

  “In Atlanta?” Kate was shocked.

  “Not Atlanta—London.”

  Kate slowly put the bottle down on the coffee table and sat back on the couch. She was stunned, unable to wrap her mind around this surprising news.

  “Admittedly it’s not an on-air gig,” Dean explained. “It’s behind the scenes. The guy there now is moving on to an executive position in Atlanta, and they need someone to fill his shoes. He kept a pretty tight ship and they don’t want to lose that.”

  “Why me?” Kate was still in shock.

  “They’ve had their eye on you awhile, it seems. You’ve got years of experience in print journalism, and I’m sure the Pulitzer played a huge part. They know you can write and they’re definitely interested.”

  Kate didn’t know what to say. It wasn’t exactly the job she’d always wanted, but it was an incredible opportunity. The challenge alone intrigued her, but she had another reason for being interested.

  Despite her scar, no one would know who she had been. She could rebuild her reputation from scratch.

  “Kate? You still there?”

  “Yeah, uh, when do they want to meet with me?”

  “I’ve been able to hold them off for a week, but I need to give them something soon.”

  “Give me until tomorrow and I’ll call you.”

  “Make it the first thing in the morning,” Dean insisted.

  “Don’t worry, I will.”

  She hung up and stared at the wall that divided her condo from Ellen’s. London was far enough away to be an escape, yet in every other way it was a large political city like DC. In many respects s
he had been cocooned in Washington, seeing the news from an American perspective. In London that would shift, giving her a broader world view of events. The offer most definitely had appeal. For the first time in a very long time she was excited about the future.

  She took another beer from the refrigerator and twisted the top off, then took a long, thoughtful pull. Ellen, who had been trying to get her to focus on her career, would be pleased with this turn of events. Well, the time had come and it hadn’t even been of her own doing. The opportunity had fallen into her lap, to use a cliché.

  London.

  It would be far away from Ellen as well. Her stomach churned painfully, but she had to admit that it was for the best. She was, she realized, falling for a woman who thought of her as another fling.

  Staying in DC and living next door to Ellen to watch her women come and go wasn’t something she could endure for long. She had always resented when the women she dated became too clingy, yet here she was hanging on to Ellen, who was more interested in having a lot of women in her life.

  Kate dragged back to the couch and picked up the book she had finished reading, the book Ellen had given her. She fingered the pages, remembering the battle scene and reflecting that she had walked the very soil those soldiers had fought and died on a hundred and forty-odd years earlier. It hadn’t seemed possible that such violence had occurred in this country. History, a subject that had never before particularly interested her, had come alive under Ellen’s tutelage.

  And more than that, Kate had come alive under Ellen’s touch.

  For the first time, she had experienced more than just a physical response to a woman, and the cruel irony that Ellen didn’t reciprocate wasn’t lost on her. The Fates were paying her back for all the years she had used and discarded women.

  Ellen had a date tonight with Sandra, but this time Kate wouldn’t be at the peephole to watch for their return. She couldn’t bear the thought. She would call Dean tomorrow and tell him to set up an interview with CNN. She wished she could tell Ellen about it—wanted to be able to confide in her—but this time she would wait until she had made a firm decision. She didn’t want to get Ellen’s hopes up. And she certainly didn’t want to watch Ellen’s positive reaction to the news. That was something she hoped to never see.

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  I go in tomorrow for tests and should know the results within twelve hours. There’s nothing to do but wait.” Exasperated by her father’s calmness and lack of details, Ellen still didn’t want to make it a big deal. His symptoms were probably nothing to worry about, just the signs of old age. At least that’s what she tried to convince herself.

  “But don’t they have any idea, some sort of guess as to what it might be?” she asked.

  “They’ve said it could be any number of things,” her mother replied. “But of course they don’t want to alarm us by saying it’s anything major. Except for the discomfort, everything else is fine, so there’s not much to do at this point.” Her mother’s face was pale and strained. She kept glancing over to the man she had been married to for nearly fifty years, touching his arm. Ellen couldn’t bear to watch the gesture, which seemed as if her mother was trying to keep the connection with her father alive, and got up to take her coffee cup to the kitchen.

  “I thought I’d hang out here today,” Ellen mentioned casually.

  “Maybe we could go catch a movie or something later. What do you say?”

  “Honey, we’d love to,” Barbara replied, “but we have plans. There’s a fund-raiser this afternoon for the shelter, then a dinner.”

  “Should you still be going?” Ellen glanced at her father.

  “I’m not dead yet,” Ira replied haughtily. He got up from his chair and danced a little jig, making her and her mother laugh.

  “Okay, okay.” Ellen held up her hands.

  “Now go on home and do what you need to do,” he insisted.

  “How’s the research going, anyway?”

  “Fine,” Ellen said. “I’m in the beginning stages, but it’s coming along.” Of all the members of her family, her father had been the most supportive of her academic pursuits. His love of history and the law had instilled in her the same passion. As a little girl, he had taken her on jaunts all over Virginia, and they had walked the land together as he told her about the battles that had occurred there.

  “Well, then, you’d better get back to it.” He folded his arms across his chest, clearly waiting for her to move.

  “All right, but I’ll call you later.” Ellen grabbed her purse and took out her keys.

  Her mother walked her to the door, her arm wrapped around Ellen’s shoulder. At the door they kissed each other on the cheek, and Ellen hurried to her car.

  As she started to pull out of the driveway, she picked up her cell phone and dialed Sandra’s number. “Hi, Sandra, it’s Ellen.”

  “Hey, you got my message earlier?”

  “Yes, but that’s not why I’m calling.” Ellen took a deep breath.

  “I’m afraid I’m going to have to cancel this evening.”

  “Oh?” Sandra paused. “Well, I’m disappointed, of course, but not a problem. How about tomorrow night, then? You’ll be in town for a while, won’t you?”

  “Yes, but that’s not the point, Sandra. I don’t want to cancel dinner only for tonight, but for all nights.” There was silence on the other end.

  “So you’re saying you don’t want to see me anymore?”

  “Yes, Sandra. I’m sorry, I really am, but I don’t think it’s going to work out between us, so it’s best to end it now.”

  “But I thought we were having a good time,” Sandra argued.

  “That’s just it,” Ellen replied. “I want more than a good time, and I think I’ve found it.”

  There was another pause, so lengthy Ellen thought she’d lost the connection.

  “I see. So it’s someone else, is that it?”

  “Yes.”

  Ellen had nothing more to say. She felt that way about Kate, but the greater question was if Kate did as well. But even if Kate didn’t, Ellen couldn’t settle for less.

  “I guess that’s it, then.”

  “I guess so.”

  “Good-bye, Ellen.”

  “Good-bye, Sandra.”

  Ellen flipped the lid closed. She sighed, releasing the tension in her stomach. That was easier than she thought it would be. She had to do it, especially now. Her father’s health brought everything into perspective for her.

  Life was too short not to try for what she wanted. If she didn’t make a full-out effort to be with Kate now, she never would. Never again would she be so close to having the woman she’d always desired, and she couldn’t let anything, or anyone, get in her way. All she had to do now was drive home and find out how Kate felt.

  When Ellen stepped off the elevator to her floor, a maintenance man stood on a ladder replacing light bulbs in the hallway fixture. She stepped around him, walked directly to Kate’s door, and knocked.

  “If you’re looking for the lady who lives there, she left about ten minutes ago.”

  Ellen frowned. So Kate actually had gone out on her own. Well, that was good, wasn’t it? It showed courage and was the first step in getting on with her life.

  “Thanks,” she replied. Once home, she thought about doing some work, but her mind wouldn’t stay still. Finding General Beau belly up in a patch of sunlight by the sliding glass doors, she sat and petted him for a few minutes. He stretched and rolled, letting her scratch every part of his body. She was about to quit when she heard a sound in the hallway and went to investigate. Peering through the peephole, she saw Kate enter her condo. Her heart rate picked up as she took a deep breath and walked next door.

  When Kate opened her door, Ellen felt a rush of arousal. “Hey, I saw you come home and wondered if you had a minute to talk.”

  “Yeah, sure, come on in.”

  Kate gestured to the living room and Ellen sat on the couch, noticing that
Kate preferred to sit in the chair opposite. She felt awkward, not knowing how to begin or what she wanted to say. All she could do was drink in how sexy Kate was in a pair of torn jeans and a white tank top. They accentuated her athletic figure, and Ellen recalled how delicious that firm, flat stomach felt against the palm of her hand.

  “So you went out for a while?” she asked. “Good for you, Kate. I’m proud of you.”

  Kate blushed. “Yeah, but not for long. I barely made it to the liquor store and back.”

  She had felt anxious when she left her place and stepped out onto the street. The traffic and noise were all too familiar, but it was good to be in her city and back to normal. She was taking control again, in a small way.

  The owner of the liquor store recognized her and, after a brief glance at her face, continued ringing up her purchases. He actually said it was good to see her back and she had cleared her throat nervously, not knowing how to respond. She waved good-bye and returned home. The experience had been both exhilarating and scary, and she had done it.

  “But it’s a start, and that’s what’s important. After today, it’ll get easier,” Ellen said. After a slight lull in the conversation, Ellen figured now was the time to tell Kate why she wanted to see her.

  “Kate, I—”

  “To tell you the truth, I went out because I had to.” Kate sat forward on the edge of her seat. “I talked to my agent this morning. I’ve been asked to consider a position with CNN.” When Ellen heard the words the muscles in her face went numb.

  She was surprised and happy and devastated all at once. Atlanta was only a two-hour flight, but it was still far away. A heavy weight descended on her, and she wasn’t sure she could breathe. “That’s great news, Kate,” she replied without emotion. “I hear Atlanta is a nice place.”