For The Love of Ash

by Taylor Lavati

  "I totally agree. The closest rink to us is exactly thirty minutes, but it's a crap rink. Their league is a joke. How far do you have to drive?"

  "An hour and a half. Most of the time I can make it in less, but still. It's a trek three times a week at least."

  "If I had the money I would build a brand new outdoor rink."

  "Outdoor rink. Are you high?" Janet smiled at me, her brown eyes slit.

  "They're just so romantic in a cold, icy way. The inside of the place would have a huge fireplace that families would congregate around. Everyone would have hot chocolate and coffee in hand. I don't know. It just sounds so good."

  "I vote for a warm rink, but hey, that's just me."

  My phone vibrated in my pocket, and when I pulled it out I saw a text from Luke just came through. I also saw that I only had five minutes until the game started.

  Before looking at the text, I shoved my notebook into my large purse, capped my pen, and threw my bag under my feet as I sat on the bench.

  Luke had texted me the night that I saw him at Woodbury. He apologized for his actions, finally. But other than that, we had had no contact in days. My stomach flip-flopped as I unlocked my phone and touched the messages folder.

  LUKE: What are you up to, Sunny?

  Me: Nothing. At a hockey game. You?

  LUKE: Putting in quarter grades and comments. It's riveting.

  Me: I could imagine…

  Me: I just finished some more notecards for our presentation.

  LUKE: I'm not dumb. You know I can help right…

  Me: I know, but I want it done right. :P

  LUKE: You're lucky your good looks make up for that fresh mouth.

  I couldn't help the explosive smile that formed on my face. I tried to turn my head to the side so Janet didn't notice, but I literally couldn't control it. The banter between Luke and I was getting to my head in an eighth grade crush kind of way.

  "What has you all Laughy Taffy?" Janet grabbed my shoulder and spun me around towards her. My cheeks were actually hurting, I was smiling to hard. And it was so stupid. He barely even said a damn thing, yet I was a puddle at his feet.

  "This guy texted me."

  "Is it your boyfriend?" she asked.

  "No. Just a guy from one of my classes. It's dumb really. He didn't even say anything crazy." I tucked the phone into my front jeans pocket and refused to look at it again until after the game ended.

  "Spill. I never get gossip from my boring married friends. Come on. Liven me up a little here!"

  "There's nothing to even tell. Even if I was interested, I wouldn't act on it. I just can't do that right now."

  "Well, why the hell not?" she asked me back.

  "I have to focus on Asher. He's my priority. Luke is one of those guys who is addictive. I mean, look at me! One text and I'm love sick. It's disgusting. I wouldn't do that to Ash, especially after everything we've gone through. He deserves to be happy."

  "You're still a person though. What about what makes you happy?" I started to say something, but she cut me off. "Plus, how do you know having Luke around won't make Asher happy, too?"

  "I don't. But it's a risk I don't think I'm willing to take."

  "Trust me because I'm a lot older than you. If you don't take risks now, you're going to be living with regrets."

  "Do you have regrets?" I asked. A whistle blew and I saw the boys skate onto the ice. Asher waved up at me and then followed in the motion of the group as they warmed up by doing laps between the red and blue lines.

  "I have one regret, but it's a big one. This isn't about me, though. I saw the way you responded to just one text that you claim wasn't even a big deal. You should give this guy a chance. He might be someone who will impact your life."

  "But what if he impacts it negatively?"

  "You and Asher have already been through so much. But you're together. You have each other. That's the greatest gift of all. Worst case scenario, you get a broken heart. But you have that little boy out there to fix it. You're in good hands together."

  I reached over and hugged Janet, pulling her against me. She sighed and wrapped her arms around me, too. She may not have realized it, but she just convinced me to open myself up.

  "Can you adopt me?" I joked.

  "I've got my hands full with Eric down there. You're on your own." I laughed with her as another whistle blew, signaling the start of the game. No matter what, my heart always started to race when I knew Asher was out there. I got so nervous that this was the game he'd get hurt in.

  Lucky for me, the first half he didn't play much. I could almost feel his disappointment just from looking at him. My feelings were so conflicted, though. He was slumped over the bench, watching the other kids play in the game with a look that could only be described as need.

  Finally, at the start of the third period, he got to get into the game.

  "There he is!" Janet said, pointing down at Asher.

  "Go Ash!" I stood up and yelled. Asher didn't acknowledge me, but I knew he heard me. I couldn't stop my leg from shaking, and I grabbed the hem of my sweatshirt and started twirling and pulling at it as Asher skated down the ice.

  It was the line he played with in the last game. Eric was center and stood a hell of a lot taller than Ash. Most kids were bigger than him, but Eric was a tank, yet agile and fast.

  The other team, the Bobcats, had the puck. They hadn't crossed the center red line yet, but they were moving fast. Asher was one-on-one with the kid with the puck. Ash was skating backwards, his stick in front of him, while the other team was going forward.

  "Come on, Ash. Stop him!" I yelled, cupping my hands over my mouth. A woman in front of me turned around and glared, but I ignored her completely. I couldn't stand this.

  The opposite team was close to the blue line, and I knew Ash had to make his move now before they got too close to the goal. Asher stopped skating and lunged forward, swiping his stick towards the puck.

  But instead of going for the body, like he'd been told a hundred times, Asher went for the puck. His head dropped, and I knew that he was done for. The other kid checked Asher into the side boards, and Asher fell to the ground when the kid left.

  I clenched the fabric of my shirt in my hands as I waited for Ash to get up. He finally rose from the cold ground and searched for the puck. He seemed disoriented as he skated back towards the middle of the ice.

  "He's fine, Maggie," Janet said, placing her arm around my shoulders.

  "He's going to be so upset," I said as I watched Asher get back into the action as if he hadn't been checked at all. It was the first real time that he had been checked, and I didn't think that I could handle it again.

  Our team iced the puck, the whistle blew, and Asher's line was called to the bench. I couldn't hear what was being said on the other side of the ice, but it was clear that Coach Mark was not happy with that play. Asher let the other team get into their zone and didn't take the hit well.

  Asher didn't play the rest of the game.

  I knew the second that Asher didn't play again that he was going to be devastated. He was the first child out of the locker room, and he didn't even want to wait around for Eric or go play in the arcade.

  "I'll see you Tuesday," I told Janet as I followed Asher to the car.

  "Open your life!" she called as we walked away.

  He always got quiet when he was disappointed in himself. He was harder on himself than he should've been. It was only his second game with this new team. Most of the kids were two or three years older than him, so he shouldn't be too down and out. But he was.

  I was at a loss for words. Asher climbed into the back of my car silently and buckled his seatbelt. I started the car, locked it, and began to drive home. This was another reason we should have a closer league with a nicer rink—the rides after the team loses.

  Asher wasn't emotional, but he definitely took things to heart. I would say it could be attributed to him being so competitive, both with other teams and wi
thin himself. It was a trait I admired in him, but on nights like tonight, I just felt bad.

  "Stop beating yourself up," I said after we were about twenty minutes into the drive. I adjusted my rear view mirror so I could see his face, and I saw wet streaks start at his eyes and end near his neck.

  "We could have lost because of me."

  "That's not true. That was just one play. It's only your second game, Ash."

  "Everyone is so much better than me," he said, his voice cracking and softening on the last word. One of my worries about moving him up on the higher team was this exact situation.

  "All of these kids are three years older than you. They have had so much more time playing, but guess what?" He looked up at me with hope in his eyes. "You're playing with them. Coach Mark wanted you on his team. Sure, it'll take some extra practice and time, but you're going to be just as good as them in no time. I know it."

  "Do you really think so?"

  "Of course. You're the best nine-year-old player in the world—"

  "You just made that up!" he yelled, pointing his finger up at me.

  "It doesn't make it any less true."

  "Do you think we can practice outside tomorrow then?"

  "Why don't we go to the bad rink for free skate. It's only like ten dollars."

  "No offense, but you don't really know how to skate well."

  "Hey!" I yelled, reaching back with my right hand as my left steered. I found his belly and started tickling him. His giggle was electric. One little laugh from Ash could change the entire mood of the day. He just had a way about him that was positive. I loved him more than anything.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Luke

  Lindsay and I walked into Prime Time Burger and grabbed the largest booth that they had. I wasn't sure if Maggie was working or not, but when Lil said she wanted to go to Prime Time, I completely agreed without question. I took any chance to see Maggie.

  I saw a dark little boy's head at the bar, and I excused myself to go say hi to Asher. I knew if he was here that Maggie was probably close by. I had been keeping myself at a respectable distance, catapulting myself into the friend zone. But just talking to her made it worth my while.

  "Boo," I said as I jumped onto the stool next to him.

  "Mr. Wilson! What are you doing here?"

  "I'm having some dinner with my sisters. What are you doing here?" I looked behind the counter into the kitchen but didn't see Maggie. She had to be close.

  "Math and homework. It's boring."

  "Do you want to come sit with us?" I asked him. I was hesitant to ask, knowing the offer bordered on crossing her invisible line, but my mouth worked too fast to take it back. When Asher's face lit up, I couldn't backtrack.

  "Sure." He hopped down from the stool.

  "Don't forget your work. I'll help you," I told him as I grabbed the stack of papers from the bar and handed them to him. I took the pencil and walked behind him towards the table.

  "And who is this?" Linds asked when Asher sat beside me.

  "I'm Asher." He blushed and averted his eyes to the table. I wrapped my arm around his shoulders and shook him a little, hoping he'd come out of his shell.

  "What do you have there?" Lindsay reached forward and glanced at his math homework. "Oh my gosh. I'm terrible at math. Want to know a secret?" she asked, wiggling her eyebrows.

  "What?" he asked back.

  "Luke is my baby brother. But when we were in high school together, he actually helped me with my homework all of the time. He's so smart."

  "Really?" Asher turned and looked up at me with curious green eyes. They matched Maggie's almost like a clone. Their similarities were jarring—both so innocent and shy.

  "I like math." I shrugged.

  "I'm kind of stuck on this multiply table. Can you help me?"

  "Of course. Let's take a look."

  Asher pulled out the worksheet, and I looked it over front and back to see what else they were teaching him and how he was being taught to do the multiplication.

  "Hey, hey, hey," Lilly sang as she entered the restaurant. Liam was following close behind, already tapping away on his DS. They had come straight from school.

  Both scooted into the bench with Lindsay, making her scoot all the way into the corner. It was a big booth so there was plenty of room, though. Lilly frowned at me, her brows squishing.

  "Who's that?" Liam asked the one second he looked up from Pokemon. He didn't even wait for my answer, just went back to catching them all.

  "This is Asher. He's my friend."

  "Asher?"

  I saw Maggie had returned and was searching the bar for her Asher. Uh oh. When she saw where he was, her eyes pierced me like they were laser beams. She stomped over with her hands on her hips and stopped in front of our table.

  "Hi Maggie," Lilly said, waving and smiling up at her.

  "Hi, sweetie." Maggie glared at me, looking down at her son, who refused to look up from his three digit multiplication problem. "Ash, I told you not to leave the bar when I went to the stock room." So that's where she was.

  "Mr. Wilson came, though. He's helping me with math. Actually, do you want to know something funny?" Maggie sighed with irritation but nodded her head for him to continue. "That's his older sister, and he helped her with math even though he was younger."

  "Whoa. That's pretty impressive. Maybe that's why he decided to be a teacher, 'cause he was so good at it."

  Asher looked over at me, asking for confirmation.

  "It's true," I said, nodding my head.

  "Can I talk to you?" Maggie looked at me, bobbing her head to the side, and I scooted around Asher and hopped out of the booth. I followed Maggie so we were out of ear shot.

  "What's wrong?" I asked.

  "I have to get back to work. Do you care if he sits with you?" That's what she was worried about. I smiled and touched her shoulder.

  "I called him over. I don't mind at all. And it doesn't look like they do either." I turned Maggie around so she could see how Lilly and Lindsay were playing with Asher, drawing on the back sheet of his homework. Lilly smiled at something Asher said, and they high-fived above the table. Linds pretended to be mad and sat back with her arms crossed over her chest.

  "If he gets to be too much or you have to leave, just bring him back to the bar."

  "I'm fine," I told her.

  "Are you sure?" she asked as she shoved her hands into the front of her apron. She was fidgeting, and I hated when she did that. I grabbed her hands, pulled them out, and held them in mine. They were ice cold.

  "We're friends. I don't mind."

  Her face fell at my words, and she walked away.

  Asher and I were the only ones left in the restaurant. My siblings left long ago. It was nine, and the place was just starting to close up. I could hear Maggie and her coworkers whispering back in the kitchen, but I couldn't make out what they were saying. It was killing me because the way Mary Ellen was looking at me, I knew Maggie had told them who I was—I just didn't know who I was to her.

  "Which is better?" Asher asked me as we walked towards the front door.

  "What?" I completely missed whatever he was talking about. I got the door for him, and we sat on the bench outside of the restaurant to wait for Maggie.

  "Going for top or bottom on a goalie. Which works better?" He clutched his papers to his chest, his backpack hanging over his left shoulder.

  "It all depends. There are so many options, plus then you have to decide glove or stick side. You have to just follow instincts. Whatever your gut is telling you will usually pay off. Then you learn to trust yourself."

  "That's some good advice," Maggie said as she surprised us from behind. I jumped up. "Car's unlocked." I saw her car blink to life. Asher ran across the parking lot and hopped into the backseat.

  "I guess I'll see you later." I put my hands in my jean pockets and searched for my truck. I had been here so long I couldn't remember where I had parked the damn thing.


  "Thanks for today, Luke." This time, she initiated the touching. She grabbed my forearm to get my attention and I looked down to make sure it was real.

  "It really wasn't a big deal. My sisters wanted to come here, and when I saw Ash, I thought he'd have more fun with them."

  "Well, it still meant a lot to me." She reached forward and wrapped her arms around my neck. I froze. My limbs seemed to move on their own accord as they slipped out of my pockets and wrapped around her slender waist.

  Her hair brushed under my nose. All I smelled were french fries and coffee, and I shut my eyes; it was so intoxicating as it mixed with her normal vanilla scent. I didn't want to let her go. She pulled back and put her hands on my shoulders.

  When she stared up at me with her doe eyes, I nearly broke everything I was working towards. I had to fight myself to not kiss her. One simple movement, and I could capture her.

  "I'll see you later," she said, a bit defeatedly.

  "Yeah," I mumbled as I watched her go to her car. "See you later."

  When I got home the first thing I did was text her.

  Me: Did you make it home okay?

  Maggie: Safe and sound. :)

  Maggie: You worried?

  Me: I do worry about you.

  Maggie: Why?

  Me: Because I care about you

  Maggie: As a friend, though, right?

  Me: As a person. You're good. So good it's scary

  Maggie: You're good, too.

  Me: Not good enough for you

  Maggie: You're good enough for me, Luke. I promise.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Maggie

  Luke and I had fallen into a friendship that was way too platonic. I felt like I was walking on eggshells whenever he was near me. I wasn't sure what he was going to say, but his flirty nicknames and sexual innuendos made me crazy with desire. It was like a long drawn out bout of a thirteen-year-old's version of foreplay.