For The Love of Ash

by Taylor Lavati

  "You're observant."

  "I know enough to want to know more."

  "I've never had a real boyfriend," I blurted out before my brain could shut me the hell up. I guessed once the walls were down, all my secrets just tumbled out.

  "I would be honored to be your first."

  "You seriously want to be my boyfriend after all the shit I just laid on you? You will never be first in my life; you have to know that."

  "I understand."

  "Okay then. I'll try."

  "Think I can get a little kiss?" He quirked his head to the side and squeezed my hands, pulling me over the center console to get me closer to him. No matter how hard I bit the inside of my lip, it wouldn't stop the full smile that broke through.

  I nodded, and the next instant his lips were on mine. It was different than the heated kiss in the club, more sincere and not fueled by sweat and sexual dancing. His hand caressed my cheek, holding me so delicately, that it felt like love.

  His soft lips danced with mine, both moving together in a tango that was so fiery I thought I might explode. I dragged my hands through his hair, the silky strands falling between my fingers.

  But before my tongue could enter his mouth, he pulled back. I almost fell forward when he moved, but I caught myself. I opened my eyes and looked up at him, missing him being so close already.

  "My phone is vibrating," he said with a chuckle. "Oh shit. Asher's practice starts now." He must have set an alarm.

  "Let's head in," I said as I reached for the door. But Luke grabbed onto my elbow, making me stop. I turned, looking over my shoulder, when he leaned forward and kissed me on the lips again.

  It was over before it even began.

  "I didn't know if you'd let me kiss you again, so I had to take the chance."

  "This isn't slow." I playfully glared at him over my shoulder.

  "I'm sorry. Shit." He ran his hand through his tousled hair. "I fucked up, didn't I? I told you I'd go slowly, and then I kissed you."

  I reached forward and grabbed the collar of his shirt, tugging him towards me with a quick pull. I planted my lips on his to shut him up and then let him go.

  "It's fine. This is fine. Kissing can be slow, right?"

  "Slow from now on," he said. "I promise."

  As Luke and I walked back to the rink, his hand found mine. At first, I didn't want to let him intertwine our fingers. I looked down between us, looking at our joined hands with fear thumping in my chest. I was unsure about what people were going to think—if they'd know I was being selfish. But then I just decided I didn't care anymore.

  Our arms swung between us, and I was suddenly transported back to what I expected a high school romance to be. I never experienced that, but looking back, I realized that it was something I missed out on that I regretted. My parents never showed me what a functioning relationship looked like, so I wasted my time with lame hookups, caring more about social status than love.

  "You okay?" Luke asked as he stepped through the sliding doors that zoomed open with a swoosh.

  "I'm fine." I nodded, reassuring myself.

  "We can do this slow, you know." I nodded again. I glanced up at him, our eyes clashing, and smiled. He leaned down and kissed my cheek, my face instantly heating into what I was sure was tomato redness.

  "Hi there, Maggie!" Janet waved from just inside the rink as she too was walking over to find her seat. We had been sitting next to each other at all of the games and practices, and I knew today she expected it to be no different.

  "Hi," I said, my voice soft and shy. "This is my—"

  "I'm her boyfriend, Luke. It's great to meet you." Luke leaned across me, never letting go of my hand and shook Janet's. She eyed me, her eyebrows raised and then nodded like she was impressed as she took Luke's hand.

  "It is a pleasure to meet you." Her eyes twinkled with questions, but I glared to shut her up. Of course, I wanted to talk to her since I trusted her advice, but it wasn't the time. Said boyfriend was right there.

  Asher banged his fist against the glass, and it caught all of our attentions. He waved when we all looked at him and I waved back. When he was happy with his spectacle, he turned and skated back to where the rest of the boys were skating around the blue circles.

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  Luke

  I wrapped my arm around Maggie's shoulder as we stood in the lobby and waited for Asher. He was better than I thought he would be to be honest. You could almost feel the passion rippling off of him as he skated around the ice with ease. He gave the practice one hundred percent of his effort the entire hour.

  "You were great today!" Maggie yelled as she shrugged out of my hold. Asher bounded down the hallway, hunched over with the weight of his bag. I ran over and grabbed it, taking it off his back. I lifted it and threw it over my shoulder. Maggie looked over at me in awe.

  "Thanks," Asher said before he hugged Maggie. He rested his head on her belly, but turned towards the arcade where he saw the other boys playing at one of those claw machines. "Can I play?" Asher asked Maggie with puppy dog eyes. Even I could see them from here.

  "I don't think so. I have no cash," Maggie said. Asher's face immediately fell into a frown of disappointment.

  "Here," I said as I fished my wallet out of my back pocket. I pulled out a five and handed it over to Asher.

  "You don't have to—"

  "It's fine, Maggie," I said before she could continue. I shot her a glare that told her to shut up and take the money. It was only a five. Surely she could see it wasn't a big deal. She needed to learn how to take help instead of pushing it away so much.

  Asher ran off towards the machines, and I pulled Maggie towards my chest. She fit so perfectly within my arms that I felt it was fate telling me to take a hint already and man up. She looked worried that I was holding her in public, glancing over her shoulder, so I let her go.

  She sat down on the blue plastic bench just outside of the arcade. I dropped Asher's bag on the padded floor and sat beside her. Across from us a large black clock was ticking away at just after six. Maggie was wiggling next to me, her leg bouncing off the wall.

  "You okay?" I asked her as I leaned forward and rested my elbows on my knees. I looked back up at her as she bit the lower part of her lip, making it red and wet.

  "Yeah." She nodded, but I didn't believe her. "Ash just needs to get home but he's with friends so I don't want to interrupt, you know? Does he have friends in class?"

  I didn't know how to answer that. I blew out a breath before I spoke. "He's friendly. I think it's my fault he doesn't because I asked him to help me early on. Now he helps me all the time, and the other kids do their own thing. He's fine, though."

  "Does he seem depressed to you?" she asked as she too leaned forward. She rested her head on my elbow. I traced the line of her jaw with my pointer, her skin as soft as velvet.

  "Not at all, Maggie. He's perfectly fine. He's mature for his age."

  "Hah! He sucks his thumb."

  "I mean emotionally. Some kids in his class still blow spit bubbles. He cares about what he does—takes pride in himself. He's fine. I wouldn't lie to you."

  She nodded and leaned onto me more. Asher yelled for Maggie, and she shot up straight, fixing her sweater. She shot me a glare that said 'be quiet' and then continued to pull at a frayed part of her shirt while Asher ran over. I looked past him and saw Janet and her son behind.

  "Eric said we can trick or treat with them, so do you think we can go?" Asher's words came out fast and strained. His voice was whiney, one I had never heard before, and it made me realize just how young he really was.

  "I really want him to come with me. My mom will be there," the other boy, I guessed Eric, said.

  "Um, on Halloween?" Maggie asked. She was fidgeting, and she started to bounce her leg again. I placed my hand on the underside of her knee to let her know I was there for her while at the same time remaining incognito.

  "Yes, they only live in Hamden. It's not even th
at far," Asher whined.

  "Boys, go play at the claw. I'll talk to Ms. Larken about it," the woman said, grabbing the boys' shoulders and shooing them away. I sat back and put my arm behind Maggie along the top bar of the bench.

  "Where are you in Norwalk?" Maggie asked Janet. I felt a bit like I was intruding on their conversation, but I didn't want to leave her alone.

  "We live in a cul-de-sac over on Meadow Lane in South Norwalk."

  "Oh!" Maggie said as recognition dawned. I knew the area well. SoNo had a great night life, and during my high school years, I'd go down near the beaches and hang out with friends. It was an affluent area, so I assumed this woman was well off.

  "That's about twenty minutes from my apartment. Did you want to take Asher, or…" Maggie reached back towards me and took my hand in hers, her sentence trailing off. I could immediately tell that she didn't want Asher to go alone, but at the same time, she didn't want to invite herself. She was becoming transparent the more time I spent with her.

  "Why don't you guys come too?" Janet said, pointing at both of us.

  "Sure. I don't have any plans," I said, squeezing Maggie's hand.

  "Are you sure?" she faced me and asked.

  "Definitely."

  "Okay… We're in." Maggie nodded at the woman and then smiled.

  Asher was passed out along the entire back seat of the truck. I drove nice and slow, wanting to prolong my time with Maggie. I wasn't ready to part with her, but I didn't want to impose either. It was a school night, and I knew the second I started interfering with her schedule, she'd get freaked out.

  All of a sudden my phone began to vibrate in the front pocket of my slacks. I reached in to get it, but I didn't want to answer when I was driving. I held it in between Maggie and me.

  "Can you answer it and put it on speaker?" I asked her when she looked at me questioningly.

  "Hello?" Maggie asked when she answered it.

  "Oh, yeah this is she." I cut my eyes over to her with a frown. She stuck out her tongue and smiled. She shook her head, refusing to put it on speaker.

  "Sure, I'll tell him. Yeah, I know." Maggie giggled and it was the most adorable thing I'd ever fucking heard.

  "Talk to you later. Thanks, Lilly." Maggie hit the red END button and put the phone in the center cupholder. She reached over and cupped my hand in hers. She didn't say a fucking thing, but when she moved towards me and let her head rest on my shoulder, all my worries melted.

  Her apartment building was blanketed in darkness. She didn't even have a front light near her door or anything. She was still lying on me, and I wasn't sure if she was asleep or not.

  "Mag?" I asked as I caressed her cheekbone with my thumb. I leaned down and kissed the top of her head, hoping that she would wake up. She mumbled something that I didn't understand and then sat up.

  "Are we home?" We.

  "Yeah, sweetie. Go inside, I'll get Asher."

  "I can—" Her palms rubbed her eyes as she jumped to get awake, but I stopped her.

  "Let me." She smiled, and I kissed her quickly before she left. She hopped out of the truck, and I did the same, grabbing my keys and shoving them in my back pocket.

  When I opened the door to the back, I saw Asher completely wrapped up in the seatbelt. I chuckled as I started to untangle him without waking him up. I positioned him so his head was against my chest and his legs were dangling over my other elbow.

  His backpack was on the floor of the truck, and I didn't want him to forget it or me forget it later. I bent down, my knees aching and scooped the backpack around my wrist.

  I kicked the back door shut and shuffled to her front door. It was dark so I was very slow with my movements, not wanting to trip and drop the little boy in my arms.

  Maggie appeared in the yellow-lit entryway and smiled when she saw us. She held the door open as I stepped into her private place. The small apartment smelled just like her, fried food and vanilla. It was decorated in bright colors with warm accents that screamed country home. Instead of my cold house, this one felt like a lived in home, comfortable and welcoming.

  She ran in front of me as I paused in her living room, which opened into the kitchen. She flicked on a switch that showed the short staircase, and I followed behind her as she pushed open one of only three doors on the top floor.

  I gently placed Asher on his bed and pulled off his shoes. Maggie came up from behind me and took over. I was happy to let her put him to bed. I started to walk back down the stairs when Maggie called my name.

  "Don't leave, okay?" She sounded desperate, her voice edgy and emotion-filled.

  "I won't," I promised. I felt like an intruder as I walked around her place and looked at all of her things. I found it surprising that she had no pictures of her parents—anywhere.

  There was a narrow table in the living room near the entry way that was covered with framed pictures, mostly of Asher—Asher playing hockey, Asher in a school play, Asher's school pictures, and one of Maggie and who I guessed was Asher as an infant.

  I found my way past the TV and into the kitchen. There were a bunch of magnets on her refrigerator. I particularly liked a group of dog faces that were positioned so they were all licking each other. The alphabet magnets spelled out 'Asher' and 'Love' the rest pushed into the bottom left corner.

  "You eating my food?" I jumped at the sound of her soft voice from behind me as she grabbed my shoulders.

  "I was just creeping around, looking through your things."

  "Find anything interesting?" she asked as she walked around me and opened the fridge. She pulled a carton of orange juice out of the fridge and grabbed a glass from the cabinet. "Do you want a glass?"

  "No thanks," I said as I leaned back against the counter.

  "Want to go sit?" she asked.

  "I'm not going to lie. I just want to kiss you." I stepped towards her and saw a flicker of lust flash in her green eyes. I got close enough to her that I could see the rim of yellow in the center of her iris.

  "So kiss me," she whispered.

  I lifted her under the butt and placed her on the counter. I grabbed the back of her neck and pulled her towards me until our mouths touched. A moan got caught in my throat as her tongue pushed its way into my mouth and swirled.

  I gripped her tight and moved with her. She was passionate and needy with her touches. Her hand twirled in my hair while her other hand traveled down my back, raking down my shirt. She grabbed onto my ass and squeezed hard.

  "Mmm." I moaned again, and this time, so did she. Only hers was feminine and growl-like. It was primal and fucking sexy as hell. I yanked on her ponytail and trailed my tongue from her chin down to the tops of her breasts. I was unsure of how far to go, but soon my needs took over my rational thought.

  Her hips pressed up against mine, grinding against me. I palmed her thigh and massaged it, pulling her closer and closer until her legs wrapped around my waist. I couldn't get enough of her touch, and just kissing wasn't cutting it.

  "Asher can't know yet," she whispered as I sucked on the pulse in her neck.

  "Okay," I panted.

  "No sex yet," she said.

  "How far can we go?" I asked.

  "Just no sex."

  "Got it." I lifted her off the counter and walked us to the couch. She giggled as she grabbed my shoulders so she wouldn't fall. She laughed as I dropped us down, me on top and her beneath me. I could get used to this.

  I stared down at her beneath me. The mood changed again. It became serious and charged. I leaned down, holding myself up with my elbows, and gently kissed her lips. She pushed up against me, wanting more, but I pulled back.

  She glared, and I slowly came back down and kissed her. I licked her lips, feeling myself get harder and harder. My dick was starting to ache I wanted her so bad, but I didn't want to push her.

  I slowly crept my hand under her loose tee-shirt and felt the contours of her ribs up until I found her breast. I wanted to see her. I sat back while she remained lying and
pulled the cotton shirt over her head, leaving her in just a black lace bra.

  "You are so beautiful," I told her as I touched her bare skin with both of my hands. I kneaded her breast as my mouth covered hers again. But I didn't just want to kiss her mouth. I found my way down to her breast and kissed and licked along the bare part.

  I pulled the black cup down and my breath actually caught in my fucking throat at the sight of her puckered nipple. I immediately pinched it. She moaned and bucked against me.

  I reached behind her and unhooked her bra, leaving her entire torso naked. I kissed the spot right in between her breasts, and she shivered, her entire skin prickling with goosebumps.

  While I sucked on her nipple, I felt her hands start to undo my pants as I straddled her. I let her take control. She tossed my belt to the side and unbuttoned my slacks. I heard the zipper zip down, and I grabbed her breast harder, anticipation making this all more erotic.

  She let me free from my pants and I sprang out, hard as a fucking rock. I felt her gasp and heard her deep intake of breath. But she was fast to bounce back. Her hand gripped my cock hard.

  "Jesus." I dropped my head to her chest while she stroked me, her movements getting harder and faster. "You're killing me, Mag."

  "Is this not good?" she asked me.

  "It's fucking amazing. Scoot over." She pressed her back into the back cushion of the couch and made room for me. I laid beside her and stared into her emerald eyes.

  Her hand slid off my cock and found its way into my shirt. Her fingernails trailed up my stomach to my chest and then back down again like she was trying to memorize the feel of me. I loved her hands on me.

  "Kiss me," she whispered, her eyes hooded. I smiled and kissed her again. But I pulled back. I knew if this went any further, I wouldn't be able to stop. And Maggie deserved to go by her own time. I owed that much to her. I respected her too much.

  "I should get home," I said with my eyes still shut.