by Layla Dorine
“Cool. I’ll let you know as soon as he tells me, and that little shit better not try to sneak back into town the way he snuck out of here or I swear I’ll be sending him right back to rehab.”
Both laughed.
“Hey,” Vic said, “just want to warn you, Nicky’s boyfriend will be there, just so you’re not caught off guard and all.”
Terry nodded. “Thanks for the warning, but Nicky told me about Gray in his letters. I was glad he did, actually. A few of the things he was worried about...well, let’s just say that I felt like I was the one that put those thoughts in his head, so I was kinda grateful for the chance to tell him that I’d been the one at fault, not him.”
“I’m glad you told him that. Gray is a great guy, I think he’s really good for Nicky, and he stuck around, even when Nicky tried to push him away.”
Terry hung his head. “Wish I could have been there to help him through that.”
“Yeah, I get that now. But there’s nothing left to do for it. Glad to hear you reconnected with your family. You don’t want to lose that again. It’s important, you know?”
“Yeah, I get it now.”
“Maybe that right there is your lesson,” Vic pointed out. “All these years, you were so intent on keeping and controlling Nicky you forgot about everything else. Losing him might have been the only way for you to get back everything else you threw away.”
“Never thought about it that way,” Terry admitted. “What I do know is that I never realized how much I missed home until I started going back there. Now I can’t imagine ever staying away so long again.”
Vic grinned. “You’ve changed. That’s really awesome, Ter. I’m happy to see you learning not to be so selfish and thinking about how others might feel. It’s a good change. A year ago I’d never have thought you’d be able to give a shit about anything but what you wanted.”
Terry nodded. “I guess I really lost track of how important everyone else was. Wish you’d have just smacked me upside the head years ago and saved us all a ton of grief.”
“And have you pitch a fit about it forever?” Vic quipped. “No thanks.”
Terry chuckled. “Yeah. I’d have been a real prick about it.”
“Yeah, you weren’t ready to hear it then. Sometimes, it’s all about the timing.”
“Thanks, Vic, and thanks for giving me another chance. I’ve missed you. You were a great friend to me, even when I didn’t deserve it. I’m going to do my best to return the favor.”
“Hell, consider today a good way to start. I can’t wait to see what the infrared cameras catch,” Vic said as they got out.
“Would you mind emailing me and letting me know? I’m kinda curious myself.”
“Sure, no problem.” Vic grinned. “See you later, Ter.”
“Later, Vic,” Terry said as he slid into his truck. It wasn’t long before he was pulling away and actually singing along with the radio.
***
Dear Nicky,
I found a place in the valley, about a mile from where you live. It’s just a few blocks from my new job at Shoreline Bakery. It means earlier mornings, but the pay increase was considerable, and I’ll finally be able to use some of the skills I’ve let get rusty since being at the diner. Just looking around at all the equipment and the wide variety of pastries they make here has me itching to get started. Three more days. Margaret, the owner, said she’d prefer that I come in on Monday and start then, since it’s the beginning of the pay period.
She’s a nice lady who has owned and run the shop for almost twenty years. She inherited it from her grandfather, along with a ton of recipes, and she’s a talented pastry chef to boot. She prefers to spend her time in the kitchen and let her sister run the office. Never married, prefers cookies to kids, or at least that’s what she said. Me, I’m just having a hard time containing my excitement. I’ve been trying to hurry and get everything packed so I could bake a few things in my own kitchen. Get a jump on some ideas I’ve got for Halloween. I wish you were going to be home by then, but I hope you’ll be home in time for Thanksgiving. I can’t think of anything I’d be more thankful for, really. I miss you, Nicky. I can’t wait to hear your voice again.
Something I’ve been meaning to ask you. I was going to wait, but I’ve been getting impatient to hear your answer. I know we talked about going to South Dakota. I was wondering if you’d want to go for Christmas? I haven’t been back to see my family in years, and the folks keep asking. I finally relented and said I’d drive out this year. I’m hoping you’ll come with me. I know it’s kind of soon for a meet-the-family kind of thing, but holidays out there were always amazing and I’d love to be able to share that with you. Just think about it, okay? No pressure. We don’t have to tell them we’re together, if you don’t want to, we can always say you’re a friend. But I’d love it if we could tell them we’re in a relationship. I’d love for them to get to know the special guy in my life.
You’ve given me so much hope for what the future could bring. I’m so grateful you’re in my life, Nicky. No matter how hard it’s been, you’ve shown me that I’m still capable of loving someone and being loved in return. I love you, Nicky. Hope to see you soon.
Love, Gray
***
“Okay, so what’s that one?” River asked as he pointed to a collection of constellations overhead. He and Vic were camped in front of the cluster of boulders they planned to climb tomorrow, a partially decimated twelve-pack between them and a nearby campfire keeping them warm.
“That’s Corvus, the Crow,” Vic explained, “and to the left is Hydra.”
“How the hell did you ever learn all these?” River grumbled good-naturedly, and grabbed another hard cider.
“Started out with astronomy classes in high school. I wanted a science elective that wouldn’t leave me nearly blowing up the lab.”
“I take it you didn’t do good in chemistry?”
“If you count being told not to touch anything but your book for the remainder of the school year not doing well.” Vic laughed. “Was the only class I ever almost failed.”
“I really can’t see you failing anything.”
“Nobody’s perfect. My folks were pissed, but I was kinda relieved. I hadn’t wanted to take it anyway, and after that they finally relented and let me choose my own schedule. So earth science, astronomy, and environmental studies it was.”
“So did you know, even back then, that you were going to study forestry?”
“Not really. I mean, I knew I wanted to be outdoors, but I didn’t have a grand plan or anything. In fact, I’d considered taking a year off between high school and college and going backpacking across the country.”
“Why the hell didn’t you?” River asked.
“They threatened to take away my college fund if I didn’t comply with their wishes and go to school right away.”
“Man, that sucks. It should’ve been your choice, not theirs.”
“That’s what I thought too. The only concessions they were willing to make was allowing me to move in with Nicky and Terry, and even then it was all contingent on my grades. One slip up and I’d have to move back home. Those guys were great though and made sure I had all the peace and quiet I needed to study. They were pretty good about getting me to come out of my room and join the land of the living before I drove myself completely batshit studying so hard.”
“Even Terry?” River asked, surprised.
“Yeah, even him at first. It wasn’t ’til he, umm, really started picking up on how interested I was in Nicky that he started souring toward me. To be honest, I kinda felt bad about it at first. I mean, he was my friend and I was seriously attracted to his boyfriend, and in what spare time I did have, which unfortunately wasn’t much, I’d actually plan ways to try and lure Nicky away.”
“And let me guess, he was completely oblivious? Didn’t that piss you off no end? I know it did me.”
“Wait, what?” Vic asked.
River just lea
ned his head back and caught Vic’s gaze, giving him a small, self-depreciating smile. “I knew I didn’t stand a chance of catching his eye anyway, but I sure as hell gave it a try a time or two.”
“How’d he take it?”
“Like I said, he didn’t notice it all. It finally dawned on me after hanging out with him so much that it wasn’t really me he was oblivious to, it was all of it. The stares he’d get from guys and girls, the attention after races, none if it ever fazed him. He only had eyes for Terry, and the rest of the world was like window dressing or something. You’d have to practically tongue fuck him to get his attention, and even then it would only be long enough for him to politely extract himself and be on his way. And yeah, I did see that happen one night with a chick who likes to hang around the track.”
Vic’s eyes widened. “I knew people threw themselves at him, but I never realized it was that bad.”
“Oh yeah, especially once his racing really started getting him noticed and the wins got bigger.”
“So, umm, you still have a thing for Nicky?” Vic asked.
“No, that was years ago, when we first met. I found we made much better friends. What about you, are you still holding out hope that you guys will hook up one day?”
Vic exhaled and gazed up at the sky. River waited quietly, hoping the answer was no.
“Nope,” Vic admitted. “I guess I finally realized he was never going to see me as more than a friend. I mean, I was right there in front of him for all those years and yet, when he was free of Terry, it was a short-order cook at a late-night diner who caught his attention. If that isn’t the universe telling me something, I don’t know what is.”
“Ech, relationships suck anyway,” River grumbled.
“I wouldn’t know,” Vic admitted. “I’ve never had one.”
“Consider yourself lucky,” River said. “I’ve yet to have one end well.”
“I guess what I’ve always been hoping for was the one that didn’t end.”
“Yeah, me too. Just seems to be a rare thing for it to turn out that way.”
“So what was your longest relationship anyway?” Vic asked.
River was quiet for several moments, trying to shove aside the bitterness he always felt when he thought about it.
“Eight months, two weeks, four days.”
“What happened?” Vic asked, half turning on his side to see him.
“They decided they were more in love with one another than either was with me,” River said. “So they took off together and, umm, I got left behind.”
“They!” Vic sputtered, nearly choking on his beer.
“Yeah,” River said, blushing a little under Vic’s scrutiny.
“Wow, I just…they as in two, right? Or…?”
River burst out laughing. “Man, I wish you could see the look on your face right now. Holy shit, you look scandalized.”
“Yeah well… I just can’t imagine being in a relationship with multiple people like that,” Vic said.
“It didn’t start out that way,” River explained. “Shannon and I were sort of dating first. More like we would hang out, hook up, et cetera. It wasn’t exactly a thing, but we weren’t seeing other people either. Then we met Shawn, or rather, she met Shawn and introduced him to me, and we all started hanging out together. One night we were making out and caught him watching us, and, well, the whole idea kind of turned me on, so we invited him to join us. I don’t think any of us expected it to be more than just a onetime thing, but that’s what it became.”
“So did you love them both, or was it love with one and infatuation with the other?”
“Infatuation that grew into love,” River told him. “I don’t think I could have ever just been with one of them, not after knowing what it was like having three of us together. To me, they were Shawnnon, not Shannon and Shawn. It really sucked that they didn’t feel the same.”
“So, umm, is that the only kind of relationship you like?” Vic questioned. He was lying a bit closer now, close enough for River to touch his arm. “Threesomes?”
“Nah, that was just the best one I’ve ever had. I’ve had girlfriends, I’ve even had a couple boyfriends. None last more than a couple months.”
“Was that the only time you had both?”
“Nope, third actually.” River chuckled.
“So when was the last time you had one: a relationship that is?”
“That one. It ended about a year ago, and when it did, well, let’s just say I wasn’t in too big of a hurry to jump into a new one.”
“Oh,” Vic said.
River shivered at the feel of Vic’s fingers stroking over his shoulder. When their eyes met, Vic snatched his fingers back and sat up abruptly to stare into the fire. Chuckling, River sat up and placed his hands on Vic’s shoulders, then slid one up into his hair.
“Did I ask you to stop?” River said low in Vic’s ear.
“N-no.”
“Then don’t stop,” River told him.
Vic turned to face him, his eyes bright. River cocked his head and stared at him. Vic reached out a hesitant hand and ran it down River’s arm, then slid it up to his face to caress his cheek. River nuzzled into the touch and sighed, his eyes half sliding closed. Vic scooted forward and kissed him, a low moan escaping him as River’s fingers tangled in his hair. Time seemed lost on them both then as they explored one another’s mouths until they were breathless and needy and had to break apart.
“We’d better stop,” River muttered, his breathing harsh as he studied Vic in the waning light from their fire.
“Y-yeah.” Vic moved back a little.
River stood and moved off into the woods for a bit, leaning against a tree and sparking up a joint. He’d been dying to kiss Vic for weeks, but never had he expected that kind of intensity between them. It was almost scary, the way he’d wanted to lose himself completely in the feel and taste of his friend. He doubted it would do either of them any good to charge into anything. He hadn’t been lying when he’d said his relationships ended badly. They tended to be epic disasters, and that’s the last thing he wanted with Vic. Take it slow, he told himself as he took another drag. Spend more time hanging out, more time talking, take Vic snorkeling, and end the night with a murder mystery dinner.
Thinking about the intensity of those kisses, River found himself wondering if Vic would be as curious and enthralled by what had happened between them as he was. Resolved not to screw things up, River took one more drag and held it in as long as he could, feeling the smoke curl in his lungs before he let it out slow. The buzz would help him sleep, he hoped. He brushed out the joint on the sole of his boot before returning to his sleeping bag, glancing over to see Vic lying with his back to the fire, seeming to be asleep. It took River much longer to close his eyes. He couldn’t stop watching Vic and reliving the moment they’d shared.
***
Vic woke to the smell of bacon and eggs sizzling over an open campfire, and coffee. “Oh man.”
His mouth was watering as he sat up to see River crouched beside the fire, tending the food. River’s shirt flowed over his back, clinging to show off muscular shoulders and strong arms. Vic watched as River transported food to plates and set them on the cooler, before turning around.
“Mornin’,” River said.
“Hey, that smells really good.” Vic untangled himself from his sleeping bag and went to take care of business and wash up. He hurried back to find River sipping from a cup of coffee, with a plate of food on the cooler beside him. Vic quickly poured himself a cup and dug in, blushing a little as his thoughts turned to the previous night’s activities.
“You excited about the climb?” River asked.
“Hell yeah, it’s been too long since I’ve done this. We’d better let our food settle good before we head up, though. We can have lunch up top and enjoy the view.”
River nodded, and Vic took note of the way River’s face lit up at the prospect of the climb. Vic just hoped that he could keep up t
hat same enthusiasm when the climbing got rough. It would be amazing if this turned out to be something they could do more often. He enjoyed spending time with River, from the snarky, sarcastic comebacks, to the lyrics River had finally let him read. It was all painting an interesting picture of someone Vic wanted to learn even more about.
Chapter Eighteen
“Are you sure you want to do this?”
Nicky glanced at Nurse Collins and gave her a smile. She’d become his favorite nurse in the six months he’d been there. She had encouraged him when he needed it, coddled when he needed it, and kicked his ass the many, many times he’d needed it. Now she stared up at him with worried eyes. It was a good feeling to finally be standing and to know he was walking out of these doors under his own steam. She simply didn’t think that taking a bus home, and those too-cramped quarters, would be particularly beneficial to his continued recovery.
Deep down, Nicky didn’t entirely disagree. It was just that the closer he came to going home, the more nervous he’d grown, until he hadn’t called anyone to tell them what day he was being released. His plan, as it stood, involved the bus, a cab, and his bed, with an ice cream sundae somewhere along the way, provided the bus stopped somewhere he could get one. He felt strongly that he needed to do this part on his own, after everything his friends had gone through trying to get him here.
“I’m sure,” Nicky told her firmly.
“All right then. Let’s load up your things and I’ll drive you to the bus station,” she told him.
“Thank you.” He grinned, and she shook her head at his continued attempts at charm.
“You weren’t planning on leaving without saying goodbye, were you?”
Nicky looked over to see Raff in the doorway to his room, leaning against the doorframe. Today was clearly a good day: he didn’t have any crutches with him.
“Of course not,” Nicky said.
“Good. Means I won’t have to hunt you down. I’m not sure I’m ready for a road trip yet.”