by Enid Titan
I will help Raminar unite the loyalist Majors and Lieutenants.
I will return for Nadia.
I will survive this war, and she will be safe.
The guilt of what happened in the past still eats at me, but something about Nadia makes me want to live…
Fate brought us together. Unless fate wishes to rip us apart, I have no intention of questioning why I landed on her hearth. I cannot abandon her now.
I set the ship’s course for the rendezvous point with Raminar. I’ve broken through the atmosphere. He promises a conference with the generals in our sector and instructions on how we can unite the scattered warships in our region.
We need people who we can trust and we need to do our best to return to a united Tau. I never wished for another war. I hoped we would never have one. The last war I fought should have been the end of fighting. If we continue fighting amongst ourselves, our enemies can easily destroy our planets. How can the Confederates not see that? Separately, we are weak. I ponder politics until a loud noise shakes my concentration. I growl and puff steam from my nostrils.
I am alone on this ship. I smell nothing changed.
I hear a thud in my chambers. Then, I hear an animal’s meow. I scuttle back through the passage and see it. The cat. That blasted orange creature must have onto my ship. This little creature could not have come aboard! How could it have snuck in?
The cat scratches my closet in the back of my sparse quarters and sniffs at my metal cupboards.
"How did you get here?" I grumbled.
The cat scratches at the cupboard door.
“What do you smell in there, friend?”
I inhale deeper. No. It isn't possible. I fling the doors open and Nadia leaps out. She's gasping for breath.
“I'm in space. I'm in space,” she gasps, “Holy shit. Holy fucking shit.”
"What are you doing?"
"I'm coming with you."
"I told you I would return!"
"And I didn't believe you. So here I am."
"Nadia! It is far too dangerous."
"I'm already here. So you can try taking you back to earth but… I won't go easy."
"What you are doing is foolish," I snap.
"I don't care. You can't just leave me behind."
"We are going into the middle of a Civil War."
"I get it. It's dangerous. But I don't see how it could be any more dangerous than trusting an 8 foot tall green alien."
"I'm only 7 feet tall."
"I don't care! We are bonded to each other, and I don't want you leaving me behind. Not for Bradley to come back and do God knows what. You claim to care what happens to me, well try caring about what I want. I want to be with you. I want to be right here."
"It's too late. I can't take you back."
"Okay. Then I guess I'm here. In space."
She sinks back into my hanging military uniforms, falling over clumsily. I shake my head. I take her hand and bring her to her feet.
"Do you wish to see it?"
"Your planet?"
I chuckle and shake my head.
“I don't know if I'll make it back to my planet. We won’t get there soon at any rate. But there's space out there. Vast, dark space. It can be a little overwhelming at first.”
"I want to see."
"Are you sure you can handle it?"
She scowls.
"I'm sure."
"Suit yourself then."
I take her hand and lead her to the bow. She stares out, and then her knees wobble, and Nadia falls backward into my arms. She's only unconscious for a moment. I expected far worse to happen to her.
She stabilizes herself against my torso. Her light touch sends desire through me.
"Are you all right?" I ask gently.
"I will be fine. It's just… It's so much more terrifying than I could have ever imagined."
"I did not want to scare you. It would have been safer if you remained on earth."
“I don't always want to be safe.”
"I understand. Now come. I need to communicate with my comrade."
She sits next to me and falls into a deep unsettling silence. It's not like Nadia to be quiet instead of plying me with perpetual questions. I accept her silence and send out a communication of my own. I failed my mission, and that doesn’t matter now. No one will think about the alliance with the Arietans, and by now, word of the Civil War has surely spread throughout the quadrant. Terra is a rural planet, the backwoods of the Alpha Quadrant, so to speak. News will not travel so slowly to Devor or Pollux.
Heavens help us if the Castorean robot scum discovers our war.
"Soren?"
"What is it my love?"
"That cat that followed us here… It belongs to my neighbor."
"It looks like it's chosen a new owner. Why don't you fetch the creature? You can get some food for it."
"Food?"
"Yes. You can get food from the panel in the wall. But… I think it only knows Taurean recipes."
"What sort of delectable foods do you have on your home world?"
"I told you. We eat mostly insects."
"I forgot. Maybe I can get some plants? I’m hungry."
"That should be satisfactory for. But I have studied the little creature endlessly, and it needs more than that."
"Well, can your little panel learn to make cat food?"
"Yes. But I need to focus on piloting this ship and last time I checked, you were no expert in alien tech."
"I'll be patient. I don't know if she can be."
"She?"
"I think it's she. Let me go get her."
Nadia disappears, and she returns with a little orange creature. The two make a striking pair. The little creature settles into her arms and Nadia suggests, “Should we give her a name?”
I never considered naming the little thing. I let Nadia choose.
19
Your Terran Gods
Nadia sleeps in my bed as I approach the rendezvous point. It will be better if she is asleep. I don't want to have to explain to the Major why I brought an alien not only aboard my ship but into the middle of our planet's conflict. The little cat who Nadia has named Pickle, curls up next to her.
My ship coasts behind the landmark asteroid, and now I have no choice but to wait. Wait and hope that Raminar makes it. His ship appears on my sensors, but I do not yet feel at ease. He opens a communication channel.
"You are late old friend."
My viewscreen flashes to video mode and with horror I note that the man standing on Raminar’s ship is Bröd. I growl. My tail curls behind me and my feet drag against the floor.
“Hello, Soren.”
“Where is he?”
Bröd. The traitor. I could kill him for his betrayal.
"Your friend is dead. I killed him so I could intercept you. Does that anger you? Does that provoke you to battle?"
He flashes an ugly smile and his eyes gleam.
"You have made a mistake. The Confederates will never win. We will unite the Senate once more and you will regret this pathetic act of treason."
"Careful, Soren. You know not what momentum our movement has on the home world. The people tire of dictatorial senate rule."
“Which people? Unsatisfied military officers who could never get ahead on their own merit?”
"You insult me even if you have no power in this situation. You’re a typical bureaucratic fool, Soren. You will stand down and allow me to seize your ship."
“Or what?”
Face to face, I can destroy Bröd, but Raminar’s ship out guns mine. My Terran mission didn’t include a vessel capable of withstanding battle with a Taurean warship.
“Maybe with a traditional blade. Here, in this vast emptiness, I can destroy you.”
His voice is cold and unsympathetic. What self-righteous fervor motivates him and those like him? What could make them so certain of their position that they would destroy our hard-won peace?
"You cannot
destroy this ship. I will not allow it."
“Sentiment? I thought you had gotten rid of that long ago,” he taunts me.
"Apparently I was not too successful."
"If you were a more reasonable man, I would persuade you to join us."
"I will die before I commit treason against the consortium."
“Then die.”
Not the outcome I want. Not anymore. Not with Nadia to protect.
“Bröd. Take me prisoner. I am worth more to you alive than dead.”
“You would come willingly?”
“Yes. But I need time. Five minutes.”
“Do you take me for a fool, Soren? In five minutes you will have reinforcements.”
“Check my outgoing communications. I assure you, you will find none. I just need time to say goodbye to my ship. I am the sentimental sort, as you say.”
“Do not attempt any trickery, Soren.”
Our line of communication silences. Nadia. All I think about is protecting Nadia. I hurry to my quarters where she sat up, freshly awake and confused.
“Raminar never made it. Nadia, I need you to listen. We have little time.”
“Something’s wrong.”
“Very wrong. I need you to stay here with Pickle. I need you to not move. I will craft a communication that you should only send out if I’m not back within a day.”
“Back from where?”
“I’m turning myself in to the Taurean confederates.”
“No! You can’t!”
“Nadia, listen. If I had another choice, I would.”
“You promised you wouldn’t abandon me…”
“I’m sorry. I have no choice… This is the only way I can save you. I know someone who can help on my homeworld, but you have to be careful. No one knows that you’re here. I want to keep it that way.”
She tears up and I hold her close, pressing her warmth and her soft bosom into my chest. Soon we will be together again. Soon.
“This can’t be goodbye,” she murmurs.
“Not for long. Not forever.”
“Don’t go, Soren…”
“Trust me,” I say.
She holds my face and runs her hand over my horns. Her touch sends a surge of electricity through me. I suck in a sharp breath.
“Soon. I’ll make it soon.”
“You plan on dying over there, don’t you?”
“No.”
“Don’t lie to me, Soren. You will finally get what you want.”
“I told you not to come here. I didn’t want you to get hurt and now I’m saving you.”
She kisses me, and when she pulls away; she smacks me across the face.
“You bastard!”
I half deserve it, but I’m half confused.
“What was that for?”
“For making me fall in love with you. And then leaving me. In space. With a cat!”
“Pickle will look after you until I return.”
“And if you don’t return?”
“Know that I love you. I will never stop loving you. And everything I am doing, it is to keep you safe.”
“I love you too, Soren.”
“Good. Then pray to your Terran gods that I return in one piece.”
20
Did She Eat Pickle?
I leave a coded message with instructions for Nadia. I tell her to hide in the closet and she keeps Pickle with her. I must leave. I must allow Bröd to take me captive. Only then will I be able to best this fool. If I don’t defeat him, I’ll die keeping Nadia safe. I’ll give my life the way I meant to.
I have to make sure that if all goes wrong, Nadia can still be safe. He doesn’t know of her existence, and it’s for the best. I allow Bröd to teleport me off my ship. On his vessel, two young soldiers, green around the ears, snap metal cuffs around my wrist and suspend my arms over my head. They keep me on display, suspended from the ship's ceiling as they hurtle away from the asteroid. Nadia’s position remains protected. For now.
They do not feed me for a day and they do not discuss where they're going or what will happen to me next. They torture me. I will spare you the details. There are burns along my shoulder ridges, my cheek and my obliques. Each breath agonizes me. My tail droops and my hair lies limp and damp between my horns from sweat. Only one thought keeps me alive: Nadia.
I was so sure that I wanted to die. And now I have a choice. I can succumb to this and slip into the death I wanted for so long or I can save her. She floats alone, on the dark side of an asteroid. I hope that she is safe, but I cannot be certain. I have to find her again. I have to live.
Bröd does not speak to me until his ship pulls into the orbit of a small gaseous moon. They must refuel here, or stocking up on titanium ore. Either way, I get the distinct impression that this will be my one chance at escape.
His loyal confederates, if there could ever truly be such a thing, teleport to the surface of the moon in spacesuits, leaving Bröd alone with me to torment me. He has a poker, white-hot, and he edges it towards my skin as he questions me.
“Which other Taureans went to Terra? You, Raminar, and who else?”
I spit and huff steam out of my nose. He uses his torturous implement on me, and I howl. The snarl shakes my rib cage and sends pain surging through me. Damn him. I blow steam up again, toward my shackles. My wrists dampen. I spent so long on Terra that my ridges and scales are no longer the bone dry of Taurean deserts. A little moisture and I can slide out of these cuffs and punish this traitorous troll with his own crude torture device. He is too arrogant to notice my new agenda, escape. I blow more steam.
“Answer my question, Soren.”
"I will die before I betray the consortium."
“I could kill you with this poker in an instant.”
More steam. Just enough that my hands slip loose. I wriggled and flicked my tail around madly, distracting him with a motion of the barbed end.
“Now is not the time for games,” Bröd huffs, but I am not playing a game. I’m fighting a war.
My feet are on the ground and I'm free. My tail whips out behind me and knocks the poker from his hand. I lunge forward and grabbed his sword. He cries out and lunges for the fallen poker. I reach the instrument first and swing it around. He ducks and I miss.
He will not get so lucky again. I lunge, throwing him off balance and I hit Bröd's face with the poker and he screams. Agony. The smell of his burning flesh. Then I finish it. Even if he has betrayed his country, he does not deserve prolonged pain. As for his two soldiers, they have just enough air to last them another hour or two on the planet. And this gives me enough time to get away alone and unencumbered. I make sure Bröd is dead and I turn his ship around. Toward Nadia. Toward life.
Choosing death was within my reach, but I chose life. I chose Nadia. I think Zanina would forgive me. I think she would want me to move on, to love someone else again. And Zanina was so long ago. Nadia is here. She is now. She knows the truth about my past and my failings and loves me, anyway. And I love her. I live for her instead of chasing the past. It’s time to let go.
“Goodbye, Zanina,” I murmur, “Rest easy.”
I set course for where I left my ship. The journey will be a few days long. I hope Nadia can survive until then. She has no food. Only Pickle. I shudder. I do not know mammalian standards well enough to assume that she will not eat the poor creature. I would hate for her to eat my pet. Pickle and I have a bond.
While on the ship, I search for evidence about what happened to Raminar.
I find none, but can assume that they have murdered him. I will mourn my lost comrade. Perhaps Bröd was right. Perhaps we stand no chance against the Confederates. Another version of me would hear that call of duty and answer it. Now, I feel my duty is only to one person. One human female.
I try to communicate with my ship but I am uncertain that Nadia will know how to answer my call. If she receives my communication, she doesn't answer it. I worry for her. History may repeat itself. I may lose her a
gain, despite everything. On my second day in flight, I hit a small ion storm. The ship rattles and shakes. Judging by the ship's readings, the same storm would have passed to Nadia the day prior.
When I eventually see the ship on my sensors, my heart bursts. At least confederates have not vaporized the ship, and the space vacuum has not sucked her out into its vast emptiness. I can only assume that Nadia is just fine, just right and waiting for me.
I teleport over to my ship and smell something strange brewing. Cloves. Cinnamon. Black tea and honey.
"Nadia," I say hoarsely. I wander around the deck, toward my quarters. Could that smell be burning?
I hear footsteps. Not hers. But Pickle.
The orange cat rubs my sore legs with its tail.
“MEW!”
“Hello, little creature.”
I am pleased that she hasn't consumed the beast despite a lack of food. Pickle lets out another meow, and then I hear Nadia's voice.
"Soren? Is that you?"
She emerges from my quarters and both of us freeze with shock.
“You're alive!”
We exclaim at the same time. Nadia wears a blue robe, and she covers her face in some sticky green potion. She holds a cup of tea, the source of the intense smell, and she has twisted her blue hair into a messy bun on the top of her head.
"Are you hurt?"
"No! It took me a few hours to figure out how to program your stupid panel and then I realized I could program it to do anything. I got myself a robe, a facemask, some fresh food for Pickle. I even got it to make dinner. I haven't had hummus that good in ages."
"You're not injured?"
"I told you I can handle myself. I meant it. But you…"
She rushes over to me and grabs my face, examining it. I wince as she touches me.
"You're hurt."
I am just lucky that she cannot see the blood through my black leather tunic.