“I’m okay.” I don’t look away. I couldn’t if I wanted to, my eyes are drawn to his.
He leans in with his hands caressing my jawline and he kisses me. His lips feel like a cloud; soft, cool and gentle. It fells so natural, so right, not like when I kissed Shane at the dance. There is nothing awkward about this; it is like our lips know exactly what to do when they connect. We both slowly pull apart and he continues to hold my face in his hands. He smiles his perfectly crooked smile and I smile back, but my heart is racing. I’m feeling so many different emotions—love, fear, shock—I don’t know what to think.
“We better go,” he says, grabbing my hand and standing up.
“Wait,” I say, pulling him back. I stand up on my tiptoes and kiss him again. It is just as amazing as the first time, maybe more amazing because I am the one who is initiating it this time. He moves his hands back up to my face as our lips reconnect and, when we finally pull apart, he widens his beautiful eyes and grins as if he is both a little shocked and impressed. I know in my heart we are only caught up in the moment and we have no idea what we’re doing, but I want to make sure that if it is only going to happen once, I’m going to make the most of it.
As we make our way back down the hall to the waiting room, at least three nurses ask us if we are okay, which reiterates how bad we must look. My heart is still pounding from what just happened and for what is about to happen; I am so nervous to hear any news. We couldn’t have been gone for more than five minutes, but who knows what could have changed while we were gone. As we turn the corner, I see Brian and Gretchen’s parents talking to a doctor. No one is hysterical, so that must mean they are both still alive. I hate thinking that, but I can’t help it.
Just then, the emergency room’s electric doors open and Ryan walks in. I am so unbelievably happy to see him, I immediately run up to him and squeeze him so tightly. He is okay and he’s here, finally! I already feel better. I don’t want to let go, ever. I look up at him and he looks terrible. With it being dark before, I didn’t realize how bad his face was bruised. His eye is purple and swollen. He has a big gash on his chin and his lip is bloody.
“Any news here, Ash?” he asks, squeezing me just as tight as I’m squeezing him.
“I’m so sorry, Ryan.” I can’t even look him in the eye, I feel so bad.
“Ash, it’s over. I get it. I know you were looking out for me.” I try to hold them back, but the tears start to well up again. I am so relieved he is ok and so scared for Brian and Gretchen.
He wipes my tears away with his thumb. “Let’s go see if there’s any news.” We join both sets of parents as they listen to the doctor; Todd is already standing with them.
“Before we took her in, she kept asking how Brian was doing and she kept asking for a Ryan?” My heart sinks as everyone looks over at my brother. He just looks at the floor, avoiding the attention.
“We’ll keep you updated on her condition throughout surgery.” The doctor turns, shakes both sets of parents’ hands and walks back through the “doctor’s only” door.
Surgery! I think to myself. What did we miss? Brian’s mom turns around and hugs Ryan. She takes one look at his face and then back to Todd’s. “What happened to you both?” she asks them, genuinely concerned.
Ryan hugs her back. “Don’t worry, Mrs. Johnson, we’re fine. Let’s just concentrate on Brian and Gretchen.”
She looks at Gretchen’s parents and then her husband. “The Doctor just gave us an update,” she says, squeezing her hands together tightly.
Part of me so desperately wants to hear what he said and part of me doesn’t want to know at all.
Gretchen’s mom starts, “Gretchen lacerated her spleen in the accident, so they’re taking her into surgery. They think once they take it out, it will stop all the internal bleeding.” Tears are welling up in her eyes.
Brian's mom rubs her shoulder and continues, “They’re still doing tests on Brian to figure out the extent of his injuries. He’s still unconscious, which isn’t great,” she says, starting to break down a little.
As she finishes with her part of the update, the Emergency Room entrance doors open again. My mom and dad as well as Todd’s parents come rushing in with Sid right behind them. I run up to my mom, I’m happy to see all of them, but I just really need a hug from my mom. I think Todd feels the same way because he heads straight to his mom, too. Sid hugs me so hard that she almost knocks me over.
“Ashley, look at you, you are soaked and bloody!” Her eyes go over to Todd, she lets out a scream and a gasp at the same time. “Todd Allen Hamilton what happened to you?” His Mom is hugging him and wiping the blood away from the wound over his eye that is still bleeding. Todd rolls his eyes and shakes his head at Sid’s reaction, now I know where she gets that move.
"Hi, Sid!" He pulls her in for a hug, not really acknowledging her over the top reaction other than the head shake. A nurse comes out and we all freeze and hold our breath.
"Sorry, I don't have any news, but it looked like a few ice packs were needed out here." She hands bags of ice to Todd and Ryan, and then she looks at me as if to ask if I need one.
"I'm okay, this is someone else's blood." As soon as the words are out of my mouth, I realize what exactly I’ve just said; wow, could I be worse? "I'm okay, thanks!" I say, wishing I could take back something I know I can’t erase.
Once everyone has been brought up to speed, the only thing left to do is wait. I can't believe I'm back here again. It has only been a few months since I was pacing this speckled linoleum floor for Ryan. I look around the waiting room, Ryan and Todd are both leaned back in chairs, icing their faces. The parents are talking about anything to get their minds off what is happening; the weather, the game; you name it. Everything except the hospital or the accident. Sid is feverishly texting someone, Simon I'm sure.
The entrance to the emergency room becomes almost a revolving door of visitors as word spreads around town. Several football players and practically the entire cheerleading squad come in; most of the girls are still in their uniforms. Of course RTS is here, she is Gretchen's best friend and Todd's Girlfriend. Even the thought pains me, never mind seeing them together first hand. RTS has a real flair for the dramatics; it reminds me a lot of Gretchen except the core of Gretchen is good and the core of RTS is pure evil.
She races up to Gretchen's parents first and hugs both of them. "Mr. and Mrs. Parker, is there any news?"
"Not yet, Rebecca; we're just waiting to hear from the doctors after surgery."
Then she turns to Todd; it is the first time she has really laid eyes on him since the game. “Todd, oh my gosh, look at your face! Are you okay?"
What a ridiculous question. Do you lose brain cells the instant you put on your cheerleading uniform? Maybe it cuts off circulation to your brain? Stop, Ash, I think, but I can't help it.
"Yeah, I'm okay," he says. That is a lie. "Ash and I saw the accident happen, we were there," he explains as she is tracing his wounds with her finger. She looks at me with the death glare she seems to reserve just for me and then she quickly tries to cover it up with sweetness when she realizes who her audience is. "Oh, wow! You were together?" She does her best innocent pout.
"Yeah, we all left to follow Ryan after the fight." She looks over at Ryan and he gives her a half smile. Then she looks back at me with a scowl on her face that says so much:
1.) I still can't believe he's your brother.
2.) Why were you with my boyfriend?
3.) Alone?
I just look away and stare at the clock, the second hand is barely moving. I hate that clock. I hate this room. I glance back over at Ryan; he is staring at his phone and running his fingers nervously through his hair. I go over and sit down next to him.
"You okay?" I ask.
"Not really. You?"
"Not really.” I look at him and smile. “You guys won!" I say, trying to change the subject.
"Yeah, we did." Ryan shakes his head with a laugh. It is
almost as if he forgot. It's amazing how something can change from being the most important thing in your life to so insignificant in an instant.
"Ash, they were following me. I must have twenty texts from both of them. This is my fault."
"No, Ryan. It's not. They chose to follow you. They wanted to…" I stop for a second to try to figure out how to structure my sentence so he doesn’t feel any guiltier. "…They wanted to make sure you were okay. They were worried about you. I'm not sure if you want to hear this right now, but after the accident, Gretchen just kept saying how sorry she was and that she really loves you."
He looks at me, processing everything I’ve said, and then he takes a deep breath. "Thanks, Ash, but that doesn't mean it's not my fault. If I didn't get in my car, they would have never been in Brian's car following me."
I think for a minute before I speak, "That is probably true, but you didn't force them to follow you. That was their choice. Todd tried to stop them and Brian pushed passed him. He said he had to go."
"Yeah, but if I had just answered one of their texts. I heard the phone buzzing, but I was so mad I didn't want to talk to anyone!"
I gaze down at the ground. "I know.” I feel a tremendous amount of guilt, too. Maybe if we would have told him earlier this wouldn't have happened? I look back up at him, “But Brian shouldn’t have been texting while he was driving either, though." There are so many what if’s and maybe's. "I'm so sorry for everything. We just thought that if we didn't tell you it might solve itself and we didn’t want to throw you off before the game."
He looks at me with his deep brown eyes; they are so understanding, so kind. It makes my stomach twist with regret.
"I know; it's okay, Ash Bug. It's over. Let's just worry about the future and not something we can't change," he says, putting his arm around me.
"You really need to listen to yourself, that's pretty great advice!" I say as I feel a buzz coming from my pocket. It’s Shane, and just seeing his name on my phone makes my heart sink. This has to be hitting too close to home for him. I take a deep breath before I open his text.
U ok? Just heard
Where are u? Are u ok? I text back.
Tell u when I get there and No
I know he isn’t okay; why would I even ask that? And why can't he tell me where he is?
Any news? He types back before I can respond.
Not yet
Be there soon
I hear the electric slide of the doors that lead to the “Doctors Only” area; they have such a distinct sliding sound. I instantly look up to see a different doctor than before; is that good or bad? My heart is pounding as Gretchen and Brian's parents stand up immediately. I am sitting close enough to hear everything, so I close my eyes because I can't stand to look; listening is hard enough. I want Brian to be okay with every fiber of my being. I’ve spent the last two weeks hating him because I’ve been so angry at his selfishness and now this accident is because of his selflessness. He went after Ryan because he was worried about him, now he's the one we are all worried about. I hate the irony.
"Mrs. and Mrs. Johnson?" the doctor says, scanning the parents.
Brian's parents answer, "Yes?"
"We have good news and bad news."
His parents grab each other’s hands. I immediately look over at Todd and he stares back at me. We both want to hear what he has to say, but we are terrified since we know how bad Brian looked when they were putting him in the ambulance.
"He has a linear skull fracture." Everyone in the room gasps, but the doctor continues unfazed, "Which means no bones were displaced. That is the most common type of skull fracture, and if you are going to fracture your skull, that's the one to get.”
"Is that the good news or the bad news?" Brian's dad asks hesitantly.
"Well, we're not sure of the extent of the injury—if any—to his actual brain. So far he's responding well to tests, but he's still unconscious. He's suffered a concussion, as with any head injury, but as of now, the good news is there is no bleeding and very minor bruising to his actual brain. However, we need to keep watching him closely in ICU because, with head injuries, things can change quickly. Right now, it's touch and go, but so far he's very lucky. I understand he's an athlete; I honestly think that's what saved his life, he's a real fighter."
"Can we see him? Do you have any idea when he'll wake up?" Brian's mom asks, still squeezing her husband’s hand.
"That's the one thing that concerns us; he hasn't regained consciousness on his own yet. We had to sedate him to stitch up his head wound and we're going to keep him sedated to keep his brain activity to a minimum so we can continue to monitor him and make sure there’s no swelling. You can go in and see him soon..."—the doctor scans the waiting room and then looks back at Brian's parents—“…Immediate family only tonight. We need to keep visits to a minimum while he's still being so closely monitored."
"I know you said it's touch and go, when will he be completely out of danger?" Brian's dad’s face is full of concern.
"That's a tough question; I think we'll know a lot more in the next twenty-four hours. So far his brain activity is good and we want it to stay that way. The good news is that, if something should change, we'll know right away. If all continues to go well, we'll try to bring him out of sedation in the next twelve to twenty-four hours; that will be the true test.” He pauses and looks around the room again. “Any other questions right now?"
"Yeah. Can he play in the state championship game in two weeks?" Barry Richards yells from across the emergency room.
The doctor laughs. "Let's take it one step at a time." Then he turns back to Brian's parents. “A nurse will be out soon once he's ready for visitors." Then he walks back through the "Doctors Only" doors.
"Well, that's not too bad," Gretchen's dad says, nudging Brian's dad in the arm.
"Yeah, if anyone can pull through this, Brian can," Ryan says, hugging Brian's mom.
"It's true, what the doctor said, he's definitely a fighter!" Todd agrees and hugs Brian's mom, too.
"Thanks, boys," she says, rubbing both of their arms. "Well, it's a good thing his brothers are here to visit him." She smiles and winks at both of them.
The whistle from the slide of the "Doctors Only" doors interrupts them. This is the doctor from earlier and all parents stand up again.
"Mr. and Mrs. Parker,” he says, looking right at Gretchen's parents. "She pulled through surgery like a champ. Her spleen was in pretty bad shape so unfortunately we had to remove it. The good news is that this was the only internal bleeding. She's in recovery now and, as soon as she's out, you can see her; probably in about a half hour. Someone will come get you. She also fractured both of the bones in her right forearm, but it was a clean break so no surgery was needed. She is in a temporary cast for now. There were a few scrapes and bruises, but nothing needed stitches.”
“So she’s going to be okay? There’s no more internal bleeding?” her dad asks.
“Yes, she’s doing really well. We’ll keep monitoring her and she’ll need to stay in the hospital for a few days, but she’s done remarkably well tonight.”
“Thank you, doctor,” Gretchen’s mom says, hugging him as she cries happy tears for the first time tonight.
He hugs her back. “You’re very welcome. I’m glad it’s good news!” he says with a smile and then walks back through the electric doors.
Everyone starts hugging. All of the cheerleaders are elated, there are group murmurs of “Thank God!” and “I’m so happy!” breaking through their chatter. The mood of the room completely changes now that we have some good news. There is a collective sigh of relief felt among everyone.
I look at Todd and we both smile at each other. We don’t need to say anything out loud, we know exactly how the other person feels. There is still a lot of healing to do both physically and emotionally, but there will be a chance to heal and that's all that really matters.
Once again, the emergency room entrance doors open an
d in walks Shane. He is with the really cute football player from the pep rally. Interesting! I start replaying our textversation in my head; maybe that's why he was so cryptic? Sid and I both run up and hug him. I feel better knowing he is here, even though I'm not sure he feels the same way, judging by the look on his face.
"Ash, what happened to you?" Shane’s eyes are filled with concern.
"It's not my blood," I say in a lower whisper so the parents can’t hear. I've gotta get better at answering this question. For the first time in my life, I don’t care what I look like. I am surrounded by all the popular kids in school and I couldn’t care less what they think. It's funny how something like tonight can put what truly matters in perspective.
"Oh." Realization washes over Shane’s face as he pieces everything together.
I look down so I don’t start to cry again while I contemplate saying anything else to Shane. This already must be so difficult for him; he doesn’t need to hear any gory details. "Todd and I were there when it happened."
"Really? Are you okay?"
"Sort of." I try to blink back the tears I feel welling up.
Shane's eyes immediately go to Ryan. "Was Ryan there, too?
"No." I can't help laughing at the way he asks. Ryan does look pretty bad. "That's from the fight before the accident."
"Yeah, he looks rough. Any news on Brian or Gretchen?"
"Good news,” Sid jumps in. “Well, pretty good news. Brian fractured his skull, but it's a good fracture and Gretchen had emergency surgery to remove her spleen, but she's going to be fine," she says in all one breath.
"How is any of that good news? And what exactly is a good skull fracture?" Shane asks.
"Well, that's what the doctor said. It could be a lot worse. Brian didn't need surgery, they just need to keep him in ICU." Sid realizes how ridiculous “It's good news” sounds and how bad ”It could be worse” must sound to Shane. He knows exactly how much worse it could be, we all do.
"Shane, we have a more important question. Who is that you walked in with?" I need to know and I want to change the subject.
Accidental Crush Page 18