Grey (The Romany Outcasts Series, Book 1)

by Christi J. Whitney

  ‘We’ll strap these down for now, Sebastian,’ the trainer said, loud enough to be heard throughout the room. ‘But remember to stretch them as often as you can, to allow for proper development.’

  Then he was busy pinning my wings. He used nylon straps instead of wire and fastened them with Velcro. It was still uncomfortable, but not unbearably so. The deformities disappeared behind my back.

  Hugo planted himself on the arm of the couch. As if sensing that something was about to happen, the rest of the group gathered around, finding spots to sit either on the sparse furniture or along the floor. Karl fastened one last strap on my back and then sat forward. Hugo crossed his arms over his chest.

  ‘Well, let’s hear it,’ said Hugo.

  Karl stroked his beard. ‘Nicolas is being stubborn. He insists the Circe continue on with the run at the Fairgrounds. Our contract is through spring, and he wants the twins to be able to finish up schooling here. But, after everything that has happened, Quentin Marks is pushing for a much earlier departure.’

  My heart jerked in my chest. ‘Departure?’

  Karl shot me a look. ‘Yes, from Sixes.’

  ‘Do you know why, exactly?’ Vincent asked from across the room. ‘Does it have anything to do with Augustine?’

  I bristled at the name.

  ‘I don’t think so,’ Karl answered. ‘He’s disappeared, along with his creatures. The Marksmen have been over the whole town and the surrounding area. Quentin’s furious that they managed to escape. We’re keeping on alert, but Quentin’s convinced Augustine’s moved on.’ The old circus trainer frowned. ‘We’ve received news that there’s been some unrest among a few Outcast clans up north. The council decided it was best to head that way and connect with some of the Romany family there.’

  Hugo huffed. ‘Well, the sooner they’re gone, the better.’

  I wanted to lunge across the room and sink my new teeth into my brother right then. The involuntary sensation scared me, and I shook it off as quickly as I could.

  ‘The Romanys are not as bad as you make them out to be, Hugo,’ said Karl. ‘I’ve lived with them long enough to know that much.’

  Vincent scowled. ‘Yeah, but trouble follows them like the plague. And when one clan’s affected, so are the others. We’ve seen it before.’

  ‘They don’t want you involved in their troubles.’

  James dipped his head in my direction. ‘But we are involved.’

  ‘No, you’re not,’ said Karl sternly. ‘If Sebastian is separated from the Romany girl, then there is no involvement. And with the Romanys gone, Sebastian will be yours.’

  My breaths were dangerously shallow, and I gripped the edge of the couch with my claws. My head was thumping so hard that the room bounced in my vision. I hated being talked about as if I wasn’t in the room. Only Karl’s whispered conversation with me moments before kept me in my seat. Instinctively, I believed him. So I remained silent.

  Hugo put his head in his palm, tattooed fingers rubbing his forehead, looking weary but determined. ‘Then I have no choice but to keep him sedated.’

  Karl frowned. ‘I don’t think that’s necessary, Hugo. He knows that the Marksmen are ordered to shoot him on sight. I believe Sebastian can be trusted to stay away from the Romany girl until the Circe leaves town.’

  Hugo finally lifted his head and addressed me. ‘I need to hear it from you.’

  Suddenly, it was my turn. I knew I had to play my cards right. Even if Karl wasn’t telling the truth, it didn’t matter. If I was going to see Josephine again, I had to make them believe I wasn’t going to do anything rash. I ground my jagged teeth together, beating back every roaring instinct in my body.

  ‘I’ll stay here,’ I said.

  Lines creased around my brother’s brown eyes, and I could feel him searching for something in my voice or my face. I remained as stoic as I could manage. My wings quivered against my back, and I was thankful they were strapped down tight.

  ‘You’ve said that before’ Hugo replied. ‘What’s changed your mind?’

  ‘After what happened on the bridge,’ I began, hearing the tremble in my voice, but determined to put this to rest. ‘After Josephine saw me change…I knew she didn’t want anything to do with me.’ I couldn’t look at anyone, especially my brother. If I did, I knew I would crack.

  There was a heavy silence in the room.

  ‘Okay,’ said Hugo, breaking it. ‘Everything’s settled, then.’

  26. Mended and Torn

  ‘Katie’s on the phone.’

  I continued to stare at the television.

  ‘Take a message.’

  ‘He’ll call you back.’ Hugo clicked the button on the phone and set it down on the counter. Then he crossed his arms. ‘You know, you haven’t talked to any of your friends since this happened.’

  ‘Yeah, and what am I supposed to say?’ I huffed back. ‘‘Hey, sorry I haven’t been at school all week but I can’t fit my wings through the front door’?’

  The look on Hugo’s face made the hair on the back of my neck rise, and a low, reactive growl rumbled in my chest. I hadn’t totally forgiven him for keeping me drugged in my room, but I didn’t blame him either. I’d seen enough of my reflection in the apartment mirrors, that is, before I’d smashed them all into tiny bits. I was an unstable danger, and Hugo was scared of me, whether he admitted it or not. Even my slight growl seemed to set him on edge.

  I found some enjoyment in that, at least.

  Hugo plopped in the armchair. I watched him from my position on the floor. Sitting in chairs was difficult with wings. I’d played the good gargoyle freak and stayed confined, but it didn’t mean I’d been happy about it.

  ‘Esmeralda says you’re refusing to do any make-up work,’ he said evenly. ‘There’s no reason why you can’t finish school with the homebound program she’s offering.’

  ‘Why does it matter?’ I said acidly. ‘Is there some secret gargoyle college I don’t know about?’

  ‘School stuff gives you something to do,’ he replied with casual calm. ‘I know being cooped inside sucks, but you can’t sit in front of the TV twenty-four-seven.’

  ‘Yeah? Watch me.’

  My attitude was vile, but I was going crazy under house arrest, especially when I knew that Josephine was out there without me.

  It had done very little for my mood.

  But as vicious as I was on the outside, on the inside, it felt as if I was dying. Little by little, pieces of my heart atrophied, and I could do nothing to stop it. Karl’s occasional reports on Josephine’s well-being – whispered to me when the others weren’t around – didn’t ease the torture. Twice I’d nearly thrown caution to the wind and left, but Karl’s words haunted me like Hamlet’s ghost.

  We need you to stay safe…for Josephine’s sake.

  It was that admonition alone that kept me rooted. If there was anything I could do to ensure her safety, I would do it, even if it meant going against every screaming fiber of my being.

  I sprawled onto my stomach and propped my chin in my hands. My wings fanned out on either side of my body, unhindered by the straps I wore the majority of the time. Though I preferred keeping the deformities bound, I had to admit – deep down – that it felt really good to stretch them out. Hugo was still looking at me.

  I sighed. ‘What is it?’

  ‘We’re no closer to finding out how to break the seal.’

  I stayed carefully controlled, though his words chilled me to the bone. I would have rather died than have my seal to Josephine Romany broken. But I had to make Hugo think I no longer cared. ‘Maybe if I didn’t have a charge, I could be normal again.’ I gestured to the large flap of leather beside me.

  ‘You are normal, Sebastian. This is who you were created to be. I want this seal broken because you don’t belong to the Romanys. They’ve balked at these traditions for years. They have under their employ a man whose entire clan has devoted their lives to destroying the guardians. They believe you’re a
plague on the Roma.’

  ‘Quentin Marks.’

  ‘He’s just one of many,’ my brother replied. ‘Just because you’re a guardian doesn’t mean you don’t need protecting yourself. You’ll be safer with us, Sebastian. And I don’t want you throwing your life away for a clan that doesn’t deserve it. I care about you too much to watch that happen.’

  He looked quickly away, but his mask had slipped and underneath was complete sincerity. For the first time, I felt my anger and resentment fade away. I saw the massive burden on my brother’s shoulders, the demands on him that I wasn’t privy to. Hugo Corsi was the head of a clan, after all. He was looking out for them.

  And me.

  ‘Thanks,’ I said, not knowing how else to respond.

  ‘You’re not going to change your mind about her, are you?’

  His question caught me by surprise. He’d never mentioned Josephine directly. The quiver that shot through my spine extended out into my wings. ‘No, I’m not,’ I replied. ‘Though it makes little difference anymore, I can’t help the way I feel.’ A small part of me crumpled, replaced quickly with resolve. ‘I’ll never rest until I know she’s completely safe.’

  ‘I didn’t do this to you, Sebastian,’ he said, gesturing to my gray body. ‘It’s who you are. You can’t take the gargoyle out of your blood any more than I can take the Gypsy out of mine. The sooner you learn to accept that, the better.’

  ‘Accept it.’ I rolled into a seated position and hugged my knees to my chest. ‘That’s a good piece of advice from someone who can still go out in public for Chinese food or bowling on a Friday night.’

  My brother’s gaze drifted from my face to my wings and back again. ‘Well, there’s always Halloween.’

  I shot him a look and then – oddly enough – I actually laughed. ‘Yeah, or the next sci-fi convention.’

  I didn’t totally understand my foster brother, and I certainly didn’t get all his actions. Trust was a tender thing at that moment and not something I was comfortable with, not yet. But something had changed between us, and for the first time since all this began, I realized he actually cared about me.

  And that was something.

  ‘Sebastian.’ Hugo knelt beside me, careful to avoid my wing. ‘I’m sorry this happened to you, more sorry than I’ve allowed you to believe.’ His eyes searched mine, and as I studied his face, I realized his emotional blinds were gone. ‘I guess I hadn’t even realized how much I was hoping my parents were wrong, that maybe you were just a boy, that your biggest problem would be who to ask to the Prom. And the longer you were with us, living under my roof, the more I convinced myself that you were simply my little brother.’

  I swallowed past the lump rising hard in my throat. ‘I still am, Hugo.’

  A small smile tugged at the corner of Hugo’s mouth, and he put his hand atop my gray head, ruffling my hair like he used to do. And for a moment, it felt as though nothing had changed between us, that the clock had turned back and we’d returned to our old lives. Then he stood and moved back across the room.

  ‘You won’t be able to keep me here forever, Hugo,’ I said as he reached the kitchen.

  He looked steadily back at me. ‘I’m hoping I won’t have to.’ Hugo picked up the phone and tossed it at me. ‘Now call your friends and get them off our backs.’ Hugo Corsi was all business once again. ‘The last thing we need is a bunch of people snooping around here.’

  With that, my brother left the apartment.

  The minutes passed by, but I was scarcely aware of anything except the phone in my hand and the pressing anxiety in my soul. How could I call Katie? After a week of no communication whatsoever, what could I possibly say to her? Would she even talk to me? She’d probably never forgive me, and it wasn’t like I could tell her the truth anyway. But, if she really was my friend, then she at least needed to hear from me.

  She picked up on the first ring.

  ‘Hey, Katie.’

  There was a bitter silence on the other end. I could feel the anger straight through the phone when she finally replied. ‘Hey.’

  ‘Katie, I’m sorry,’ I said, hating the pattern I’d fallen into, the lies that continued to form on my lips. ‘I know I haven’t called. I’ve just been…’

  ‘I know, I know.’ Her voice softened. ‘We heard about the accident. I’ve wanted to come by, but I was told you’re in bad shape and can’t be seen. God, I’ve been worried sick, Sebastian.’

  ‘I’m okay. My brother tends to exaggerate.’

  There was another pause on the other end of the line.

  ‘It wasn’t Hugo who told me. It was Josephine.’

  My breath went ragged at the sound of her name. ‘Josephine?’ I managed to choke out. ‘What did she say?’

  ‘Exactly what I just told you,’ Katie replied, the edge returning to her voice. ‘Josie’s hardly spoken to me all week, and when she’s not at school, she’s with Quentin. I don’t know, I think she’s got something going on with her family.’

  I tried to sound calm. ‘I see.’

  Neither of us spoke. Each beat of silence was like poison, infecting the already festering wound of our friendship. Then I heard Katie’s intake of breath.

  ‘So when are you coming back, Sebastian? We all miss you.’

  My wings fluttered behind me, and I jumped at the still unfamiliar sensation. ‘I’m not sure.’ This was tough. Avoidance had been easier. But I couldn’t leave things the way they were. ‘I’m going through some stuff,’ I said quietly as I stared at my clawed hand. ‘I can’t say any more than that right now…and I know I don’t deserve your friendship, but Katie, I want you to know you’ve been the best friend anyone could ever ask for.’

  ‘Sebastian,’ Katie said, worry and suspicion creeping into her voice. ‘What’s wrong?’

  ‘Nothing,’ I said, gulping down my emotions. The earthquake that was my life refused to cease. Aftershocks rocked me to the core, and I felt each tremor down to my bones, in the deep recesses of hurt I hadn’t even had a chance to explore. I cleared my throat painfully. ‘Listen, Katie, I may be going away for a while, and if I do, I don’t know when I’ll be back. And…and I just wanted you to know that, okay?’

  The pause that followed was heavy, and I could hear the blood beating monotonously in my ears. Every thump was a funeral dirge, keeping time with the harsh melody of reality.

  No more late night movies, sprawled out on someone’s living room floor.

  No more breakneck drives through town or camping trips near the river.

  No more school, no more talk of futures and plans.

  No more Avery or Mitchell, or even Brandon and Emma.

  No more…

  Katie.

  The drumming sound of each bitter void and stinging loss filled the quiet; a silence that was more profound than I could express to Katie Lewis, no matter how desperately I wanted to. I closed my eyes and dropped my head. Every realization crashed down on me like a boulder, flattening my chest, burying me alive. The weight was so excruciating that I could barely hold the phone to my ear.

  ‘Okay,’ Katie finally replied.

  ‘Okay,’ I echoed, a pointless word, filled with nothing and everything.

  ‘Sebastian?’

  ‘Yes?’

  ‘You’re a great friend, too.’

  I smiled gratefully, even though she couldn’t see it. ‘Thanks.’

  ‘Hey, look,’ she said suddenly. ‘When you’re feeling better, we’re all going to go out and do something fun, okay?’

  ‘Sure thing,’ I said, barely holding it together now. I had to get off the phone before I broke down completely. I couldn’t let Katie know they extent of my feelings. If I did, she’d be beating down my door in a matter of minutes. And I couldn’t let that happen. She couldn’t see me.

  Not like this.

  ‘I’ll talk to you later, Katie.’

  She sighed; a disappointed, resigned sound. ‘Okay, Sebastian. Bye.’

  The click hi
t me like a death knell. The phone slipped from my fingers and landed with a dull thud beside me. My composure crumpled, and I went weak all over. I was thankful I was already on the floor. Knowing I was separated from Katie – and from every part of my old life that she represented – sliced a fresh notch straight through my chest cavity. My life was gone. She was gone. I curled up and pressed my face into the carpet, trying uselessly to smother my grief.

  My hollowed, gnawing insides finally got the better of me. I sat up and wiped my face with the back of my hand. The apartment was silent and empty. My emotions had hardened to a painful rock, just behind my sternum. Every time I took a breath, my chest ached.

  I plodded into the kitchen to appease my grumbling stomach, and to distract myself. But before I could find anything to eat, the door to the apartment opened. I turned, expecting to find Hugo, but instead, Karl stood in the doorway.

  ‘What is it?’ I said, moving quickly to him as dread gripped my insides. ‘Is Josephine okay?’

  Karl glanced down the hall then ducked inside the apartment and shut the door. ‘She’s fine. But that’s not why I’m here.’

  ‘Then what is it?’

  The old man looked at me. ‘We’re leaving, Sebastian.’

  ‘The…the Circe?’

  ‘Yeah,’ Karl said reluctantly. ‘You’re not supposed to know. Hugo thought you’d try and do something…unwise. They weren’t going to tell you until after the Romanys were well out of town.’

  The room swirled, and I put a hand out to steady myself. ‘Leaving?’

  ‘Quentin won,’ Karl went on. ‘He convinced Nicolas that we needed to leave now. We’ve cancelled the shows, been packing since yesterday. The caravan pulls out in an hour.’ My wings shuddered violently. Karl put his hands on my shoulders. ‘Easy, son. Don’t forget what I said before. We need to keep you safe in order to keep Josephine safe. There’s a reason you’re here, Sebastian. We just don’t know what it is yet.’ His wrinkled face softened. ‘She’ll be fine with us. The Marksmen will make sure of that.’