Grey (The Romany Outcasts Series, Book 1)

by Christi J. Whitney

  I shrugged out of his grasp, growling. ‘Why did you come tell me, then? What’s the point, if I’m supposed to just stay here?’

  ‘I thought you might want to say goodbye.’

  The word pierced me like a knife.

  ‘I’m on the Marksmen’s most wanted list, remember?’ I curled my claws into my palms, struggling with yet another round of fierce emotions. ‘I doubt they’d let me waltz through their front gate.’

  ‘Most of Quentin’s men left a few hours ago. They like to go ahead and scope out our next destination. Only a few are patrolling the Fairgrounds and half the troupe’s already on the road.’

  I raised my eyes hopefully. ‘But Josephine’s still here?’

  ‘Not for long. Like I said, the remainder of the caravan leaves within the hour. It’s your last chance to see her.’ Karl stepped back and opened the door. ‘But if you decide to come, just be careful. There’s still a Marksman or two around. Now, I’ve got to get back before I’m missed.’ He smiled gently. ‘I’ll see you around, Sebastian.’

  Karl hurried out. My heart drummed against my chest. I had to get to the Fairgrounds! Screw Hugo and all these plans. I wasn’t staying here any longer. I was going with Josephine Romany.

  And no one was going to stop me.

  27. Flesh and Stone

  I hadn’t learned the fine art of strapping wings. I draped the nylon binding over my chest and tried fastening the closures, but I couldn’t get it to work. I pitched the straps across the room with a frustrated snarl. I scowled at my half-naked body then rushed to the closet. I snagged one of Hugo’s long jackets. I pressed my wings to my back and shrugged it on, but when I attempted the buttons, my claws got in the way. I gave up and yanked open the back door, then I fled into the night.

  The last week of October had come and gone while I’d been in confinement. My mind strayed briefly to Halloween, and I wondered what parties I’d missed, but then, just as quickly, I remembered why I’d missed them. I’d never have to dress up as a monster again.

  Because now, I was one.

  It was colder, and the November air smacked me hard in the face as I ran. But instead of chilling me, it revived me. I was breathing heavily by the time I reached the Sutallee Bridge, and I felt better than I had in days. I was done with people telling me what I could and couldn’t do with my life. The old Sebastian was gone. Hugo was right about one thing: It was time I accepted who I’d become.

  I slowed, sniffing the air cautiously. My gargoyle senses were on heightened alert as I made my way across the bridge to the iron gates of the Fairgrounds. Just beyond, I could see the ruins of the Circe de Romany.

  The tents were gone, and the rides had been rooted up and loaded into the line of tractor-trailers parked just inside the fence. Everything looked dead, like some carnival cemetery. A few discarded booths remained, boarded up and empty, their pennants flapping sluggishly in the breeze.

  There were several people milling about, and a handful of Marksmen, but I didn’t see any of the Romanys. I sprinted around the outside of the fence, keeping to the shadows. I couldn’t see the family’s trailer anywhere. I reached the back lot and stopped, grabbing hold of the iron bars. I was going to have to scale the fence again.

  A shock of ice blasted my stomach, and I melted into the safety of a nearby oak. Quentin Marks strolled near the front of the caravan, surveying the empty lot. I snarled under my breath. I wanted to blame him for crushing my dreams, but it would’ve been a lie. I’d had little chance with Josephine to begin with, even before I’d become a hideous freak.

  I pushed those thoughts from my mind. My feelings didn’t matter, I told myself for the thousandth time. I was here to protect Josephine, and I was going to make sure she was safe. That was my purpose. I surveyed the caravan. I could stow away in one of the trailers easily enough.

  I’d figure out the rest later.

  Without warning, a familiar scent rushed across my nose. I snapped to attention, eyes wide. Then I ground my feet into the gravel and slowly turned around.

  ‘What are you doing here, Hugo?’

  He leaned against a pine tree, his dark T-shirt and jeans fading into the darkness around him. ‘You know why,’ he replied, his gaze roaming past me to the gate. ‘I caught Karl on his way out of the shop.’

  I dropped my head, choosing to look at the ground. ‘Hugo, I know I said I’d stay with the Corsis, but you don’t understand…’

  ‘Yes, I do, Sebastian. And I’m not going to stop you. Not anymore.’

  My head shot up. ‘What? But your parents…’

  ‘Doesn’t matter,’ he said, picking at the bark of the tree, jaw working as he chose his words. ‘I’ll deal with the consequences when they come. Zindelo and Nadya have their responsibilities, and they have to do what’s best for the clan. But I have a brother.’ Hugo’s eyes met mine, ‘and I have to do what’s best for him.’

  As we stood there, I felt the rift between us finally close.

  ‘Hugo,’ I began.

  He raised his hand. ‘You want to hang around here shooting the breeze? Stop wasting my time and go do what you need to do.’ He squinted at the Gypsies on the other side of the fence. ‘Of course, from the looks of things, you’ll need a distraction.’ He smirked. ‘Good thing I showed up.’

  He clasped my shoulder – that comforting, familiar gesture I knew so well – and then he disappeared into the trees in the direction of the front gate. I didn’t get the chance to ponder Hugo’s decision. Suddenly, the overwhelming feeling of Josephine’s presence consumed me. I let it filter through me, greedy for that small sense of peace that I’d been denied while in captivity. And then I saw her. She came around the front of Quentin’s black SUV and threw herself into his arms.

  She looked so happy. And that was as it should be. I hoped to God that Quentin knew how precious the girl in his arms really was. A Marksman jogged up. He motioned towards the front gate, and I knew he was informing them of my brother’s arrival. I huddled against the tree trunk, waiting for them to leave so I could leap over the fence. But as Josephine pulled away from Quentin, something passed over her face. It was only a slight change, but I could see it clearly.

  She knew I was here.

  Josephine put a hand on Quentin’s arm. I couldn’t hear what she said, but he caressed her shoulder and nodded. He and the Marksman headed for gate, and were soon obscured from view by several trailers.

  But Josephine didn’t follow. She moved casually along the line of vehicles, speaking to the occasional person standing outside a trailer or bus. At the last moment, she passed through the caravan and out of sight. Without thinking, I slipped through the shadows on my side of the fence, heading in the same direction. And then, there she was, near the gate. Alone. She was scanning the trees, looking – I knew – for me.

  As I paused behind a tree, I slipped my hands into the pockets of Hugo’s jacket. My claws brushed against something. An envelope. My breath caught, and I slowly drew out the letter. The letter. Of all Hugo’s coats, I had to grab this one. With shaky fingers, I held the envelope up to my face. It was addressed to Hugo in a flowing hand that I vaguely recognized – like from a distant memory – as that of Zindelo Corsi.

  I looked to the front gate. I couldn’t see my brother, but I knew he was there, keeping Quentin away, distracting the Romanys; all the while knowing that I was going to be gone when he returned. He was defying his parents for me, but what was he getting in exchange?

  ‘Sebastian?’

  Josephine’s voice shattered my thoughts, and everything I’d ever felt for the Gypsy girl crashed over my soul like a tidal wave. The breeze caught strands of her hair and they fluttered across her face as her gaze swept over my hiding place. She clasped her hands tightly in front of her.

  ‘Sebastian?’

  She didn’t move, but her head tilted towards me. The distance between us was painful, but the silence was worse. She looked ready to bolt at any moment, and she glanced nervously towards
the caravan.

  ‘I’m here, Josephine,’ I said.

  ‘How are you?’ The words sounded awkward, forced, even. ‘I know I haven’t called.’

  I shrugged, but my wings were so heavy under Hugo’s jacket that my body barely registered the action. I was glad Josephine couldn’t see me in the shadows. ‘I’m all right. And believe me, I understand.’

  She made a little sound and looked at the ground. ‘Thank you.’

  ‘I’m sorry for what happened that night,’ I went on. ‘I never should’ve put you in that kind of danger. I didn’t know what I was doing. This is all still so new to me.’

  She took a deep breath. ‘Let me see you.’

  There was no one on this side of the caravan, but I didn’t want to leave the safety of the shadows. Leaving them made me vulnerable. Still, her request was something I couldn’t refuse. I shoved the envelope back in the pocket and let Hugo’s jacket drop from my shoulders, leaving my upper body bare. It was pointless to pretend she didn’t know what I looked like now. I sucked in a breath and stepped forward. The shadows seemed just as hesitant to relinquish me as I was to leave them.

  As I passed into the dim light, Josephine tensed. I waited patiently as she took me in; my gargoyle body, the enormous dark wings pressed against my back, and then, finally, lingering on my face.

  ‘You saved my life that night, Sebastian,’ she said softly. ‘Please don’t apologize for that. And for what it’s worth, I don’t believe you’re one of the bad guys, no matter what the others say. I believe my father’s old stories. I believe you were meant to protect…Gypsies.’ She shook her head slightly. ‘You’re just a different kind of guardian angel.’

  I flinched. ‘A hideous one.’

  Josephine was at the fence; her hands took hold of the bars as she looked at me.

  ‘No, you’re not, Sebastian.’ Her voice was sincere. ‘There is something noble about you. Like a statue, come to life.’

  I stared at her, scared to hope. ‘Then you’re not…afraid of me…like this?’

  She bit her lip, then released it. ‘I’m not afraid, exactly. Maybe just a little…uncomfortable.’

  ‘Yeah, that makes two of us,’ I replied, smiling softly.

  ‘Oh, Sebastian,’ she breathed. There were tears in her eyes. ‘I’m so sorry that you had to go through this for me. I didn’t know this would happen, otherwise I never would’ve agreed to it. Please, believe me.’

  ‘It was my choice, Josephine.’

  Her fingers moved to her neck, tracing the pendant. ‘Not totally.’

  ‘No, it was,’ I said. ‘Hugo tried to stop me, but I wouldn’t listen. It was supposed to happen this way. I’ve never felt so sure of anything before, and if time was reversed, and I had another chance, I’d do it again.’ I couldn’t look away from those eyes; those eyes that brought me peace, even in turmoil. ‘In a heartbeat.’

  The moonlight reflected off her hair as she leaned against the fence. She broke eye contact. ‘I can’t do this, Sebastian,’ she whispered. Her hand closed around the glass dandelion. Her face was suddenly pale. ‘I feel something when I’m with you, something powerful that I can’t explain. But everything is all wrong.’ Her fingers trembled around her pendant. ‘I can’t love you back, Sebastian.’

  ‘Josephine, I’m not asking you to.’

  Her eyes returned to mine. She reached through the bars as though to touch me. Then she pulled back. No matter what she’d said, I could still see the lingering fear and wariness in her expression. She was scared of me, too.

  Then she reached out once more, her fingers extending. She looked meaningfully at my hand. I fought back a panic-filled sob. Slowly, I lifted my gray hand towards hers. She clasped hold of it with resolve. And this time, she didn’t flinch.

  Instead, she pulled my hand gently to her face and pressed my palm against her cheek. She leaned into my touch, as she had done when we rehearsed for the play, ages ago and in another world. A current of electricity ran through my body, and the air grew thick around us. Josephine’s breathing was shaky.

  So was mine.

  We stood there, unmoving, wrapped in winter’s arms, surrounded by autumn’s decay. It was the most powerful moment of my life. I didn’t want it to end. She slowly removed my hand and squeezed it gently as a tear ran down her cheek.

  ‘Why did you come, Sebastian?’

  I closed my eyes and breathed in, slow and deep. I wanted desperately to go with her, to be with her, this Gypsy girl, the daughter of a bandoleer, surrounded by protectors, accustomed to being in the limelight. There was still so much I didn’t know about this world, so much I couldn’t provide. Was my presence really the safest thing for her?

  ‘I came…’

  Suddenly, I felt the weight of all I’d done to reach this moment, of what Hugo had risked in helping me. And now, the weight of what I was asking Josephine to sacrifice by allowing me to come with her. As I stood there, shivering in the cold night air, I finally understood. My need to be with Josephine had clouded my vision. But now, things were clear. In that one moment, everything changed, and I realized the truth.

  You didn’t always protect something you loved by holding it close.

  Sometimes, you had to let it go.

  ‘I came to say goodbye.’

  The conflict etched in her expression seared my soul. ‘You don’t…’

  ‘All I’ve ever wanted was to keep you safe, and right now, this is the best way to do that.’ I released her hand and stepped from the fence. ‘You’d better get back to Quentin,’ I said. My voice sounded strangely deep and calm. ‘He’ll be worrying about you.’

  ‘Sebastian…’

  There was a pleading in her voice, but it wasn’t the same as mine. The sound of it strengthened my resolve.

  ‘Go on,’ I whispered, encouragingly.

  She looked at me for a long moment. I saw the conflict ease behind her eyes even as another tear slid along her cheek. She unclasped her pendant and reached through the fence, pressing the necklace into my palm and closing my clawed fingers around it. The pendant burned into my skin and my tattoo burned along with it. The bars between us created a distance that went far deeper than mere space.

  My only ray of sunlight was about to walk away. And I wasn’t going to stop her.

  ‘Goodbye, Sebastian.’

  I held the pendant to my chest as my heart ripped underneath it. She turned around to leave. I rushed to the fence, clutching the bars. ‘I’ll always be here, Josephine,’ I breathed desperately. ‘If you ever need me.’

  She turned. Her eyes met mine. Her gaze held an electric intensity. The current shifted between us. A soft smile appeared across her lips.

  ‘I’m counting on it,’ she whispered.

  And then she walked away.

  As suddenly as she had appeared in my life, she was gone. The sunlight in my clouded world faded away, leaving me with nothing but empty gray shadows.

  I stepped back and let them embrace me.

  They were coldly comforting.

  But they were all that I had.

  I perched on the railing of the Sutallee Bridge, staring out over the churning river. The moon cast a silvery sheen on the water, capping the rapids in halos of white. A soft breeze whispered through the trees and swirled across the bridge. It caressed my face and chest. It fluttered my wings. I’d left the jacket at the Fairgrounds. But I didn’t care. I closed my eyes and listened to the night.

  A motorcycle rumbled in the distance. It grew louder as it approached. In a few moments, I heard the engine cut off. A kickstand clicked. Gravel crunched. Then the boards of the bridge creaked behind me. I leaned back in my crouch and sniffed the air.

  ‘How did you know I was here?’

  Hugo stepped to the rail and propped his arms on the wood. ‘Call it brotherly intuition. Or maybe the fact that I saw you sprinting across the road when I left the Fairgrounds.’

  A half-smile tugged at my lips. ‘I’m still working on the st
ealthy thing.’

  We were silent for several minutes. I touched the pocket of my jeans. I could feel the warmth of the pendant through the thick denim. I sighed and hugged my bare abdomen, feeling hollow inside.

  ‘Why didn’t you go with the Romanys, Sebastian?’

  I stared at the moon-drenched rocks. ‘I changed my mind.’

  ‘It’s all you’ve wanted since you met her,’ he replied. ‘You said you loved her.’

  An owl hooted mournfully from the treetops. There was a flapping of wings as it pushed from the branch and took flight. Its dark form rose into the sky, surrounded by the blanket of stars. I followed its path until it disappeared from view.

  ‘I know…and I do. And maybe that’s the problem.’ I felt my wings shudder against my back. ‘Esmeralda was right. My feelings would’ve gotten in the way. Josephine deserves to be protected and happy. And she can have both with Quentin Marks. I’m not the kind of guardian she needs.’ The confession enabled me to swallow down the last of my emotions. ‘She’s safer without me.’

  ‘You really believe that?’ he asked.

  ‘Yeah,’ I said, setting my shoulders. ‘I do. Besides, I’ve got a family here that needs looking after. I couldn’t just abandon them.’ I cast a sideways look at Hugo. ‘Especially after what they’ve done for me.’

  Hugo sighed and shook his head. ‘Sebastian, I wish I’d…’

  ‘Of course, you’re going to have to up my food allowance,’ I said, cutting him off. I smiled and patted my stomach with my clawed hand. ‘You do know that, right?’

  ‘Hmm,’ said Hugo, and I saw the corner of his lip twitch. ‘Guess I’d better find some more clients. It’s going to take a lot of tattoos to cover the grocery bill.’

  I shrugged. ‘I’m a growing gargoyle, Hugo.’

  ‘Yeah,’ he said. ‘But you’re still my little brother.’ I smiled again, but this time, it was easier. I tilted my chin and let the wind ruffle my hair. Hugo studied me a moment. ‘Of course, maybe we should start with finding you a shirt.’