If It Ain't Broke

by Brenda Barrett

  He felt like a heel. He had done this to her. She looked like somebody who had been beaten up by life and was left defeated.

  She slowly walked to the small bedroom on their right and sat down on the bed. "I feel weak."

  She closed her eyes briefly then opened them again. "I had my last exam today—yay!" Her voice was thready and the intended enthusiasm sounded faint.

  "I know," Chris said, leaning up at the door, "I came to escort you home. Where's your brother?"

  "He's hardly here," Pinky said faintly, "he's a management trainee now. They have him living on the hotel property most of the time."

  "I am going to call to have him drop off your car at the house later. You are going to the doctor, then to the house where you belong."

  Pinky didn't argue, she really felt weak and out of sorts. Over the last few days she had done her exams under a cloud of sickness, with sheer grit and determination she had completed the last exam today.

  Her friends had wanted her to go celebrate but she had felt her stomach roiling with nausea and she had hurriedly jumped into the car to reach home. She felt sick and faint and quite anti-social.

  She hardly remembered getting into Chris' car. She barely registered that he was looking concerned. Between periods of sleepiness, a pounding head, and dry retching, she could vaguely recall being wheeled onto a trolley. She couldn't even speak. A welcome darkness was holding onto her, sucking out her strength and making her limbs weak.

  *****

  "What's the matter with her?" Chris was pacing in the private clinic thirty-minutes after Dr. Mansfield, had taken one look at Pinky, felt her pulse and called an ambulance.

  Chris had driven like a mad man behind the ambulance until it had reached the private facility.

  "She has hyperemesis gravidarum otherwise called HG." Dr. Mansfield looked at him over his glasses.

  Chris stopped pacing long enough to feel a wretched fright descend over him. "Is that something serious? Is she going to die?"

  "It can be serious," Dr. Mansfield said, "she was severely dehydrated when you brought her in, so we have her on IV hydration right now. She is showing signs of recovering. Hyperemesis gravidarum is a rare complication of pregnancy. I don’t know how long this will last, or what triggered it. We'll need to keep her here and monitor her for a while."

  "Pregnancy?" Chris felt light-headed. He looked at the doctor and felt a surreal sensation grip his body. He hadn't expected pregnancy; of all the things the doctor could have said pregnancy was the last thing on his mind.

  How could it be? Pinky was on the Pill. She'd gone on it a day before they got married.

  Dr. Mansfield patted him on the shoulder. "Congratulations young man. You can go in and see your wife shortly."

  Chris nodded absently and then sat on a waiting room chair. It was plush and comfortable; he was the only one in there. He curled his fingers in his hair and tugged it a little to release the pressure in his brain. He was going to be a father again. Happiness warred with the fear in his mind, but this time he was going to get it right, if Pinky survived.

  The unbidden thought sneaked up on him that maybe Pinky was being punished for his past sins but he stamped it down fiercely. He took a deep breath and headed toward the room where Pinky was. Each step became lighter until when he pushed her door opened. His smile was as wide as could be.

  *****

  When Pinky opened her eyes, she felt as if she had been in a stampede with large bulls. Hyacinth Donahue was sitting at the side of her bed reading a book. Her bed? She looked around; she was in a gaily painted room.

  "Where am I?" she asked looking at Hyacinth quizzically. It hurt to turn her head, as if it had been in a particular position too long.

  "In a private clinic, dear," Hyacinth said to her kindly.

  "I was that sick?" Pinky asked huskily, her throat felt dry and gravelly. "Do I have the flu?"

  Hyacinth leaned over to her. "I am going to ring for the nurse. They told me to call them as soon as you wake up."

  "Where's Chris?" Pinky asked slowly. Her tonsils felt swollen, or was it her throat? She was hooked up to two different IV's.

  "Chris went home to freshen up," Hyacinth said gently. "He brought you in yesterday evening. He had them bring in a cot so he could sleep in here with you. He had to go home this morning so I offered to sit in. He'll be back shortly."

  A nurse came through the door briskly. "Mrs. Donahue, I am Nurse Foster, I see you are up."

  Pinky blinked, except for Maud, she couldn't remember anyone calling her Mrs. Donahue.

  "Er...what's wrong with me?" she asked the nursed urgently. "I feel really weird."

  "You have a rare pregnancy complication," The nurse said simply. "I am going to take your vital signs."

  "I am not pregnant," Pinky giggled weakly.

  "Two tests say you are," the nurse said smiling. "You are eight weeks along."

  Pinky looked at Hyacinth wide-eyed.

  Hyacinth smiled reassuringly.

  "But I was on the Pill."

  The nurse adjusted a blood pressure cuff on her arm. "These things happen. I see it all the time."

  Pinky closed her eyes. Her mind was slowly processing this revelation. She was married to a man who didn't love her and then she had the added bonus of burdening him with a child. Her heart leapt in fear. What on earth was going on?

  "Relax," the nurse said soothingly, "it's all right. Your blood pressure is shooting off the charts."

  Pinky drew in a deep breath and then another. Then she looked at Hyacinth Donahue's face and then panicked again.

  "Mrs. Donahue," the nurse said turning to Hyacinth, "can you leave us for a minute, please?"

  "Sure," Hyacinth said, standing up.

  When she left the nurse looked at Pinky solemnly. "Big news huh?"

  Pinky nodded. "Very big. I can't wrap my mind around it. A baby? Oh heavens, I can't even take care of myself properly."

  The nurse shushed her. "Take in a deep breath and repeat after me, ‘the Lord is my shepherd….'"

  "The Lord is my shepherd," Pinky said obediently.

  "I shall not want."

  Pinky repeated Psalm 23 until she was calm again.

  "Thank you." Pinky looked at her gratefully.

  "No problem honey." The nurse winked. "I sing on the choir with Miss Hyacinth at Three Rivers Church. Maybe you can convince Chris to come back to our church, since he's now married and about to start a new family. The church family would love to see him."

  Pinky nodded. "I'll tell him."

  Chapter Fifteen

  Pinky stayed in the clinic for two weeks but couldn’t keep anything down. She had such intense nausea and vomiting and was dropping weight so rapidly that her doctor, an obstetric gynecologist, Sarah Ogilvie, was worried.

  A haggard looking Chris was sitting across from her while she rummaged through her notes.

  "I think we should terminate," Sarah looked over her glasses, "Petrina is losing weight too rapidly. This pregnancy might kill her if we don't do something in the next forty-eight hours."

  Chris heaved a sigh. It was early morning, almost half past six. He had slept at the clinic last night to keep Pinky's company as usual. Not that she had noticed much. She was so ill. The doctor had done her rounds at five o'clock and was looking very concerned.

  Chris looked at her wearily. "Forty eight hours you say?"

  Sarah nodded. "This is quite serious and I would not have mentioned termination if that was not a last resort."

  Chris nodded slowly, his head feeling heavy as if it was twice its normal size.

  He went into the room where Pinky was staying. She was lying very still. He frantically looked over her body to see if there was any sign of movement under the sheet.

  She finally shifted and he breathed a sigh of relief. Just yesterday, she had said, that it hurt to even swallow and she had gotten worryingly thin. Chris sat beside the bed and held her hand gently.

  "Pinky," he whispe
red, "please don't die. Dr. Ogilvie says that if we don't take the baby you could die. I would prefer if you were around."

  He felt tears prick his eyelids. This girl had come to mean so much to him that the thought of her not being around filled him with an emptiness and despair that was enough to make him grit his teeth in agony.

  Pinky's eyes fluttered open. She smiled at him weakly. "Hey, are those tears, husband?"

  Chris wiped his eyes. "Yes they are."

  "So, it's either the baby or me, huh?" She grimaced in pain while she tried to shift.

  "No," Chris shook his head, "there is no choosing at the moment. It's just you."

  Pinky swallowed shakily, "I know this pregnancy was a surprise to both of us, but I've been getting used to the whole thing in the past couple of days."

  "Me too," Chris said sadly kissing her hand.

  "I think we should ask God to guide us." Pinky closed her eyes weakly. "He is the Great Physician, isn't he?"

  Chris nodded and then realizing that she couldn't see him cleared his throat. "Yes He is."

  "And He's your friend isn't He?" Pinky asked, her voice cracking up.

  "Well... He was," Chris said uncomfortably. "I mean, we were close until I had that affair, and then I deceived you…my whole life has gone down hill since then."

  Pinky drifted off to sleep and Chris placed the hand he was holding gently on the bed. Pinky steered and Chris sat there for torturous minutes, contemplating his distance from God. "You know what my favorite text in the whole Bible is."

  "What?" Chris whispered.

  "Hebrews 10. Especially verse 22." She opened her eyes, "I even know it by heart, it says ‘Let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled from an evil conscience, and our bodies washed with pure water.’ Pray for us Chris, I have the faith that God will work this out according to his will."

  Chris closed his eyes and got down on his knees at Pinky's bedside and prayed a heartfelt prayer to God, the likes of which he had not prayed for years.

  *****

  The forty-eight hour deadline was extended, because according to Sarah Ogilvie it was a miracle that Pinky was actually doing better.

  Chris heaved a sigh of relief; the great physician had heard his request. He had no doubt that it was God's doing—a very loud wake up call to him.

  He had, for the first time in years, sat down unselfishly and thought about his life. It was a humbling experience. He had felt so disgusted with how self-absorbed he had become—so arrogant and so misguided.

  It was because of his selfishness that he had that affair. It was even because of that same selfishness that he had wanted Mark. God had shown him what it was like to be on the brink of losing a child within his marriage, and he had finally seen how Kelly and Theo must have been feeling.

  The whole experience had been illuminating and he realized where he could have spared himself a lifetime of bad choices if he had just put God first. The equation was so simple but he had paid lip service to it. He had even told people the same thing but he hadn't been practicing it. He had read Hebrews 10, Pinky's favorite chapter and he could see hope and chastisement in there for him.

  Chris walked out of the clinic with a new vigor in his gait. He had no doubt that God had forgiven him and had heard his prayers.

  When he got home that evening his house was packed with family and friends.

  Pinky's parents had come over in the morning and had been taking turns visiting Pinky and then sleeping over at his house.

  Charles and Tanya were there as well; Caleb was in his kitchen fixing dinner. Chris had never seen his house filled with so many people before, all of them concerned about Pinky. The Three Rivers Church brethren had even set up a prayer vigil the day before.

  His mother was in the living room holding court with several people. He spotted Erica and —his eyes widened—Phoebe. He hadn't seen her since her wedding.

  "How is she?" his mother asked when he entered the living room.

  "Doing better." Chris looked at them wearily. "The doctor thinks that she's showing signs of improvement. Thank you for your prayers."

  "Ah," Erica said bouncing her baby on her legs, "don't mention it."

  He left them all to their chatting, the place had taken on a convivial atmosphere after his announcement and he could hear laughter and even music as Charles took to the piano. He headed for the kitchen where Caleb was in there alone, whistling.

  "Hey man." He glanced up at Chris.

  "You are working overtime." Chris grinned at him.

  "Heard that my friend and boss needed support, so here I am. Your kitchen is really nice by the way," Caleb said stirring a pot and sprinkling some seasoning in it. "Maud was going to fix sandwiches but I couldn't stand the thought of something so simple, so I volunteered to cook. You have quite the crowd out there."

  "It's appreciated man." Chris sat on a stool at the island and proceeded to peg a tangerine. "I had an epiphany today."

  "Oh." Caleb looked back at him. "What was it?"

  "That God has a unique way of teaching His wayward children a lesson."

  Caleb nodded. "He does. My life is a testimony to that."

  "I am going to call off this whole custody battle I was planning against Theo and Kelly."

  Caleb grinned. "I knew you would figure it out that way. There are just some things you need to move on from."

  Chris nodded. "You are so right."

  Chapter Sixteen

  Pinky spent two months in the hospital, and when she came back home, it was with a nurse in tow. She would have to be monitored for the duration of her pregnancy because she was still not gaining weight as rapidly as she should.

  "I can't believe I am going to be cooped up like this for a whole four months.” She cradled the small mound in front of her. “I hardly even look pregnant. Shouldn't I be huge?"

  Charles, who was visiting smirked. "You couldn't wait to come out of the clinic. You said you wanted a familiar environment and your husband bent over backwards to get the doctors to agree. Stop complaining."

  "He's been good, hasn't he?" Her eyes lit up. "I have never seen him so tender."

  "He loves you," Charles said flinging one foot over the armchair facing her bed.

  "No he doesn't," Pinky retorted, "he loves children. I’m the person carrying his next one. So I have to be treated with care."

  Charles frowned. "Have you guys talked about the whole situation, Pinky? Cause it seems to me that Chris has no thought or time for anything else but you and your comfort."

  Pinky smiled reluctantly. "He's been so good, I think I love him a teensy bit more everyday."

  "Ah," Charles said, "I am sure he feels the same way."

  "And I am sure he doesn't," Pinky sighed. "He would have bent over backward for anyone carrying his child. I am his chance at a second fatherhood."

  Charles shook his head. "I don't know anything much about Chris and his thought processes but he doesn't look like a man who is merely going through the motions."

  "He loves Kelly," Pinky said softly. "When they were dating he wrote poems for her, and treated her like a queen and when you call her name he has this look in his eyes, and he mourned her for years. That's the kind of look I want for myself."

  Charles shrugged. "Howie and the crew want to know if they can come and visit you tomorrow?"

  "Sure," Pinky said nodding. "I miss them. I miss the sea. Wish I could go swimming now."

  "Don't you dare." Charles got up and kissed her on the cheek. "I am going to get a milkshake, want one?"

  "No." Pinky shuddered. "I can't stand the sight or scent of most food, just imagining the scent of milk shake is enough to make me gag."

  "Okay soon be back," Charles said. "I will drink it downstairs. Maybe we can watch Star Trek reruns together when I come back."

  Pinky grinned. "You know that I must be near death’s door when my brother will sit down and watch Star Trek with me."

  C
harles sloped his shoulders, and looked at her lovingly. "When Chris told us that you could die I was so scared." He averted his watering eyes from her. "Soon be back."

  Pinky settled back into the bed and closed her eyes. She was getting better, but she wasn’t happy. The doctor had warned her about being stressed and so she tried to think happy thoughts. But she had this niggling feeling, at the back of her mind, that Chris didn’t love her. He liked her, she couldn't deny that, and he wanted his baby alive and well. But love? He wasn't that into her. The thought made her squirm and was starting to take up a big space in her thought processes.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chris sat in his study, whirling around in his chair, his thoughts going back and forth with the whirling motions of the chair. It was August 5th. Today was Mark's birthday. He hadn't even bothered to go into the office early. The company had acquired a large tract of prime real estate just yesterday—over a hundred acres. He had bargained hard to get the land and knew it was going to be spectacular, whatever the board decided to do with it. He earned some down time and he was delaying going into the office.

  Pinky was treating him super friendly and distant. He had tried to breach her determined friendliness and have them really communicate with each other but she was treating him as she did in the days when she used to work as his housekeeper. It was a defensive attitude, all her walls were up and he wanted to know how to tear them down.

  What had he done to warrant this sudden defensiveness? He couldn't harass her for answers; she was seven months pregnant and still suffering from HG. She was still under constant supervision by a nurse and was still weak. She walked like an invalid and looked so delicate, like a small wind could blow her over.

  He was not into bullying her to talk to him; she was a mere shadow of her former sparkly self. And he had this foreshadowing guilt that he had caused this on her. She was like a nice shiny toy that he had broken. Their reason for marrying was no longer relevant. He didn't want to pursue custody of Mark anymore. He clenched his teeth. The desire to do so was still there, but he wouldn't.